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How much do I suck?
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 2005-11-18 10:05 AM |
Giver  18427     |  Subject: How much do I suck?Man. This has been a hell of a week. Two days ago one of my very good friend's mom died. Without going into any detail, she's had a hell of a hard life and is a very fragile thing because of it. I told her we'd go to the funeral, but then found out it was two hours away and at the same time as my team's first Group Training Session (I coach runners and triathletes for TNT). So I have this committment to 30 strangers and need to set a good example. I can't have my first impression as being a flake. I know Rhonda understands and she never expected me to go to the funeral in the first place, but it makes me sick that I can't. I've already sent her mom daisies (her fav. flower) at the funeral home, but crap do I feel like I'm letting her down. |
| 2005-11-18 10:09 AM in reply to: #287948 |
The Original 7834  Raleigh/Durham | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? Sandee is the assistant coach- she can conduct the GTS. I mean Jim, these people doing TNT are not heartless and would completely understand if you missed our first GTS due to a funeral. I mean c'mon. It's your duty to be a good coach, but that doesn't mean TNT is your life and you need to not go to a funeral because it's the end of the world if you miss a GTS. If you feel like you need to go to the funeral, then go. Maybe we could change the GTS to Sunday afternoon/early evening. I mean, we were going to do it at the track and it has lights. So we could always have it Sunday evening. Think about it.... |
| 2005-11-18 10:09 AM in reply to: #287948 |
Pro 4481 Reston | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? i dont think you suck, per se. you are in a difficult position, i think your friend realizes that. ***i am finding it difficult to offer you serious advice right now*** having sent flowers and explained the situation, i think its okay. personally, i think that being there in the days and weeks following the funeral are even more important. she is going to have so much family and friend support at the funeral. its in the days to follow, once everyone else has gone back to their own lives, when she will need you even more. |
| 2005-11-18 10:11 AM in reply to: #287954 |
Giver 18427 | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? I already offered to take her to lunch and talk when she gets back. I think Janelle's right, though. Having just lost my dad, I know how much it means to have support at a funeral. 3558 - 2005-11-18 10:09 AMi dont think you suck, per se. you are in a difficult position, i think your friend realizes that. ***i am finding it difficult to offer you serious advice right now*** having sent flowers and explained the situation, i think its okay. personally, i think that being there in the days and weeks following the funeral are even more important. she is going to have so much family and friend support at the funeral. its in the days to follow, once everyone else has gone back to their own lives, when she will need you even more. |
| 2005-11-18 10:14 AM in reply to: #287959 |
Pro 4481 Reston | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? clearly you are going to know what's best. i am only speaking from personal experience. Edited by 3558 2005-11-18 10:15 AM |
| 2005-11-18 10:14 AM in reply to: #287948 |
The Original 7834 Raleigh/Durham | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? Jim- we can always just meet at the Y Track and run a few miles, and then you can do your clinic thing next weekend. It's not the end of the world. you have to remember that TNT is about balance. I am sure you're friend would appreciate it even more knowing that you gave up going to a GTS to be there for her  That would mean a lot to her. Only you know what you need to do. Just think about it... |
| 2005-11-18 11:25 AM in reply to: #287948 |
Elite 2673 Muskego, WI | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? Sorry, Jim, about the loss of your father. There is no right or wrong answer here. As I attempt to read between the lines I hear your heart saying you should be at the funeral. My advice as a complete stranger is...Go. The TNT team will have ample opportunity to see you are not a flake later. 30 phone calls is a lot, but if you felt extra guilty about missing the session, perhaps you could call each of them before and/or after the session? I have no idea how TNT works...just a suggestion. Good luck. |
| 2005-11-18 11:46 AM in reply to: #287948 |
| Veteran 407 Dallas, Texas | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? Go to the funeral. Skipping anything for a funeral does not make one a "flake." Skipping the funeral for a workout group does make one an "ass." Bill |
| 2005-11-18 12:11 PM in reply to: #287948 |
Pro 4206 Los Angeles, CA | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? I'd go to the funeral also. Not going is f**ked up big time. You said that she's a good friend of yours, why wouldn't you go? As mentioned above, I can't see why TNT would be so heartless as to not understand a situation like this. Just throw in a free or extra lesson to make it up. Edited by auto208562 2005-11-18 12:12 PM |
| 2005-11-18 12:16 PM in reply to: #287948 |
Resident Curmudgeon 25290 The Road Back Gold member | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? I thought this was a poll, was looking forward to voting. Seriously, I agree with Janelle, go to the funeral, TNT will survive without you. Alternatively, could you reschedule the GTS? Probably too difficult with 30 people.... |
| 2005-11-18 12:25 PM in reply to: #288070 |
Pro 4481 Reston | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? That might be a bit extreme auto208562 - 2005-11-18 1:11 PM Not going is f**ked up big time. |
| 2005-11-18 12:29 PM in reply to: #287948 |
The Original 7834 Raleigh/Durham | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? Where's Jim- why has he not responded yet??? |
| 2005-11-18 12:33 PM in reply to: #287948 |
Queen BTich 12411 , | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? Why don't you just walk upstairs and ask him? |
| 2005-11-18 12:34 PM in reply to: #288088 |
The Original 7834 Raleigh/Durham | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? TriComet - 2005-11-18 1:33 PM Why don't you just walk upstairs and ask him? I just remebered him saying that he has a 1:30 meeting. I think he decided he's not going to the funeral, but that was before he read some of the latest posts. |
| 2005-11-18 12:36 PM in reply to: #287948 |
The Original 7834 Raleigh/Durham | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? Just think- he could go as BSM to the funeral. Sorry- just trying to make light of the situation It's not really funny. Well, BSM is funny, but not the funeral. |
| 2005-11-18 1:21 PM in reply to: #287948 |
Giver 18427 | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? So this has been an interesting exercise. These kind of "what do I do?" topics get posted a lot, and I always respond to them cause sometimes (heh) I have opinions. Well, I've never posted one of these topics, but in doing so, I've learned some stuff.
