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Would you skip a friend's wedding for an important race? (Page 2)
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| General Discussion | Triathlon Talk » Would you skip a friend's wedding for an important race? | Rss Feed  |
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 2013-12-05 3:32 PM in reply to: metafizx |
Champion  10018  , Minnesota Bronze member |  Subject: RE: Would you skip a friend's wedding for an important race?I view this less as being about the race and more about a booked vacation and financial commitment. He didn't consult with you about the date in advance, he can't possibility expect every single person to come. Sometimes you have to miss a wedding. Also, unless you are only 1 of 20 people invited, you may not even talk to him much if at all. My wedding reception was a total blur. I would absolutely not feel about this, in this situation. |
| 2013-12-05 4:00 PM in reply to: trigal38 |
Veteran 1677    Houston, Texas | Subject: RE: Would you skip a friend's wedding for an important race? Originally posted by trigal38 Originally posted by lisac957 Originally posted by ratherbeswimming Originally posted by KSH Originally posted by Dan-L I'd do what I'd expect someone to do if it were the other way round. If someone chose to race instead of coming to my wedding I don't think I'd bother to keep in touch afterwards. But if you don't mind that then go race. Sounds like you've drifted apart anyway. Life goes on. If it was an actual friend I wouldn't hesitate - I wouldn't even consider racing for heart beat. I wanted to add... and maybe it is different with guys... but with girls, if you skip their wedding, you are probably not going to be their friend anymore. Not showing up to someone's wedding can be very serious in some people's eyes. But guys might be different with regards to weddings. Maybe I'm not the typical female, but I can't even fathom no longer being friends with someone based on the sole fact that they didn't show come to my wedding... Agree. I wouldn't dream of asking or expecting a (distant?) friend to forfeit nonrefundable money just to sit through my wedding. I would feel horrible and really selfish if they did. Add me to this list. I would not hold a grudge about that at all. People have lives, they do not stop for me. If he was asking you to be a groomsmen or involved in the wedding in some other way then I would be more inclined to skip the race but just to sit there and watch all day? Like others have said, if you have made reservations, bought tickets, paid entry fees etc you already have plans. You can't even visit with someone for more than a few minutes at their wedding anyway so its not like your going to get to spend time together to reconnect. But I don't really enjoy weddings so maybe I should keep my big mouth shut
I'm with them. Send them a nice gift and redeem yourself from your last HIM. Your choice on how much you want to say as to why you can't make the wedding. But if a friend of mine couldn't make it to my wedding because they had prior obligations, I wouldn't sweat it (besides, it's two less meals they have to pay for!). I certainly wouldn't disown you as a friend. |
.| 2013-12-05 4:54 PM in reply to: ligersandtions |
Expert 3126 Boise, ID | Subject: RE: Would you skip a friend's wedding for an important race?
Did he ask you to be in the wedding? Is it a small affair with just family and 5-10 friends? If not, if it is the traditional decent sized wedding and he did not ask you to be in it then I don't see a problem with skipping it. If you got the card, then decided to book the race and plane tickets afterward I could see more of a dilemma. But you are already committed to the race financially. For me, chucking the cost of a race and three plane tickets would be a big expense. If I was your friend I would encourage you to race. Anyone who has already been married knows it is months of planning and then the wedding itself feels about 10 minutes long. Nice of people to attend, but I wouldn't expect someone to be out big money for a stupid wedding. You are both guys, this shouldn't be that big a deal IMO. My wedding was great, but I wouldn't be upset if someone couldn't make it. Heck I went out of my way to make sure the 2 guys that I asked to be in my wedding would not be out a red cent, we had the wedding local to make it cheap for people. My extended family is a tight knit bunch and only a few came because it was right in the middle of summer and they had things going on. I didn't think twice about it. So yeah, IMO do the race, you are already committed. Weddings ain't that big a deal once they are over. |
| 2013-12-05 5:13 PM in reply to: Guest |
Master 3205 ann arbor, michigan | Subject: RE: Would you skip a friend's wedding for an important race? I don't have any friends…… I'm too busy with triathlon……. That doesn't sound so good but partially, maybe true  |
| 2013-12-05 6:44 PM in reply to: Guest |
Extreme Veteran 566 Southern California | Subject: RE: Would you skip a friend's wedding for an important race? I'd do the race, it's a little late in the game to send out an invitation and expect someone to change some major plans they already had. Besides, 50% chance it ends in divorce anyway. |
| 2013-12-05 7:17 PM in reply to: Guest |
| 3 | Subject: RE: Would you skip a friend's wedding for an important race? I'd like to think I'd go to the wedding. This isn't just an aquaintance...it's someone you considered to be a best friend, not too long ago. Certain events you can never get back----birthdays, weddings, anniversaries----but there is always another race. |
| 2013-12-06 9:22 AM in reply to: Sugar Magnolia |
New user 44 | Subject: RE: Would you skip a friend's wedding for an important race? I've been through this, and pretty much ended up losing a friend. We didn't have words or anything, after the wedding took place, saying we didn't want to speak to each other, but it RAPIDLY sped up the out of touch factor. If you do your race, you need to commit some serious time to your friendship. If I could do it over again, I would've gone to the wedding. |
| 2013-12-06 10:06 AM in reply to: 1stTimeTri |
Regular 311 Aalborg, Denmark | Subject: RE: Would you skip a friend's wedding for an important race? Friendship and triathlon both require a time commitment. If you and your friend already barely see one another then I'd say do the race and try to make an effort to see each other more often in the future. Missing the wedding of a person you almost never see doesn't seem like a big deal. And if we are realistic, it's not going to ruin his day if you are not there. I agree that I'd only skip a wedding for HIM / IM or longer. There's ten marathon races every week and shorter distances are just training. |
| 2013-12-06 10:37 AM in reply to: Guest |
New user 273 Manassas, Virginia | Subject: RE: Would you skip a friend's wedding for an important race? Originally posted by strawdog18 Received a save the date a month ago for a wedding from a buddy I used to be very close to but have fallen out of touch with the past year. I know I'm echoing a lot of other people on here. My first thought was to say that you should go to the wedding. After finishing your post, however, it is clear that you should go to the race. You've already put the money on the line, that should be your first priority. I recently had my wedding (mid-September) and I sent out tons of save-the-dates to people I didn't expect to respond at all. When it came to people I hadn't spoken to in a while, I wasn't bothered if they weren't going to come to the wedding. Unless this guy wants you to be one of his groomsmen, I wouldn't sweat it too much. If it was that important to him that you were there, he would have given you a call to let you know about the wedding. |
| 2013-12-06 10:40 AM in reply to: BikerGrrrl |
Pro 5169 Burbs | Subject: RE: Would you skip a friend's wedding for an important race? Originally posted by BikerGrrrl I view this less as being about the race and more about a booked vacation and financial commitment. He didn't consult with you about the date in advance, he can't possibility expect every single person to come. Sometimes you have to miss a wedding. Also, unless you are only 1 of 20 people invited, you may not even talk to him much if at all. My wedding reception was a total blur. I would absolutely not feel about this, in this situation. THIS |
| 2013-12-06 2:23 PM in reply to: trishie |
Expert 2547 The Woodlands, TX | Subject: RE: Would you skip a friend's wedding for an important race? I say go race. Same thing happened to me. Good college friend. We didn't miss a beat after my race and his wedding. Guess it depends on him though. He might hold a grudge. |
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