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2013-04-23 4:32 PM
in reply to: #4708498

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
jpbis26 - 2013-04-20 4:56 PM

So happy I found this thread. I have been reading through it from the beginning for a couple weeks now....I've been trying to pull myself out of it on my own for over a year. I know my life is good. My family is healthy, we have what we need. Events like Sandy Hook and the tragedy in Boston make me feel awful for complaining. And for the most part, I don't. I just hold it inside.

But I'm sick of feeling so stressed out and overwhlemed when nothing is really wrong. I have a history of depression and anxiety in my family, so I finally made an appointment to go to my doctor (which I have been thinking about doing for months). He put me on some meds for depression and anxiety (Celexa) so we will see how it goes. We may have to play around with it before we find what gets me back to "normal".

I'm feeling positive about it. The other day a coworker was being ridiculous and I was able to just ignore it and not care (truly-not faking it. normally these things eat away at me). Also (and this is the best) 2 days ago I threw a baseball to my 5 year old for like 45 mins and enjoyed playing with him. Normally, I would find excuses not to or force myself to do it and feel exhausted the whole time. So hopefully there will be more of this to come.

Glad I have this htread to read.



It's been awhile since anyone updated...thanks for keeping it back up! Sorry to hear you're having a tough time, but very glad to hear you seem to be doing what you need to get out of it. For us "downers", I'm not sure it has everything to do with whats going on in your life. I'm sure it doesn't help...but I think that unless things are just going 100% perfectly then it doesn't really matter - we still feel bummed. (And I don't think it's POSSIBLE to have 100% perfection.)

Keep us up dated. I was/am always annoyed at how long it takes from realizing you need to get to the doctor, to meds kicking in...assuming it's the right one!


2013-04-23 4:42 PM
in reply to: #1319576

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
So I'm 24 weeks through pregnancy...(25 tomorrow!) And my mood has been pretty stable, even with lowering anti-depressant. Lately, I've been a little blue, but I think it's circumstance not the depression kicking in. I don't have the "I'm so worthless, I want to end things" thoughts so much...just ho hum...

I kinda lost my job/ran out of things to do at my job...In my first trimester, for about 5-6 weeks I had all day nausea. It was usually the worst in the morning. My job was all day Monday and mornings Tues - Friday. Unfortunately I became not-so-dependable. When my boss NEEDED me there (for the week he was on vacation), I was there everyday...but when I don't feel needed and I feel like crap, I don't have the motivation to go in.

So for the last 3ish months I've been twiddling my thumbs...a bit...Of course there are things that I can be doing...but do I really want to do some of them...no!! It didn't help that my knee got injured in mid February and I was taking it REALLY easy for a few weeks. But now I'm healthy again( ...!!!! CROSS-FINGERS...) I think the nesting phase is starting to kick in a bit, or just that the few house projects that should get done have a definite "due date"...

I've thought about getting a job, but it doesn't really make sense when a few months down the road I'm going to take time off. And I want to be able to take as much time as I need...so that won't really work.

In the meantime I'm just trying to find motivation to do the things that could be done. And in the short meantime, the sun finally came out today and I'm going to go relax a bit. It's supposed to be nice all week...YEAH!!!
2013-04-23 5:38 PM
in reply to: #1319576

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

Thanks for checking in, I wasn't sure if the thread was still active, but just reading through the old posts has helped me alot. In fact, that was what finally pushed me to go to my doctor and ask about meds, after months of trying to convince myself that I just "needed to snap out of it" I was able to realize that being this irritable, upset, and irrational was nothing I could just stop doing on my own.

I've been taking Celexa for about 2 weeks and, thankfully, noticed a difference pretty quickly. My brother is currently taking the same meds and they have worked well for him, so I'm pretty hopeful. I'm going back to my doctor in 2 weeks to discuss how it's going.

Hang in there. I know being pregnant can be tough. Glad to hear that lowering your meds has not caused you problems.

2013-05-08 10:03 AM
in reply to: #1319576

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
Bump.   Just checking in as my mood has been getting down lately.  Probably my birthday coming up.  Hope all is well!
2013-05-09 8:04 AM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
I'm doing okay.  Better than last month.  I think eating right and getting back to running has helped me a lot.  But I still have days (like today) where I just want to crawl in bed and stay there.
2013-05-12 7:21 PM
in reply to: #1319576

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

Just checking in. Still doing good. I bumped up my dosage on the Celexa from 20mg to 40mg after having a couple bad days. I've been kind of tired the past week, but I think my body is adjusting to the new dosage.



