Dogs, how do you know when it's time?

I'm so sorry.   We have a 20 year old cat that we'll have to make the same decision soon.  I would say that if she is in constant pain, it's probably time.

Really very sorry.  It sucks big time.

I've lost four, and with each of them I was fortunate that the end was mostly sudden with all of them, the decisions, while still difficult, were effectively made for me.  I didn't have this sort of protracted mental stalemate.  I thought I would with my girl, as she was quite old, but in the end she started to have frequent seizures and the decision quickly was taken out of my hands.

It does sound like she is in constant pain and her quality of life has really gone down dramatically. The most important things I read in there was that she doesn't like to be touched, and that she won't eat unless you load the food up with fats. That's not a good sign.

As for how do you know?  I don't know... you just kind of do? You have to make peace with the idea that it's going to have to happen at some point. From there, I guess you just have to try to do right by her.  Don't think of what the house will feel like, or how the family will be - while it's natural, it's selfish and not the right perspective.  

My sincerest condolences, truly.  I've cried more over losing some of my dogs than I have some of my relatives.  They really do become more than just family.

I'm so sorry. That's heartbreaking. 

It's easy to say to someone 'it's time', but the decision is hard and every one has their own threshold. If you wait, there WILL be a clear sign that it's time. Or there will be a distressing event at home. I'm sure there are some Vet's on here, but knowing some about the function of brains, I can't imagine things going well when her tumors progress or hit vital functions. No matter what it's not going to end well. However, I don't know how I could live with myself knowing my love was in constant pain and it sounds like she is. Not being able to touch her?! Ugh. Breaks my heart. It's so hard since they can't talk to us.  

It has to be a decision with your family, to spend every moment you can with her now and risk a bad event, or try to make the decision part of the grieving/healing process. There is no easy answer. 

To say this sucks is an understatment.  We have lost 2 of our beloved family members (cats) in the past 2 years and had to make the same decision for both. 

I don't know if this will help at all but my brother had a similar situation with his family member (dog).  He made a farewell plan which included a trip around to all the places he loved to go and people he loved to visit then they went to the vet.  I think it made their last day together a "joyfilled" good-bye. ..........whew now I need to go before I start bawling. 

I am sure you will make the right decision for your family.  You will be in my thoughts during this hard time. 

Personally, that sounds like a miserable existence to me.   I realize that I'm in the minority of dog owners but I don't believe in "managed care" (or whatever you want to call it) for animals.  If the highlight of my day was that I could eat one specific food, and I didn't poop my pants.... I'd be ready for the end. 

You obviously care greatly about your dog.  There is no shame in giving her a quick, painless and dignified end to a good life.

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I really like the idea of taking her out to her favorite places one last time.

She just got stuck on the basement stairs trying to come up and I could hear her fighting to keep from slipping all the way back down. I had to help her up the stairs by pushing from behind. It's not going to get any better and I can't watch her get much worse.

I think I've been hoping she will just pass on her own without anymore suffering but I don't think  that is going to happen.

And I know the family will want another dog but we have a difficult situation with some neighbors dogs and I just can't bring another pet into what is already a hostile environment. So it is a little extra sad that way, just knowing this is the end of us having a dog - at least for a while.

I really thought I was ready but it's harder than I thought.

I know how you feel.  I've had to put down 2 dogs in the past 3 years.  One was 14 years old and had a tumor interfering with his breathing.  The other was 15 years old and was deaf and her hips were going out.  It is never easy.  My solace was knowing that the dogs were no longer suffering.

Nobody can tell you when it's time to put your dog down.  However, if it were my dog, I'd seriously consider putting it down sooner rather than later.

I've been through it with 3 dogs, and each one was different. Nikki had been getting progressively demented with mini-strokes. She had frequent accidents in the house, and would get lost going out into the yard and could no longer be left alone outside, but her final straw was a stroke that knocked her off her feet and she spent the entire night crying while she kept trying unsuccessfully to stand up on her feet. Her final "gift" to me was that she managed a wobbly walk that last morning, down the block with me.

Cody had been a "tumor dog" from the time we got him (which, to be fair, was when he was already 10, and also suffering a number of GI problems). He started to lose weight and appetite. We moved him to canned food, then to dog "sausages", and finally cooked rice and chicken. When he finally didn't even want to eat that, we knew the end was near. A few days later, he also could not easily stand up, and appeared to be in some pain and there was no more joy in his life.

Mojo was the toughest one. He was always a very active and very happy dog, who never appeared in any distress for long. He started favoring a leg, and after a couple of vet visits, we finally got an x-ray, which showed a pretty aggressive bone cancer. His liver was so large at that point that we knew had metastasized. He never slowed down his appetite significantly, which we hoped would be the signal. We loosened the rules and gave him scraps from the table and frequent Wendy's burgers and frosties (his favorites). He slowed more and more from the pain of putting his foot down. Finally he could no longer manage steps and had to be coaxed to go out the front door. The last day was when he did not want to leave the house at all, because even the 2 steps to go out the front was overwhelming to him. He never appeared to be in pain, other than holding his foot up, and never completely lost his appetite (even that last day he happily ate most of his Wendy's burger and fries), but again, his level of joy became seriously low (which, given his starting point, still probably had him above a lot of other dogs) because he loved to walk.

