What Not to Say to a Woman, Pt II

I had an older lady ask me that, when I was preparing for a bodybuilding contest.  She said I looked gaunt in my face, and wondered if "..you have AIDS or cancer or something?"  Needless to say, she didn't get free tickets to the contest...

tmwelshy - 2004-11-17 8:52 AM At least he didn't ask you when you were due....

Not quite, but my friend Jennifer once had a guy come up to her in a bar and ask her if she was breastfeeding.  Now that's a classic.

I am frequently a disappointment to my wife, Janicewhokeepsmehumble, for not thinking of doing something she thinks is obvious.  I once said to her, "If you want me to read your mind,  you'll have to send a stronger signal."   I have since learned that the there is such a thing as being too clever.

TW

Your athletic curves fill me with longing

As you pass me with no effort, while I'm bonking

The pain in my calves momentarily forgotten

Replaced by the distraction of a strong woman jogging

Some may like the small and petite

Slender girls with little feet

No curves, no jiggle, I won't keep

Alas, my expectations, they fail to meet

Broad and tall with athletic grace

Burning and yearning to win the race

A drive I share, and dare, to pace

So patience, I ask, while I make my case

Strong and indomitable, I'll go as long as you like

Though the water, while I swim, be full of strife

Nothing easier than me on the bike

And the run, I admit, leaves me breathing for life

So spare me one clear, frank glance

You are the Athena I will romance

Proud and tall, we might have a chance

If you would only slow and join my dance

LOL    Sounds like "Janicewhokeepsmehumble" is also "Janicewhoknowshowtodishoutpainandsuffering"!

"If you want me to read your mind,  you'll have to send a stronger signal."  

Don't forget the equally effective corollary, "I can't read your mind because the print is too small."

No matter how much I work out, I'll never have a good body

Then whose picture are you using as your avatar?

Kathy, I had a vaguely similar thing happen to me once (no one would accuse me of being ill because I'm skinny! LOL!). I was at a store shopping for new hiking boots and an older not-so-gentleman came up to me and said, "What the hell happened to your pants!?" Well, I don't like buying new things, so I fix the old things. And this particular pair of jeans was starting to become patched to a ridiculous degree, but they covered all of me! They weren't offensive unless you find a variety of different patterns and colors of patches offensive. I sort of giggled politely and then ignored him. He came up to me THREE more times while we were in that store to tell me how badly I needed new pants, and exactly what part of the store I could find pants in. The last time, I grabbed him by the arm and started leading him to the clothing section and said "Ok, you want to get me new pants, let's go!" He said something like, "No, young lady, you need to buy your own pants." I said to him "Oh, I thought YOU were offering to buy me new pants since mine seem to offend you far more than they do me!" He started to argue when his wife slapped him on the arm and said "Leave her alone, you old bastard!" And dragged him off.....

I just can't believe some people's gall sometimes. BTW, I won the battle, but he won the war. His behaviour, for some reason, got me so incredibly embarrassed and I went to Old Navy later that day and bought some new jeans...