login
The dumbest thing I've ever done
-
No new posts
|
 2005-10-17 9:31 AM |
Giver  18427     |  Subject: The dumbest thing I've ever doneSo I was having this conversation with another BTer about things you shouldn't do, and it reminded me of the Hard-Boiled Egg Incident. When I was in college, my roommate Jimmy Batts (who was quite possibly the oldest looking 18-year-old the planet has ever know...which came in handy, because he could always buy us beer with no fear of ever getting carded, even if you told the clerk flat out that he was 18, they wouldn't believe he was only 18). Where was I? Oh yeah. Egg. So this one time, Jimmy had boiled some eggs. I popped one of them in my mouth, whole, at the exact second he bit into another one. As I watched the runny yolk ooze out of his mouth, I had a decision to make: spit out the agg or swallow it whole. Chewing it up wasn't even in the real of consideration, beacuse runny yolks gross me out. I weighed my options. This was a small egg (college students can't afford Grade "A" Jumbos). It was food (college students can't afford to waste food). It was a small egg (see above). So I decided to just swallow it down. Hard-boild ggs are soft and slippery, and it was small, so I figured it would slide right down. I figured wrong. It promptly lodged in my throat. I was choking. My roomates were laughing at me. I guess they thought I was kidding, but I was seriously choking. When someone's choking, you're supposed to ask them if they are choking. If they answer "yes," they aren, cause you can't freaking talk when you're choking. I couldn't talk. More troubling, I couldn't breath. I tried swallowing, over and over, thinking it would go down. But it didn't. And Jimmy and Tim (my other roommate) were on the floor laughing. You know ROTFLMAO that gets thrown around on line? They were actually ROTFL their asses off. I knew the thing about asking the choking person if they are choking, which meant I knew the Heimlich. So I started trying to Hemlich myself. It wasn't working. BUt I did see a chair, and remembered somewhere deep in my now oxygen-starved brain that you can Heimlich yourself on the back of a chair. So I tried it. Once. Twice. Third time's a charm. I heaved myself on the back of that chair, and on the third try the egg flew out of my throat and splooged Jimmy in the back of the head in a big yolky mess. Friends don't let friends swallow eggs whole. So what's the dumbest thing you've ever done? |
| 2005-10-17 9:38 AM in reply to: #266313 |
Queen BTich 12411 , | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done Oh....I'm crying. Sorry you almost died but "splooged Jimmy in the back of the head" took me over the edge. Thanks Jim. Way too many stupid things for me to write stories about. How about driving to the SAT's with a bad hangover (read: probably slightly drunk) and hitting a stop sign, then driving away because I had to get there in time. Told parents someone hit me in the parking lot. I did well enough on the test (I was pretty satisfied anyway) to get into my colleges so I didn't want to jinx myself and try to improve. Will try to think of more. I know I have plenty. Edited by TriComet 2005-10-17 9:39 AM |
| 2005-10-17 9:46 AM in reply to: #266313 |
Master 2052 Colorado | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done The dumbest things I've ever done almost always come right after the phrase "Ok, well....one more shot." That includes the famed "removing toast from toasting with knief while toaster is still on' incident. |
| 2005-10-17 9:50 AM in reply to: #266332 |
Giver 18427 | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done I've learned that the Heimlich is exactly useless when used in the case of electrocution. You can squeeze the poor, charred bastrard all you want but it's just not going to help. ChipmunkHeart - 2005-10-17 9:46 AM The dumbest things I've ever done almost always come right after the phrase "Ok, well....one more shot." That includes the famed "removing toast from toasting with knief while toaster is still on' incident. |
| 2005-10-17 11:31 AM in reply to: #266313 |
Queen BTich 12411 , | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done So, in college I decided to dye my hair Maroon and paint my face for the A&M v. Tech football game (late October sometime). I was going with a friend who was in the Corps and had front row tickets so I wanted to get on tv. Well, I didn't get on tv because some sorority girl with a low cut shirt and big boobs was about 3 people next to me. They put her on instead. My senior year I was in a soils microbiology class. It was final exam time and the day before my exam in that class I was working on a project in the lab. I was trying to extract root nodules from a plant. My professor was in the lab b/c the TA was sick or something. He said over and over to be careful because the razor blades were new and very sharp. Well my damn razor just wouldn't cut. Kept pushing and pushing on the root, trying to cut it, but the nodule just wouldn't move. I started to call him, "Dr. Zuber....this wo...OH SHIT!" I was holding the blade upside down and had been pushing and sawing into my index finger. Took it to the bone on my upper knuckle. This was 4ish o'clock the day before my final exam, and he was trying to get me to go to the hospital. I said hell no, not unless you let me take the final in the afternoon (test was for 8am) because I was going to have to sit in the emergency room for hours. I refused to go, he was pissed. I took the test at 8am with a huge bandage on my finger, still bleeding. I put drops of blood on the test since he wouldn't extend my test time. Looking at the scar right now. |
