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 2011-02-16 12:32 PM in reply to: #3356764 |
Champion  14571     the alamo city, Texas |  Subject: RE: Do the dishes...Gaarryy - 2011-02-15 5:49 PM Big Appa - 2011-02-15 4:30 PM Gaarryy - 2011-02-15 2:26 PM I actually just got done reading an article that low stress and more scucessful couples don't divid up the chores, they just know what needs to get done and do it. without thinking "I'm doing thier stuff" I think the "their stuff" part is the key. The problem not everyone is motivated or aware enough to know what needs to be done, I know I'm not. sure ya do... If someone is cooking, you know the table needs to be set, little things like that. But you are right if someone is keeping score, you are doomed,  whoa...if only my fiance had that much common sense. i don't MIND doing stuff, and don't keep score, but it blows my mind that i'm doing 4 things at once while he's playing with the dogs and walks into the kitchen a minute before dinner offering help....SHEEESH. |
| 2011-02-17 3:41 PM in reply to: #3356597 |
Champion 6285  Beautiful Sonoma County | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... juniperjen - 2011-02-15 1:21 PM It's funny because the article hits on the thing that I've been saying since I moved in with my SO. Relationships do come down to chores sometimes. How you divide it will impact how much you nag at one another. I mean, try to be even but you have to do the things that matter most to you. DH likes to do dishes 'his' - my way is not good enough (he doesn't say it like that but it's clear enough), nor would it be often enough. I am terrible about dishes. On the other hand I like a clean bathroom and if I waited for him to clean the bathroom, i'd be waiting for a very long time! Though it breaks down a quite a bit where everything has to be your way. Either you do all of the work or learn to relax with the way the other person does something. I refuse to nag. Nagging implies that the other person isn't capable of making decisions on his/her own. Even if those decisions aren't in line with what I want. It shows a lack of respect for the other person and for the relationship. I watched an interview with Diane Sawyer, and she quoted someone else's line: "A criticism is just a really bad way of making a request... so just make the request." If I ask Eric to do something and he doesn't do it, I don't automatically assume that he didn't do it just to be a jerk. If I ask him again, politely, and he still doesn't do it, then I open it up for a discussion. Also, we BOTH live here. So, as much as I'm sure he hates my tendency toward clutter, he puts up with little stacks of stuff here and there. But since I know he doesn't like it, I try to confine my stacks to my craft room, my bedside table, and the little shelving thing by the front door. If he asks me to clean up a particular area, I know it's because the mess is stressing him out, and I do so gladly. Same as if I ask him to take out the pile of recycling in the kitchen or change the cat litter, he doesn't even hesitate. NONE of this ever happened in my previous relationship. My clutteredness was a sign of a moral weakness, which had to be eradicated by my ex. Well, actually, a lot of things were my weaknesses that he needed to fix. I helped solve that problem for him. I took my stuff and left. *note: I'm not a hoarder. Although I do keep things that others might throw out, I actually USE them, eventually. And I have an upper limit on how much stuff I keep. Once it fills the closet or storage bin, I don't keep piling it up elsewhere. |
| 2011-02-17 3:47 PM in reply to: #3358228 |
Champion 6285 Beautiful Sonoma County | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... meherczeg - 2011-02-16 10:32 AM whoa...if only my fiance had that much common sense. i don't MIND doing stuff, and don't keep score, but it blows my mind that i'm doing 4 things at once while he's playing with the dogs and walks into the kitchen a minute before dinner offering help....SHEEESH. Oh, yeah. Now this is something I've had to deal with in my current relationship too. I think guys (broad generalization, I know) don't do well with hints or suggestions or pointed looks. They really don't. We have a party in our house approximately every other month. The day of the party, we get up early, and start straightening up and preparing. Usually one close friend shows up very early, and he and Eric will start talking or even playing video games. I don't mind if the friend plays game, because I don't expect him to help out with the preparations, but when Eric would sit down and start playing, it would make me so angry. I finally had to bring it up. It turns out, Eric felt like I was in charge and since I didn't give him tasks to do, he felt like I had it under control. While I felt like he should know what to do, since it's the same stuff we do every other month. As much as I hate it, I have to give him a list of things to do. But, he also makes a point to ask me what he can help with (as much as I hate the term "help" as it implies I'm the one responsible and he's just giving me a hand). |