2013-07-05 11:06 PM
in reply to: lkct01234

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
It was suggested that I post here. New to BT and didn't know that this thread existed, so I apologize for the re-post.

My first triathlon, sprint distance, is in a little over 2 1/2 months. Even now, this far away, I'm very nervous and having major doubts.

An abbreviated version of my story is that I have a history of depression. I had an eating disorder during my teen years, but consider myself recovered for the most part--it is questionable whether the depression part will ever go away. I moved away from home to attend graduate school, but found myself feeling very alone and hopeless and I spent a lot of time lying in bed feeling sorry for myself. During one of my bedridden phases, I made a pact to start training for a triathlon. My desire to do a triathlon stems from my love of biking and fitnes coupled with the feeling of community that is associated with the sport. Most importantly, actively signing up for a race and becoming dedicated to a sport has given me something to look forward to; it gets me out of bed most mornings.

However, whenever I am training and can't get that 5k in under 25 minutes or struggle on an uphill climb, those feelings of worthlessness permeate. Am I good enough to do a triathlon? Would it be better if I just quit while I was ahead and spared myself the embarrassment? Will people stare and laugh if I struggle during the race? Will they watch my body jiggling and snear? I am by no means unhealthy, but I am also by no means an elite athlete. I had a stint in powerlifting, so I'm a bit bulky for a barely 5'4'' female and do not have the greatest cardiovascular endurance yet (and before that I did ballet for 15+ years but was told I was too big boned so I quit). But my struggles now are weighing heavily on me.

The short version of this post is that I was looking to see if people have gone through the same type of doubts.
I wanted to ask everyone: How did you start out? What did you do before you were a triathlete and what brought you to the sport? What sorts of struggles brought you to where you are today? Is it ever difficult for you to watch others who are more athletic? Have you ever wanted to give up after the first race (or before)? What made you keep going?
2013-07-08 7:11 PM
in reply to: katbrun77

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Elite
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

Originally posted by katbrun77 It was suggested that I post here. New to BT and didn't know that this thread existed, so I apologize for the re-post. My first triathlon, sprint distance, is in a little over 2 1/2 months. Even now, this far away, I'm very nervous and having major doubts. An abbreviated version of my story is that I have a history of depression. I had an eating disorder during my teen years, but consider myself recovered for the most part--it is questionable whether the depression part will ever go away. I moved away from home to attend graduate school, but found myself feeling very alone and hopeless and I spent a lot of time lying in bed feeling sorry for myself. During one of my bedridden phases, I made a pact to start training for a triathlon. My desire to do a triathlon stems from my love of biking and fitnes coupled with the feeling of community that is associated with the sport. Most importantly, actively signing up for a race and becoming dedicated to a sport has given me something to look forward to; it gets me out of bed most mornings. However, whenever I am training and can't get that 5k in under 25 minutes or struggle on an uphill climb, those feelings of worthlessness permeate. Am I good enough to do a triathlon? Would it be better if I just quit while I was ahead and spared myself the embarrassment? Will people stare and laugh if I struggle during the race? Will they watch my body jiggling and snear? I am by no means unhealthy, but I am also by no means an elite athlete. I had a stint in powerlifting, so I'm a bit bulky for a barely 5'4'' female and do not have the greatest cardiovascular endurance yet (and before that I did ballet for 15+ years but was told I was too big boned so I quit). But my struggles now are weighing heavily on me. The short version of this post is that I was looking to see if people have gone through the same type of doubts. I wanted to ask everyone: How did you start out? What did you do before you were a triathlete and what brought you to the sport? What sorts of struggles brought you to where you are today? Is it ever difficult for you to watch others who are more athletic? Have you ever wanted to give up after the first race (or before)? What made you keep going?

Hi Kate! Yeah, this thread has been a little quiet lately. I came in to post and saw your post.

I started doing tri's about 4 years ago. I didn't have many "self-doubts" during training but oh do I during racing. I don't usually push myself as hard as I could during training and am usually slower on all 3 disciplines. I usually beat myself up the most on the bike.

