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The Cheating Poll
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 2009-07-23 10:14 AM |
Melon Presser  52116   |  Subject: The Cheating PollJust a completely unscientific investigation ... feel free to ruminate, add comments, discuss studies or what-have-you ... or even how you felt ... but please don't get this thread yanked (it may be anyway just for the subject matter, but I am genuinely curious to see if there are gender/orientation lines or any other interesting behavior patterns) ... no personal accusations or dissing a whole group of people ... Interpret "cheating" any way you like ... multiple responses allowed. Sure, you might be a straight female who cheated on a male with another straight or not female ... but this focuses (if it has any focus) on YOUR experience, not who you cheated with or were cheated on by. Plus, that would just be WAY too many options. |
| 2009-07-23 10:22 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Champion 17756   SoCal | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll What if you do not know if you have been cheated on? Also this poll is dependent on how each person defines cheating? |
| 2009-07-23 10:23 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Elite 2729 Puyallup, WA | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll I cheated and learned...I should not have been in that relationship. IMHO - that is how I still feel today. |
| 2009-07-23 10:26 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Champion 4942 Richmond, VA | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll on advice of counsel, I cannot answer this poll and thereby invoke my 5th amendment right |
| 2009-07-23 10:29 AM in reply to: #2303678 |
Melon Presser 52116 | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll condorman - 2009-07-23 10:26 PM on advice of counsel, I cannot answer this poll and thereby invoke my 5th amendment right I want to know who your counsel is.  Yeah, this poll is totally unfocused, random, etc ... free-flow poll. |
| 2009-07-23 10:29 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Expert 790 | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Triaya, In my opinion women and men, regardless of sexual orientation, cheat in equal numbers and/or percentages. I think what you may find is that certain groups may not admit to this fact. |
| 2009-07-23 10:31 AM in reply to: #2303689 |
Melon Presser 52116 | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Houstonrider - 2009-07-23 10:29 PM Triaya, In my opinion women and men, regardless of sexual orientation, cheat in equal numbers and/or percentages. I think what you may find is that certain groups may not admit to this fact. It's interesting you say that ... I've actually looked at a lot of studies on this (in the context of marriage) and more loosely for gay populations ... What's fascinating to me is that in the best-conducted ones (IMO) the MAJORITY of straight married men and women cheated ... in higher rates in the men, though. Does that mean women are cheating more? Or have always and are admitting to it more? |
| 2009-07-23 10:35 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Extreme Veteran 464 Louisville, KY | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll I voted...straight female and have been cheated on. That being said, in my circle of friends/coworkers/aquaintances, every one of the marriages that has ended in divorce that I know of in the last year has been a result of the female having the affair. Thought that was interesting. |
| 2009-07-23 10:41 AM in reply to: #2303696 |
Expert 790 | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll TriAya - 2009-07-23 10:31 AM Houstonrider - 2009-07-23 10:29 PM Triaya, In my opinion women and men, regardless of sexual orientation, cheat in equal numbers and/or percentages. I think what you may find is that certain groups may not admit to this fact. It's interesting you say that ... I've actually looked at a lot of studies on this (in the context of marriage) and more loosely for gay populations ... What's fascinating to me is that in the best-conducted ones (IMO) the MAJORITY of straight married men and women cheated ... in higher rates in the men, though. Does that mean women are cheating more? Or have always and are admitting to it more? In previous generations it may have been reported that males cheated more than women, however, I think in the past it was totally unacceptable for a women to cheat and therefor not discussed. But there has always been an undercurrent in believe that if a man cheats it is acceptable with in some circles. As the moral value with in or communities deteriorates, I believe cheating as a whole has become more acceptable. How many of us know of a friend/colleague who has cheated and talked about it? I think women are not only now cheating as much as the men but they are also talking about it. |
| 2009-07-23 10:42 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Pro 4353 Wallingford, PA | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Just curious.... why were options for "I haven't cheated" or "I haven't been cheated on (to my knowledge" included? ... 'cause that's where I would be. |
| 2009-07-23 10:43 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Champion 4835 Eat Cheese or Die | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll What about those of us who have never cheated, and to the best of our knowledge, have not been cheated on? |
| 2009-07-23 10:48 AM in reply to: #2303734 |
Melon Presser 52116 | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll graceful_dave - 2009-07-23 10:43 PM What about those of us who have never cheated, and to the best of our knowledge, have not been cheated on? First of all, super kudos to both of you (and any other similar experiences posted here) ... I do believe that's the ideal ... Thought about it, but didn't include it because sooooo many options ... and it's a poll about cheating, not about not cheating. Other than that, no good reasons. But I'm glad you guys are representing!!! |
| 2009-07-23 10:54 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Master 4119 Toronto Bronze member | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll I have been cheated on and am very against it as a rule. There's a whole other can of worms where a person participates in the cheating by having an affair with an attached person. I have several friends who fall into this category and I think I once did quite unknowingly and if I had known I would have broken it off immediately. This is just as wrong in my mind - don't think I could do it personally. Maybe I am weird but I just think there are lots of fish in the sea and it's not worth all the drama. I don't like drama. |