| 2011-02-17 5:07 PM in reply to: #3360528 |
Veteran 698 | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... madkat - 2011-02-17 1:47 PM I think guys (broad generalization, I know) don't do well with hints or suggestions or pointed looks. They really don't. No, guy's don't do hints. We also don't do mind reading, another female expectation (yes, I also can make a broad generalization). In fact, to make things easier, I notified my wife early on that I am not good with hint's, so any attempt at hinting would be understood as a request for PIZZA!!!! Strangely enough, the hints ended almost immediately, and if she wants something, she simply asks. And I simply do it. |
| 2011-02-18 7:23 AM in reply to: #3355681 |
| On your right | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... I don't know about all guys, but I'm very much a list guy. I've come up with a small spreadsheet of which chores I will do on each day, broken down over 2 week periods. Then at the bottom, a list of things that should be done daily. I know I work better when I know exactly what my tasks are, and it's easier for me to keep focused. Without my list (which never really changes, excepting in the winter when I am not taking a day to mow the lawn) I just see the housework as too much stuff to handle on my own, and end up just getting overwhelmed and watching Anthony Bourdain on On Demand. And to the person that said a 'thank you' here and there is nice, right on. I've been saying that pretty much since Mrs C and I got married. In our soon to be 6 years of marriage, she's thanked me one time. Maybe. It's really frustrating. |
| 2011-02-18 7:56 AM in reply to: #3356979 |
Champion 18680 Lost in the Luminiferous Aether | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... David tri's - 2011-02-15 8:44 PM trinnas - 2011-02-15 10:02 AM KenD - 2011-02-15 9:59 AM trinnas - 2011-02-15 8:53 AM Paula Szuchman, an editor at the Wall Street Journal and co-author of the new book “Spousonomics: Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage and Dirty Dishes” from a blurb on WSJ. http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/02/14/the-secret-to-a-happy-marriage-do-the-dishes-put-out-don%e2%80%99t-talk-so-much/?KEYWORDS=do+the+dishes Thank you. Now start on those dishes. My husband does the dishes ever since I put his good pans in the dishwasher. I got out of vacuuming for many years after I set the vacuum cleaner on fire as well.  Enlighten me please, how does one do this and make it look like an accident? Actually it really was an accident. I was cleaning out the ash pan on the wood stove and I used the vacuum cleaner to vacuum up the ash I had spilled on the floor. There apparently were a few live embers left in the spillage and next thing I knew smoke was pouring out of the vacuum. I tore apart the vacum and doused the fire so all that was needed was a new filter assembly. I would have gotten away with it too exept my husband came home about 20 min later (he was early) and smelled smoke. |
| 2011-02-18 7:57 AM in reply to: #3355681 |
Extreme Veteran 799 | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... I like lists as well. It helps to keep everything in perspective. Do X number of things and you're done. Instead of being overwhelmed by having to do "everything", which in reality is much less when broken down into tasks. I'll be picking up the book after our baby is here in a few months. Right now my wife isn't in a good place to a realize that the book is aimed at men and women. She would assume it is all things she needs to be doing. |
| 2011-02-18 8:00 AM in reply to: #3357181 |
Champion 18680 Lost in the Luminiferous Aether | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... UWMadTri - 2011-02-15 11:17 PM trinnas - 2011-02-15 9:02 AM KenD - 2011-02-15 9:59 AM trinnas - 2011-02-15 8:53 AM Paula Szuchman, an editor at the Wall Street Journal and co-author of the new book “Spousonomics: Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage and Dirty Dishes” from a blurb on WSJ. http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/02/14/the-secret-to-a-happy-marriage-do-the-dishes-put-out-don%e2%80%99t-talk-so-much/?KEYWORDS=do+the+dishes Thank you. Now start on those dishes. My husband does the dishes ever since I put his good pans in the dishwasher. I got out of vacuuming for many years after I set the vacuum cleaner on fire as well. Do you pull the, "But you're so much better at it than me!" card? That is my wife's prime argument. "You're better at cooking." "You're better at fixing this." "You're better at breastfeeding." Wait, what. He is better at cooking and I am better at fixing things and putting them together That being said: if you want me to do something then let me do it, do not give me grief if I don't do it "your" way. I got tired of loading the dishwasher and having my husband come behind me and rearrainge everything so now I rinse the dishes and put them in the sink so he can load the dishwasher the way he wants to. |
| 2011-02-18 8:05 AM in reply to: #3361248 |