| 2005-10-17 12:05 PM in reply to: #266313 |
Elite 2421 | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done How is it that fingers and sharp objects never seem to go well together? The combination of the two was one of my top ten dumbest moments, too. The setting: during my AF survival traning in the woods in Deleware... or maybe Vermont, I don't really know where they took us. We had been learning various fire making/tending methods and I was working on feathering the ends of branches for fast burning kindling. They had beat the whole "safety is paramount" slogan into us, so we were all wearing our heavy leather gloves. So I finished up with my part, took aforementioned gloves off (I imagine you can see where this is going) and proceed to try and get a nap in. After being told by a very kind and understanding instructor that I had needed to find better things to do with my time, I went back to absent-mindedly feathering branches... sans the gloves. On my very first one back while paying more attention to someone puffing on dried grass, while cutting down on the end of a fairly then twig, the knife slipped off and crashed down on the base of the back of my left index finger. I was surprised that it didn't hurt that much, I actually thought that it was the dull side of the knife that had hit from the way it felt. I saw the red and instintively shoved my finger in my mouth and came away with a nice gulp of blood. When I looked down at my finger I got a quick look at the bone before it disappeared under another wave of crimson. I now had to go the instructor who had just admonished me for laziness and inform him that I required guaze. After soaking through 4 of his 4x4's he decided that it might require a bit more that a bandaid. It actually required 8 stitches and got me out of doing pushups for almost 5 days (I got to do crunches instead), so I guess it wasn't all bad. bts Edited by Brett 2005-10-17 12:06 PM |
| 2005-10-17 12:05 PM in reply to: #266424 |
Giver 18427 | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done Uggggggggrrrrrrrrccccchhhhhh. There. I feel better without my lunch anyway. TriComet - 2005-10-17 11:31 AM I was holding the blade upside down and had been pushing and sawing into my index finger. |
| 2005-10-17 12:08 PM in reply to: #266456 |
Giver 18427 | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done I have this weird habit were I grab the hedge trimmer blade before it stops. I've had stiches twice in the same place on my left index finger. |
| 2005-10-17 12:11 PM in reply to: #266462 |
Queen BTich 12411 , | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done WEIRD HABIT=Dumbass. run4yrlif - 2005-10-17 1:08 PM I have this weird habit were I grab the hedge trimmer blade before it stops. I've had stiches twice in the same place on my left index finger. |
| 2005-10-17 12:12 PM in reply to: #266466 |
Giver 18427 | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done You say potato... And anyway...I think that's the point of this thread...dumbass.  TriComet - 2005-10-17 12:11 PM WEIRD HABIT=Dumbass. run4yrlif - 2005-10-17 1:08 PM I have this weird habit were I grab the hedge trimmer blade before it stops. I've had stiches twice in the same place on my left index finger. Edited by run4yrlif 2005-10-17 12:13 PM |
| 2005-10-17 12:18 PM in reply to: #266313 |
Queen BTich 12411 , | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done Stop trying to upstage me Jim. How about when I was about 8 or so I decided it would be pretty to put this colored rope all in my spokes on my bike? Rode down the street where workers were repaving or something (the road was rough, tons of rocks) and my wheels locked up, I flew off...got all scraped up, walked home. I remember my dad laughing...lol. |
| 2005-10-17 12:32 PM in reply to: #266475 |
Giver 18427 | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done I can so beat that (look...I'm a bigger dumbass than Haley! woohoo!). When I was about 10, I was riding my sweet k-mart 10 speed home from swim practice. It was summer, florida and hot, so I decided to go shoeless. Tied the laces in a knot, looped the shoes over the handlebars and cruised home. I was flying down this hill (yes...there are hills in Florida...Haley and Brett will meet some of them Saturday), going maybe 25mph, when one of my shoes wedged between the fork and the tire. Wham! Over the bars and face meets pavement. Somehow, I managed to turn my head so I had all my teeth and my nose was intact, but the side of my face looked like I had been tied down and power sanded. TriComet - 2005-10-17 12:18 PM Stop trying to upstage me Jim. How about when I was about 8 or so I decided it would be pretty to put this colored rope all in my spokes on my bike? Rode down the street where workers were repaving or something (the road was rough, tons of rocks) and my wheels locked up, I flew off...got all scraped up, walked home. I remember my dad laughing...lol. |
| 2005-10-17 12:40 PM in reply to: #266313 |
Elite 2421 | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done That's nothing, I've been shot nine times in gun cleaning accidents... Except change "I've" with "Fifty Cent" and "accidents" with "Drive-bys". bts Edited by Brett 2005-10-17 12:41 PM |
