Am I being unreasonable? (Page 2)

My wife always says that men and women cannot be friends.  Even if it is a year or two down the road it will eventually lead to "other" stuff.

I don't necessarily agree with her, but I do respect her feelings.

Partnerships are about communication as you already know.  There is a breakdown somewhere if it is causing such emotional problems.  Or perhaps he was correct in having a little jealousy???  Would he have any different opinions if the other guy was a coach that you were paying to help you??  Who knows.

Don't envy your position, but there is no reason other than mental as to why you couldn't train just as hard by yourself.  One should never feel dependence on another for their successes.

And unfortunately, cheating happens all the time.  There was a study that they talked about on the radio a few weeks ago that in a poll, 1 out of every 3 women has cheated on their significant other.  That is a frightening and staggering amount ........

Strong emotional bonds can form with the same sex, so should she not have close female friends either? Just because it is the opposite sex, doesn't mean you can't have a strong emotional connection to someone, while still having a strong healthy marriage.. it is about communication, openness, and trust. If that lacks you have jealousy.

Aquagirl- I understand how difficult it is to find someone at the right level to train with. My running partner is also a guy. We run at the same pace and trained and ran 2 marathons last year. This year we're working on getting him BQed. My husband doesn't have a problem with me working out with or going to races with guys. He knows them and trusts me.  I only train with my running partner during marathon season. We run together in very public places.

However my running partners wife and my female friends have a HUGE problem with it. We've invited his wife to every long run, trip, dinner you name it. Last year she wouldn't go. Eventually she started working out and is now planning on running a half marathon this year. I'm hoping this year she will start going to all of the long runs. She doesn't run the same pace but can run at the same park during long training runs.  would stop running with my friend if it caused a lot of problems in his marriage. There have been times that we have not run together because it upset her.

What I don't understand it why all of my female friends are so weird about this. If my husband is fine with this then is shouldn't matter. The girls I know in our town don't run the same pace and aren't as competitive.

True, but then it also depends if you are gay or straight. Or maybe not. I'm sure there are cases of married men leaving their wives for their male training partners!

Perfectly said, and my point exactly.

ETA:  Of course there are circumstances in which his feelings are completely justified (such as previous infidelity, which I am sure you are not going to divulge on a public forum).  But, if he simply doesn't want you to train with a guy because he's a guy, then he certainly needs to get over himself. 

Interesting thread.  Opus made some excellent points about talking about the insecurities.  If you want your relationship to grow, you both need to discuss this until you understand the other persons opinion on the matter.  Not necessarily agree with the other person, but fully understand the other persons opinion.  There are many people that will never be able to understand the other side.  That is where the real problems start.  It is very hard to have a relationship, especially a marriage with someone that cannot even understand your viewpoint.  Unfortunately, it is a very common issue. 

 The idea that you need to blindly succomb to your partners insecurities is just plain wrong.

Training with a group of guys - fine.

Training with one guy when you know your spouse is not comfortable with it - looking for trouble (not that he is justified, but if he is expressing concern I think you need to hear it and figure out a way forward).

Tough call here, but his problem may not be trust issues with you, but with your training partner. I know it is different talking about training and races with people that actually compete or train in those races than discussing it with people that do not train or race.

I know I would not be comfortable if my wife spent alot of time out training and working our with another guy, just as I know she would not be comfortable with me training alone with another woman. In fact, I have not gone on training rides with just a female because it could be a little weird.

It would also mean I would be leaving her with the kids to go hang out with another woman, or me watching them while she is having fun with another dude??? Imight as well be the babysitter or feel like I am being taken advantage of...

I pretty much agree with Rick here.

My wife is as rock-solid secure in our 21 year relationship as I am, but we did deal with something like this in the beginning, when we were both new grad nurses - and I, obviously, working closely with predominantly women.

Working with other women. Not spending personal free time with other women.  I get it completely. Unless it involves us as a couple, I have always avoided any possible situation of spending any alone time with other women. It has nothing to do with insecurity, but more so with respect. 

Like Rick said, cheating happens. Yes, your spouse can trust you 100%, but will they trust the training partner/friend 100%? Highly doubtful. Why open the door?

I think you should talk to your husband and not a bunch of Internet forum posters.

I rarely get jealous but my wife would be the first person to protest a female training partner so I would never think about it. If I ever get serious about this sport/lifestyle I can make it to a podium without the use of a training partner.

My last name ends in a vowel. Italian's traditionally put family first. Don't waste your marriage on something as insignificant as a sport.

-Chris

Perhaps I am very lucky, but I have a wife that ::gasp:: trusts me and ::gasp:: we communicate if something is bothering us. 

First thing is that your husband and you need to sit down and figure out what the problem is with your TP being a guy.  If it's a legit reason, only determined by you two, then go with it.  If it's not, then you need to figure it out. 

If it's truly a case of unfounded jealousy, then be fair about it and tell him he can't do anything with any females.  Then you two can sit in the house together and go everywhere together and be happy.

To those that said there have been case A and case B of cheating or inappropriate whatever...yes it happens.  But I'd venture to guess that a VAST majority of male/female training partners just sweat together during the training session.  If it was so prevalent, then I would have slept with 5 running partners and an entire women's volleyball team to date. 

Finally, the "what if the neighbor sees me".  Please...last time I checked, you live your own life.  Setting an example of working with each other and befriending a stranger...yeah...wouldn't want to put that example out for the kids!

as opposed to the example of placing my wife's feeling's above all others and respecting her concerns???  If we are talking about solving world hunger, then I am all for "working with each other", but as far as spending a lot of time with a opposite sex training partner, not sure if we are talking apples to apples. IMHO

My long-time biking partner (until he moved a few months ago) was a guy.  His fiancee was understandably curious after the first few times, then she met me and all was fine.  But then, she understood that working out together does not = sexay time.

I also count myself as lucky - My wife has let me have female training partners for the last 8 or 9 years. (for some reson I never can find guys that I like to hang out with or that share the same hobbies) In fact she often encourages me to call them up and go for a long ride and not to come home for 2 or 3 hours ...hey wait a minute - I wonder what she is doing during the time I am gone?

Seriously, my wife has not had a problem with me training with the opposite sex or going out for a beer afterward.  In fact she has trusted me far enough to let me share a room with one while we did a two day bike event together. 

Obviously if I were ever to cross the line that would be a me problem and not a her problem.  She has given me her trust and it is mine to lose.  I am lucky that way - and yes we are married and have been together for 21 years.

So I guess the answer to your question is - it depends - what type of relationship do you have with your husband and what is the real issue.  You are going to have to alk this one out and see what each of your comfort levels is.  There are not a lot of people in this world that have the comfort and trust level that my wife and I have and sometimes I really need to remember that.