I guess my point is that each dog is different in how clearly they give you the signal. But the common denominator is that there is so little pleasure left in their lives that they simply endure their days, rather than enjoy them. To some degree, I think you need to know your dog and his baseline levels to make that call. With most of my dogs, if they could not tolerate being touched, that would be a clear sign that something was seriously amiss, and would likely have been the signal. They all were big "leaners", who loved nothing so much as pressing up against you for some hugs and rubs.

So sorry to hear this.   My Butter is getting odd aches and pains also, stiff hips.

I read somewhere that some Vets will come to the house to administer the stuff.   The reason is the dog is more relaxed at home and comfortable as compared to the Vet office where every smell is of fear, scared animals, sickness and just an uncomfortable place to be the last moments.   So,  I would ask if they do home visits.

Sucks getting old.   Hope all goes well for you and your family and (what is your best friends name?)

I think that's a great idea. I'm going to do something like this when it's time for mine. 

We said "goodbye" on Nov. 16th to our 14 yr. old+ golden.

We knew she had cancer and we had "considered" it some time. I kept hoping she would pass quietly in her sleep, but now am so very glad I was able to say goodbye as fully as I knew how.

The decline was bit by bit until I realized she almost never was able to stand up without a boost instead of just needing one first thing in the morning. We had chosen not to have a second surgery (the first had been about 2-3 years previous to remove tumors). The cancer spread affecting her internal systems. Most people would probably say we "waited" too long as I don't think she had drank anything for a couple days at the end. Her not drinking and barely eating is what definitively made the decision for us. She did eat part of a hamburger though the day before her last when we took her on a truck ride and did all her favorite things.

Although it was probably "wrong" for us to wait the extra day, I was really surprised at the peace I felt knowing for sure without a doubt it was time. I haven't even cried for a couple days..until now.

If it were easy you would not have deserved her.

I'm sorry.  Like others here, I know your pain....it's a very hard thing.

The best part about relieving her pain is that you can be there with her in the end.  We surely owe them that.

I think the fact that you are asking means you know.  I'm sorry for your loss.

Just think of that dog park in the sky~ I'm more inclined to believe in a Heaven for dogs than a Heaven for humans.  Dogs are much nicer than humans could ever be.

This post came at weird timing.  My little girl dog seems to be having half of the same symptoms - but she is a lot younger.  I'm not even considering  that it's "that time", but it crosses my mind.  Something IS wrong with her, and the vet doesn't know.  AND she seems to be declining sort of quickly.  Last couple weeks.

I can't imagine having to make that call, and feel bad for the OP.  Even though I'm not close to that point, it seems to feel familiar at the moment.

YOU PEOPLE AND DOGS! 

 I have a very good friend that had a great dog.  We loved that dog very much!  We were actually in the will to take her if something happened to the owners, and thought about killing them myself so we could get "Gracie".  When she had passed away, we were distraught.  Stillhave a picture of her on my desk.  I never could understand how someone would get an animal, fall so deeply in love with it, knowing that it would only live 7 to 15 years and then you would lose it, then go out and get another one to repeat the process over again!!!!  So my friend explained...."don't you realize how much fun you had with Gracie, you would have missed out on all of that if we didn't bring her home that day".  My friend was right!

NOW I UNDERSTAND YOU PEOPLE AND DOGS!!!!

I really feel for you and your situation.  Wish I knew what to say to make it better.

Now, cats, thats another thing.

Just kidding again, my friend also has cats.

Hope I made you laugh a little.

Billy

The thing about dogs (and I suppose cats, if that's your thing) is that the sadness you feel at their loss is going to be proportional to the joy and love you felt at their presence. Having emotions shows you that you are alive and human, and we should not shy away from them - even the painful emotions. To go through life walled off from connections and attachments - that is the real tragedy.

