Nicknames for regulars? (Page 2)

wow....  so far a lot of my "regulars" have been named.  I have a few new ones though

large mouth bass:  The guy who comes swims front crawl with his head above the water flipping it back and forth madly to match his stroke.  The whole time his eyes are clenched shut to ward off the massive splashing and his mouth is wide open gasping for air.  Looks like a floundering large mouth bass.

Mr. Hotstuff:  The guy that comes in wearing a speedo 2 sizes too small and forces his way inbetween where my friend Kelly and I are swimming.  He then procedes to race me on the 25's.  I may be doing a set of 300, but he will race me on the 25, stop and wait for me to come back and do it all over.  After 6 of these, he gets out and leaves.

Mr. Roboto: the old guy who TRIES to backstroke.  Looks more like Randy from a christams story trying to swim.  He doesn't extend his arms much higher then his shoulders, so he bends at the elbows.  First time I saw him I thought he was drowning.

Mr. Impossible: The guy at the swim center who has perfect form and looks like he should be flying, yet is still putzing along slower then I can walk.  I don't think he's moving fast enough for the slipstream to work.

Rico Suave: The guy at the weight room who will do 10 reps with a dumbell (on one arm) and go over to the mirror to flex and look himself up and down.  Spends more time at the mirror then with the weights.

cardio-wannabe:  This guy who comes in when I'm lifting to do free weights.  He jogs on the tredmill or eliptical for 20 min before lifting and talks about his "intense cardio workout" the entire time.

I have a few.

"The Splasher"- He drags his arms across the water and splashes 2 lanes on either side of him. And he kicks so hard that water splashes 10 feet in the air. It's pretty funny watching him swim next to the water aerobics class. They try to move as far away from the lane line as possible. Happycow and I have wear goggles when we use the kickboard next to him
"SpeedoBoy"- Jerkoff one summer, who wouldn't look up so I could ask to share a lane with him. Then for weeks after that he tried to ask me if he could share a lane with me. Oh, I didn't see him there
"30 second man" - I don't know what his deal is. It never fails, but at my pool there are 8 lanes plus the water aerobics area and most of the year I swim alone. When he does show up he always swims next me then races me. If I am doing a 500 he will wait until I get to the wall then sprint 50 yards. He will then wait at the wall then do it again. I wasn't sure if that was just coincidence or if it was intentional, so I would change my pace of each lap and sure enough he would still leave when I turned. He also comes to the pool with his son and swims while his son waits for water polo practice. His son sits in a chair while he swims. The if the kid even as much as stands up, the guy yells at him. What a tool.
"Coppertone girl" - I don't know what this girl is wearing but I can smell her 2 lanes away. She either smells like perfume or suntan lotion, but since she swims at night I think its perfume
"Mother Theresa" _ I would call her Jesus, but she's a she . I for the life of me can't figure out how she does it. But she doesn't wear any floatation device but walks down the lane in 7 feet of water. She just floats at about shoulder height. The first time I saw it I choked. She is just walking, not treading water and her feet are off the ground. I love it

I was just thinking about this the other day...how funny that I saw this...ok mine are...

At the gym:

UGH-BUG:  This awful man who won't leave anyone alone (male or female)...follows you around constantly.  Face looks like the fly.  JUST AWFUL.

GOTTADOIT:  He's a very nice man, but totally annoying.  Just wants to talk to people and make them feel motivated.  But all he frickin does is say "hahahahaha...gotta do it!! ahahahahaha...gotta do it!!"  Holy hell I wanna slap him.

FISHEROO: I've never seen this guy do anything but swim.  EVER.

PINKPANTS: She's about 50, goes to the gym every day, wearing EXACTLY the same pair of pink pants, terry cloth.  Her top is a tight pink lycra shirt, sleeveless, she sags everywhere.  She is trying to impress Tony, the super-fit Latin aerobics instructor...who I know to be not on her side of the fence...but she throws her saggy boobs at him anyway.

GRUNTMAN: Big fat guy who GRUNTS loudly while working out.  He doesn't do exorbitant amounts of weight, but thinks he's the king of the gym.  I think I saw him bench 155 once.  Imagine my thrill.

WHITE SHOES:  Wears white full leather high top shoes with very short shorts and a beat up dirty wife-beater.  CONSTANTLY staring at the shoes...feeling them...touching them...wonder what he does with them at home.  Scary thoughts.

I'm sure I have to be TRIFREAK or RUNNERGUY or NERD WITH CALCULUS TATTOO ON HIS LEG or something like that.  Whenever I'm at the gym someone is always asking me why I run so much. 

Hey! I love that warm-up suit...it fits perfectly and the ladies dig it.

Um...nevermind. 

LMAO...I think I need to send Madcow to sex-ed class.  Women have built in flotation devices, if you haven't noticed!! 

