TANgents welcome (#36)

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Urbandale, IA

Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)

Rynamite - 2008-07-28 12:58 PM

Ugh.

I'm under a ton of stress and kind of in a funk, and the chick I've been hanging out with some can tell. So she asked to take ME to dinner tonight, her treat. First of all, I hate that... it makes me feel awkward. Second of all, she doesn't have the money to do that.. which amplifies my first point. Third of all, we've been talking for like 3 weeks... and she's acting too girlfriend-like already. I'm a very independent person, and do not want a girlfriend. I enjoy hanging out with her, but that doesn't mean we need to see each other everyday. I hung out with her Friday night, and this morning she sent me a text that said "I'm going through Ryan withdrawl". Are you serious?!?!?!

Anyway, I told her that I had some things I wanted to run tonight and just chill by myself. She said "Ok, I understand... you're just making me so nervous " WTF? Nervous about what?? GAHHH.

Why do I feel like such a jerk? I mean.. I don't want her to spend her money and I'm being honest with her.

She's uber hot and fun... but this clinginess stuff doesn't fly with me. How do I explain that too her without being a jerk?

Without me thinking you're a jerk or without her thinking you're a jerk?

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Expert

1603

Westchester, NY

Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)

Rynamite - 2008-07-28 1:58 PM

Ugh.

I'm under a ton of stress and kind of in a funk, and the chick I've been hanging out with some can tell. So she asked to take ME to dinner tonight, her treat. First of all, I hate that... it makes me feel awkward. Second of all, she doesn't have the money to do that.. which amplifies my first point. Third of all, we've been talking for like 3 weeks... and she's acting too girlfriend-like already. I'm a very independent person, and do not want a girlfriend. I enjoy hanging out with her, but that doesn't mean we need to see each other everyday. I hung out with her Friday night, and this morning she sent me a text that said "I'm going through Ryan withdrawl". Are you serious?!?!?!

Anyway, I told her that I had some things I wanted to run tonight and just chill by myself. She said "Ok, I understand... you're just making me so nervous " WTF? Nervous about what?? GAHHH.

Why do I feel like such a jerk? I mean.. I don't want her to spend her money and I'm being honest with her.

She's uber hot and fun... but this clinginess stuff doesn't fly with me. How do I explain that too her without being a jerk?

Sounds like it is time for you to come out of the closet. ;-p

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Slower Than You

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Cracklantaburbs

Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)

Drove downtown in the rain, nine-thirty on a Tuesday night...

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Alpharetta, Georgia

Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)

Rynamite - 2008-07-28 12:58 PM
So she asked to take ME to dinner tonight, her treat. First of all, I hate that... it makes me feel awkward.

Get over it! Let the girl take you to dinner.

Second of all, she doesn't have the money to do that.. which amplifies my first point.

Get over it! The fact that she might be making a sacrifice to take you to dinner should flatter you.

Third of all, we've been talking for like 3 weeks... and she's acting too girlfriend-like already. I'm a very independent person, and do not want a girlfriend. I enjoy hanging out with her, but that doesn't mean we need to see each other everyday. I hung out with her Friday night, and this morning she sent me a text that said "I'm going through Ryan withdrawl". Are you serious?!?!?!

Anyway, I told her that I had some things I wanted to run tonight and just chill by myself. She said "Ok, I understand... you're just making me so nervous " WTF? Nervous about what?? GAHHH.

News flash: She likes you.

Why do I feel like such a jerk? I mean.. I don't want her to spend her money and I'm being honest with her.

She's uber hot and fun... but this clinginess stuff doesn't fly with me. How do I explain that too her without being a jerk?

She may not be getting the message if you just say you want to chill by yourself. Be more upfront. Tell her exactly what you typed here. You like her but aren't into anything serious right now. Sounds like she might be expecting otherwise. What other signals are you sending? Sexytime?

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Champion

5868

Urbandale, IA

Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)

Rynamite - 2008-07-28 1:01 PM

jdwright56 - 2008-07-28 2:00 PM

Rynamite - 2008-07-28 12:58 PM

Ugh.

I'm under a ton of stress and kind of in a funk, and the chick I've been hanging out with some can tell. So she asked to take ME to dinner tonight, her treat. First of all, I hate that... it makes me feel awkward. Second of all, she doesn't have the money to do that.. which amplifies my first point. Third of all, we've been talking for like 3 weeks... and she's acting too girlfriend-like already. I'm a very independent person, and do not want a girlfriend. I enjoy hanging out with her, but that doesn't mean we need to see each other everyday. I hung out with her Friday night, and this morning she sent me a text that said "I'm going through Ryan withdrawl". Are you serious?!?!?!

Anyway, I told her that I had some things I wanted to run tonight and just chill by myself. She said "Ok, I understand... you're just making me so nervous " WTF? Nervous about what?? GAHHH.

Why do I feel like such a jerk? I mean.. I don't want her to spend her money and I'm being honest with her.

She's uber hot and fun... but this clinginess stuff doesn't fly with me. How do I explain that to her without being a jerk?

Without me thinking you're a jerk or without her thinking you're a jerk?

Her... I really don't care what you think

Good - cause I think you are a d'Bag most of the time, anyway.