I think it's probably pretty normal for those of us who have "dark thoughts" - which I guess I've just come to accept as part of me - to have some self-deprecating thoughts. It's a question of what you do after you have those thoughts...do you give in or do you just keep going? Keeping on keeping on is USUALLY the "right" solution :-D That whole one-day-at-a-time attitude that is needed during some of our darker times can be appropriate in triathlons - just one-stroke-at-a-time, one-pedal..., one-step, etc. The key is your doing it. I always try to remind myself that DFL is faster than DNF or DNS! (DFL = dead ---- last; DNF/DNS = Did not Finish/Start)

Give up after racing? Yes! After my 3rd race I was so upset and didn't say it out loud, but really thought that I don't want to race again!! I guess I didn't give up because I have a good example to live with/by - my husband. He is quite fast however, and MOST of the time, it doesn't really bother me. He puts in more time than I. However, not quite 2 years later I fell and slipped on a ladder and sprained my ankle very BADLY. During PT, I realized I needed something to work for, so I decided to do another tri. I convinced my hubby to actually do one WITH me. It was my favorite race ever! I finished and enjoyed spending time with my husband. He kept my mind off the fact that I wasn't as fast as most. We were literally the slowest 2 that day. So while you may not have a husband to do it with you, you could probably find a friend - or another BTer?!!?

I got started in tri's mostly because the apartment I was living in had an indoor pool. It was probably only 30 yards long, but it was down the hall from me. I have always enjoyed being in the water...but I didn't necessarily enjoy doing laps. However, I saw an increase in endurance and that was nice. I realized that I could now swim...and I could definitely ride a bike and run/walk. The first tri I did was on my 15+ year old Huffy mountain bike - but I finished!!

Good luck, keep it up and feel free to post whenever!

2013-07-08 8:13 PM
in reply to: possum

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

As I mentioned in my reply to Kate, I realized this thread has been pretty quiet lately. And I had quite an upsetting appt with my psychiatrist today.

Most of you realize I'm pregnant. Yesterday was a month until my due date! Having been diagnosed with bipolar type II (about 2 years ago), I am on a mood stabilizer (lamotrigine) and anti-depressant (zoloft/sertraline). I was able to lower the anti-depressant early on in the pregnancy and my mood has been more stable than it has been in a while. Shew! That was one of my worries/hesitations about becoming pregnant/having a kid.

Well, my doctor was pretty vigilant in the beginning of pregnancy, but once we both saw that I was doing fairly well, he was able to space out recurring visits futher. Today, it had been about 3 months. The doctor asked me again what I was planning on doing after the baby - as far as feeding - and I told him (again) that I was planning on breastfeeding. I had just gotten information on a database that discusses lactation and medication and wanted to ask about lowering the dose of the mood stabilizer, because it seemed that medicine could potentially transfer and not be digested well. He tells me, at this visit (NEVER having mentioned it before), that the manufacturer does not recommend breastfeeding while on this medicine. Not, he points, out that there should be caution, but that it is not recommended.

I was furious because there had been multiple times that this had been discussed prior. He said that he had referred me to other sources to find out information prior, but he still had never said this about the manufacturer. After me trying to be calm while being extremely pissed off...I had asked him to lower my dose and he said he wouldn't because there is no indication, that he is aware of, that lowering it would decrease risk. I said what about another medicine? He said that this isn't a good time and we wouldn't be able to do it in 4 weeks.

My mood has been pretty good throughout, but this really put me over an edge. I cried (mostly out of anger) for an hour +. I am so frustrated. All I read about in pregnancy books is how important breast milk is to baby - and I've actually been leaking colostrum for months! And now, my doctor has literally said that if I breast feed (and I tell him) he can't be my doctor.

So I guess the first logical step is to find out more info on the medicine and the 2nd step is to find a new doctor. Which I can do...unfortunately the mental health insurance absolutely SUCKS and I'm already driving 15 miles for this doctor and there aren't very many others that are covered with the plan, within 30 miles! (And I do not live in the boonies!!!) So I've got a call out to another doctor...but all of us who've dealt with meds, etc., know that you can't do much in 4 weeks starting with a new doctor.

