Let's talk about flying...

I spent a summer learning to skydive.  I hung out there for 3 months, taking classes, hanging out with divers, learning, handling gear, packing chutes, the whole thing.  Made 30 jumps myself.  Worked ground crew for a 3-day Women's World Record Attempt Camp (largest formation). 

A short time later my wife and I flew to a friend's out of town wedding and I was fine the whole flight until we began to descend.  It was the weirdest thing, but going down IN a plane started freaking me out.  I felt like I was on the edge of a panic attack the whole way down.  Weird.  I had flown before and never had this problem.  I was just too used to getting out at 14,000 ft.

puff puff pass.

oh wait...you meant flying.

I have a friend who loves to send me Pilot Humor.  Why?  I don't know.  He's not a pilot and neither am I.  But it's still funny.

I realize that this was a lesson and your response was probably the correct one.  I wonder if he would have approved if you had restarted the engine and told him "do that again and I'll kick your ."  That's a more realistic real world response if that's what he was trying to simulate.

My father attended the USAFA and flew B-52's in 'Nam.  My cousin's hubby is a retired Marine pilot (Harriers primarily) and their son is a USNA grad now flying F-18's off the USS Stennis, currently located in the Persian Gulf.

I'd like to learn to fly before it's all over.

My closest experience was the tandem jump I did ~8 years ago.  It was a BLAST!  Nothing like hopping out of a perfectly good airplane at 13,500' on a beautiful day.  Awesome, awesome experience!

x2

Rynamite - 2007-06-07 11:18 AM Nice, drewb8. I was laughing. These stories are going to keep making me think of stories, so if you don't want to read them... just skip over to the next posts. I was in the pattern one time trying to remember everything I was supposed to do. My instructor was just sitting quietly not saying anything. I thought things were going pretty well until he calmly said "You might wan to slow down, you're gonna rip the wings right off this thing". My airspeed was in the yellow... getting close to the red." Those pesky gauges... Another time I was coming in for a landing... and for once my instructor wasn't barking orders in my ear. I was feeling pretty good about myself. The next 20 seconds of coversation went like this. Him "We're dead" me "uh, what?" him "four red, we're dead" (referring to the lights at the front of the runway that let you know if your altitude is where it should be. I hadn't learned that yet, I was coming in too low) me "What do you mean?" him "2 red, 2 white, you're alright. 4 red, you're dead" A few seconds of silence. him "I'd probably give'er some throttle and see if we can make it over those lights" me "right" (hit the throttle and and up landing about halfway down the runway)

I like the economy your instructor uses during conversation...

More from my friend:

San Jose Tower Noted:
"American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able... If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

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Unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f***ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f***ing bored, not f***ing stupid!"

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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers"

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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206":

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 -- but I didn't land."

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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

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A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!!"

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While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, Screaming:

"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's
difficult for you to tell the difference between C' and D', but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You
can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You
got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

My favorite announcement from United a long time ago:

"In the extremely unlikely event of a water landing between Denver and Albuquerque..."