Triathlon Dating Thread (Page 23)

Muck Fatch.com.  I still think it sucks.  

OK Cupid is about to be added to that list.  I emailed a couple of ladies, ones I had a pretty high "match %" and a low "enemy %" and nothing that we disagreed on was major (kids, religious etc.)  Still nothing.  

A couple of those emails were good too!  I mean real good...so good, I surprised myself.  Still nothing.  

I think most women on these sites are not looking to go out on an actual date - they probably just like getting all the solicitations.  It really is ridiculous.  

Good thing my self esteem was not low going into these sites.....or I would probably be in depressed and in the psych ward by now do to the beating I have taken.  

Just a little follow-up....

No he was not an ugly guy, well dressed, well kept, nice shoes and a good look.  I also quickly noticed that he was much taller than I so guessing about 6'2-3.  And a bit older which is fine, age is about maturity and not number.  I routinely date men that are in their mid to upper 40's.  Again guessing 44-46?

I did send him a text(string of texts) basically saying this.  It was nice to meet, loved his look, his courage and forwardness was refreshing.  I was also honest in saying that I have been actively dating for the last couple of years and that recently I've met someone that has some potential and in fairness to him(and the other guy) I need to figure-out where we are at.   

He respond back saying he wishes me luck, figured it was a long-shot, and if my situation ever changes to give him a shout out to see where life has taken him. 

Seriously? A couple? And you're about to put that one on the pile because of a couple? Have you not been listening?

I can tell we are not FB friends lol 90% of my status updates are movie/TV/odd quotes.

Dewd. I'm getting embarassed for you. A couple of emails go unanswered and you think you've taken a beating?

Your email should be short and sweet. Don't aim for Shakespeare pithy. Aim for essence of Muskrat37. Make it short and simple. Cast a wider net. Don't take it personal if they don't respond. Put your big boy pants on, take the Eeyore ears off, and SMILE when you say "Hello."

Your competition is a large pool of males, many of whom do not get frustrated when their tags go unanswered. Many of whom have positive attitudes about online dating sites and the women on them. Many of whom SMILE when they i-approach a female. Some males will be like you and have negative attitudes and be a bundle of nerves and anxiety. Guess which group will get a better response from the womyns.

Tough love, internet style.

I think most men on these sites are not looking to go out on an actual date - they probably just want to get laid. It really is ridiculous.

See how generalizations work? 

I agree with Lisa.  When you get swamped with emails, it can take a lot of time to respond to everyone.  Just because someone sent you an email saying "hi" doesn't mean they automatically deserve a response.  

My one tip, besides avoiding being creepy, would be to try to make it look like you actually spent the time to read her profile when you message her.  A very general email to me says that they're sending a generic email to everyone.  Whereas a "oh I'm into triathlons too" or "I also love that author" etc makes it seem more personal without being creepy.  

Nice.

Teejaay - 2012-04-17 9:38 AM

Renee - 2012-04-17 7:00 AM

Big Appa - 2012-04-17 9:33 AM

 Ok I joined Match just to see whats up. How much do people actually look at the "headline"? Would a silly quote I like be ok there or what are the ladies looking for?

Cord, be YOU. Don't try to be who you think the ladies are looking for. It's very boring interacting with someone who is just trying to read you to see how they think you think you want them to behave.  An original personality is far more interesting than a bland, all-things to all-people  personality.

X 11billionty.

It has been a long time since I've seen someone else make an eleventy billion reference, thank you.

/hijack off

Ouch - you guys are harsh, but I suppose part of that is my bad for saying "a couple emails"...

1st - I don't get my feelings hurt.  It really doesn't matter to me.  I take it all in stride.

2nd - I sent out a lot more than a couple emails on OK Cupid (16 to be exact) - These women have a lot in common with me...most that I sent emails to had around 150 questions in common with mine - and our answers were very similar.

3rd - I spend the time reading the profiles and then respond with an email that shows I read the profile.  

I am basing my opinions of how crappy these sites are on the fact that I have been on match.com for 6 months and have not had 1 single date. In that time, I have sent out a lot of emails, and a lot of women have viewed me, I have changed my profile - updated it based on recommendations of females - asked women I know there opinions and still nothing...not one date.  That is a pretty bad track record.  On 3 occasions, there were women emailing me back and forth - and when I suggested we meet - the emails stopped.  No reason, a couple nice emails, then I would ask, you want to go xyz? and then suddenly I didn't hear back from them.

No matter how brash, straight forward etc I might be (or was) in my profile or emails - surely I would appeal slightly to 1 woman.  In real life - in a room full of women, women find me charming and funny.  I have no problem talking to them.  Online - I can't even get a damn email.

@Lisa - I should not have been so general - I guess I should have said it is my belief that a large percentage of the women on these sites don't want to go on a date.  Based on my experiences.   

Since I can count on honest feedback from you guys - how's this for a first email?

Her Profile (excerpts):

"You should email me if:"

"You want to meet up and hang out. Not email for 5 months. Hang out. Coffee. Beer. Bowling. Whatever."

