Graduating Seniors..."You're not special"

That was my comment when I saw this posted somewhere else yesterday...I know plenty of "adults" that don't get it.  I mean, these kids get the idea from somewhere.

And supposedly all of the parents and almost all of the students liked the message.

Go figure.

The whole speech is great. Its over on Youtube if you want to see it. Didn't realize he was the son of David McCullough, the historian. The town where he teaches is one of the wealthiest is MA, fyi.

If you'd like the full text of the speech, you can find it here...

http://www.wickedlocal.com/wellesley/news/x465788965/Wellesley-High-commencement-speaker-Do-not-get-the-idea-you-re-anything-special?zc_p=0#axzz1xaUyJPGM

My favorite excerpt,"I also hope you've learned enough to recognize how little you know...how little you know now...".  So true.

Well, being the only truly special one in the audience, they wanted to make sure everyone else hearing it understood.

Mrs. Frozone?

I tell my kids that all the time. Not in the context of our family, but when they go out into the real world and look for jobs or negotiate things. We did some pretty brutal pre-interview runthroughs with my oldest, and the first time he got fired still rocked his world.

Better they learn it from those who already knows they are special.

However as he also states, when everyone gets a trophy, trophies are meaningless.  If everyone is special, special doesn't mean squat.

Honestly I like the original interpretation.  Most of your are not special.  At least 1/2 of you are on the left of the bell curve ins ome aspect of your life.  Stop expecting the world to be this perfect place where you are the next Mark Zukerburg.  The sooner you realize the world is what YOU make of it, the better off you will be.

Along the lines of "everyone is special", we were watching American Ninja Warrior recently, and were taken aback by the modification of who qualifies to move on. If you've watched the original Japanese version on G4, you know that people have to finish the leg (sometimes within a time limit) to move on to the next leg. Sometimes only a handful of people move on; and sometimes no one even gets to attempt the last leg.

On the US version, the top 15 racers move on, based on who got the furthest the fastest. So most of the people never even finished the first leg. I'm not saying I would have done better, but it really depreciates the significance of moving on the the next leg if you know not everyone completed the last one. Not to mention that they have been using totally different courses to qualify people in different parts of the country. To me, the analogy would be taking all comers to qualifying races for Ironman. Some people race a sprint, some a HIM, some an Oly. Some finish, some don't. The top 15 or 20 get to try Kona regardless of how well they did initially.

That's the key word.  Kind of like American Top Gear.  Or the American version of the Office.  Pretty much if it's a remake of a foreign TV show or movie it's gonna suck.

3...2...1... "Why do you hate America?"

I have had this discussion many times as a mom.  I had a neighbor who's son got a trophy in a karate tournament.  I asked him what place he came in, he said second, out of two competitors.  So he basically lost his first round match and still got a huge trophy for it.  

I get that kids don't always understand, but at some point when do you stop giving them medals and trophies for just showing up and start teaching them about winning, losing and good sportsmanship?

I don't want my kids to "coast" through life and not put any effort or hard work into their activities/schooling and expect results.   

Oh, and the UK Office was funnier!  

There is of course a flip side to the "a medal for showing up". Mrs gearboy (and to some extent, the gear-children) are not at all motivated by external validation. In fact, if I hadn't insisted, she would have skipped her college and medical school graduations (which were also my graduations). She did skip her MBA graduation. Yet, she had put in all the hard work and effort needed. I think for some people, getting acknowledged is important; but for others, it is simply that things get done for their own sake.

If you got second in your AG at a Tri, would you take the medal?  You can't control who does and doesn't show up. 

That being said, if there were 10 or 20 that showed up at the tournament and they all got a large trophy, that might be an equivalent issue.

Finally, how do finisher's medals fit into this discussion?

They did all receive the same size trophy, and there were more than 30 kids in his group.  I should have specified that, it does make a difference that he lost in the first round, and got the same trophy as a kid who went through to the end and got the same award.  

While I think the "everybody's special" mentality is getting out of hand, I also think that laziness is getting out of hand.  If someone finishes a race, I have no problem with them getting a finisher medal, because they finished.  

I don't race for the medals.  I would do a race regardless, and yeah if I came in second in my AG then I would take the medal if I beat out a lot of other racers.  If I was second out of 2 people, it wouldn't have meaning to me, it would be like a finisher medal.  

Now, whether the t-shirt is cotton or tech makes a difference to me!   

Agreed.

This issue comes up often here at BT, and one of the points that often gets made is that what counts as "actually doing something" varies from person to person. Like I said above, mrs gearboy had no interest in attending any of her graduations, and probably would have to look hard to even find any of her diplomas. OTOH, I have still treasure my pint glass "finisher's award" from my first half marathon, even though I was DFL (or maybe second from it), because that was accomplishment to me. 

I agree that most kids SHOULD be able to know the difference, but I don't see that happening in some situations.  My daughter understands that some of the things she earned she got because she worked hard and earned them, so they mean more to her.  She can see the success she has when she puts the time and effort into something.  

I also wonder if this is the product of the fact that she has parents who are both active and who set goals for themselves and work very hard to achieve them.  She understands what her dad went through to complete his first HIM, and the dedication it took for him to finish that goal. I think it isn't so much what we say to her, but more our actions.  If we set goals, we complete them.  She set a goal of wanting to run a 5k and I believe she will follow through and work hard to run her little heart out.  I think that will mean a lot to her, because she will put the time into running.  

She also knows that training to run will help her in soccer.  She realized that she needs to improve her endurance, but she is determined to get better.  

I am thinking of the situations where the kids show up, don't even try, and expect to be rewarded for it. Don't get me started either on birthday party goody bags.  I think we feel the same way on those!  

I haven't read through all of the posts - or listened to the speech - but I like the idea. There was a posting recently on FB about a supposed graduation speech Bill Gates did - its somewhat like that. However...the high self esteem CAN be good...but not when there isn't a reason for it.  Reminds me of the "You Can Do Anything!" skit on SNL when Daniel Radcliffe hosted...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSjLiQxEZlM