need help: self-abuse in teenager

Renee, Our youth pastor has recently dealt with several girls who are injuring themselves.  One of the resources he's used is, "Self-Injury: When Pain Feels Good", it's published by Resources for Changing Lives.

http://ccef.org/product_display.asp?pl=2

No experience in this.

ONLY, PRAYERS FOR HER AND THE SUPPORT OF HER FAMILY.

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real

Trent Reznor said that, and it's about right. I went through about a year of this when I was 14 and it wasn't pretty. After my dad died, I picked the razor up again. Despite me watching his horrible death, I was numb. It helped me get though.  I excorcized those demons in Miami last November, and I pray they won't return.

Hi Renee - this website has good basic info: http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/cutting.html

Good luck.....it's great that this girl knew that she needed to talk to someone.  A very impt first step!

Renee, I suggest getting that book for her. I read it when I was going through a hard time in college too. Its good.

Thank goodness her mom is getting her into therapy now.

Ditto on the prayers and thoughts.   I don't know that this is on the same level, but my brother's son went through a period where he was pulling his hair out, literally.  Hair, eyebrows.  It was tough to see.  He was feeling alienated at school because he was different because his intelligence was really high.  Well a therapist helped not only him, but the parents as well.  They got him involved in some camps and classes that celebrated his talents and he was surrounded by other, similar kids. 

My point is that a therapist/professional may be able to suggest changes to the whole family structure/routine that will help that a friend or family member would never be able to do.

I am in the "really useful stuff isn't at a triathlon website or really anywhere online" camp.  The young lady needs to see a certified therapist ASAP.  Reading a few pages online or a book here and there is not going to come close to the benefit that can be had from a certified therapist who has an encylopedic knowledge of these things.  This is something far to important to trust to anecdotal advice.

bts 

My young friend and I were talking until almost 1am last night. So much pain and tears for someone so young - it's painful to see. She is ambivalent about therapy - on the one hand she wants to start NOW and other the other hand she is defiant about needing therapy. She's so confused. During our long talk, she experienced the urge to cut herself - she said she gets a sick feeling in her stomache when the feeling comes on. Talking and alot of crying seemed to help her ride it out. I told her that anytime she felt that urge coming on, she is to walk straight over to my house and start talking. If I'm not home, she is to call me on my cell. Stop-gap until she can get in to see a therapist.

Her mom's going to try to book an appointment with a therapist today.

Be careful throwing aroung diagnoses. Not everyone with a cough has lung cancer.

Thank you, Cathy. This is the kind of resource I was looking for.

She has an appointment with a therapist on Monday. Yay!

Renee,

I have personal experience in this area, and still have the scars. (and the problem) However, I have some sites and books that would probably be helpful for you and the parents of the girl to help with understanding, even if the are not appropriate for the kid.

A Bright Red Scream by Marilee Strong, San Francisco Focus, November 1993

http://vinland.org/scamp/institute/dsh.html

http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/what.html

Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation -- by Steven Levenkron

All of these sites and books are pretty good for information, there is alot of writing out there about it, under different names, SI or self injury, cutting, and it can take alot of different forms.

Read up on the information, but dont push the topic unless they approach you, be understanding and listen for cues, finding out what their triggers are. Friends are what help alot, and also having people that don't totally freak out and just jump to the fact that you are crazy.

Therapy is good, even if it is hard for her to talk about, even just going and talking even if the topic of self-injury does not come up, its healthy to go!

feel free to pm me if you want. I will keep you and your young friend in my prayers!

Jamie