In her BIO she wrote:

"I'm not an English teacher, but I do have standards. You must use there, their, and they're correctly. Also, then and than. And, to and too. Finally, I cringe at emoticons and LOLs."

My email to her (no subject line - they don't have that on OK Cupid):

"They're not taking their dogs there are they? 
To which place are you referring? 
I don't know, there are too many places to choose from! 
Well then you better pick one, and it better not cost more than $100. 

You can ask me about my grammatical pet peeves over a beer if you like."

I'm ready - BASH Away.  What did I do wrong here?

These posts are reinforcing my lack of interest in online dating. It seems like a fair amount of work, little reward, and lots of frustration.

I feel the same way about bars. I cannot imagine a more awkward situation than going to a bar specifically to try and meet someone. So far it's been more productive to try and find people through mutually interesting activities, like running or triathlon club events. At least you have a reasonable starting point for conversation, like Body Glide or snot rockets!

ugh......ok that is not helpful!

First trying way too hard. You seem off the wall with weird commments (I get your point but NO)

Better not cost me more than $100....never again!!!!

Stick with

Normal profile, liked your look(if there is a pic), and would love to exchange more words and or pictures if you are interested. 

Hope to hear back soon,

OK. Well... is that the only thing she had in her bio? Seems like a ton of focus on this - which definitely shows you read it - but is there anything else you can ask? Actually, you didn't ask her ANYTHING at all. Ask questions. Let her talk about herself. 

I would suggest 1) some questions she can answer. Right now she has absolutely no reason to email you back. You didn't ask her anything. 2) Be more direct with a call to action. Instead of saying "You can do this if you like"  (how apathetic)... how about straight up asking her to grab a drink? So instead of HER having to ask YOU out now (more emails which she said she didn't like), she can just say yes if she is interested.

Teejaay - 2012-04-17 10:39 AM

wingsfan - 2012-04-17 8:32 AM

Teejaay - 2012-04-17 9:38 AM

Renee - 2012-04-17 7:00 AM

Big Appa - 2012-04-17 9:33 AM

 Ok I joined Match just to see whats up. How much do people actually look at the "headline"? Would a silly quote I like be ok there or what are the ladies looking for?

Cord, be YOU. Don't try to be who you think the ladies are looking for. It's very boring interacting with someone who is just trying to read you to see how they think you think you want them to behave.  An original personality is far more interesting than a bland, all-things to all-people  personality.

X 11billionty.

 

It has been a long time since I've seen someone else make an eleventy billion reference, thank you.

/hijack off

No no. This was an 11 billionTY! It's the new eleventy billion. (actually I just screwed it up).

/hijack continue

Eleventy billion, 11 billionTY, there has to be a certain flexibility in referencing something that isn't even a real number....yet.

That doesn't seem that bad to me.  I was more referring to in general, I wasn't meaning it to bash you.  I think regardless of how hard you try, there will be some strike outs.  Is there anyway of checking to make sure she has been active on the website recently?  

I was just frustrated at the accusing women of using it to boost their self esteem or something.  I think some guys (again not you Muskrat) say that as an excuse instead of working on figuring out what they're doing wrong.  I had a few people do that to me (part of the reason I quit), when in reality they sent one sentence emails and then when I didn't respond sent a slew of more emails.  

No bashing. Just want to point out the obvious - she told you what the next step should be. Do you know the KISS principle?

I read your profile and was intrigued by your interest in _________.  I, too, am interested in actually meeting someone, not just emailing. Can we schedule a phone conversation? If that goes well for us, then we could meet over coffee or beer. 

My grammar isn't the greatest. But I'm great at actually showing up for a meet.

Cheers.

In your own words, of course.

Oh, in case you aren't aware, referring to the cost of a date is very off-putting unattractive. It makes it sound like you are resentful of spending money to woo a woman. Or that you might count how many beers she has. Or expect something in return for your investment.  Or are just cheap. Do you have such resentments? If yes, think of it not as spending your money to woo a woman but rather as spending your entertainment budget while you're with a woman. If that helps.

6mos and not one date?  Let's be completely honest, are you trying to bat out of your league?  The email example was a bit too much and too reaching to be honest.  However, it's hard to say without knowing you personally and what your personality is like.  

Cord- I say go for a funny quote or some funny line of your own, it suits you.  Mine was "all aboard the adventure bus" and I was surprised at how many used that as a lead in to talk to me.

Cheri- grrr...glad it went well

Really?  No reason at all?  To someone that made a point to say this was important to them? I don't get it.  

IMO - It shows I read her profile - I'm fairly smart, it's a bit funny, not to forward.  It's not the boring - "Hello, read your profile" - there's no captain obvious in it...  

I agree with Brianrunsphilly - this is nuts - to much work.  

Cord, I'd suggest maybe, "I've got 99 problems and ..."

errr, on second thought.  :P

I think they should implement, a S or T before your age in body markings.  Single or Taken, so that I can assess on the course