TAN #183: TANic Panic ... an impending BACON shortage?! (Page 22)

When is it appropriate to accept an offer for a date if you and your wife have signed a Separation agreement but she is still living with you until her apartment is available?

Side note I have been living in a separate room for about 2 months now.

I have been asked out and told it is casual not to think to hard about it by a friend, I have known she has liked me for a while.

Just not sure what the right thing to do is. I told her to wait until after Nov 1 and she seemed a bit bummed about that.

All I know is that he showed up at my door with pizza and beer last night.

Maybe he read about my afternoon craving yesterday.

Couldn't close the door in his face. That would've been rude... and detrimental to getting what I wanted.

When is it appropriate to accept an offer for a date if you and your wife have signed a Separation agreement but she is still living with you until her apartment is available?

Side note I have been living in a separate room for about 2 months now.

I have been asked out and told it is casual not to think to hard about it by a friend, I have known she has liked me for a while.

Just not sure what the right thing to do is. I told her to wait until after Nov 1 and she seemed a bit bummed about that.

Same distance. 

Well I can barely breathe today, so small chance I over did it a bit, but everything is moved.  And by the end of the weekend it will look liek I've live in the place for years.....but cleaner

I personally didn't date until my ex filed just because I felt it was wrong to date while we were married even if it was ending but that was because at the time I was hoping it would change.

It's really up to you. Are you working on the marriage or trying to fix it? Would you feel bad if she knew you were dating? If the answer is no to the questions go on the date.

I say don't over-think it. But also be up-front about your situation (which it sounds like you are).

No I am done working on it. I tried to get her to counseling for 2 years. We don't have kids. And after the hidden credit card debt thing for the second time I am DONE. Not to mention I have been treated like crap for 3-4 years and no intimacy for about 2.

But I would feel bad. I have always felt like i owe her for this or for that or everything. I feel like I owe it to her to not date serious.

But I know some people that want me to get out and make sure I am not at home while we are both there waiting it out.

We are getting along very respectfully. I know it would hurt her if I was on anything serious. But I can not live with this woman any longer.

Most of our good friends keep telling me they are surprised I lasted this long. But I think you provided the right answer.

I just need to lay ground rules and make sure going for Dinner means nothing more with people if I go. But I know how some people say ohhh it is casual and their intention is completely different.

No I am done working on it. I tried to get her to counseling for 2 years. We don't have kids. And after the hidden credit card debt thing for the second time I am DONE. Not to mention I have been treated like crap for 3-4 years and no intimacy for about 2.

But I would feel bad. I have always felt like i owe her for this or for that or everything. I feel like I owe it to her to not date serious.

But I know some people that want me to get out and make sure I am not at home while we are both there waiting it out.

We are getting along very respectfully. I know it would hurt her if I was on anything serious. But I can not live with this woman any longer.

Most of our good friends keep telling me they are surprised I lasted this long. But I think you provided the right answer.

I just need to lay ground rules and make sure going for Dinner means nothing more with people if I go. But I know how some people say ohhh it is casual and their intention is completely different.

Not sure about divorce laws in Canadia, but in NJ, even though we were living apart and had agreed to file on grounds of 18 months of physical separation (no-fault divorce does not exist in NJ) it was made clear to me by the legal types that either one of us could file on grounds of infidelity if we knew the other was sexually active. Even though it was "over" it wasn't legally over. Just be careful.

Well that Damn LAW SUCKS

I have already gone 2 years without any loving. Now the damn courts say I have to wait one more.

1 year in Canada from the time of separation to be considered legal separation.

Here in CA a legal separation only matters for money issues. Does Canada care about infidelity or things like that going into a divorce? Here it doesn't matter or my divorce would have gone a different way.

And in NJ there is no legal separation; you're either married or divorced. Turns out a lot of people file under grounds of "extreme mental cruelty" and the courts are pretty liberal with what that constitutes. Sort of a work around for the lack of no-fault. 

Wish I would have got divorced in NJ. In CA it is truly a no fault state and cheating or cruelty doesn't mean jack.

So does this mean if one party decides its over then its over and all your sh*t gets split 50/50 no matter what?

We were able to come to an agreement over property and money but only with the help of lawyers and a mediator (on her part) but we were both legally equal in the eyes of the law. The house, money, and whatever else that was achieved while married was legally 50/50.

Well that Damn LAW SUCKS

I have already gone 2 years without any loving. Now the damn courts say I have to wait one more.

1 year in Canada from the time of separation to be considered legal separation.