Wait, what? Training for tri's is in the same category as cheating and porn? (Page 2)

How many marital problems could be solved if the "offended" partner would try the other's activities?

yeah.. coz sitting in front of a screen pushing buttons is such an enriching activity. Do you know that excessive online use causes changed in the brain similar to cocaine addiction? link to study info

If only that wife would try her husband's brand of crack... 

I understand what you are saying but she is mad they don't spend time together and I am willing to bet that he played video games before they got married. Now I agree you can't neglect your partner and need to spend time together but how about a compromise? Just complaining about won't help anything.  What if she says how about I play a game with you for this time and we watch TV together for this time. They are already set in their way for TV and video games so while I do understand what you are saying that has no bearing on the couple we are talking about.

Yeah, like reading People magazine or watching The Biggest Loser, or reading trashy romance novels etc. etc...

It is not up to other people to decide what is the best use of an individuals time. 

Ironic in that you're posting it on an online messageboard.

And you missed my point a bit...  Show me a truly happy couple and I'll show you a couple that shares more activities than occupying the same space under the same roof, whether it's video games or IM training.

Take it a step in the other direction and you have a couple like my wife and I, who don't do anything together because she's refused every invitation I've extended, and now we're essentially roommates.

You've invited your wife to do what?

The irony is not lost. Were I to be on BT for two hours at night instead of spending those precious hours with my husband.. I could understand him being annoyed. And if he expressed that annoyance, and I did nothing about it, I could understand him being exasperated. 

If my husband knew I was unhappy about a leasure activity he was doing because it cut into our time together, he'd drop it like a lead ball. to um... preserve the marriage. 

Hm... well, according to the woman's letter, the husband hid his gaming from her before they were married. Which i find odd. I am not judging, I am only saying that one cannot expect a spouse to join into an activity that has been proven to be rather unhealthy. It's not like taking walks together... or reading. Even reading trashy novels are better on the brain than gaming.. 

to me it is important to find things for the family to do together and equally as important to find things for me and my bride to do together. But I have no problems when she needs "her" time to do things she wants to do. 

I do 90% of my IM training early morning as to not disrupt the family setting and I would feel totally selfish if I were to come home from work and jump on video games for the rest of the night.

Most recently, run a half-marathon with me this fall.  At Disney.  And make a mini-vacation out of it for her and me. 

It goes for pretty much every hobby I have, from playing music to home-brewing to motorcycling.  No interest in any of it.  But I'm not going to compromise my enjoyment of my time on this rock to spend time with someone who doesn't care about anything I enjoy.  At the same time, I'll never shut her out of any of it either. 

I can't help but wonder how much happier we'd both be if she'd simply make an effort to find a productive activity we can both enjoy though.

Yeah.. I'm sorry, that does sound frustrating. Not sure how long you've been married, but I can say that my husband and I have had some great years that we've really been connected.. and some years that we really struggled. 

Everyone's different.

You know, my wife and I share our children's lives together, and we like to cook together....but mostly we enjoy our independence and not feeling like we need to do anything to make the other happy.  In fact, most of our discussions revolve around how we get our kids where they need to be, how we will get what we need, and then how dinner will be handled......."see you later".

We don't share a single hobby other than cooking.  I have no interest in her career nor she in mine.  I couldn't even say I know all of her friends, and I know she doesn't know all of mine.  We frequently take separate vacations....or at least we used to until all of our vacation time got eaten up by taking our kids to their races/rodeos all over the country.  But when they are grown.....I'm back to hunting and fishing on my vacations and she's back to..........whatever her and her friends do...shopping I guess.

Neither of us could ever imagine being married to anyone else.

Well, it's obvious you don't "get it" with video gaming based on that comment.  Sound like a very negative opinion of them.

Which is fine.  I "don't get" how people spend hours writing poetry, or playing music, or gardening.  I'm glad SOMEONE likes doing that stuff because I like the end result of a lot of it - just don't want to do it myself.

Gaming is just like any other "passtime" - watching TV, going to a movie, or watching a sporting event.  Just "observing" doesn't do much for anyone except give them a moment to relax and just enjoy downtime.

I'm glad you at least acknowledged EXCESSIVE online use.  I think most things, in moderation, are ok.  And there are some very mind provoking games as well.  I personally like the civilization/simcity and problem solving games and probably spend 2-3 hours a week at them - more if I'm flying (laptop) or wife is gone and I don't feel like watching TV.

Anything to excess can be proven to be unhealthy, including training for tris. There is nothing inherently wrong with gaming, it is not an "unhealthy activity". 

And the last part of your post is purely your opinion. Dedicate 6 hours a night to trashy romance novels and I bet it would have the same affect on your spouse as video games do. 

For who?

Well glad that works for you, but I would hate my marriage to be like that!

Yep, I get it.....but I don't want mine to be any other way, and neither does she.  We don't even share finances.  21 years and counting.....and I'd be willing to bet we'll be counting for a long time yet.

separate bedrooms?  

This is a question out of genuine curiosity, no judgement...

How many years were you married before having kids?

It sounds as though a good portion of your marriage revolves around the kids, as you said.

What happens when all the kids are gone?

Really just curious. I have seen marriages go awry when the kids pack up and leave because they were centered around the kids, no mutual interests. I just wonder what is different about your marriage. 

I get it. My parents have always always worked shifts and have rarely ever been on the same schedule.  When i was a teenager they'd only be on the same shift for two weeks together every three months and then my mom worked weekends and my didn't.  They couldn't be more different for hobbies - my dad: golf, beer, hockey, tv sports. My mom: crafts, shopping, home party anything, romance novels, etc.  But somehow they've made it work and love each other just as much as when they were crazy kids getting married 35 years ago. 

They are actually sickeningly sweet about it too - they leave each other little notes and when my dad is on afternoons and my mom is home he'll call on his break.  And us kids have all been out of the house now for at while - i can't even remember.

My mom even told me that she doesn't know how me and my hubby do it having the same work schedule and having the weekends together.  haha.

I think what is different about our marriage is that we are a really good match for each other.  We both are extremely independent and don't have "expectations" about the other person, other than we expect they won't always want to do what the other does......no problem.  We just stay out of each other's business....because neither one of us wants anyone in our business.  We never dream of separate bedrooms.

In short, our children are NOT what we have in common (although obviously they are).....what we have in common is mutual respect and trust of one another......and the desire to live our lives as we want to.

It's probably not as separate as it seems as I type this......but truly, we share very little in the way of hobbies and interests.

If you're both happy and know you're both loved, then there's no complaints.  You're lucky.

In my case within 48 hours of me suggesting 5 different things we can do together and all being rejected by her she'll complain that we never spend any time together. 

And as far as the video games/books thing... Spend 4 hours a night playing certain types of video games is way more mentally stimulating than reading the latest release from Harlequin.

You know some of us do know how to read things other than Harlequin.

Buy her a horse.....you can thank me later.

Someone else in this thread said "even reading trashy novels is better than gaming".

Yeah, E.L. James.