Why do emails from my ex still make my heart stop?

Well six years is a long time to get over a relationship. Some grief counsellors will tell you there's a half life rule - it takes half the lifetime of a relationship to be totally and completely healed/over it. In your case, this would be 3 years before you felt totally free of it. That's just a general rule, not something set in stone. Don't beat yourself up for still having feelings.

You can, however, do something about your BF contacting you. Why is he contacting you? If it's over, then it's OVER and he should leave you alone. My experience with having an exBF who wanted to keep dropping into my life was to tell him: "No phone calls, no emails, don't even call if there's a death in your family. I am not your support system, we are not friends, we will never be friends. Goodbye!"  That firmly closed door gave me the time and distance to get over a painful relationship and breakup. Maybe it will work for you, maybe it won't.

I think it's partly the way that we are raised.  I only saw three emotions from my step-father while growing up: anger, happiness and sleep.  Typically, happiness led to beer, which led to anger, and ultimately sleep.  However, never seeing him show much compassion made it hard for me to show compassion as a young man (of course, now that I'm old...)  It's not that we don't care, it's just that we either can't express our sadness, and try to mask it by finding someone new OR we feel that we will be ostracized by our male friends, so we just hide the sadness.

I did the "block sender" for a while.  Then I changed email address, ex-bf found out and still sends me b-day/Xmas emails.  I found that I'm sooooo over him that his emails don't bother me anymore.  I don't really have anything to say to him.  At most a reply of "thank you" for his b-day/Xmas emails.  To be honest, I don't even remember his b-day anymore.  :p

Sounds to me as if he knows what his communications do to you and that he is exerting a small piece of ownership over you. That he wants to know that he still has an effect on you while claiming he is "only being mature and reasonable" by sending you e-mails on special occasions. The truth it, he knows what these things do to you and that is why he does it. He can claim he is just saying happy b-day or merry x-mas, but if it hurts you, he's not exactly celebrating good will, is he. He's knowingly causing pain and further, it sounds like he knows your confidence isn't what is should be and that he likes it that way.

Take some responsibility for your feelings and situation. Don't be a victem of his motivations and actions If you read them, you will be upset. So don't read tham. Don't read them and all of the sudden, he no longer has any power over you

wow thanks for all the great advice guys, I've definately got a bit to think about now.  Soopergirl no there are no kids involved thank goodness although he got to keep our dog.

I like the idea of autofiling his emails in the trash can.  I'm going to do that as soon as i've finished this post.  I can just set up a rule to do that.  Althought the sock blending idea sounds like much more fun

Wow I've never heard that before, taking half the time of the relationship to get over it.  I really don't want to give him another 3 years of my life.

tmwelshy that really has given me something to think about and I think that is pretty close to what is happening.  see I knew I needed you guys to help me explain it. 

Laura it was a pretty similar email to that, questions about me and my family etc.  then a lovely tale of the trip around australia he and his girlfriend have planned together.

No sorry about the past line though, He doesn't actually think he should be sorry for the break up or being a control freak.

Once again thanks guys it really helps to get other peoples perspectives on things that are too close to figure out myself!  I've got a lot to think about!

Be grateful that you DON'T have kids or other long term commitments with this guy, cause you don't ever have to deal with him again if you don't want to.

Sounds like he's trying to rub it in to me - and yeah, I'd trash his emails - you'll be a lot happier if you don't read them.

I did the autofile thing for his emails! I feel better about it all already now that I did that.

Drew nooo not the Bulldogs,  they could mess up the Dockers chances of getting in the 8!

I'm much better at talking about the footy then relationships too!

My ex calls or emails in waves, and usually when he needs something.  For the first year or so afrer I left, I had trouble talking with him without getting really angry all over again.  But things have settled down a bit.  I've had a chance to "process" a lot of what happened between us.

I jumped right into another relationship.  For the last couple of months that my ex and I lived together, we were more like roommates than lovers (which was his idea, I should mention).  When I finally made the break to no longer being there even in a non-relationship way, he totally flipped out.  Yeah, it was one of those push-pull relationships -- where he'd push me away and the pull me back.  Well, once, he pushed too hard and I was finally able to break the rope.

When people give me the "whoa, too soon" response to learning that I jumped into a relationship with Eric (my current BF) I tell them that I had several years to get over the ex, while we were still together.  We were on the verge of breaking up for at least the last 2-3 years we were together, but couldn't quite make it happen.  I went through all the heart-ache and head-aches before I left.  But, somehow, he didn't.  So he was the one who was left reeling (or so I'd like to think ).

Long story short, ever since the third or fourth email I recieve within days of leaving, all his email go into a special folder that I can check when I feel up to it.  You are in control of your space and your life now.  I'm sure these messages come to you when you least expect it, and totally throw you for a loop, right?  Don't take his calls.  Get caller ID if you need to, or set up some other way to block them or at least sort them so you can deal with them when you're ready to. 

Good luck!