I'm going to talk to my doctor - who is a family doctor - and will be the pediatrician and see what she says. I am just so angry that psychiatrist is saying that I can't do this for my child and HE has NEVER mentioned it prior. I realize he is not an expert in medication and lactation but he seemed to know off the top of his head that the manufacturer of the medicine, I've been on for a year+, doesn't recommend breast feeding while on it.

This medicine is actually an anti-seizure which has also been found to stabilize moods, so there are instances where mothers have HAD to take this medicine while breast feeding, but my doctor has said he won't be my doctor anymore because he doesn't want to be "responsible" if I breast feed and continue on this medicine. But he won't lower or take me off of this medicine...

Hubby has "suggested" I not overreact...but i'm tempted to request a c-section and get tubes tied while in there. Makes me SO mad!

2013-07-09 9:58 AM
in reply to: lkct01234

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
Lisa, that is super frustrating!!  I can understand why you're so upset.  I definitely recommend talking to your pediatrician.  I would also look into a lactation consultant in your area.  My hospital ran a lactation center and these nurses know a ton!! They may be able to help you out as far as getting more information on your medication and nursing.
2013-07-10 3:50 AM
in reply to: katbrun77

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

Originally posted by katbrun77 The short version of this post is that I was looking to see if people have gone through the same type of doubts. I wanted to ask everyone: How did you start out? What did you do before you were a triathlete and what brought you to the sport? What sorts of struggles brought you to where you are today? Is it ever difficult for you to watch others who are more athletic? Have you ever wanted to give up after the first race (or before)? What made you keep going?

Hi Kate. I can relate to a lot of what you said. For me personally, I do not have much gifting when it comes to athletics. But I've always been active (for the most part) and I really think that it's made a difference when it comes to staving off depression and anxiety. I notice that when I am more sedentary I get into a funk. I basically compete to stay motivated to train. Then I just enjoy the day. I don't compare myself to others.

On race day, I just look for participants who look friendly and strike up a conversation. I've made a few event friends that way. 

As far as dealing with "negative thoughts", I found some "mindfulness" tools last year and I actively use those techniques in my daily life to combat those issues. I am also a really big fan of "one foot in front of another" when it comes to dealing with stressful/anxious thoughts that might keep me from doing what I need to do in a day.

Some days are better than others. I really like the saying "progress, not perfection". 



2013-07-10 12:02 PM
in reply to: lkct01234

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

Talked to my doctor yesterday, and although the results were the same. She at least didn't seem like a jackal about it! Plus it helped that we hadn't explicitly talked about it prior...although I do wish she might've mentioned something about it before. She seemed to think with all of my medicines it just isn't a good idea. She did, however, say that she'd be willing to prescribe these meds - assuming I stay the same. I'm guessing I won't...but at least I have someone in the interim!

So now I get to change my frame of mind and get ready for the judgy-people who say "Oh! You don't breastfeed?!?" That will be hard, because I really want/wanted to.

4 weeks until due date today...now I just wait and try not to be too uncomfortable :-/

2013-07-10 1:05 PM
in reply to: lkct01234

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
Originally posted by lkct01234

So now I get to change my frame of mind and get ready for the judgy-people who say "Oh! You don't breastfeed?!?" That will be hard, because I really want/wanted to.

4 weeks until due date today...now I just wait and try not to be too uncomfortable :-/

I feel for you and your frustration, planning on that all along! Maybe think of it like a triathlon, you can train and prepare till you're blue in the face - but inevitably something is going to come up and you'll have to adjust. Not sure if that helps...

And to those who will make comments... I would just say something like "I'm unable to breast feed" and not go into detail. That should shut them up Foot in mouth

2013-07-11 10:23 AM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
Thank you for the feedback!

When I wrote that, I was on day 3 of one of my bedridden phases. It lasted a couple more days, but I've been up and out of bed for the last three--in no small part due to some inspiration from this forum. And staying active, having goals, and creating a routine definitely helps. Right now I'm struggling with a general lack of motivation. I know that might sound about right for a second year grad student, but I'm afraid of getting kicked out of school. I mean, my grades are fine, but I don't think research is really my forte and my heart just isn't in it.

I shunned therapy for a couple years after I left rehab because I was ashamed of still being crazy and thought I could fix things myself. Being in an abusive relationship probably didn't help either. But I got back into it a couple months ago to battle those negative thoughts, because I doubt I could get through grad school without it. And it's about time I was happy.

