if two people are working together, and it's obvious things are not working out...

I've talked to them over and over... but just my direct management   Up until now, I've been able to handle it, but I am exhausted   ... and I don't think it's my fault.  My work history stands for itself.  I'm a fine programmer, and all my work is superb.  It's only working with this one individual where there is so much conflict

I think today the project leader might actually be serious about making a change happen... cause I told him I was not sleeping, and I think he knows it's ridiculous that this has been going on for so long... but until I don't show up for work, I was always able to handle it.  I just can't do it anymore

They're not gonna fire you.  They're not gonna fire her.  Maybe they're waiting for one or the other of you to quit.  (So...who's it gonna be??) 

If you've got a work proposal, talk it over with your manager.  Present it from the perspective of helping the company (better customer service, lower cost, etc.) rather than what'll help you (or her). 

 I feel your pain. My case is a little different. We have a co-worker that has lived his career on the edge for the 20+ years I have known him. He refuses to hold up his end of the workload and screws up quite a bit when he does work. When he screws up it is always somebody elses fault. He gets along with nobody, so it isn't just me with issues.

 I made the mistake of reaching out and trying to help this guy 3 years ago. He wound up receiving disciplinary action anyway. Guess who's fault the whole thing was? Yup, mine. Since that moment everything this clown has goofed up he tries to shove the blame on me. He even tried to blame me for something that happened when I wasn't even in the continental US. I've told our Mgmt. team we have a "hostile unsupervised " work environment. They asked me what they should do about it. I suggested they supervise this guy. Still hasn't happened. Good luck with your situation, mine will probably continue until this guy makes a serious mistake and kills a plane load of passengers.

I'm sure there's one at every venue (unless you work for yourself, but then you would have to question YOUR OWN work ethics   ), and I have a slacker colleague that I have to deal with.  I've said my piece time and time again, but I've reached a point now that I am just not going to be their "backup" person anymore and start focusing on my job duties to which have slacked off because of doing a lot of stuff that he should be doing.

Just be polite, document, and let the higher ups "deal with it".  But it usually happens this way "F*ck up, move up" meaning those that are like your problematic and my problematic colleague will continue to not have good work ethics and will still get promoted.  It's never fair.

Without knowing the details/history of your coworkers contribution (or lack thereof) to the company...

It's up to the two of you to work it out. You're adults. Sit down and talk. Take her out to lunch of for after hours beers and have a come-to-jesus chat. "I like my job, you like your job, but we're not working well together. What do you say we call a truce and find a way to work together well?"

couple people have said this, I'm positive you already know this, but it just bears repeating:

be sure to present a solution to the problem and note the benefits - as the last thing you want to do is come off as someone who "can't get along" with your coworkers.

good luck.

 I've tried to help this guy. The end result was me getting hosed. I've had to resort to ignoring him as if he is not there. No good will come of my talking to or attempting to extend an olive branch. I'm not the only person to have this happen either. I fear there is some sort of mental health issue at play. I've seen the guy delete the facts from his memory and install his cover story in his own mind. The scary part is actually believes his cover story did occur. He then becomes the vivtim in his mind and the rest of the world is out to get him. Some people simply do not play nice and nothing you can do will change that. I've distanced myself from anything he does and will not work with him.  I simply told the company that when he does finally screw up and kill someone, I don't want my name attached to his f&^k up. Management has blessed this arrangement.

 I forgot to add he refuses to work with me too. He told mgmt. he is afraid I will sabotage his airplane in an attempt to make him look bad........

wow... sounds like I am not alone.  How do you deal with it?  How do you deal with your deadlines splipping because of her?... and how do you deal with the fact that you have to be on her 100% in order to meet the deadline?... it's exhausting!

If you're not her manager, why are you managing her deadlines?

Just a side thought - when someone is really getting to me (for wahtever reason) I have to be careful that my perception of this person does not cloud all of my dealings with them...

If you have a constant feeling of dislike or frustration with this person before you even deal with them then subconsciously this feeling can come through in all of your communication which will make her automatically react to the perceived hostility that is already established before your interactions.

