My GENERAL is not happy (guy, tri related so not COJ but tad graphic)

Have you tried Duct Taping the General ??    Hunched over a bike and getting a one eyed salute...and possibly a poke in the stomach... Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Well, have you put the general on the right side?  He doesn't have to like being there, just needs to learn "ya can't always get your own way."  Maybe that'll teach a lesson.

Otherwise, I'm of absolutely ZERO HELP!!

However, you've been a big help in providing a big good laugh.

Nah, I think you're safe.

Can someone help me out with COJ? 

Thanks!

Stop following race booty so close.

You are normal as in expensive suits, you know the one that cost more then your tri bike, the tailor make alterations to the left side so the general don't show as much. 

A slight offset of the nose of the seat to the right may give him room.  Less friction. I have heard this done by some serious bike pros. 

Maybe you need to lets some pressures out of the General the tires ahead of time.

Ok, first things first, the obligatory comments:

1. Do NOT tell the SO if and when you solve the problem, I'd just keep her in the dark on that one.

2. Some would say just "Enjoy the ride"

Ok, serious part now.

1. Is this a new occurance? If so, waht changed? Bike, Shorts, etc. Can you try to go for a ride in just regular bike shorts or under armour and see what happens.

2. Change your riding position - seat height, angle, diections. I know sometimes the General needs a specific battle plan, so a change might distract him a bit.

3. Do you have any other problems with that area? I know that until I got my new bike seat the Colonels would often fall asleep, so maybe it's a different issue.

I would tell you not to complain, but I know it probably isn't the most comfortable.  Just make sure that when you get off the bike, you aren't near any children.

This post is classic. Don't want to laugh at your pain but thank you for the laugh none-the-less.

1) I hope you can resolve the problem

2) Agreed. Absolutely do not let your SO know when you have solved the problem

3) My boys were major unhappy until I switched out my seat. I took off the tri seat and am riding a five pound cushioned recliner of comfort. Sure I gained a few oz. but big deal. Happy boys = happy rider. Don't know if it would help but wanted to, at least, attempt a suggestion.

Perhaps you could take TUPUPPY's signature line on board...

 "CELEBRATE SMALL VICTORIES IN PURSUIT OF A GOAL"  

 Maybe you shouldn't spend 10 minutes applying the vaseline.

I got nothin' here.  I've had it happen, but never for long enough during a race that it caused any sort of chafing issues.  Of course it usually only happens when I'm on my gf's wheel and she pulls me while we're riding.  Okay, I'm going to stop typing now because every sentence I'm typing sounds really dirty.

This thread is freakin' hilarious! If it wasn't for the chafing it wouldn't be that much of a problem.

My suggestion is to stop looking at the ladies while you ride.

I hope you can fix the problem, I think Puppy's advice of pointing him to the right seems good.

"Margaret Thatcher naken on a cold nite. Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold night." ~Mr. Powers.

 I assume your GENERAL is long tall enough that you could just tie him around your waist, like a race belt. Problem solved!