Conundrum: An atheist Jew contemplates a return to Jewish life (very long)

If returning to the Jewish community brings you comfort and makes you happy, then go for it.

Sure, it will be a little more complicated with the little ones, but I am sure you'll figure that part out as you go along.

Personally, I've never been able to get past the "no bacon" part, so my hat is off to you even more.

Good luck with your journey!

Thanks for sharing your struggle, since I, in a small way, share that wonder of "believing", on the "Christian" side.  I don't agree with the "acceptance" in a church since I saw a LOT of hypocrits, so have decided to stay away.  Wifey on the other hand, has her belief and I accepted her wanting the kids to attend the Christian services and Sunday school.

That's a very tough decision, and I think that talking it over with the Rabbi may help moreso with your decision.  You have discussed this over with your family (not the BT/COJ family), right?

"You LIED to me??  How DARE you?!"

Ditto what others have said...follow your heart.  Sounds like this is more of a community thing then a religious "calling" for you right now, but maybe that will change.  Maybe not.  Either way would be OK if it is what YOU feel.

As for your kids, why not just ask them what they'd like?  Tell them this is what you're doing, but you're not going to force anything on them.  They may surprise you and themselves.  I think talking to your Rabbi is a great idea.

My son is 7 and wife wants him to start Hebrew school next year.  I'm ambivalent about it.  He has embraced his "Jewishness" on his own.  He already knows more Hebrew then I ever have, which is not much, and is soaking it up like a sponge.  A month ago at his request we started having special Shabbat dinner and I am surprised at how much I enjoy it.  It's nice for the family to all sit together for dinner and have that time together.  I do not personally think of myself as a religious Jew, but it is part of my heritage and who I am.

Did not mean to make this about me!  Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes. :-)

Oddly enough, while Judaism is a religion based on written law (Torah and Talmud) and not so much as faith as in Christianity, it is Judaism which is less dogmatic and open to questioning.  It is in the interpretation of those laws that we grow.  (How stereotypically Jewish-lawerly!)  The purpose for the laws is simply to make you a better person.  The origins of the religion nearly 7,000 years ago were in a time of savage lawlessness and cruelty.  I would say that there are four 'pillars' to Judaism:

1. A spiritual connection to God.  But having this doesn't necessarily require 'religion'.  Religion can simply wrap it into a framework.  Some people can feel spiritual without religion.  Some people feel that religion enhances their spirituality.  Some people have different definitions of "God".  At it's most simplistic and basic, God=goodness.  An Atheist may not believe in the entity that is God, but would certainly believe in goodness.  It's simply attaching a different name or source to that goodness which enables us to help others and do right by our fellow people.  To me, to say one has goodness in their heart can mean the same as to say they have God in their heart.  You say tomato, I say tomahto.
   
   It bugs me that people always want to wrap an image, label and description around God.  (And of course that image is always... just like them.)  The notion of God transcends description and you shouldn't be concerned with symbolizing it but rather, improving by it.  If going to Temple inspires you to behave better and do good things for other people - you've improved your spiritual enlightenment.
   
   
   
2. A sense of community.  Common to all religious institutions is the bond that it's members feel with one another.  And a sense of comfort from custom.  Those traditional acts that even if are not enjoyable, are familiar and comfortable.
   
   
   
3. A feeling of connection backwards and forwards.  Religion offers a sense of connections to relatives past.  To a culture past.  To a specific group of people past.  It gives a sense of belonging and continuation.  Regarding your children it gives a sense of connection and immortality moving forward.  The faith that you aspire to potentially living beyond your life in that of your children.
   
   
   
4. A means to help other and the community around you.  Sadly, unlike in many more Christian churches, this is where Judaism has yet to become known for.  If the religion is to make us better people by living according to laws and connecting to God, i.e. goodness which causes us to perform good acts of charity and community assistance and involvement, this is one thing that modern Jews have not served as well.  There are so many more well-known Christian-based charitable organizations than Jewish ones.  Especially those that perform services.  It's time for modern Jews to break out of our traditional isolationist sense of a persecuted-past and place ourselves on the front line of public, social and charitable contributions.  If performing acts of kindness and charity (tzedakah) gives you a sense of satisfaction, than I would challenge you to challenge your congregation and Rabbi to do more.

To me, there are two rules when it comes to religion in your position:

1. Everyone must find their own path and in their own time.
2. There are no rules for how long it takes or how it happens.