I like the idea of a coffee, if she wont have one with you - what about offering to buy her one on the coffee run? Then when dropping it off to her having a general conversation unrelated to work (people generally love to talk about themselves) and embracing the conversation as if you would with any friend might be enough to start to break down the barriers between the two of you,

I have worked with people who I could get along with socially but struggled to work with professionally. And knowing that these individuals are essentially good people (as most people are deep down) helps make the work conflict easier because you know its just a working style conflict...

Another thought may be to do with how she communicates... some people are more effective if something is requested in person or over the phone, some people are more effective if something is visual... can you look at how you are requesting work from this person and trying to always use both forms of communication to ensure that whether she is a visual or auditory person the message gets through?

For example:

1. Phone call: Hi its x, have you got 5 minutes now to discuss x? Then outline with the occasional  question like: how do you feel about this? (after having presented what the work is and why it is required its much harder for them to say no, but also means they have to agree to the deadline)

2. Once the phone call is over follow up with an email outlining the work required, agreed to and the deadline

It may sounds like over kill but you have the visual and auditory covered AS WELL as the courtesy of discussing the work with the person first before a follow up confirmation.

If anything changes in the poject or you want to check everything is still on track for a deadline you can use the same process again. Except this time it would be more:

1. Phone call: I just wanted your thoughts on project x.... or Ive been asked to update on project x and as you are involved I wanted to hear your opinion on the work... you can also check that things are still on track for the deadline

2. Email: Thanks for your time it was good to hear an update on x, as well as that you are currently on track to make the deadline on {date} and if you do have any problems with this deadline please call me anytime to discuss (or whatever is appropriate)

Working like this has certainly helped me with some difficult situations. There is also an old but true radio principle and someone needs to hear something 5-7 times (auditory communitcation) to remember the message, on TV its more 3-5... (visual and auditroy) which you could apply here if you really wanted to! (conincidently 80% of what people remember about presentations have nothing to do with what is actually said)

Obviously this will only work in some situations but  coffee's and communicating effectively has helped me a HUGE amount in the past 12 months at work. People like to feel like they are voicing their opinions and kept up to date and while you might not be sharing much information the 5 minutess it takes to listen to someone can be enough to make things run much much smoother!

Good Luck!

Ok, this sounds more like she's not actually doing her work or procrastinating it than that you're just having a personality conflict.

First of all, put EVERYTHING in writing.  Doccument.  Document meetings, document deadlines, document whatever she said she would do.  MAKE SURE the plan shows that your deadline does not START until she has delivered what she needs to.  Then, email those documents to everyone who is involved in the chain of what is supposed to be done.  Something like:

"FYI on our deadlines" with basic info about what it is, etc.
CC to you, to her and sent to all management involved.

Then, do NOT bug her about it.  It's not your job to manage her responsibility.  If however, she misses a deadline, or does not deliver something you need - email her with CC to all management.  Something like:

"In our meeting of blah, blah, you agreed to x - as shown in project plan (attached)  As you are aware, I need x amount of time to complete my part of the task once I have your deliverable.  Since I have not yet received it, please let me know when you will be able to deliver it, ASAP so I can properly update the plan, and blah, blah."

You get the idea.  It's not enough just to talk to her, and to talk to management.  As long as things keep happening and timelines are not affected cause you are running around fixing them, management won't do anything about it.  You have to show in an OBJECTIVE way (with documentation!) that she is NOT doing what she should do.

Because, then when the deadlines aren't met - you have the perfect backup.  You've documented, you've emailed - you've copied the management - so they can't say they didn't know and neither can she.  And, it will also clearly be NOT your fault cause you did everything you could (reminding her and etc) and that is also documented.

Let the facts speak for themselves - and yes, I've dealt with situations like this before.

You type that as if you think Management is supposed to care about how well you work with another.

Now go buy another jog bra and you'll feel better.  At least for a moment.

You're crazy! That would require actually TALKING to the other person. That would eliminate all of this passive aggressive, COJ meandering.

Being an adult is tough. 

well they should care about resolutions and their job is to remove obstacles so one can accomplish their work... and if this means rearranging people on a project, well that's what they should do.   don't go into management....