I have this sort of negative thinking with every aspect of my life, of not being good enough. I actually stopped dancing because I became obsessed with comparing myself to other dancers, even if I didn't have a desire to dance at a professional level. I still regret it but can't bring myself to dance again yet. I'm obsessively jealous of people for being more athletic and intelligent than I will ever be, and then I feel worthless and self destruct by living in bed for several days feeling sorry for myself.

It is a big hurdle I need to overcome, so thank you for letting me share this with you.

2013-07-16 5:01 AM
in reply to: katbrun77

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

Originally posted by katbrun77 Thank you for the feedback! When I wrote that, I was on day 3 of one of my bedridden phases. It lasted a couple more days, but I've been up and out of bed for the last three--in no small part due to some inspiration from this forum. And staying active, having goals, and creating a routine definitely helps. Right now I'm struggling with a general lack of motivation. I know that might sound about right for a second year grad student, but I'm afraid of getting kicked out of school. I mean, my grades are fine, but I don't think research is really my forte and my heart just isn't in it. I shunned therapy for a couple years after I left rehab because I was ashamed of still being crazy and thought I could fix things myself. Being in an abusive relationship probably didn't help either. But I got back into it a couple months ago to battle those negative thoughts, because I doubt I could get through grad school without it. And it's about time I was happy. I have this sort of negative thinking with every aspect of my life, of not being good enough. I actually stopped dancing because I became obsessed with comparing myself to other dancers, even if I didn't have a desire to dance at a professional level. I still regret it but can't bring myself to dance again yet. I'm obsessively jealous of people for being more athletic and intelligent than I will ever be, and then I feel worthless and self destruct by living in bed for several days feeling sorry for myself. It is a big hurdle I need to overcome, so thank you for letting me share this with you.

Glad this thread could help...heck, if anything helps - glad for that too!

Routine is definitely important!! I don't have one right now...just waiting for baby to come mostly...and it makes time go slooooooowly! (Which is unfortunate, because this is not the most comfortable time in my life!)

The negative thoughts are just normal to me. But I can tell a difference when an "I suck" thought goes through my head and an "I suck, I'm useless...I wish I wasn't here". The doctor's always ask if I have harmful/negative thoughts and it's like - yes...that isn't normal?!!? I guess I find it a bit funny.

My "most intensive" treatment has been partial-hospitalization, which was basically an 8-to-5 program I did for a few weeks. I had heard the serenity prayer before, but it really connected (and still does) and I try to remind myself. Not sure if you're religious or not...but I feel it still has a message even if you don't believe in a/one God.

"God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
courage to change the things we can,
and wisdom to know the difference."

Check in and keep up the progress.

2013-07-23 3:27 PM
in reply to: possum

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

Well..it's me again. Just had my 38 week check-up and doctor checked for the first time and my cervix is still completely closed. (Why didn't I know that was going to hurt for her to check? I mean I realize this whole process pretty much sucks, but I didn't realize this particular part was going to hurt!!)

I have been hoping and hoping that labor will start, but doctor pretty much said...nope, since this is your first the cervix opening usually closely predicts and I'm thinking you will be close to your due date.

I've been so tired lately (the last week) and my stomach acts up sometimes...yesterday I got to the point where I didn't want to eat because I didn't want to deal with upset stomach afterwards. (I did eat...just probably not as much as I wanted...which isn't necessarily a bad thing to keep my weight down...)

I'm pretty bored, but have no desire/urge to do a lot of the things that need to get done around the house. (Maybe my nesting drive hasn't hit?!?) We're pretty much ready for baby - bare minimum. Nursery is still in progress, but she won't be sleeping in there for a while...so not in a hurry. Husband HATES doing house projects...so he has no interest in doing it unless I ask him...and even then I can tell he is like..."ooohhhhkay". He is a great husband in a lot of ways - he does a lot around the house and I know he will be a big help with the baby...but I need a little push right now to get things done and it's not coming from him.

I know I should be walking, but a lot of the time standing hurts because of the pressure on my bladder. Not just that I feel like I have to go, but actual pain/discomfort.