Champion 17756 SoCal | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... Chaderbox - 2011-02-18 5:23 AM I don't know about all guys, but I'm very much a list guy. I've come up with a small spreadsheet of which chores I will do on each day, broken down over 2 week periods. Then at the bottom, a list of things that should be done daily. I know I work better when I know exactly what my tasks are, and it's easier for me to keep focused. Without my list (which never really changes, excepting in the winter when I am not taking a day to mow the lawn) I just see the housework as too much stuff to handle on my own, and end up just getting overwhelmed and watching Anthony Bourdain on On Demand. And to the person that said a 'thank you' here and there is nice, right on. I've been saying that pretty much since Mrs C and I got married. In our soon to be 6 years of marriage, she's thanked me one time. Maybe. It's really frustrating. I'm a list guy also, if I don't have a clear cut plan of attack then I get lost to what needs to be done. When I was married my ex would get very upset with me that I just couldn’t walk into a room and "know" what needs to be done. |
| 2011-02-18 8:19 AM in reply to: #3361310 |
| Iron Donkey 38643 , Wisconsin | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... Big Appa - 2011-02-18 8:05 AM Chaderbox - 2011-02-18 5:23 AM I don't know about all guys, but I'm very much a list guy. I've come up with a small spreadsheet of which chores I will do on each day, broken down over 2 week periods. Then at the bottom, a list of things that should be done daily. I know I work better when I know exactly what my tasks are, and it's easier for me to keep focused. Without my list (which never really changes, excepting in the winter when I am not taking a day to mow the lawn) I just see the housework as too much stuff to handle on my own, and end up just getting overwhelmed and watching Anthony Bourdain on On Demand. And to the person that said a 'thank you' here and there is nice, right on. I've been saying that pretty much since Mrs C and I got married. In our soon to be 6 years of marriage, she's thanked me one time. Maybe. It's really frustrating. I'm a list guy also, if I don't have a clear cut plan of attack then I get lost to what needs to be done. When I was married my ex would get very upset with me that I just couldn’t walk into a room and "know" what needs to be done. 1). Wakeup. Check. 2). Yawn. Check. 3). Rub my eyes and crotch. Check. 4). Go potty. Check. .... |
| 2011-02-18 8:44 AM in reply to: #3361248 |
Champion 14571 the alamo city, Texas | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... Chaderbox - 2011-02-18 8:23 AM I don't know about all guys, but I'm very much a list guy. I've come up with a small spreadsheet of which chores I will do on each day, broken down over 2 week periods. Then at the bottom, a list of things that should be done daily. I know I work better when I know exactly what my tasks are, and it's easier for me to keep focused. Without my list (which never really changes, excepting in the winter when I am not taking a day to mow the lawn) I just see the housework as too much stuff to handle on my own, and end up just getting overwhelmed and watching Anthony Bourdain on On Demand. And to the person that said a 'thank you' here and there is nice, right on. I've been saying that pretty much since Mrs C and I got married. In our soon to be 6 years of marriage, she's thanked me one time. Maybe. It's really frustrating. I LOVE lists. I make them every day. The problem with making a list on February 1 and methodically working through it all month is that -- LIFE HAPPENS and the list has to be able to adjust and change every day...I think mr. meh does what you do (not as nerdy like, but he basically knows when and how to accomplish tasks) but doesn't deal with the curve balls well. THAT'S aggravating to me! I get that it's your "grocery and cooking" night, but something has come up and now we need to do something else entirely...and that seems to shut down the whole system. As for Mrs C...tell her you like to be thanked. I thank mr. meh regularly (could do more) because I know he needs it, even if I personally don't. I know it's been a long time and it should be obvious to her that you like it...but sometimes women don't get hints either Good luck. |
| 2011-02-18 8:51 AM in reply to: #3360510 |
Pro 4824 Houston | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... madkat - 2011-02-17 3:41 PM juniperjen - 2011-02-15 1:21 PM It's funny because the article hits on the thing that I've been saying since I moved in with my SO. Relationships do come down to chores sometimes. How you divide it will impact how much you nag at one another. I mean, try to be even but you have to do the things that matter most to you. DH likes to do dishes 'his' - my way is not good enough (he doesn't say it like that but it's clear enough), nor would it be often enough. I am terrible about dishes. On the other hand I like a clean bathroom and if I waited for him to clean the bathroom, i'd be waiting for a very long time! Though it breaks down a quite a bit where everything has to be your way. Either you do all of the work or learn to relax with the way the other person does something. I refuse to nag. Nagging implies