These things are great, some of the funniest stuff I've seen on BT in 2 years.  Someone should compile these for a book!

Now a confession, since I bought a new treadmill and will be letting my gym membership expire, the only people at my new "gym" are yours truly and my better half.  Hence I give you my take on these 2 shady characters;

MISS O.C. -- Stands for "Obssessive Compulsive".  Absolutely positively must have color coordinating outfit to work out.  But it often stretches to the bizarre, as in blue sweat pants and white Tweetie Bird t-shirt.  Lines up all her equipment in precise fashion at the treadmill...water bottle, workout towel, extra towel to wipe sweat off equipment (not to be mixed with body towel), mp3 player, adjusts headphones just so.  Starts treadmill at exactly 2.3 mph and walks.  Ignores suggestions by well meaning gym attendant to increase speed to 2.4 mph for added fitness.  Glares at him and puts him in his place.

DORIAN GRAY -- Comes into gym regularly, has aura of guy who thinks he's never going to grow older, but female gym hottie there at the same time knows better.  Thinks every workout must be harder than yesterday's.  Rides bike trainer to Euro racing DVD's and screams at Mario Cipollini to "Go baby, you can beat him at the line!!"  Of course he'll beat him you idiot...you watch the same freaking Giro D'Italia DVD all the time, you know all the words that Ligget guy is gonna say, you know more Italian than the Pope for cripe's sake!  Gets sweat on equipment and rarely wipes it off.  Total moron.  These two deserve each other!

If anyone wants to come over to my gym and workout and get a name, it's open!

My regular at the Y is SITUPS QUEEN: A grossly skinny woman lines up 3 mats lengthwise, taking up most of the stretching/cooldown area.  She then lies on her back and does full, old- fashioned sit ups, travelling up and down the mats for ages.  I have been there 30 minutes doing weights and then left her still doing them.  YIKES!

I have a few:

"Black Arnold" - Black guy in his 50s who has to pose in the locker room and while in the gym.

"The Little Engine That Could" - Old guy in his 70s who comes to swim and is totally technique deficient except for staying planar. Tough to watch but effective!!

"Physco" - Guy who comes to the pool does a few laps, gets out and does push-ups or sit-ups, and then re-enters the pool after putting on shoes, pants, and long sleeve shirt to swim a few more laps!!

"Back-Stroker" - Chick who swims a lot but only backstokes and uses the kickboard. I guess she calls me "front-crawler".

"In-door Plumbing" - Big guy who I see at the gym a lot but only in the locker room taking a shower. Never seen him in the gym or pool. I think he must not have indoor plumbing at home.......

"Beauty-In-Motion" - Hot chick that gets on the treadmill, stationary bike, ellipitical, etc., workout a lot but never gets her heart rate above 110.

"Jarhead" - Muscle head that hits on every chick who steps foot in the gym.

Bikini lady - Skinny lady in her 40s who wears a very small bikini top and loose bottoms. The top is so small that you can see her boob job scars under her breasts. She swims faster than me.

Donkey Dude - Always in the shower before I get in and stays in well after I leave. He has a certain body part that looks like it belongs on a donkey!

Weirdo - 40s guy that wears the same black long sleeve shirt, khaki pants, and boots every day. Brown-gray hair to his shoulders. He walks around the locker room and weight area bouncing a tennis ball with a tennis racket asking everyone if they want to play tennis. I have never seen him play tennis.

Backwards Weirdo - Always wears his glasses in the shower and had his back to the wall, i.e. looking at others. He showers for a long time. I do not. Maybe he is looking at Donkey Dude.

I want to play. These are all regulars, they're there every time I go:

High-maintenance Lady- about fifty, pretty regular, does a decent weight/stretching workout. Always completely made-up and coifed, clad in designer sweatsuits with matching jewelry. You just know that she's HM.

Motor Mouth- nice guy, pushing 70, knows everyone in the gym, greets them all by name, engages in lengthy conversation anyone unfortunate to enter his proximity. I've threatened to chew my leg off to escape his grasp. If he worked out even 80% of the time he's in the gym talking, he'd have a six pack instead of the keg he carries around his middle.

The Professor- slight, bespectacled gentleman, ~50+ yo., shoulder-length stringy gray hair. Looks like a mad scientist in gym clothes. Does a one-handed weight routine with <5-lb dumbbells, all the time reading a paperback science fiction novel.

Slappy- guy in the pool who makes a sound like a rifle shot every time his right arm enters the water. Swims a little faster than me, but gawd makes a racket.

Stanky- poor personal hygiene, leave it at that. Can clear out the locker room in a matter of seconds, just by walking in.

Yes, that's exactly what I am saying!!!

Maybe he's planning to go on a cruise with Royal Carribean.