| 2005-10-17 1:39 PM in reply to: #266313 |
Veteran 245 Washington, DC(ish) | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done A few years ago when quick release wheels were new (to me) and didn't have the lawyer tabs, I was out riding a trail across town and had popped the front wheel off to get it in the car to go home. Once I got there, a few of my buddies were in the driveway and wanted to go for a quick ride. So I pull the bike out, put on the front wheel, and spun the quick realease tight. About that same time I was distracted for on reason or another and fail to flip the spoon to lock the quick release. About 3 miles later I start hearing this strage sound of metal clinking. I didn't think too much of it since the bike was still fairly new to me. Just thought it was some sound I hadn't noticed it before. Then I decide to make a road crossing and pulled up on the front bars for leverage. At that time, my once-attached front wheel goes rolling out in front of me. There wasn't much left to do after that other than front flip over the handle bars and nurse a broked collar bone for 6 weeks. |
| 2005-10-17 1:41 PM in reply to: #266536 |
Giver 18427 | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done feagajk - 2005-10-17 1:39 PMThere wasn't much left to do after that other than front flip over the handle bars and nurse a broked collar bone for 6 weeks. Yeah...that and call your lawyer... |
| 2005-10-17 2:57 PM in reply to: #266313 |
| Pro 4040 | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done Oh, oh! I wanna show how dumb I can be too. I was in Northwestern Australia in a town called Broome. I'd arrived the night before where I'd met a very nice and attractive girl from the UK (this isn't going to be a PSA on prophylactics, don't worry). She told me about how she was a page 3 girl for an Australian tabloid and won girl of the month and other similar fascinating stories. Anyhow, she says, "hey why don't you meet me on the beach tomorrow? I'll be on the nudist side". At least that's what I think I heard through the blood rushing through my ears. Anyhow, the next day arrives and I prepare to go to the beach. Having walked around barefoot quite a bit, I figure it'll be a good idea to walk the 6.5 km to the beach barefoot. Now, I didn't really have an idea of how far 6.5 km was at the time, but believe me, the distance is exponentially longer barefoot on hot pavement. After about 1.5 km I feel the soles of my feet kind of moving independently of the rest of my foot. Afer 3 km, I'm moving slowly and cursing my decision not to use the inexpensive and convenient bus to the beach which passed me about 10 times during my walk. I am literally walking along a road in the desert without shoes with no really good options. Finally a guy pulls over and says "mate, I passed you about an hour ago, I reckon you need a lift". I gratefully accept finally arriving at the fabled nudist beach. I went straight for the water where I walked in the saltwater to soothe my wounded feet. I looked around for the lovely girl, but never spotted her. The next day while I was bandaging my feet, she told me that she had been there but I missed her. It must have been a punishment from the gods for my impure thoughts. |
| 2005-10-17 3:00 PM in reply to: #266637 |
Giver 18427 | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done Man that story went so many places, none of which I thought they would... Opus - 2005-10-17 2:57 PMOh, oh! I wanna show how dumb I can be too.I was in Northwestern Australia in a town called Broome. I'd arrived the night before where I'd met a very nice and attractive girl from the UK (this isn't going to be a PSA on prophylactics, don't worry). She told me about how she was a page 3 girl for an Australian tabloid and won girl of the month and other similar fascinating stories. Anyhow, she says, "hey why don't you meet me on the beach tomorrow? I'll be on the nudist side". At least that's what I think I heard through the blood rushing through my ears.Anyhow, the next day arrives and I prepare to go to the beach. Having walked around barefoot quite a bit, I figure it'll be a good idea to walk the 6.5 km to the beach barefoot. Now, I didn't really have an idea of how far 6.5 km was at the time, but believe me, the distance is exponentially longer barefoot on hot pavement. After about 1.5 km I feel the soles of my feet kind of moving independently of the rest of my foot. Afer 3 km, I'm moving slowly and cursing my decision not to use the inexpensive and convenient bus to the beach which passed me about 10 times during my walk. I am literally walking along a road in the desert without shoes with no really good options. Finally a guy pulls over and says "mate, I passed you about an hour ago, I reckon you need a lift". I gratefully accept finally arriving at the fabled nudist beach. I went straight for the water where I walked in the saltwater to soothe my wounded feet. I looked around for the lovely girl, but never spotted her. The next day while I was bandaging my feet, she told me that she had been there but I missed her. It must have been a punishment from the gods for my impure thoughts. |
| 2005-10-17 3:05 PM in reply to: #266642 |
| Pro 4040 | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done run4yrlif - 2005-10-17 3:00 PM Man that story went so many places, none of which I thought they would... Believe me, I wish it had gone other places too... except, I imagine, where you thought it might go when I got picked up... |