Seriously, I don't know that you can. Look, you can't expect to spend a lot of time with someone and not have them grow closer (or at least feel that way) to you. It is called familiarity and it is pretty powerful, especially to people unlike you that have normal human feelings. You can tell her that you are spending too much time together, or you can tell her that you want to go slower, but if you do either of those, you will hurt her feelings. That being said, you being the macho male in all of this, what's wrong with taking your friend out for a steak when they are having a bad time of it? Just the other day I took a buddy of mine out for a burger and a couple of beers and let him vent a little, I picked up the check because it was my idea. he didn't get all weird and think I was trying to get him to marry me, instead he said "Thanks for giving me an ear" and he took off.

I don't know said chica well enough to know if she is trying to be a friend or more, but is it possible that you are placing more on this than she is?

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Slower Than You

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Cracklantaburbs

Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)

Ryno, let her take you to dinner.

It doesn't have to be tonight, but if she wants to do it, let her do it.

And be gracious about it, you lummox.

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Runner

Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)

So you call her and say that you're not interested in an exclusive relationship, and you feel that things are heading in that direction. You want to stay friends, you enjoy spending time with her, but you're just not looking for a girlfriend right now.

Man up.

Or you just tell her you're into guys.

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Slower Than You

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Cracklantaburbs

Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)

...Just to check out the late-night... record shop.

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Champion

5868

Urbandale, IA

Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)

Has anyone seen "Reign On Me"?

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Alpharetta, Georgia

Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)

jdwright56 - 2008-07-28 1:07 PM

Seriously, I don't know that you can. Look, you can't expect to spend a lot of time with someone and not have them grow closer (or at least feel that way) to you. It is called familiarity and it is pretty powerful, especially to people unlike you that have normal human feelings. You can tell her that you are spending too much time together, or you can tell her that you want to go slower, but if you do either of those, you will hurt her feelings.

Well said.

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Champion

5868

Urbandale, IA

Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)

Rynamite - 2008-07-28 1:10 PM

jdwright56 - 2008-07-28 2:07 PM

Rynamite - 2008-07-28 1:01 PM

jdwright56 - 2008-07-28 2:00 PM

Rynamite - 2008-07-28 12:58 PM

Ugh.

I'm under a ton of stress and kind of in a funk, and the chick I've been hanging out with some can tell. So she asked to take ME to dinner tonight, her treat. First of all, I hate that... it makes me feel awkward. Second of all, she doesn't have the money to do that.. which amplifies my first point. Third of all, we've been talking for like 3 weeks... and she's acting too girlfriend-like already. I'm a very independent person, and do not want a girlfriend. I enjoy hanging out with her, but that doesn't mean we need to see each other everyday. I hung out with her Friday night, and this morning she sent me a text that said "I'm going through Ryan withdrawl". Are you serious?!?!?!

Anyway, I told her that I had some things I wanted to run tonight and just chill by myself. She said "Ok, I understand... you're just making me so nervous " WTF? Nervous about what?? GAHHH.

Why do I feel like such a jerk? I mean.. I don't want her to spend her money and I'm being honest with her.

She's uber hot and fun... but this clinginess stuff doesn't fly with me. How do I explain that to her without being a jerk?

Without me thinking you're a jerk or without her thinking you're a jerk?

Her... I really don't care what you think

Good - cause I think you are a d'Bag most of the time, anyway.

Seriously, I don't know that you can. Look, you can't expect to spend a lot of time with someone and not have them grow closer (or at least feel that way) to you. It is called familiarity and it is pretty powerful, especially to people unlike you that have normal human feelings. You can tell her that you are spending too much time together, or you can tell her that you want to go slower, but if you do either of those, you will hurt her feelings. That being said, you being the macho male in all of this, what's wrong with taking your friend out for a steak when they are having a bad time of it? Just the other day I took a buddy of mine out for a burger and a couple of beers and let him vent a little, I picked up the check because it was my idea. he didn't get all weird and think I was trying to get him to marry me, instead he said "Thanks for giving me an ear" and he took off.

I don't know said chica well enough to know if she is trying to be a friend or more, but is it possible that you are placing more on this than she is?

No, there's a ton more than I explained, it just woulda taken forever. She specifically said "I want to take you out on a date tonight".

That's not a friend taking another friend to dinner to cheer them up.

So - ask yourself this question. If a hot chick comes up to you (like the chick that was working in the verizon store that I went to in Pittsburgh, seriously dude, you need to go to Pittsburgh more often) and offers you purely gratuitous activity with no strings attached, would you even consider her before you decided? Don't give me the "I don't randomly hook up. speech, man, this girl is that hot!!! Would you think that maybe you shouldn't because of the chick you have been hanging with?

If you say that you would hook up without consideration, then you need to be straight and tell this girl that (try to be gentler). If you would consider her, even a little, then you have some thinking to do, to determine where you see this going. I can pretty much tell you that she will have one of two reactions. First will be that she feels like you "used her" and sshee will not even want to talk to you anymore. Second is that she will take it and wait around until you "are ready", which will not only drive you insane, but you would never end up with her anyway, because you are eventually gonna end up with a woman that has the cajones to stick up for herself when she should. I think you like to fight with them some, whcih is OK.

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Sensei

Sin City

Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)

Sharkie - 2008-07-28 11:15 AM

Rynamite - 2008-07-28 11:10 AM

jdwright56 - 2008-07-28 2:07 PM

I don't know said chica well enough to know if she is trying to be a friend or more, but is it possible that you are placing more on this than she is?

No, there's a ton more than I explained, it just woulda taken forever. She specifically said "I want to take you out on a date tonight".

That's not a friend taking another friend to dinner to cheer them up.

you DON'T have to answer this.. but just a comment.. if you're having sex with her then she might assume a bf/gf relationship..

You read my mind....

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