that the other person isn't capable of making decisions on his/her own. Even if those decisions aren't in line with what I want. It shows a lack of respect for the other person and for the relationship. I watched an interview with Diane Sawyer, and she quoted someone else's line: "A criticism is just a really bad way of making a request... so just make the request." If I ask Eric to do something and he doesn't do it, I don't automatically assume that he didn't do it just to be a jerk. If I ask him again, politely, and he still doesn't do it, then I open it up for a discussion. Also, we BOTH live here. So, as much as I'm sure he hates my tendency toward clutter, he puts up with little stacks of stuff here and there. But since I know he doesn't like it, I try to confine my stacks to my craft room, my bedside table, and the little shelving thing by the front door. If he asks me to clean up a particular area, I know it's because the mess is stressing him out, and I do so gladly. Same as if I ask him to take out the pile of recycling in the kitchen or change the cat litter, he doesn't even hesitate. NONE of this ever happened in my previous relationship. My clutteredness was a sign of a moral weakness, which had to be eradicated by my ex. Well, actually, a lot of things were my weaknesses that he needed to fix. I helped solve that problem for him. I took my stuff and left. This is me too. The only difference is most of the clutter honestly comes from my kids and I have a hard time throwing their stuff out. Or it's something that needs to be taken care of and I don't want to do it right now and it has nowhere to live in the meantime. This is the second marriage for both of us and we have been very happily married for over 10 years. What is VERY important for us is giving each other the benefit of the doubt. When he comes home and says 'wow their is a lot of laundry on the couch' he is NOT saying 'you suck as a housekeeper' he is making a true statement, there is in fact, laundry on the couch and taking care of it isn't MY job but something everyone needs to pitch in on. We try not to make assumptions, communicate well most of the time and have sex often  |
| 2011-02-18 9:33 AM in reply to: #3360510 |
Champion 17756 SoCal | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... madkat - 2011-02-17 1:41 PM I watched an interview with Diane Sawyer, and she quoted someone else's line: "A criticism is just a really bad way of making a request... so just make the request." I really like this line |
| 2011-02-18 9:38 AM in reply to: #3355681 |
Pro 4827 McKinney, TX | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... I kept my list on the fridge the 1st year we were married. I did it so my wife would know what I had planned. I ended up removing it as she was adding to the list constantly. She wouldn't talk to me about it - just add to the list. We talk more now. |
| 2011-02-18 9:46 AM in reply to: #3355681 |
Champion 6046 New York, NY | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... Another way of saying this is that marriage is a partnership. This is why I am no longer married. I was a single mother for many years inside that marriage and I finally just felt resentment. |
| 2011-02-18 10:20 AM in reply to: #3355681 |
Veteran 243 Cuernavaca, Mexico | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... I say thank you a lot through the day because he does so many things for the family. But I guess my appreciation of his effort should go further than it actually does. I’m also a list person. I have lists for: chores at home, washing machine loads, weekly menus, weekly shopping lists according to the menus, and my own every day activities at work and home are scheduled. But ever since my husband is working from home he has been more “in charge” and his approach is totally different. |
| 2011-02-18 10:36 AM in reply to: #3361510 |
Champion 17756 SoCal | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... TriToy - 2011-02-18 7:46 AM Another way of saying this is that marriage is a partnership. This is why I am no longer married. I was a single mother for many years inside that marriage and I finally just felt resentment. I think the authors is pointing to different ways to try to deal with and fix the situation that you had before it gets to the point of no return. My ex said the same thing to me about feeling like a single parent, she had to do everything. The problem was that we had NO communication had we had no skills or knowledge how to fix our problems. I know now the things I did wrong in the marriage and I'm working on correcting them. I know for a fact that by the time we started having problems my ex was already checked out and that nothing would bring her back. In the same note I would never have made the changes I have if I was still with my ex so really our marriage was doomed from the beginning. Now I am able to take the advice and knowledge I have received and use that from the beginning of my next relationship to start off from a good foundation. |
| 2011-02-18 11:04 AM in reply to: #3361615 |
