Dear Daughter... (Page 4)

hm.. I think it's possible to learn about that stuff without having someone's daughter groped by a boy at some party.. 

You did:

"But I am not opposed to telling my son (while he's under 18) that he's not allowed to mess around with girls."

ok, now that I look at my statement again it doesn't quite reflect my opinion.  I'm not saying to be permissive and not forbid anything, I was more referring to "only" forbidding things as a bad idea.  Think of the smoking parent who tells their kids not to smoke.  It's not going to work, they're likely to smoke.

We set expectations with our kids and we tell them why they shouldn't do things.  We do "forbid" them from doing things like having opposite sex friends in their bedrooms.

I'm not sure if I'm making any sense, but I wanted to clarify a little bit.  I think we're pretty close in our philosophies on this topic.  

When you put quotes around something to reference what someone said you need to directly quote them, not paraphrase and omit.  Looks to me like you read what you wrote, not what I wrote.

Stop all this articulate, thoughtful response stuff,  or you'll make me start liking you ;)

You sure we're not related?  That was pretty much my childhood as well, except I was king of the trailer park in chasing girls... lol  Maybe it's an Iowa thing

This, exactly, this in every way.  Great post LB. 

When you use the terms conservatives and liberals, and make a judgment of what values or approaches you deem as better... don't be so suprised when someone takes it as such.

My parents were quite conservative, not politically, socially... yet they "demistified" everything for me. Quite blunt, to the point, even informative.... and I wanted to try it all out as soon as I could. I'm very curious.

I guess at this time, if we were the last two people on Earth... sex is out of the question?

Clever, very clever. lol.

x3.  Excellent post!

Just to pile on with some more thoughts...

One approach is never going to be best for every kid.  Take three different kids and raise them exactly the same, and you can get three completely different outcomes, but I do think there are certain approaches that tend to work more consistently than others if the end goal is raising an educated, well-adjusted, happy, responsible member of society.  IMO, emphasizing core values including honesty, respect for others, self confidence, independence, open communication, and a good work ethic will tip the odds in favor of a good outcome and away from a kid becoming a train wreck regardless of where any of us falls regarding a lot of the details discussed in this thread.

I also believe that blindly following a particular approach to raising your children and ignoring how they are developing as people is playing with fire.  Sometimes as parents we need to change tactics as our children develop, because what worked when they were 12 or 13 probably isn't going to work when they're 15 or 16.

Great question, and I'll try to articulate my thoughts on the subject.

I'm a Christian and I do believe that the bible is a guide to how we should live our lives.  The bible does forbid sex outside of marriage (fornication) as well as adultery and many other things.  It's easy for me to say it's as simple as that for me, but it's not.

My wife and I have both experienced and had friends who have had a lot of negative things happen as a result of sex outside of marriage.  I'm not going to say there aren't any good things out of it, because there are, but personally I feel it does more harm than good.  Even before my wife and I were Christians we were strong opponents of sex outside of marriage based on our life experiences.

I could probably come up with 100 anecdotes on direct negatives that I've either experienced or people I know have, but I'll just give this one about a guy I met through a prison ministry I work with.  He was going to the University of Nebraska as a Sophomore.  He had a 4.0 GPA and was a model student.  No criminal history of any kind and was a "perfect kid" as far as society was concerned.
Several years ago he was at a Fraternity party at the campus and there was a girl hitting on him.  He thought she looked a little young, but she said she was a freshmen and even produced a Drivers license and UNL ID.  They hung out and ended up hooking up later that night.   Well, turns out she was actually 15 and the ID's weren't hers.  She got home and Dad caught her sneaking in, confronted her and she bragged about being with a college guy that night.  Police get called, show up at his place.  Did you hook up with this girl?  Uh yeah. You're under arrest for 1st degree sexual assault of a minor.
He gets convicted of a Felony, kicked out of school, spends 4 years in prison, and has to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life.  He can barely get a job working construction now and his life has been completely destroyed due to this "simple biological function".
Minor's cannot consent, and even if they show you a fake ID it still can't be used as a defense.

My oldest heading off to college has been made very well aware of this case.

key words

it should be that simple... One claims to be a Christian than turn words around, that are in the Bible that clearly forbid sex outside of marriage.. and wishy washy it?