Depression and Moods- Check in! (Page 20)

I have been struggling with a period of depression over the last few months, but I think that I am finally coming out of it.  I am going to start school again in April and I have a couple of job offers that I am looking into.  I have joined a march challenge and, being the competitive sort, I challenged a couple of guys in my team to a rather ambitious additional swim challenge...we are duking it out to 20+ miles in the pool this month.  Crazy?  Maybe.  A lot of fun, most definitely.

Welcome to BT!  I hope to bump into you on the challenge forum.

Thank you for the welcome!

20 miles???  I bow to you!!!  You are so awesome!! 

I stopped off at the dollar store and looked at the noodles today...  They were so flimsy!!  If I got any to trail behind me I think I would want about 6 to make sure that they would hold me up..  I am thinking about a blow up life raft.  LOL.. 

I hope the weather is good for you on your ride this weekend!!

Let me know how it goes with the jobs!

I figured I'd go ahead and add to this ever growing thread before another new one gets started again. Without question, I have fallen into a very bad depression that I am just now starting to climb out of. (see my introduction post "A series of unfortunate events") I had to have surgery for a neck injury last Nov. and then I lost my father to very cruel and painful illness (Lewy Body Dementia with Parkinsonian syndrom) he left us far to soon and my mom and I were the last people to care for him full time in the last three months of his life. His passing has hurt me worse than anything I have ever endured. My drinking started getting out of control and I stopped caring about nearly everything. I am all my mom has and that has started motivating to get back to the sport I have loved for 4 years now.

I started logging my nutrition and workouts in hopes of loosing 55lbs this year and I have a couple of sprint tris as well as an Oly tri in Nov. that I want to do. However now I'm worried because I have been diagnosed with having a cyst on the nerve that runs between the two middle toe bones in my foot. It is very painful, but fortunately hasn't started bothering me when I run in my running shoes with a special orthotic. I'm going to be getting cortisone shots and most likely ethenal shots into the nerve in hopes of reducing the cyst and numbing the pain. I fear I may need surgery on it. Which will set me back another 6-8 weeks. I don't want more surgery, but if it's the only thing that helps I have to do it if I'm going to keep going.

I fear I will loose motivation again and stop caring. I'm afraid I'll use my foot issue as another excuse to stop caring. I can't keep going in the direction I was going in. It will kill me eventually. I need to stay positive, stop drinking and keep focus on the positive state I've started to head in. I hope I can do it...

Well you know you have the support of everyone on here. Everyone. I cracked a rib yesterday eschewing the stairs for a quick jump in a parking lot and that will set my training back as well,  so I understand the motivation issue. Hang in there, and get out there whenever you can, even if it's only for a short w/o.

   Blair

       

What happens when the only two feelings you feel anymore are depression and anger? I had an aweful night at work tonight. I have a disgusting, lying, nasty co-worker and we've hated each other from day one for numerous reasons. And don't even try to suggest doing something to repair the relationship, because I've tried and it never works. I'm her supervisor and I've always been able to keep our issues out of the workplace and stay professional. However, she crossed a major line tonight at work and made some personal comments about me on facebook (which another co-worker showed me). I just lost it. I was able to keep it together at work and avoid any sort of confrontations, but I was absolutely seething. After I got home tonight, I couldn't help but feeling I truely wanted to do physical violence to her. Unfortunatley, I work nights, so being able to go out and workout to blow off some steam is out of the question. But now I feel both angry and depressed. I'm so tired of feeling like this. I just want to feel normal again....right after I bash her face in with a huge brick.

Sorry, I just really needed to vent...since it's 1:20am and I can't go running or do much of anything else to blow off steam. Now I'm going to go cry...

Ugh, just when a glimmer of light shines through...

So a few months ago, my supervisor told me of a position opening up in my department. A full time position. I'd go from making 8.50 to making a salary. He told me that I should apply for it, STRONGLY encouraged me to apply for it. I met with the person who was vacating the position, had a nice long talk about the job and the responsibilities and what have you. I applied, wrote an awesome cover letter, and then contacted the two hiring managers (my supervisor and another). I was so excited because my senior cohort told me that he had recommended me for the job, plus I had two other internal references. I emailed him a few weeks ago, asking about the progress of the search, and he said he would get back to me shortly. He never did.

No interview.

I'm pretty sure they hired an intern from another department.

And then they found a cockroach in my workspace. Great. So I work in a dark cold basement with no light, and cockroaches.

I'm so bummed. I was so excited and I had prepared so much to get this job, had tried so hard to lay the groundwork to net work my way into the position. I've worked/volunteered for this org for over a year now...I really thought this was going to be my chance to step up and have an actual role in the place.

Ugh.

But, I guess the good in all of this is that I've been getting close to some of the senior professionals in another department in which I'd really love to work. They all gave me great advice. Lent me books on the profession and standards.

And while it isn't exactly financially prudent, husband is essentially forcing me to go to LA for my industry conference this year. I'm going on the cheap, have applied for some fellowships...but I'm hoping this will yield some good contacts. I'm praying.

