Wandering eyes (Page 2)

I have to agree.  Hubby and I are coming up on ten years and we do the same thing.  I even ask if he thinks the smokin' chick walking by was hot.  I don't know if I would have done that way back when we were engaged but I am secure enough in our relationship now that it is totally fine with me. 

Possibly the key statement of this entire thread.

I haven't read every post on this topic...but I have to bring up the fact that perhaps the two most poplur COJ threads are BT Guys and BT Women.  Most of people posting/viewing are married or in relationships.  That shoud tell us all that both sexes enjoying the viewing of the other.

If any women or men here truely believe that their SO doesn't "check out" attractive people is fooling themselves.  The key thing to remember is you're together for a reason. 

Physical beauty is only a small piece of the relationship puzzle.  I have no issues with my wife checking out other guys....

I'd have to agree with this line of thinking. I know my husband is 100% trustworthy, so I'm not bothered when I catch him checking out another woman. It entertains me more than anything. I also very rarely catch him doing this, so it makes the few infractions seem more minor

However, it sounds like you (Snowgirl) have been burned pretty badly in the past. I think you have to make your feelings very clear and he needs to refrain from checking out other women around you until your relationship has enough time and trust under it's belt for the occasional glance to be no big deal. Simple as that. For your part, try not to project your ex's behavior onto your fiance and do what it takes to recover from that relationship emotionally so that it doesn't impact your current relationship.

Max and Bear have hit the nail on the head.

My wife told me years ago, "You're married not blind".  Both men and women notice the opposite sex.  It's natural and healthy.  I think the person (man or woman) that expects their SO to only "notice" them is very insecure with them self and don't have enough trust to be in a solid relationship. 

Sometimes, Nan notices woman before I do.  Not just the hot ones either.  I'm not going to fly off the handle if she comes home and says, "I saw this HOT guy at the gym".  Perhaps it's because I am confident in our relationship.

And to the second question:  Just because someone compliments you does NOT mean they are trying to get in your pants.  To the poster that said a married guy complimented her and was only creeped out after she found out, did he try and get in your pants?  If not, then he was just paying you a compliment.  You chose to think he was hitting on you. 

I'm fine with him checking out however many women he wants when he's out doing his own thing. When I'm not with him, sure, I notice attractive men and women. I know we are all human.

My original post was in effort to get an overall consensus of what men are thinking when they are looking at other women, and then to see how others felt about it when done in the SO's presence. THANKFULLY, I didn't get bombarded with "I'm picturing her naked" or "I'm wondering what it'd be like to be with her", LOL. I'm just trying to understand where my SO is coming from. As of now it is difficult for me to witness his wandering eyes, and I will communicate this with him - and I am certain that with time it won't be a big deal.

Thanks for your input everyone

BTW, when we were in DC for the Marine Corps Marathon, my wife told me after dinner that you were pretty hot! 

Actually, I found the entire thing creepy from the beginning but even creepier after I found out he was married.  He acted like a single guy interested in me and came up to me more than once that day and wanted to workout with me the next day.  I don't think he tried to get in my pants but I don't think his wife would of appreciated how he was acting in our small town!  I really don't know what he was thinking! I can count on my hand how many guys I think have recently hit on me.  And he was one of them...so I don't have this complex where everyone is hitting on me or anything.  Unfortunately, most the guys have been married.

Like people have said, if you are secure in your relationship is the issue.   If it bothers you enough to start a thread, obviously, it is a real concern...at least one to deal with before getting married.

And everyone looks but it is HOW you do it and your INTENT that makes all the difference.

That's just because I had on a long sleeve and the temperature was rising.  :P

 Please tell her Thank you for me.

It is natural and expected.  It just doesn't bother me at all.  I would have a problem with it if the oodling got to the point that the other woman/women regularly noticed it with me standing there.  That's rude.  There's a lot to be said for being subtle about it.  Reverse the roles, and I don't believe there is a man on this board who wouldn't have his madhood hurt if his woman was caught checking out the other man while her man is on her arm.

My hubby and I know exactly who the other thinks is hot, even among our friends.  Doesn't mean anything.  Actually, I think if a couple doesn't discuss it to some degree - that's a real danger and concern.

For our anniversary almost 5 years ago, my hubby flew me to NYC to see Hugh Jackman front row center in his play on Broadway because he knows that I think Hugh is the hottest man in Hollywood. (And I knew it long before People!)  I think my hubby even paid Hugh to wink at me.   Is my hubby the MAN or what?

Andi

I'd worry more if he wasn't looking... at least thats what my wife says to me :D...

If he's leering then just ask him to be discrete.. other than that there's not much more to do..

Not gonna throw every dude under the bus, but because I am a betting man I would be willing to wager that the percentage of men who look, oggle, stare, wander their eyes, call it what you will is in the high 90's. I bet women aren't too far behind. Some are much more descret than others.

Been married over 10 years and my wife will tell me who she thinks is hot and can usually tell who I think is hot.

Considering your past history, it would be nice if he could be more sensitive. Talk about it, really talk about it. If he is the good guy he seems to be, then he should do what he can to make you feel secure. As time goes on, you'll become like Max and Patti and you'll both be checking people out openly, without ill feelings.

Congrats on being in love. Best wishes!

X 3, very well said.

As other people on here have pointed out, there is a big difference between looking and leering.

So if someone was to copy your Super Woman image, enlarge it and make it their computer wall paper would that be leering? I mean, just for instance.....

max x however many we're up to now.

Being a supportive spouse, I poke hubby and inform him in a whisper "cleavage coming at 9 o'clock" or point out helpfully while I'm driving "Hey that guy cycles a LOT! Can I slow down? (ie good legs)". We'll also sit in bed and trade magazines back and forth (Men's Health, InStyle, Vogue, Maxxim) and debate who's hot, who's supposed to be but isn't and why they take pics like that when it's not sexy.

Now, we've been married 17+ years so there's a good base of trust and knowing each other, but I think there's a difference between noticing something "shiny" and staring a big hot 'hey, baby' at someone. Plus, everyone's tolerance level is different. If he thinks he's just noticing and you think he's all "hey, baby" to every chick he passes, then some talking needs to be done and some expectation management needs to be sorted out - for both of you. No one gets to be "right". It's all a matter of comfort together.   

I personally think it's unreasonable to expect people not to notice other people. But if he's making you feel like he wants to get in the pants of every chick you pass, that seems like it might be a deal-breaker. Who needs that?  However, if he checks out some chick and turns to you and says, "you should get a pink sweater like that, you'd look hot, and I could take it off you.' then I think you've got something good going. Especially if he's buying the sweater.