My wife has an issue with my friendship with RJ. It's complicated by the fact that they work together. RJ and I have a simpatico type of bond. There's absolutely nothing tawdry about it, but I get her and she gets me. We've shared similar life expereinces that have shaped us into similar people. But my wife has trust issues. She's probably right that my friendship with her puts her in an awkward position since she works with RJ. And I respect that and keep my relationship with her limited to e-mails. I'm very open with my wife about what I share with RJ, and what RJ shares with me, and RJ does likewise with her boyfriend. So it's all on the up and up. But our relationship still makes my wife uncomfortable. Again, there are many, many variables that make up her feelings, so please don't judge my relationship with my wife.The bottom line is she thinks my committment to my athletes is more important. I'm sure her feelings about my friendship play into it, but again, too many variables to go into. So all that being said, I'm not going to the funeral because my relationship with my wife is more valuable than my relationship with RJ. And I do have a committment to my athletes. So I'm left with more things in the don't go column than in the do go column. I still feel like sh*t, though. |
| 2005-11-18 1:23 PM in reply to: #288156 |
Pro 4481 Reston | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? Go over to the "cookies for 3558" thread. It made me feel better. run4yrlif - 2005-11-18 2:21 PM I still feel like sh*t, though. |
| 2005-11-18 1:25 PM in reply to: #287948 |
The Original 7834 Raleigh/Durham | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? If your wife works with her, then why don't the 2 of you go together??? That way, you're both paying your respect to RJ. I'll watch Nola!! |
| 2005-11-18 1:26 PM in reply to: #288163 |
Giver 18427 | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? Yeah...I'm not big on snowflake cookies, but thanks. 3558 - 2005-11-18 1:23 PM Go over to the "cookies for 3558" thread. It made me feel better. run4yrlif - 2005-11-18 2:21 PM I still feel like sh*t, though. |
| 2005-11-18 1:36 PM in reply to: #287948 |
| Veteran 407 Dallas, Texas | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? I don't fault your wife at all--the male-female friend dynamic is tricky for all. That said, not going to the funeral is sorry. Bill |
| 2005-11-18 1:37 PM in reply to: #288156 |
Buttercup 14334 | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? Jim, I think it's a damn shame that you aren't going because your wife has trust issues. My take (for what it's worth, not much) is that your wife should respect your right to have relationships and when the bond of your relationship dictates that you attend a funeral, you GO. The training thing is a no brainer. Nobody on the team is going to admire you for skipping a funeral for them. There will be plenty of training sessions to prove your worth as a coach but only one funeral to prove your worth as a friend. In any event, if you don't go then at least your friend will understand the true limits of this friendship. I can't help but wonder if the real issue is something else that's been alluded to but as it's extremely private and painful I will say nothing more. |
| 2005-11-18 1:40 PM in reply to: #287948 |
The Original 7834 Raleigh/Durham | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? I'm not married, so I can't relate on that level. But...the loss of a loved one is very tramatic. That's when you need the most support. It's not like you're sneaking ebhind your wife's back and taking her out for a drink. I mean- it's a funeral. The thing I don't get, is you said you'd go to lunch with her since you can't make the funeral? That's worse than going to the funeral if you ask me. Sorry- just my opinion. I'll go back to work. I'm just a sensitive person, and having a friend at a funeral would mean a lot to me. |
| 2005-11-18 1:41 PM in reply to: #288191 |
Giver 18427 | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? I know, Renee. If I looked at the facts presented, I'd say just what you did. But there are too many variables that are unsaid that play into it. The last sentence in your paragraph is very true, but I can say that RJ understands my relationship with Amy, and respects it. But it still breaks my heart. BUt again, I repect Amy too much to put Rhonda before her. I'm gonna go sit in a dark room now. Renee - 2005-11-18 1:37 PM Jim, I think it's a damn shame that you aren't going because your wife has trust issues. My take (for what it's worth, not much) is that your wife should respect your right to have relationships and when the bond of your relationship dictates that you attend a funeral, you GO. The training thing is a no brainer. Nobody on the team is going to admire you for skipping a funeral for them. There will be plenty of training sessions to prove your worth as a coach but only one funeral to prove your worth as a friend. In any event, if you don't go then at least your friend will understand the true limits of this friendship. I can't help but wonder if the real issue is something else that's been alluded to but as it's extremely private and painful I will say nothing more. |
| 2005-11-18 1:43 PM in reply to: #288198 |
The Original 7834 Raleigh/Durham | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? run4yrlif - 2005-11-18 2:41 PM I'm gonna go sit in a dark room now. Do we have one those here at work? |
| 2005-11-18 1:47 PM in reply to: #287948 |
Queen BTich 12411 , | Subject: RE: How much do I suck? Jim, it will be ok. Just spend some time with RJ if you can. Go to lunch or something. I hope you're able to do that. RJ will understand. |
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