Bad Children, Bad Parents

Many parents are either (1) oblivious or (2) simply worn down and couldn't care less any more.

We were flipping the channels last night and some show called Super Nanny or the Nanny or something, a british lady brought in to tame wild children.  Watching these little devils is the best birth control I can think of

I've got to echo what ChrisM said.  Sometimes, they're just exhausted.  I'm not forgiving the kids behavior, and I would certainly not stand idly while my kid acted up that way.  But, as someone who wasn't a parent until pretty late in life (36) and who wasn't always a big fan of kids either, I can tell you that, until you've been in their shoes, don't underestimate how mentally and physically draining it can be to be a parent of little kids.

Again, I'm not excusing either the kids behavior or the mom's not dealing with them, and you're not overreacting--you have every right to go somewhere without having to be subjected to somoene's unruly kids.  But I hesitate to judge the mother too harshly.  Maybe she's a single mom working two jobs to support the kids and can't afford a babysitter--who knows.  Bottom line is, it isn't always as easy as just telling them to stop. 

Honestly, I think that too many parents want to be their kids "friends".  Along with that, they will get pissed off if you try and discipine THEIR child but yet fail to do it themselves.

But, my Johnny/Sara couldn't have done that!  It's the other persons fault. 

Quick story:  My friend and I were playing around (I was 10ish) and we got into trouble.  We BOTH got spanked.  I went home and told her that Mrs. Chandler spanked me and what happened?  I got spanked again!  My mom assumed that I deserved the spanking and should get another one for Mrs. C having to spank me.  It's not abuse...it's discipline.

Combine that with the kid that ran into me in the grocery store and just looked at me. Then mom comes around the corner with the "what's YOUR problem look".  But I digress....

Discipline is another form of love. We love our kids and want them to be productive members of society. So we discipline. We did spank our kids. And after about age 5, we found that we didn't really need to spank them anymore. We had other forms of discipline that worked really well.

I'm happy to say that I have very well behaved children. They know how to behave at parties. They know how to introduce themselves and carry on a conversation with kids and adults in a respectful manner. But we started when they were very very small. It cracks me up when parents decide that they need to now discipline their 4 year old.

I think the biggest reason parents don't want to discipline is because it's a lot of work. It's a lot easier to let little Sally do whatever she wants rather than take the time to put her in a time out over and over and over until she gets that Mom isn't going to give in. I mean, that could take a while and you might miss all of Springer! Heaven forbid!

Yeah, but again, it's kind of a double-edged sword.  There are a lot of people who don't share your view of corporal punishment who would think she was a bad mother if she DID hit her kids.  In general, and I never felt this way until I was a parent myself, I think it's a little too easy for people who aren't parents to judge those who are.   I know people with great kids and I know people whose kids are holy terrors, and in both cases, I sincerely believe the parents are doing the best they can.  There isn't an owners manual for kids or a set of directions that tells you how to be a good parent--you just have to figure it out. Some stuff works, other stuff doesn't.

If Nan and I ever have kids, I'm doing the hang them upside down until they pass out thing. 

And I do hear what you're saying about it might be a single mom w/ 2 jobs, etc.  But that is not a reason, it's an excuse.  Kids just don't pop out.  And we don't have litters.

I think too many parents don't put their kids lives above theirs.  If we have kids, it's their life first and I will also maintain mine.  But if those paths cross, then the kids life will always prevail.  Ie, long ride now or baseball game.  I go to the game and THEN try and ride. 

"It takes a village to raise a child."

All I can say is thank goodness my kids are old enough that I don't have to deal with this anymore.  I'd say that the attitudes of many people here are a bit old fashioned.  Don't get me wrong, mine is too.  But today, you can't disipline your kids the way you used to.  If my kids had acted like that they would have gotten their b*tt  spanked.  But today, I'd be too afraid that someone would call and report it.  Parents today are in a very difficult position. It is policially incorrect for you to discipline your kids, but other people will hate you if you don't.  I believe in disciplining children, but society would make me think twice about doing what I believed I should do.
 
I think these kids acted that way because they knew she wouldn't do anything to stop them.  Not that she didn't care, just that she wouldn't do anything.  Give any kid an inch and they will take a mile.  I have had to learn to ignore this sort of thing, simply because I realize I can't change society.  I think society is making a big mistake by not recognizing the difference between discipline and child abuse.  But I've seen too many stories about parents telling kids "if you don't stop that I'm going to spank you" and having a stranger walk up and say "if you do, I'm calling Child Protective Services".

I've been know to correct unknown children in stores. Not with spanking obviously, but if they are doing something dangerous like climbing, I will step in and say something. I don't really care if the parents have an issue with me correcting their children verbally. Most of the time it embarasses the child or the parent enough that the bad behavior stops.

I am finding that my tolerance level for things like this has decreased with age. I have no children yet, so I will be an older mother.

Discipline, even for the youngest doesn't have to mean spanking if that's not your thing. Consistency is more important. I know of many children who are well behaved and many that aren't. The well behaved kids are happier and, for the most part, get more attention from their parents. They don't have to act up to get noticed. hmmmm.....

As a parent of 4 boys I know a thing or two about discipline.  When the kids were younger (late '80's) we could discipline them  with a swat on the butt. Today you can'ttouch your children in public for fear of having someone call DCFS on you.  You are left to discipline your kids without offending them or the other people around you. 

Schools today teach ALL children to report their parents to the school authorities, police, etc. if their parents hurt them.  At that point your name is dragged through the mud for a very long time while they investigate whether you are an abuser or not.

This is not said to defend her (in)actions but to give you another insight.