| 2009-07-23 10:58 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Pro 4311 Texas | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Never been cheated on, never cheated. |
| 2009-07-23 11:00 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Extreme Veteran 785 Indiana | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll So far, so good here! |
| 2009-07-23 11:09 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Melon Presser 52116 | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Been the cheater, been the cheatee ... neither feels very good. In almost every instance it has just NOT been worth it. In one case I had a very complicated relationship of the sort juniperjen talks about ... I still can't say if it was worth it ... it was good when it was good and it seemed right at the time. I really do believe monogamy is the ideal (at least for me). But yet it seems odd to me that humans would be beholden to each other, and only each other, for the rest of their lives. I still can't wrap my head around it, for myself, yet, despite my beliefs. |
| 2009-07-23 11:10 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Buttercup 14334 | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll I have never felt the urge to cheat. If I want out of a relationship, I get out. No need to crash and burn the relationship in the process. We leave a relationship the way we lived it. If we lived it with respect, it's likely that's how we'll leave it. |
| 2009-07-23 11:13 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Coach 10487 Boston, MA | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Of course people makes mistakes, deserve 2nd chances, change for better and bla bla bla, however those who cheat repeatedly are not only dishonest and selfish, they also lack integrity hence I doubt you are going to get accurate responses from that group. |
| 2009-07-23 11:14 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Champion 17756 SoCal | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll I have never cheated. I have no idea if my STBX cheated on me. I know for sure she started dating right after we separated. |
| 2009-07-23 11:14 AM in reply to: #2303810 |
Melon Presser 52116 | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Renee - 2009-07-23 11:10 PM I have never felt the urge to cheat. If I want out of a relationship, I get out. No need to crash and burn the relationship in the process. We leave a relationship the way we lived it. If we lived it with respect, it's likely that's how we'll leave it. Just an aside to say it's great to see you and have you chime in. I find your experience remarkable--and I think it is fairly unique. Most people (at least at a moment ... one cheat perhaps doth not a whole life define) seem to want to have their cake and eat it too ... there's some connection to the person they are with that they want to keep, but for one reason or another cannot (will not) resist creating a connection, temporary or not, with another. |
| 2009-07-23 11:15 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Elite 2552 Evans, GA | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Cheated on. Never Cheated. My Dad f***ed up my family early on, and now that I see how easy it is not to cheat, and how bad it feels being betrayed, I have very little tolerence for people who cheat. I work in health care in a position of power, and while it is no "Grey's Anatomy," there are many opportunities that come my way. Even if I hated my spouse (second wife), I can't imagine cheating on her. Very selfish. If your relationship sucks so bad that you want to bone someone else, work it out or get out of the relationship. I'm too black and white about this, but infidelity has been THE major destructive force in my life. |
| 2009-07-23 11:18 AM in reply to: #2303817 |
Melon Presser 52116 | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll JorgeM - 2009-07-23 11:13 PM Of course people makes mistakes, deserve 2nd chances, change for better and bla bla bla, however those who cheat repeatedly are not only dishonest and selfish, they also lack integrity hence I doubt you are going to get accurate responses from that group. Point taken. But I still think, on an anonymous poll (certainly not to the people they are clearly being dishonest to) they'd cop to having cheated. Poll definitely not meant to be accurate ... just investigative, that's all. |
| 2009-07-23 11:21 AM in reply to: #2303727 |
| over a barrier | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll jsnowash - 2009-07-23 10:42 AM Just curious.... why were options for "I haven't cheated" or "I haven't been cheated on (to my knowledge" included? ... 'cause that's where I would be. +1 |
| 2009-07-23 11:23 AM in reply to: #2303822 |
Buttercup 14334 | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll TriAya - 2009-07-23 12:14 PM Renee - 2009-07-23 11:10 PM I have never felt the urge to cheat. If I want out of a relationship, I get out. No need to crash and burn the relationship in the process. We leave a relationship the way we lived it. If we lived it with respect, it's likely that's how we'll leave it. Just an aside to say it's great to see you and have you chime in. I find your experience remarkable--and I think it is fairly unique. Most people (at least at a moment ... one cheat perhaps doth not a whole life define) seem to want to have their cake and eat it too ... there's some connection to the person they are with that they want to keep, but for one reason or another cannot (will not) resist creating a connection, temporary or not, with another. Thanks, Yanti. Kind of you to say so. I think identifying that reason/craving that you reference can be profoundly illuminating. |
| 2009-07-23 11:23 AM in reply to: #2303810 |
| over a barrier | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Renee - 2009-07-23 11:10 AM I have never felt the urge to cheat. If I want out of a relationship, I get out. No need to crash and burn the relationship in the process. We leave a relationship the way we lived it. If we lived it with respect, it's likely that's how we'll leave it. +1 |
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