Don't feel conflicted or confused.  There are no rules here.  You won't be labeled a "bad Jew".  And if you are, then those doing the labeling are themselves bad.  Do not feel that the answers need come overnight.  Neither for you nor your children.  Take your time.  Explore.  Ask questions and wade into the water slowly.  If it's not going the way you expected it to or you're not getting out of it what you need, don't drop it - change it!  Make it be what you need it to be.  The Rabbi should be able to help guide you.  Either through the Temple religious traditions or on your own or with others.

Remember, PROGRESS WILL NOT BE LINEAR!  Things will feel good, then bad.  You will and should question your choices.  You may change your mind and then change it back again.  This is all allowed and is, should be, part of the process.  It will take time for you and your family to find yourselves.  You may never find that place.  I'm 40 and have been "very Jewish" all my life and you know what?  I still don't where I stand.  My religious life is in a constant state of flux and change.  And in the end, you'll see that it's the journey and the good things you've done along the way that count... not just the end.

Feel free to shoot me a PM and I'll give you my cell phone no. if you ever want to call and talk about it.

Hope this helps.

Have you read The Year of Living Biblically? The author begins as an atheist Jew, but decides to spend a full year following as many of the biblical rules as possible, and at the end of the year, feels more religious overall.

In my situation, I am an agnostic Jew (with a rather buddhist outlook), while mrs gearboy is an atheist/recovering catholic.  Both of my kids have been free to follow their own path, and while they both identify as atheist, they are also interested in going to Israel under Birthright Israel to at least learn more about where we come from as a people. I mention this only because I think that you should pursue your interest in a return to roots without stressing too much about your kids.  Even if it is only as an intellectual curiosity, seeing their father pursue his faith will have a better impact on them than making them go along reluctantly.

I will remain brief, but that doesn't mean that I haven't put some thought into this.

My Dad is Catholic, my Mom is Jewish.  My Dad goes to church for deaths and marriages.  My Mom goes to synagogue for the same and for high holidays.

Some of my fondest memories are of going to church with my paternal grandmother, and sharing sabbath dinner with my maternal grandparents.

That said, my view of formal, 'building-based' religion is that it both brings together a community, but also divides that community from the larger community.

Religion, like many things (aside from running, biking, and swimming) , is best in moderation and when shared first with your family.

One question...you describe yourself as an atheist?  I would think that may cause many internal conflicts when you attend shul with 'true believers'.

Two final thoughts:

1. I don't think that religion makes you a good or bad person, and neither does no religion make you a good or bad person.

2. I believe in God, but I don't believe that religion has anything to do with God.

A great book!

My absolute belief also.

Oh and a Catholic father and  Jewish mother... I can only imagine the guilt-trips in your house!!!

For some reason, this seems to be a common combination (albeit with gender switches).  We are a family of lapsed Catholic and agnostic jew; and one of our good friend's from med school is in a Catholic/Jewish marriage as well.  This way, the kids can feel guilty about everything they think or do wrong (the catholic side) as well as everything they COULD have done right and did not (the jewish guilt).

Except to be a full-fledged Jew, he'd kinda have to believe in God, right? Which he doesn't and doesn't plan to. I'm not sure how it all works with Judaism, but I do know that to convert (if you were not born into a Jewish family), the process is VERY rigorous and they want to make sure you are serious and well-intentioned.

It's fine if you miss the community and such, but I feel like going through the motions without the belief to back it all up would become unsatisfying at some point. Maybe a few more chats with the Rabbi are in order.

That's where you are wrong! Being a Jew does not mean believing....  We question everything.  My mom's side of family is Jewish and I still desperately miss my grandpa switching to Yiddish talk when he did not want us to understand him. Or his stuffed fish... My grandparents were very Jewish traditionally without actually believing. I'm not sure if it makes sense but the Judaism is more of an ethnicity to many than a religion per se.

And believing doesn't mean not questioning things either. I'm not talking about blind faith - which I understand most people think belief in God is. Yes, to be Jewish is an ethnic distinction, but to be religiously Jewish, I can't imagine that it wouldn't feel odd NOT believing in any of the stuff the rest of them believe in. Yes, the spiritual aspect of Judaism consists of questioning, but it's a rhetoric style that Rabbis used back in the day - they would answer their pupils' questions with more questions in order to get them to think about things. That does NOT mean that they didn't believe in God. Quite the opposite.