sulross - 2012-12-05 10:46 AM Well, we sadly have lost our 2 beloved labs in the past 3 months, so I feel I can offer some perspective. As others have said, it is an individual decision for each dog, or pet. We had 2 lovely yellow labs, both males. Jackson was 14 years old and Buddy was 8 1/2 years old. Each had his own personality and they were different sizes. Jackson was all of 75-80 pounds and Buddy was about 105. It was like the Odd Couple. Jackson was fastidious and highly intelligent; Buddy was laid back and would rather move furniture out of the way than walk around it when the least bit excited. He often reminded me of Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies Jackson began having problems with his hips due to old age a few years ago. We modified his diet and worked with him to keep him up and about without undue wear and tear on his joints. But, you can't fight time - he continued to decline. He loved playing catch and would track down any ball with vigor, but eventually we had to limit our games to just a few feet (and keep Buddy away, so he didn't knock Jackson over). By the end, I would sit on the floor with him and roll a ball to him. As his hips declined, his overall demeanor changed, too. His appetite grew smaller. His hips got to a point where he could not support himself to go to the restroom. At this point, we knew it was time. He could only stand or lie down - he could not easily lower himself, or get up, on his own power. He could not squat. We don't have any steps in our home, but I know he could not have even managed one raised step. We gave him his perfect day and invited everyone who loved him over to say goodbye to him. We spent time brushing and loving on him and we gave him a new chew toy, which he politely nibbled on for a few minutes and then put aside. The next day we (as a family) took him to our veterinarian and put him down. We did not go with him into the room. It was a decision that we regretted by that evening, although it seemed like the right thing at the time. My wife didn't think she could handle the process and we thought that might be too difficult for our son to see along with the other part of seeing Jackson drift off. We came home to Buddy and we cried and cried. I held Jackson's collar and thought back on his life. I told Buddy, it's just us, but we are still together. We all hovered around Buddy, knowing that it would be different for him not having his best friend by his side morning and night (they shared a big bed). Buddy grieved pretty hard. He was out of sorts for 2 weeks. Eventually he began to want to play again and he seemed to be showing his personality again. Sadly, it was short-lived. Within a few weeks of Jackson's death, Buddy began to develop tumors on his side and neck. These grew amazingly fast. He began to look different almost overnight - more like a Shar Pei than a lab in the face. We took him to our veterinarian and they ran tests. The verdict was cancer and kidney failure. The change in his facial appearance was due to a rapid loss of muscle along the jawline and above the eyes due to the kidney problems. We were told that he might only last a week to two. We were devastated. We decided to take Buddy home and let him live out his last days with the family in his familiar surroundings. He went downhill quickly - he lost more muscle, began to bump into furniture, would walk around and around the house incessantly, then collapse into deep sleep that was filled with howling and dreams, his hearing on his left side became noticeably diminished and he was very confused much of the time, with short bursts of clarity. BUT, he continued to have an appetite and want to go outside. We modified his diet to keep it easier on his system and to not cause more strain on the kidneys. Because he still wanted to eat and go out, we decided to give him time in spite of all the other issues. We did invite all of his loved ones over to say goodbye and spend time with him. We had some great visits with dear people as they came to share in saying goodbye to Buddy. Buddy made it more than the 1-2 weeks, he kept going for 6 weeks. He slowly had a more and more difficult time drinking. I realized that he couldn't drink as well with the bowl located on the ground, so we would hold it up to him and he would drink. Eventually it became tough for him to even do that. He would have to put his entire nose into the water to get it in - he was having to try to suck the water in. Two days later he stopped eating. He lost all of his bowels in the hallway. He nibbled a little bit the next day, then he didn't eat for 2 days. On the 2nd day of not eating, he had a seizure during which I had to hold him to keep him from rolling forward onto his neck. This was at lunch time and my wife and I both knew that it was time. Frustratingly, we had discussed it was time the day before when he wasn't eating - and now we had waited (hoping for a change) and now he was having a seizure. We got him through the seizure and we carried him to his bed. We called our veterinarian's office and they told us they would make a special appointment for us to come in that day. I put Buddy's blankets in the back of our vehicle and we loaded him into the car and went to pick our son up from school. We took Buddy to the vet and we knew that we wanted to be with him the entire way through. They gave us a lot of time with Buddy to say goodbye and love on him, then the majority of the office came in to be with us as we all held Buddy as he drifted away. We spent more time with him afterwards and then I petted him one last time, stood up and said, "Night, night Buddy," and we left. It was what we said to him each night with a last rub down as we went to bed. We waited a little too long with Buddy. I am sorry for that, but I am grateful that he did get to go with everyone there and loving on him. We learned from Jackson. Jackson came into our family at his midlife point from the sudden suicide of my best friend. Jackson was the hunting dog we always took with us as we hunted each year. His family gave us Jackson because of our shared history and their knowledge of my love for him as my friend's beloved pet. I think because of the circumstances with how we brought Jackson into our family we felt that being there when he went would be too much. In hindsight, I believe firmly that it is the best place to be. I don't beat myself up over not staying with Jackson; I look at it as a lesson that gave me as a gift. We went through a lot together and we learned a lot together - this was his final lesson for me. He gave us the knowledge of how to best be there with Buddy when his time came, just like a big brother looking out for the younger one. From what you share of your dog's current ailment and manner of life, and looking at what we have seen in the recent loss of our dogs, I feel comfortable telling you that I think it is time for the last perfect day, or event, and for you to gather people to say goodbye. I believe it is time to let your veterinarian know that your animal is ready and so are you. It is a sorrowful day, no doubt, but I wouldn't want you to wait until the total loss of control and ugly side of sickness shows its head like it did for our family. My heart hurts for you and your family. It is tough. I still cry when I reflect too much on our boys, or spend too much time in the part of the house where their bed and toys were located. It does get better, but they are such a part of our families that it is a process. I hope this story gives you some insight, or helps in some way.

Now if this post does not bring tears to your eyes I don't know what will. Yes, several points stood out and I do not want to get to the ugly side that you describe.

Took her to visit her doggie best friend today and we all went for a stroll. The appointment has been made for tomorrow afternoon.

Thank you all again for sharing your stories. They honestly gave me some clarity as I know I was completely blinded by my emotions. Sometimes I just need to talk it out.