Triathlon Dating Thread (Page 13)

Lisac957, crushing dreams.  

DeannaS - 2012-04-12 8:08 AM

lisac957 - 2012-04-12 10:04 AM Lisac957, crushing dreams.  

LOL. I have found the people appreciate the honesty. I just did the back and forth with last night's date. He emailed saying, "hey that was fun, what'd you think?" And I said, "yah it was fun, but um, was it just me or was there really no chemistry at all?" That opened the door for him to say, "Yah, I was thinking the same thing. Your honesty is really refreshing! Well, nice to have met you!" and we both move on feeling fine. Honesty rocks, in my opinion.

^^^^ This.  Lisa, don't think of it as rejecting someone.  How someone else may take it shouldn't ever be a factor for doing what is right for you.   Honesty is always the best way to go.  It can be done with compassion and tact.  Most everyone appreciates an honest answer, assessment, etc ... how they choose to react to it is on them.  And you can walk away knowing that you didn't mislead anyone.  

Zactly!  Hence my post above asking him what his point was.  If someone wants to pop in on a thread and offer some constructive input on how broadening your selection criteria could be a good thing, then fine...go for it.   Not everyone will agree with you, but thanks for the input.  But why do you feel the need to use your daughter's disgust with online dating sites to verify/affirm/corroborate your own disgust and then go on a dating thread and basically (whether you intended to or not, that was the effect on me - can't speak for anyone else) make people who use those sites feel like there's some type of stigma associated with it?  You're entitled to your opinion but why go on a thread like this and make such comments?....and then wonder why the thread has grown to 14 pages on top of that.  You've described your marriage and tried to make the case for broadening your selection criteria.  I can honestly say that what you've described is not even in the same universe of what I would want for a marriage.  But I haven't criticized or passed judgement on it.  So don't pass judgement on the use of online dating sites in a thread where people are trying to provide advice to others that WANT to use the dating sites.  Get at least a bit of tact will 'ya? 

DeannaS - 2012-04-12 8:08 AM

lisac957 - 2012-04-12 10:04 AM Lisac957, crushing dreams.  

LOL. I have found the people appreciate the honesty. I just did the back and forth with last night's date. He emailed saying, "hey that was fun, what'd you think?" And I said, "yah it was fun, but um, was it just me or was there really no chemistry at all?" That opened the door for him to say, "Yah, I was thinking the same thing. Your honesty is really refreshing! Well, nice to have met you!" and we both move on feeling fine. Honesty rocks, in my opinion.

^^^^ This.  Lisa, don't think of it as rejecting someone.  How someone else may take it shouldn't ever be a factor for doing what is right for you.   Honesty is always the best way to go.  It can be done with compassion and tact.  Most everyone appreciates an honest answer, assessment, etc ... how they choose to react to it is on them.  And you can walk away knowing that you didn't mislead anyone.  

Teejaay - 2012-04-12 11:14 AM

DeannaS - 2012-04-12 8:08 AM

lisac957 - 2012-04-12 10:04 AM Lisac957, crushing dreams.  

LOL. I have found the people appreciate the honesty. I just did the back and forth with last night's date. He emailed saying, "hey that was fun, what'd you think?" And I said, "yah it was fun, but um, was it just me or was there really no chemistry at all?" That opened the door for him to say, "Yah, I was thinking the same thing. Your honesty is really refreshing! Well, nice to have met you!" and we both move on feeling fine. Honesty rocks, in my opinion.

^^^^ This.  Lisa, don't think of it as rejecting someone.  How someone else may take it shouldn't ever be a factor for doing what is right for you.   Honesty is always the best way to go.  It can be done with compassion and tact.  Most everyone appreciates an honest answer, assessment, etc ... how they choose to react to it is on them.  And you can walk away knowing that you didn't mislead anyone.  

Thank you all, ladies!! Honesty does indeed rock! No response leaves too much open for speculation. "No thanks" is very clear. 

That said, not all guys will appreciate the honesty. I had women tell me they got nasty-grams from guys they told "no thanks". Go figure...

Have to admit, even though I'm married, I've been reading this thread with interest to get more insight into what my single friends have to deal with.

Having been happily partnered for 14 years, I shudder to think of how I'd handle it if DH died and I decided to get back into the market. This online dating thing sounds grueling/frustrating/annoying/disappointing/a little weird but obviously works for some people. Just crossing my fingers that DH sticks around awhile! Best wishes to all of you looking for The One - hope you find him/her soon.

dating in general, and especially internet dating, is a numbers game. Anybody who tells you otherwise is lying I had a friend in college who was a "dating coach." Besides pushing the men that paid him to say "hi/whatever" to people, basically they gave him hundreds of dollars to tell them "it's a numbers game."

That said, don't give up There's no secret to it, despite what internet articles would have you believe.

I am convinced the problem is not my emails - ITS THE LADIES I AM SENDING THEM TO that have the problem.

I am convinced the problem is not my emails - ITS THE LADIES I AM SENDING THEM TO that have the problem.  Here is a sample of the email I have sent - looking for opinions.  

1. Subject "Well, how's it going so far?"  Email: "Since your friends talked you into it - curious as to your thoughts. Personally, I think online dating is over rated. 
   
   I am interested in getting to know more about you, if you can get over the fact that I am a die hard Oregon Ducks fan. 
   
   If you are a WSU fan - does that make you a "cougar"? Sorry, couldn't help it - had to crack that joke. 
   
   Looking forward to hearing back from you. 
   
   Chad"
2. Subject "Hello" Email: "Just read your profile - and see that we have many things in common. 
   
   I learned to scuba dive last summer. I have about 30 dives under my belt now (all in the Puget Sound). 
   
   I am a very active person. I am currently training for an Ironman that I will run in August. 
   
   Looking forward to hearing from you. 
   
   Chad"
    
    
   What do you think...?  

Dude - going on months now, literally hundreds of ladies have viewed my profile

Wow, IMO you guys are reading way to into the emails. 

Exchange words and meet in person, chemistry will trump words everytime! 

1st one is allright (if she is not the offensive type, 2nd one is not.

1st one is funny, has a question (kinda), etc. Could use more, but not terrible.

2nd email is all about you.I do this, I do that. No call for action. I get more responses if I ask a question or two in the email for them to respond to. For example, ask what her favorite dive has been so far, where she would like to dive next, or if she's ever been to XYZ dive spot because you need tips for your next one... etc. Just saying 'Hey I dive too, I've done over 30' is a little self centered IMO.

The way a person communicates tells me a lot about them. In my experience, the way they communicate online often mirrors how they communicate in real life.

I'm willing to give a bad communicator a chance if I'm physically attracted to them and think there might be chemistry, but if not... bad communication is often a non-starter for me.

The way a person communicates tells me a lot about them. In my experience, the way they communicate online often mirrors how they communicate in real life.

I'm willing to give a bad communicator a chance if I'm physically attracted to them and think there might be chemistry, but if not... bad communication is often a non-starter for me.

I am of the conclusion that online dating sucks!  I am very well spoken, and in person when talking with women, my honesty and directness is always appreciated.  Things don't come out the same in an email.  

Oh well - 

I am of the conclusion that online dating sucks!  I am very well spoken, and in person when talking with women, my honesty and directness is always appreciated.  Things don't come out the same in an email.  

Oh well -