Are you socially awkward?

Think of a better word. You still have time to edit it.

Ok done. Don't want to offend anyone

I used to. In some cases, I stopped hanging out with such dull people. But in others I started to talk about things that do interest me and the funny thing is... I started meeting people who share a lot of the same interests.

I'm trying to think about what types of things I talk about with people I meet at parties. Usually I ask about how they know the other people there that I know. I ask where they live and what they do with their time. I try to find out what they're like. Usually that doesn't feel "small" to me. Just genuine curiosity about someone else. I would think it would feel like "small talk" if I was forcing a conversation with someone I wasn't interested in. And I avoid being in that situation.

The number one rule of being a good conversationalist: ask a lot of questions. People like to talk about themselves. If you ask enough questions, you'll either figure out a subject that you're interested in sharing, or you'll figure out the other person isn't someone you want to know better, and you can move on.

Appreciate it.

Now to answer the question. Awkward?  No.  But I am fairly quiet around people that I've just met.  More like a feeling out process than anything.  I am NOT quiet around people that know me though.  If you know me well, and I'm not talkative around you, there's a reason for that. 

Oh, and thanks Derek. I was going to comment on that as well. I'm getting a reputation with the kids in my neighborhood. I've instigated a "no pejorative" zone on the sidewalk in front of my house when I'm working in my yard.

In my experience, self confidence makes a huge difference in being comfortable in these situations. If you feel awkward, You will usually act awkward. The point about asking questions is a good one but don't feel like you can't steer the conversation too. Be comfortable with the silence but also be good at breaking it by getting them to talk first (again asking questions). Now, don't cross the line and be cocky just confident. Realize that everyone has something interesting to bring to the table. You will likely have a lot more fun at those events if you get to actually interact with the other people.

Oh and one other thing. If the vibe you send off is that you aren't interested in everyone's "rubbish" they will likely pick that up and you WILL be in awkward moments. Give them the benefit of the doubt and you might be pleasantly surprised.

if a group is less than about eight people i am usually fine. more than that and I don't function very well. however that is mostly because of my hearing issues. if there is much noise or people are not very loud or have poor enunciation i can't follow a conversation so i tend to get quiet which is interpreted as being a little shy or awkward.

x 2 on this. 

As I've gotten older, my confidence has improved, and it's easier to just be myself in social situations.  I used to worry way too much about whether people liked me or not.  Now I don't care.

(Ok, I do still care, but it's just not my main concern anymore.)

Yes, and no. The problem is not so much that I'm socially awkward but socially inappropriate.

I have been compared to a 6-month-old Great Dane puppy. Super friendly, super fun, super loving, super eager to please you, but also kind of loud and slobbery and crashing into everything and doing the social equivalent of humping legs.

It's a good thing I don't drink either, because it would NOT be a good idea to add alcohol to that

Here are my thoughts.

- find people who don't talk rubbish
- be sensitive to the things you find interesting that other people may find rubbish
- remember that everybody's got a story. See if you can get it out of them.
- think about what you might be able to ADD to a conversation or a person's life instead of whether it interests you.
- that said, if someone monopolizes the conversation and is just verbally spewing on you, feel free to walk away politely (some little nicety like "thanks, I need to go  now") and wish them well and move on.

And we love you for it!!!!


Edited by trinnas 2010-07-20 7:49 AM

I am an 18 month old Golden Retriever.  I am way too friendly for most folks, and I have athlete's mouth from saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

I pretty awkward in just about everything.  I enjoy socaia settings though...even though I don't talk alot...usually.  not a self-confidence thing...I'm just a big dork.  my kids remind me of this on a regular basis. 

you forgot to add...no leg humping! 

Edited by rayd 2010-07-20 8:24 AM

I was awkward and have slowly improved to the point where I don't have anxiety from social situations anymore. I used to need a drink or two to calm my nerves in social situations, but no more.

I worry more that the filter between my brain and my mouth doesn't work well. It leads to some quick wit but some inappropriate comments as well. As I have gotten older, the filter is still bad, but my brain is slowing, so the filter keeps up better.

There is some good advice here, especially asking questions. I would add to smile occasionally.

A little leg humping is a good way to break the ice!

It depends... with most people...  extremely. I only enjoy conversation about things "I" like... which, after you review my short list below, you can see why I'm not exactly the life of the party.
-Triathlons
-Cycling
-diet (not as big a hit with the ladies as you would think)
-Video Games
-Computers
-Anime
-Comic Books
-Reading (Greek Lit / Ayn Rand / Fantasy&Sci-fi top the list)

add to the fact that I generally go to bed at 8-9p.m. and get up at 5a.m. Hate smokers and avoid situations where heavy drinking is involved and...well... Still single ladies

Wow, how have the girls missed snatching you up? JK haha!

I've been in and around computers since 1980, but my social skills have improved with age.  A glass of wine helps too!

Girls like geeky guys too.

I like meeting people who have interesting hobbies. It shows they have a passion for something in life, and aren't just sitting around letting life happen.

completely awkward. I have alot of what i guess are social phobias if i had to put a name on it. My reaction is to be over the top in social situations, loud without a filter. I come across as overly confident. I hate small talk but i'll talk about anything the other person mentions. I dont like to talk about myself much so alot of times it seems like im playing 20 questions to find conversation topics. Alcohol only makes the situation more interesting. I think there needs to be a BT party planned i wonder how insane that would be.

Awkward, maybe.  I'm a pretty nice guy and I do the question thing too.  I learned that little trick working in sales.  I'll talk about anything the other person wants to talk about.  I'm actually pretty polite congenial. 

I'm a very comfortable and confident person.  I don't care what anyone's opinion of me is.  Been that since I was born and strangely I see the same trait in my two kids.  I can sit in a chair at a party and never say one word and have a perfectly enjoyable time people watching.  Or I can be in the middle of everything dancing on the bar (there are so many wonderful examples I could give here).  It just depends on my mood that night/day.

But where I go south is here: I can be a little direct sometimes, which will occasionally throw people off.  I guess I have a little bit of a filter problem.  I will also find things funny that were never intended to be funny.  Fortunately my wife has the EXACT same sense of humor I do and will find the same thing funny (hence why we are married).  But that will usually throw people off too.  And the biggest "awkward" trait I have is my inability to fake it.  I can't fake being interested in you if you are uninteresting.  I try..... really I do.  But it just doesn't happen.  You can see it in my face and my eyes that I have moved on to something else and am not listening to you at all.  I'll still hold the conversation but in my head I'm adding comments in (like mystery science theater 2000) and throwing in dream sequences (like in the movies) or just flat out trying to figure out if my intervals should 2 minutes long or 3 minutes long.  This is why I will find things funny that you never intended to be funny.  Because in my head I made it funny.  so occasionally I'll either be labeled as a snob or weird.  So maybe the answer is really "yes, I am socially awkward".  Fortunately, my friends are too.  And I tend to make pretty goof friends with people like that.  "weirdos" are usually more interesting to me than popular culture addicts.

All of that assumes the *I* am actually interesting, which I'm really not to most people.  I like economics, politics, triathlon, food, international travel.  All subjects most people find boring.  So I've got that going for me.

I love you too!!!!! {{{MELON PRESS}}} or would you prefer a leg hump.