I'm not a patient person and have been ready for a few weeks for this baby to come...Woe is me..Although I realize there are a lot of women who would LOVE to be in my situation... ::le sigh::



2013-07-31 2:29 AM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
Originally posted by lkct01234

Well..it's me again. Just had my 38 week check-up and doctor checked for the first time and my cervix is still completely closed. (Why didn't I know that was going to hurt for her to check? I mean I realize this whole process pretty much sucks, but I didn't realize this particular part was going to hurt!!)

I have been hoping and hoping that labor will start, but doctor pretty much said...nope, since this is your first the cervix opening usually closely predicts and I'm thinking you will be close to your due date.

I've been so tired lately (the last week) and my stomach acts up sometimes...yesterday I got to the point where I didn't want to eat because I didn't want to deal with upset stomach afterwards. (I did eat...just probably not as much as I wanted...which isn't necessarily a bad thing to keep my weight down...)

I'm pretty bored, but have no desire/urge to do a lot of the things that need to get done around the house. (Maybe my nesting drive hasn't hit?!?) We're pretty much ready for baby - bare minimum. Nursery is still in progress, but she won't be sleeping in there for a while...so not in a hurry. Husband HATES doing house projects...so he has no interest in doing it unless I ask him...and even then I can tell he is like..."ooohhhhkay". He is a great husband in a lot of ways - he does a lot around the house and I know he will be a big help with the baby...but I need a little push right now to get things done and it's not coming from him.

I know I should be walking, but a lot of the time standing hurts because of the pressure on my bladder. Not just that I feel like I have to go, but actual pain/discomfort.

I'm not a patient person and have been ready for a few weeks for this baby to come...Woe is me..Although I realize there are a lot of women who would LOVE to be in my situation... ::le sigh::




Everything you're feeling is normal. My first pregnancy felt like it was never ending, especially towards the end.. I too heard that walking would help, so i walked and walked and walked and my son was still born past his due date. So much for that theory. Those last few weeks just sucked. Hang in there you are almost there.

As for the breast feeding, everyone seems to have an opinion about it and feels the need to ask you about it even though it is none of their business. I desperately wanted to breast feed because everything I had read and heard said it was the right thing to do. I tried and it made me miserable. I felt like a failure because I couldn't make enough milk. I visited lactation consultants, read tips on the Internet, talked to other new moms, you name it. But the fact was that it just wasn't gonna work out for me. Looking back I caused myself so much unnecessary stress about this issue. If you can breast fed and it works for you great. But if not that's great too. I have 3 very health formula feed kids who have a much less stressed out (although still crazy) mom. Please do not let breast feeding or not breast feeding take away from the joy of your baby's 1st year.


Edited by jpbis26 2013-07-31 2:32 AM
2013-08-03 9:04 PM
in reply to: jpbis26

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

My life has been a roller coaster since December 2012 when I found out my husband was having an affair with someone who said they were my friend.  I couldn't eat, sleep, make decisions, etc...  A good friend said that I needed to get help because she could see the downward spiral and knew what would happen if I didn't get it resolved.  Off to the doctor and he states that yes I have depression and my blood pressure was (at that time) 160/90!  He said that if he hadn't just spent the last hour talking to me he would be worried.  He gave me citralopram and Xanax.  We tweaked it here and there and I noticed a difference and so did my children.  I just recently went back because I'm still having problems sleeping.  I take a sleeping pill to go to sleep and a  melatonin to stay asleep.  Again, my blood pressure was very high and he asked if I had talked to my "husband" lately.  I tiod him I had talked to him that morning as I was driving in.  He kinda chuckled and said I can tell!

He prescribed Ambien.  I have taken it a couple of times and it knocks me out for 12+ hours, so I cut it in half now.  I'm still majorly stressed and overwhelmed but at least I'm wishing that my life would end.

2013-12-28 2:51 PM
in reply to: BAMBAM66

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Langley, BC, 'Wet Coast' Canada
Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
Knowing how difficult it can be to get through this time of year, I just wanted to say that I hope everyone is doing well.
2013-12-29 11:21 AM
in reply to: triosaurus

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Melon Presser
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

Originally posted by triosaurus Knowing how difficult it can be to get through this time of year, I just wanted to say that I hope everyone is doing well.

Hey, thanks for checking in! It's good to have this thread up so people know it's here.

