School Sports Day disappointment.....

I don't have any little ones, but I feel for your daughter. 

Personally,  I applaud that you encouraged her to get back out there when she wanted to throw in the towel.  I hope her afternoon went better and that she had fun. 

I think you taught the best lesson:  Losing is never a reason to quit.

Next-best lesson:  Lose with grace and dignity.

Yeah it's hard for me to understand, I am the least competitive person on the planet - just doesn't matter to me.  BUT she takes after my husband in that respect - so I try to manage her expectations as best I can.  I did also say to her - see training is important....

Agree I think you handled it well!

I agree with everyone else that you handled it well but question the above - This Mom called you at WORK on her cell phone for what is clearly not an emergency? 

I personally think there is sometimes too much communication between kids and parents ie cell phones and always being reach-able. I think sometimes this prevents kids from working something out on their own and learning to make decisions for themselves.  I know there were times when I was a kid and had to work things out with friends or siblings or at school because my Mom worked and you just didn't call parents at work back then unless it was an emergency. 

Training for kids is just playing. The important thing for them to learn is that not being able to do something perfectly the first time, or not being as good at something as one of their peers is normal.  Main thing I'm trying to get my kids to learn is that anything that is really cool to do is going to require failing a bunch and most likely getting hurt a few times.

I think you did great!  Maybe you could have the school slip her a note that says you called and were thinking about her.

I also think the other parent did the right thing by calling.  I WANT other parents watching out for my kids; just as I will watch out for them.  It takes a village to raise a child. 

The single most important thing I want my young kids to know is...I AM HERE FOR YOU!

I have very mixed feelings about this. On one hand, one of the reasons I hated sports and athletics growing up (and did not start to do anything physically competitive until I was nearly 30) was the whole mentality of scoring and comparing yourself to others. Those of us who are not naturally athletic are going to do poorly. And in a very public forum. It sucks big time. Imagine if your test scores were posted and announced for everyone to see - the kids who were struggling academically would feel horrible, and might well decide that reading is just not for them.

On the other hand, learning to work with your strengths, and acknowledging your weaknesses is a big part of growning up. When my oldest was in 1st grade, she was upset that her art work (at the open house) wasn't as good as some of her peers. Which was true. However, she had two other big talents, that she then used. One was her literacy - she could read and write at an advanced level, and like to make up stories. The other was her social skills - so she would get her friends who were better at art to illustrate her stories for her. Win-win all around.

I think what you said is pretty much spot on - in the grand scheme, it's not a big deal. And if she wants to run better, then she should run more. But she should know there will probably always be faster kids than her.

But I am trying to figure out the scoring system you describe. What gave her a 0 for running? Did she just plop down and refuse to run? Because it seems to me that even trying to run should get you a 1; and getting a 2 or 3 should be based on some similar objective criteria (e.g. running the whole distance without walking, and running within a certain cutoff time). Getting a 0 even if you are trying is a good way to encourage kids to not bother even trying. Hurray for obesity and inactivity?!?

You did well.  Good on ya she-la!

All you can do is encourage them.  They need to learn to push themselves to achieve their own goals.  They need to learn that they'll be good at a few (or maybe just one) sport and poor at many many other things in life.  And they'll learn that even if you don't win, being proud of yourself is the most important accomplishment.  My sports were wrestling and baseball.  I simply sucked at most every other thing I tried.  And in some years, losing was the norm.  I remember calls to my grandfather, "How's little league going this year?"  "Fun, but my team stinks so bad.  We haven't won a single game."  "Why is that?"  "We have no pitching at all.  The other teams got the good picthers."  "Well Doug, why don't you try pitching?"  "Common' grandpa!  We've played catch before.  You know I'm a third baseman.  I can't pitch for my life.  My curveball hangs like it's on a platter!"

We in amateur triathlons are a perfect example.  99% of us don't race for a spot on the podium and have little to no chance of getting there.  We race against ourselves.  So in fact, every race we compete in, we're technically "not winning".  But that doesn't make us "losers".

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My 8-yr-old son's Tae Kwon Do is a good example.  When he started 3 years ago at a very young 5, his sinsei explained before their first tournament that it would be very different from what they were used to.  "In just about all of your sports, in the YMCA leagues, you all get a trophy at the end of the year.  That's not how it works here.  If you win first, second, or third you earn a trophy.  Theer are usually 12-16 kids in a divisional bracket and that means only 3 will win trophies and up to 13 will not.  If you don't win a trophy, it doesn't make you a loser.  It just means that you have to see WHY you didn't win and then train harder so that the next time, you might win.  I didn't win any trophies the first couple of tournaments I competed in and I don't expect you to either.  Do your best and be proud of yourself that you did your best.  We'll work together as a school to make you better and you will win trophies if you train hard enough with your classmates."

When Kyle was (a young) 6 he competed in 5 tournaments and never wona single trophy.  In his last tourney, he was up against 12 kids in a 6-7 age group.  All of his opponents were bigger and had higher, more advanced belts than him.  He won 2 bouts and then lost in the semi-final.  He then fought for 3rd place against a boy almost a foot taller and almost 2 years older than him.  He did his very best and the match went a long time.  This boy kept swing big kicks which Kyle kept blocking time and time again.  Kyle kept adjusting, but couldn't get inside on the big kid.  Finally time ran out and the other boy was declared the winner.

Kyle came running off the mat with a HUGE smile on his face.  "Did you see that?!  Did you see me?!  Wasn't that AWESOME!!!"  His sinsei came to talk to him and Kyle was so proud of himself.  "He was so much bigger and a blue belt and I kept blocking him and was almost able to win!  I'm getting so close Master Berry!  I'll bet the next time, I may actually even win a trophy!  I can't wait to train again.  You have to work with me and show me how to get inside on the bigger kids so I can get better and win!"

We were all practically in tears.  Never was a kid so happy about losing.  Ice cream sundays all around to celebrate the loss!

2 years later...  The youngest member (ever) of the school's black belt club at 8...  About 10 hours of training a week...  And in the big tournament in September in a division of 16 kids, the championship was his!