| 2005-10-17 3:31 PM in reply to: #266313 |
Champion 6786 Two seat rocket plane | Subject: There is such a thing as a stupid question And you won't like the answer Never ask "what's the worst that could happen?" while standing on the edge of an equestrian memorial to a long-dead confederate general after having consumed a large quantity of cheap rum. Gravity and the laws of physics are no fans of stupidity. That tearing sound your ankle made when hitting the groung...you know, the sound that made your friends wince from ten feet away...that's your answer. |
| 2005-10-17 3:56 PM in reply to: #266313 |
| 11 | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done Oh, so many to pick from, where to start... How about seeing a rake leaning against a fence in the yard and thinking "I should move that so the dogs don't get hurt" So I leaned it against the front wall of the pond instead. Two days later I go out to feed the dogs and step on said rake (a really nice thatching rake with blades life knives), slicing through my heal. Of course I was home alone, well except for the four dogs, none of which have perfected the art of driving. After three hours in the emergency room and two rows of 10 stitches to sew up the heal, the doctor assured me that I should be able to run my first marathon, just two away. I did, the heal was fine. Note to self, next time put the rake AWAY. Perhaps not the dumbest think, but certainly the most recent... Then there was the time my friend and I, home with no parental supervision, had slightly too much to drink, and decided to take the horses out for a ride. Fortunately we were not even a 1/4 mile from the house when she fell off (just fell off, or maybe slid, or rolled), and because we were laughing so hard her horse just turned around and went home. In trying to help her onto my horse, we both fell off, and my little horse just turned and followed hers. We all made it home safe, but probably none the wiser... I hate to admit I probably have enough of these little stories to fill a book. I often wonder how I lived through my teens, and I hope that my teenage son is much smarter than I was. |
| 2005-10-17 4:04 PM in reply to: #266313 |
Master 4101 Denver | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done If you happen to be fair skinned as I am and go to the beach with some friends, maybe even take a little nap on the beach, and if you happen to use the same sunscreen as the hot, tanned girl make sure it is actually sunscreen and not tanning oil. PS - Love Broome!! Possibly my favorite place. |
| 2005-10-17 4:24 PM in reply to: #266313 |
| Regular 178 Mound, MN | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done When I started reading this I thought I might know you. We had an egg incedent in college as well. We did the Cool Hand Luke thing and after drinking way too much, had a nard boiled egg eating contest. HUGE MISTAKE! Four guys fighting over who got to throw up in the toilet first. It took me 10 years before I could eat a hard boiled egg again. Good Luck, Jay |
| 2005-10-17 4:56 PM in reply to: #266733 |
Expert 1535 Coeur D'alene, ID | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done There isn't enough room on all of BT's boards for all the dumb things I've done!! I did manage to live through my teens, despite overwhelming odds given against that by my parents and their friends. Still alive and kicking despite the male-gender driven tendency to continue to do dumb-ass things, no matter how old and supposedly mature I get! |
| 2005-10-17 7:16 PM in reply to: #266340 |
Veteran 142 Wichita, KS | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done run4yrlif - 2005-10-17 9:50 AM I've learned that the Heimlich is exactly useless when used in the case of electrocution. You can squeeze the poor, charred bastard all you want but it's just not going to help. See, we're all here trying to talk about dumb things we've done, and you're busy turning me on. I'm not talking about the dumbest thing I've ever done, but I'll throw out a story. At my university, we have a day where the entire purpose is to get mind-numbingly drunk. It's called Beer Bike. My dorm had balconies on every floor, all 14 of them. On this day, we'd put our enormous sound system on display on the top balcony, and wake the poor citizens of our fair city up to 8 miles away. These speakers were on top of a table for sound projection, as if that was truly necessary. My sophomore year's experience found me on top of one of the speakers, dancing wildly as the speaker tottered near the edge of the table and the abyss some 150 feet below. The speaker began tipping, and I contemplated infinity just long enough for my roommate to pull me back to terra firma. Thinking about that moment still gives me the jeebies. There is no doubt that I would have plummeted to my rather messy demise had it not been for his (now Marine) reflexes. |
| 2005-10-17 7:41 PM in reply to: #266833 |
| Master 1597 Colorado | Subject: RE: The dumbest thing I've ever done goodzen - 2005-10-17 8:16 PM At my university, we have a day where the entire purpose is to get mind-numbingly drunk. It's called Beer Bike. No, it's called "College" Hmmm, some snippets:
More to come later... |
|
|
|
|
View profile
Add to friends
Go to training log
Go to race log
Send a message
View album
CONNECT WITH FACEBOOK