Champion 6046 New York, NY | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... Big Appa - 2011-02-18 11:36 AM TriToy - 2011-02-18 7:46 AM Another way of saying this is that marriage is a partnership. This is why I am no longer married. I was a single mother for many years inside that marriage and I finally just felt resentment. I think the authors is pointing to different ways to try to deal with and fix the situation that you had before it gets to the point of no return. My ex said the same thing to me about feeling like a single parent, she had to do everything. The problem was that we had NO communication had we had no skills or knowledge how to fix our problems. I know now the things I did wrong in the marriage and I'm working on correcting them. I know for a fact that by the time we started having problems my ex was already checked out and that nothing would bring her back. In the same note I would never have made the changes I have if I was still with my ex so really our marriage was doomed from the beginning. Now I am able to take the advice and knowledge I have received and use that from the beginning of my next relationship to start off from a good foundation. 7 years of couple's counseling, 10 years working on communication in various ways. He was just lazy. It was not anything else. see I tell men in my practice if they want more sex, do the dishes. |
| 2011-02-18 11:09 AM in reply to: #3361679 |
Champion 17756 SoCal | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... TriToy - 2011-02-18 9:04 AM Big Appa - 2011-02-18 11:36 AM TriToy - 2011-02-18 7:46 AM Another way of saying this is that marriage is a partnership. This is why I am no longer married. I was a single mother for many years inside that marriage and I finally just felt resentment. I think the authors is pointing to different ways to try to deal with and fix the situation that you had before it gets to the point of no return. My ex said the same thing to me about feeling like a single parent, she had to do everything. The problem was that we had NO communication had we had no skills or knowledge how to fix our problems. I know now the things I did wrong in the marriage and I'm working on correcting them. I know for a fact that by the time we started having problems my ex was already checked out and that nothing would bring her back. In the same note I would never have made the changes I have if I was still with my ex so really our marriage was doomed from the beginning. Now I am able to take the advice and knowledge I have received and use that from the beginning of my next relationship to start off from a good foundation. 7 years of couple's counseling, 10 years working on communication in various ways. He was just lazy. It was not anything else. see I tell men in my practice if they want more sex, do the dishes. My ex refused to go to therapy. Her line was "why do we have to go talk to someone for you to do what I want". So I went to therapy by myself for a year and it helped me tremendously. The funny part is in the end our two biggest fights were in fact over sex and dishes. |
| 2011-02-18 11:11 AM in reply to: #3360528 |
Champion 4835 Eat Cheese or Die | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... madkat - 2011-02-17 3:47 PM meherczeg - 2011-02-16 10:32 AM whoa...if only my fiance had that much common sense. i don't MIND doing stuff, and don't keep score, but it blows my mind that i'm doing 4 things at once while he's playing with the dogs and walks into the kitchen a minute before dinner offering help....SHEEESH. Oh, yeah. Now this is something I've had to deal with in my current relationship too. I think guys (broad generalization, I know) don't do well with hints or suggestions or pointed looks. They really don't. We have a party in our house approximately every other month. The day of the party, we get up early, and start straightening up and preparing. Usually one close friend shows up very early, and he and Eric will start talking or even playing video games. I don't mind if the friend plays game, because I don't expect him to help out with the preparations, but when Eric would sit down and start playing, it would make me so angry. I finally had to bring it up. It turns out, Eric felt like I was in charge and since I didn't give him tasks to do, he felt like I had it under control. While I felt like he should know what to do, since it's the same stuff we do every other month. As much as I hate it, I have to give him a list of things to do. But, he also makes a point to ask me what he can help with (as much as I hate the term "help" as it implies I'm the one responsible and he's just giving me a hand). I'm with Eric on this one. This is something my wife and I still work on and we've been living together for 10 years now. If she want's me to do something she needs to tell me. Hints, subtlety and looks don't work. I just don't notice them. |
| 2011-02-18 11:30 AM in reply to: #3361344 |
