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wedding/work dilema
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 2005-12-05 9:32 AM |
Extreme Veteran  604   Ohio |  Subject: wedding/work dilemaOkay, here's the situation. Stepfather's nephew is getting married. Don't really know them that well, in fact maybe see them once a year to once every two years. I had planned to go (already sent back the RSVP card), because I'm getting alot of guilt, pressure and bad feelings from my mom about it. (I should mention that last summer my stepfather's neice got married, and I wasn't able to attend b/c of being sick and it was the last week of classes). However, I'm under a deadline at work to finish up a project by the end of the year, and have an opportunity to work overtime the Saturday of the wedding. So, I'd work towards finishing this project, and get overtime pay. I'm struggling with this because in 2003 part of his family did travel down to my reception (we had a destination wedding), so I feel guilty about not doing the same (my mom says,"well, they came to your reception), and because I've sent back the card already. And if I don't go, will get major grief from my mom, because all she really cares about is the impressions we will make on my stepdads family. Just wanted to see what advice you all had before I tackle trying to talk with my mom. It's one of those days when I really want others to make decisions for me Edited by Sassafras 2005-12-05 9:38 AM |
| 2005-12-05 9:39 AM in reply to: #298787 |
Giver 18427    | Subject: RE: wedding/work dilema This sounds like a quid pro quo kinda thing. |
| 2005-12-05 9:41 AM in reply to: #298796 |
Extreme Veteran 604 Ohio | Subject: RE: wedding/work dilema run4yrlif - 2005-12-05 10:39 AM This sounds like a quid pro quo kinda thing. I know, that's why I'm feeling so much guilt, I think. |
| 2005-12-05 9:41 AM in reply to: #298787 |
Elite 2421 | Subject: RE: wedding/work dilema First, hooray for other Cincinnatians... Who Dey? And all that good stuff. Second, that's a tough one. I'm currently catching a lot of static from my family for not wanting to go to my cousin's wedding in Texas in the spring. Same frequency of seeing them (once a year or so) and everything. Only difference is they didn't make my wedding... they actually didn't even acknowledge that I was married for almost 4 months (no card, nothing). So I would feel completely vindicated if I returned the favor. However going with the whole golden rule, I'll probably end up sucking it up and making the trip. I guess the most important follow up question that I'd have to ask is: Open Bar? bts |
| 2005-12-05 9:42 AM in reply to: #298799 |
Giver 18427 | Subject: RE: wedding/work dilema Brett - 2005-12-05 9:41 AMI guess the most important follow up question that I'd have to ask is  pen Bar?btsAnd hot groomsmen? |
| 2005-12-05 9:47 AM in reply to: #298801 |
Extreme Veteran 604 Ohio | Subject: RE: wedding/work dilema run4yrlif - 2005-12-05 10:42 AM Brett - 2005-12-05 9:41 AMI guess the most important follow up question that I'd have to ask is pen Bar?btsAnd hot groomsmen? Ah, good point...that is tough...open bar (not sure, unlikely), hot groomsmen (uh, no) vs. staying home, working overtime, getting a little pressure off me at work....hmmm. ____ Edited by Sassafras 2005-12-05 9:49 AM |
| 2005-12-05 9:51 AM in reply to: #298787 |
Elite 2421 | Subject: RE: wedding/work dilema Open bar is oftem my tie-breaking vote. There's always this line to consider: "No one ever died wishing they had spend more time at work." I forget who said it... Ghandi maybe? Anyway, it is a chance to get to hang out with all your family at the holidays (I don't know you situation, but I'd go just for that since I see mine at most once or twice a year). bts |
| 2005-12-05 10:16 AM in reply to: #298815 |
Extreme Veteran 604 Ohio | Subject: RE: wedding/work dilema Brett - 2005-12-05 10:51 AM Open bar is oftem my tie-breaking vote. There's always this line to consider: "No one ever died wishing they had spend more time at work." I forget who said it... Ghandi maybe? Anyway, it is a chance to get to hang out with all your family at the holidays (I don't know you situation, but I'd go just for that since I see mine at most once or twice a year). bts Again, very good point.... |
| 2005-12-05 10:26 AM in reply to: #298787 |
Champion 6786 Two seat rocket plane | Subject: RE: wedding/work dilema Weddings only happen once (in a perfeect world) Go to the wedding |
| 2005-12-05 10:49 AM in reply to: #298787 |
Master 2052 Colorado | Subject: RE: wedding/work dilema After watching various friends and family plan weddings, I've noticed that, in regards to who comes and who doesn't, they basically want the people who would want to be there. A good friend of mine summed it up with "If someone can't be bothered to come, then I don't want them there anyway... it's not about obligation, it's about the people who love me celebrating with me" That being said, weddings are a great time for families to get together, and that time is precious, even if it does leave your pulling your hair out and back into therapy. In a year, you will not remember why working that Saturday was so important. |
| 2005-12-05 10:58 AM in reply to: #298787 |
Elite 2515 Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea | Subject: RE: wedding/work dilema Speaking from experience on both sides of the coin, send your regrets and a nice gift. They'll love you for the gift, love that they didn't have to pay for your dinner, and you'll get to do what you need to do at work. If it were a closer relative, that'd be a different story but in this case, you shouldn't feel obligated based on their CHOICE to come to your wedding. I'm sure part or most of their decision was "its a good excuse to go on vacation to this destination". |
| 2005-12-05 10:59 AM in reply to: #298787 |
Science Nerd 28760 Redwood City, California | Subject: RE: wedding/work dilema I think you should go since you already RSVPed that you are going. When I got married last summer, I had several family members tell me that they were going and then they didn't show up. It's frustrating because you look forward to seeing them AND you still have to pay for the food that they didn't eat. It's very last minute to back out now and, too me, it would be rude of you to not show up because you decided to work. If there was an emergency or your boss forced you to work, it would be more understandable because it was out of your hands. Clearly, I'm still a little bitter at my family so this might sound a little harsh.  |
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