Lifelong living with major depressive disorder, at times bad enough to go into psychosis. The last 1.5 years have been surprisingly stable (it's helped not to have other massive illnesses as well) ... if anything I have spates where I have anger problems, which for me is actually one of the stages beyond (that is past) depression. And it isn't too often, not more than a couple 2-3 weeks usually, and almost always major-incident or -stressor related (they're not just coming on out of the blue like some of the depressions would).

In short, I'm happy. From the inside out. Not at the mercy of external events or even internal feelings. Not an easy road and Lord knows what's ahead, but for the moment, I'm free.

Much love and know that many of us have walked and will walk this journey--up, down, both, spaghetti--with you, whoever and wherever you are.

 

2013-12-30 8:51 AM
in reply to: lisac957

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Master
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Oceanside, California
Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
Originally posted by lisac957

Originally posted by lkct01234

So now I get to change my frame of mind and get ready for the judgy-people who say "Oh! You don't breastfeed?!?" That will be hard, because I really want/wanted to.

4 weeks until due date today...now I just wait and try not to be too uncomfortable :-/

I feel for you and your frustration, planning on that all along! Maybe think of it like a triathlon, you can train and prepare till you're blue in the face - but inevitably something is going to come up and you'll have to adjust. Not sure if that helps...

And to those who will make comments... I would just say something like "I'm unable to breast feed" and not go into detail. That should shut them up Foot in mouth




That is a tough one. I was appalled at how many people feel the need to share their "my way is the only way" to ______ when it comes to pregnancy and child-rearing. You really will not look at some friends, family, coworkers, etc. the same by the time your kids are out of diapers.

It is cliche, but 100% true, everything that they say is their issue, not yours.


We were the beneficiaries of a breast pump from a friend medically unable to nurse. So even though I am pretty free with my opinions when I don't take my ADHD medications, I have no problems keeping my mouth shut in this regard. If I can shut up, other should be able.

LisaC is definitely a better person than me. I would have a hard time not responding, "How did you learn to assess people's medical ability to nurse or the related heartache?" loud enough for other people to hear.

However, I am really sarcastic and impulsive.


2014-01-11 9:43 PM
in reply to: possum

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Elite
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Puyallup, WA
Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

First post for 2014! Winter blues/SAD may be getting to some. I'm very fortunate in that I don't seem to have issues with the seasons. (Which my therapist did bring up, wisely, when I was discussing/planning to move to Seattle.)

The weather doesn't necessarily affect my mood...it does affect my motivation at times. I do find on nicer days that I seem to have a bit more drive to get one more thing done on my check list.

The last few weeks have been tough for me...but not in the way that would be expected. I haven't been able to get to sleep. Like...laying in bed for hour+. Which normally wouldn't be a problem for someone that sleeps through the night...but since I have a 5 month old who can't make it through the night yet...And was dealing with her first cold this last week...which meant more wake-ups.

Ugh! But my husband has helped and taken over the feedings. I've had 2 nights in a row in which I didn't have to get up. (I can seem to fall back asleep, most of the time, if I don't get up..)

But the bad sleeping has led to me being impatient and honestly...angry...at EVERYTHING!

I know that the not getting to sleep easily is a classic symptom (of mine) of hypomania.  I usually can't get to sleep because of my racing thoughts (also a symptom of my hypomania...)

I got the OK from my doc to go off my anti-depressant (and only use the mood stabilizer). I was taking 50 mg of Zoloft (generic) and went to 0...50 is a pretty low dose to begin with, I didn't really need to taper. But a few days off and it got bad. So I went back on...now I'm down to (about) 25 mg. (I split my pills so it's probably approximation...)

But everything pisses me off and I find my patience for my little one is short. I've usually been the patient one with her...but I just threw a temper tantrum today. (She was safely in her crib, while Mommy stomped around...)

Whoa is me, whoa is me. Maybe I shouldn't be adding alcohol to the mix!?!? I know even a beer a night, is not good. (Even if it isn't every night...) I do drink O'Douls sometimes, because I really do like the taste....but O'Douls is usually more expensive than my "fav" Miller Lite! And spending money on myself isn't easy for me these days as I earn no money for the household. :-/

Update: Not breastfeeding hasn't been such an issue as I feared. I have learned that it is more of a blessing. And I just say that I can't breastfeed because of a medication I'm on and people usually just say "oh, okay". No one has really asked to begin with though.