And I think that I may have the beginnings of a stress fracture in my hip...again. The thought of it kept me up for two nights in a row. I don't know what to do...can't go back to my surgeon because he won't see me unless my GP sends me, the GP won't send me unless he has an xray, which I can't get because he won't call me back and refer me to somewhere that would do the xray I need. Dog chasing its tale and what have you.

If I lose the marathon this year, I don't know how I'm going to make it through the summer. It's been the only happy thing I've had for a long time. My runs have been killer lately. Ugh.

It does get better, right? It does?

Edited by phoenixazul 2010-03-10 7:45 AM

[QUOTE Ugh. It does get better, right? It does?

I hope so.  I really do.  But right now, I feel like it's not going to.

Ok, new day and things are better. For now...

Awesome!

Remember, the glimmer of light will come back. And next time it will shine a bit brighter. You are working so hard, I have to believe that it will all be worth it one day. Maybe just not today. But it will.

Take it one day at a time. If you look at today, just today, you realize that everything has always been great. And that will go into your outlook for tomorrow, etc. Sometimes one day, one hour, one minute at a time is all we can deal with. That's okay.

I hate my job. I mean I really can't stand it. And I feel guilty, because I make enough to live on, and I have decent enough job security, so what do I have to complain about. I feel like I'm going nowhere, and I honestly am. I don't want to do this job, and the owner wants me to buy her out in a few years. Buy out a dying business that I hate? And I've been doing this for almost four years. Four years wasted, instead of doing something else or going into a field I could grow in. I'm tired of this crap.

Why is it a dying business?  Maybe you could invigorate new life into it.  You would be your own boss, doing what you want.  Obviously there would be risks involved but there is nothing to say that you won't succeed.  But if the job sucks then there is no use building all this stress in your life.   There is never a bad time to change, right?  Luckily in this country we always have other options.  4 years is not a long time.  I have been doing this for more than 15 and I don't know what I want to do that will provide someone with my limited talents with the same income.

You'll do great in whatever you set your mind to!!

Just take it one day at a time and try to stay positive.  Don't take her actions to heart.  There are people out there who are unkind, but I firmly believe that there are many more good people than bad.  The mean people just seem to stand out more.   Try to take note of the things that go right and of people that are kind.   

Its funny how things work out. The very day I was complaining about my job, a letter from the county was on its way to my mailbox telling me to come in for a preliminary pencil and paper test on the road to becoming a 9-1-1 dispatcher. Many steps along the way, so this is in no way in the bag, but it was a nice bit of good news.
The tough part came when I had to go shopping for business casual pants and came home with a size 14. Before my divorce I was a 6, so the realization that I've gained so much is hitting me hard. Really hard. I've lived in elastic waist scrub pants for so long I could ignore it, but not anymore.
I know every cloud has a silver lining, but why does every sunbeam have to burn me?

Good luck on the career change!  That is a very stressful undertaking and I hope that everything will go great for you!  Don't despair on the size 14..  I have been up and down to that also..  I like elastic..  it is the spandex that is unforgiving! LOL

Hang in there and let us know how things go!

P,S. 
I love your avatar!  are those your legs?  I used to have legs like that.  now, well, somedays I think that they look good but no where near that.
your avatar gives a good goal picture, in fact, I hope that you don't mind but I have it in my goals page.
I have almost a whole human body there now, along with financial goals, sports goals, business goals, family goals.  
no personnal goals.  that is too darned depressing    ha ha

Blair??  How are you doing?  Broken ribs suck...    stairs are good, ok? 

I hope your doing well and healing fast..   I will be sending happy and healing thoughts your way!

Hello Jennifer!

Hmm,, I was catching up on the last week of posts here..  "bash with a brick"  "run with scissors"  LOL  you and I could do some great damage together to work off negative energy!!!  LOL

Did you notice the common thing among quite a few of the posters here.. Bad jobs contribute to depression...  it is so easy for some people to just say "if it is that bad then go find a different job"..  I have been hearing that so much lately.  (sigh)

Like you already said though, you have the right goals, and each day, each moment, is a new beginning.  Never worry about a set back. As soon as you have realized it for what it is, you have already put yourself back on track! 

I struggle too! Depression, ADD (and I think Mania but the doctor says no) but definately motivation issues.  Tonight, I am on a no sleeping stint and will head to work in a few hours.  
Hang in there and go running even if in circles in a parking lot or somewhere on break or lunch..  and to get out your anger at the coworker.  put her picture or a paper with even her name in your shoe,, then you stomp on it as you run or..  (yes,I know this sound silly and stupid but it makes me feel better)  I do that on my walking breaks at work with which ever upper level management person is riding my behind for the day..  LOL

Like you though, I would hate to have to work with an employee like the one you have.  Sometimes being a Supervisor just sucks, doesn't it?  I am looking for other jobs and none of the ones I am applying for are management positions..  am quite willing to drop down for the "less stress" for awhile.  Would be nice though if something would pan out..  Too bad there are thousands other people out there applying for the same jobs! 

Keep it going!  Don't give up!  and don't run with bricks or scissors!  : )

Edited by hvcycle 2010-03-15 7:52 AM

Hello, D.A.M.
  My name is 1TT and I need to start reading this from the start and soon.

{{{MELON PRESS}}} here, there, and everywhere.

Good to have you here.