| On your right | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... 1stTimeTri - 2011-02-18 9:19 AM Big Appa - 2011-02-18 8:05 AM Chaderbox - 2011-02-18 5:23 AM I don't know about all guys, but I'm very much a list guy. I've come up with a small spreadsheet of which chores I will do on each day, broken down over 2 week periods. Then at the bottom, a list of things that should be done daily. I know I work better when I know exactly what my tasks are, and it's easier for me to keep focused. Without my list (which never really changes, excepting in the winter when I am not taking a day to mow the lawn) I just see the housework as too much stuff to handle on my own, and end up just getting overwhelmed and watching Anthony Bourdain on On Demand. And to the person that said a 'thank you' here and there is nice, right on. I've been saying that pretty much since Mrs C and I got married. In our soon to be 6 years of marriage, she's thanked me one time. Maybe. It's really frustrating. I'm a list guy also, if I don't have a clear cut plan of attack then I get lost to what needs to be done. When I was married my ex would get very upset with me that I just couldn’t walk into a room and "know" what needs to be done. 1). Wakeup. Check. 2). Yawn. Check. 3). Rub my eyes and crotch. Check. 4). Go potty. Check. .... Is that your list, or your wife's list? |
| 2011-02-18 11:31 AM in reply to: #3361693 |
Champion 10019 , Minnesota Bronze member | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... The trick is that the Erics of the world (my husband would agree with you guys) need to then vow to be really nice about it when asked to do something. There can be no jokes about being nagged then, or later. At my house I caught on to Bob's inability to see when I needed help and thus asked him to do things. It took a while before he was nice about it. I think he just heard his mother's voice... Now I identify right away what I need him to do and keep giving him tasks, one by one. men. |
| 2011-02-18 11:37 AM in reply to: #3361743 |
Pro 4827 McKinney, TX | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... I think it's important to ask before your frustrated. After you've hit your frustration point, the tone of voice/body language/etc ends up being nagging. But by asking before the frustration sets in, the non-verbal communications are easier to deal with. |
| 2011-02-18 12:29 PM in reply to: #3361743 |
Champion 10668 Tacoma, Washington | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... BikerGrrrl - 2011-02-18 9:31 AM The trick is that the Erics of the world (my husband would agree with you guys) need to then vow to be really nice about it when asked to do something. There can be no jokes about being nagged then, or later. At my house I caught on to Bob's inability to see when I needed help and thus asked him to do things. It took a while before he was nice about it. I think he just heard his mother's voice... Now I identify right away what I need him to do and keep giving him tasks, one by one. men. I've heard it said that this is an especially prevalent trait of mid-western men... |
| 2011-02-18 8:48 PM in reply to: #3361615 |
Regular 282 Toronto, ON | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... Big Appa - 2011-02-18 10:36 AM TriToy - 2011-02-18 7:46 AM Another way of saying this is that marriage is a partnership. This is why I am no longer married. I was a single mother for many years inside that marriage and I finally just felt resentment. I think the authors is pointing to different ways to try to deal with and fix the situation that you had before it gets to the point of no return. My ex said the same thing to me about feeling like a single parent, she had to do everything. The problem was that we had NO communication had we had no skills or knowledge how to fix our problems. I know now the things I did wrong in the marriage and I'm working on correcting them. I know for a fact that by the time we started having problems my ex was already checked out and that nothing would bring her back. In the same note I would never have made the changes I have if I was still with my ex so really our marriage was doomed from the beginning. Now I am able to take the advice and knowledge I have received and use that from the beginning of my next relationship to start off from a good foundation. Crud, are you my ex husband? I was the single mom partner in your scenario and, while my ex did a lot of things wrong (ha, I just deleted a list - nope, no baggage here! ), I think there's never a total breakdown that's the fault of just one partner. Our communication was non-existent by the end, despite things being amicable, and that was NOT just his fault, it was mine too. Too many nights spent seething on opposite sides of the couch watching Law & Order. LOL!That said, doing the dishes would not improve things in a relationship with me. That's an expectation I have of my partner and you can get out if you won't pull your weight (and yes, I'm single right now - ha ha!). But being openly loving will get you where you want to be - take the time to hold my hand, pay me a sincere compliment, notice me, shoot me a wink, tell me you love me. I believe that you choose to be in a relationship with someone because you think they are special and they think you are. All I require is that you remind me that I'm still a gem in your eyes. Sigh. Did I mention I'm single? |
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