Hope everyone else is doing well!

2014-01-20 2:58 PM
in reply to: lkct01234

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Member
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Denver, CO
Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
Hi.

I haven't been here for a long time because I just couldn't bring myself to even have anything to do with sports. I've had 2 hip surgeries since Feb. 2012 (labral repair, followed by another of the same on the same hip when I slipped on the kitchen floor!), and now the docs are saying I need a spinal fusion at L5-S1. My disc is basically gone and I've been dealing with pain that affects every aspect of my life: work, home, hobbies, relationship, everything. I've been trying to focus on all the things I'm grateful for (and there are a lot), but there are also times when I feel like if this is how I'm going to feel for the rest of my life, it's not worth the agony. On New Year's, we went to the mountains for the day, then got stuck in traffic on the way home. Four hours in stop and go traffic caused so much pain I had to take narcotics for 2 days to sleep and couldn't go to work the next day. About a week later, I was in such a bad place, my DH had to lock up all the pills in the house because I felt so unsafe. Fortunately, I have a great support network and made it through the rough patch! I also take lots of meds for depression/anxiety and it's generally pretty well controlled except for the situational stuff.

I can swim, bike, and walk pretty well so I was thinking that I'd maybe do a tri this summer, either walking the run or doing a relay with my DH doing the run leg. Now with surgery looming, that doesn't look possible. I've heard that a single level fusion heals fairly quickly but I dread the idea of having a 3rd surgery while I still hurt somewhat from the last one.

It amazes me sometimes how much chronic pain affects my mood. It's a vicious cycle, too. I hurt so I don't want to do stuff, which adds to the depression so I lack motivation, which makes me hurt because I'm not moving.

Anybody else dealing with chronic pain and depression? If so, how do you manage?

Mary

2014-01-26 1:09 PM
in reply to: possum

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Expert
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Clio, MIchigan
Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
My first post in this thread. Thank god for being active, right now it seems to be what keeps me sane. My marriage is very much on the rocks, counseling has been an experience in itself. Right now the only thing I can look forward to is my daily run. Sigh I know it'll get better, it's just at a speed I'm not happy with.
2014-03-27 3:00 PM
in reply to: possum

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Elite
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Puyallup, WA
Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

*bump*

I had a rough day yesterday. As I mentioned a few months ago, I've been having a problem getting to sleep. Thank GOODNESS! The little one is sleeping longer or else the middle of the night feedings can be rough when a takes an hour+ to get back to sleep. (Please God, continue to let her rest!!)

I take both a mood stabilizer and an anti-depressant. (Bi-Polar Type II diagnosis). So I've been dialing back on my anti-dep. I lowered it a bit (although I was already on a pretty low dose) and the RNP (/doctor) wanted me to give it 2 weeks. It had been about 10 or 11 days and I had a bad day, or 2. I kept going a few days and poof! I was ok.

So I decided to lower it again. (OK'ed by RNP at last appt.) And it hasn't been quite 2 weeks and the past 2 days were bad. Yesterday was really bad. Lots of tears and negative thoughts.

I have put together a training plan, to shoot for an OLY in late August. This will be my first Tri longer than a Sprint. I'm 7 weeks post shoulder-surgery (SLAP and bone impingement, I think??) and am getting range of motion back. I'm out of sling and pretty much OK to move around, but no weight lifting yet. So, of course, swimming is put on hold and I haven't been on an upright bike since before surgery. Regardless, I have a plan, but it is still a little discouraging since I am going to have to modify. However, my goal is to finish the OLY in the time frame allowed. (I think it's 4 hours..)

I'm on my period - which doesn't help AT ALL - and have been eating a lot of sugary treats. Eating my feelings hasn't ever helped me...but I can still hope that it will this time!! :-/

Today has been better and I hope to convince myself to go to the Y as planned. My motivation towards exercise has never been good. I don't experience "high"s during exercise but I believe it helps me after/next day. I sometimes give myself too much leeway and "allow" myself to not do something. I usually rationalize it by blaming my mood issues. I'm sure there is a balance between allowing and forgiving for when it happens.

Ho hum, I say. I hope those in the snowy/cold areas are finally beginning to get back outside. We had a few great days and now it's rainy again. It's not nicknamed the "NorthWET" for nothing!

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