Online dating 101 (Page 2)

^^^^^^^  Right there, ladies.

Pot meet kettle.

Can't say that I ever tried online dating. But I can tell you my sister used eHarmony to meet her husband. Seemed to work alright for her.

Abbie can I co-write with you?  We can make millions!!!!

You post pics of yourself all over the net (okay, in a few places) in nearly nothing, and you get creeps responding to online dating ads...

Coincidence?

Actually, we could post pics of ourselves in turtleneck twinsets and pearls and the creeps would still respond.

That said, I had astonishingly few creeps respond, and those I remember because they were creeps. All on Craigslist.

Unlike you, though, I have had terrible luck with BT, but I guess that's not what it's for.

Thanks for all your advice.  As it turns out I don't think I'm ready to date yet.  I got just over 115 messages over the weekend, most from the creepy types but some normal sounding as well, and all I wanted to do was a quick read-through and then log off.  Not really interested in following up on any of them at all.

My thoughts in general from my one weekend in online dating land:

* a lot of guys seem to think I care about their cars

* pics with you & an erased girlfriend or wife are not really smart marketing

* it doesn't matter if you specify an age range because many 62 year olds just don't care that you did

* if you set dating up like online shopping, it becomes very easy to be shallow and want the cutest one ...until you read his profile which includes enjoying arm wrestling, beer bongs and chillin' with his peeps and getting the ladies naked.  Yes, smoking hot - thanks for being honest.  

* there are a lot of overly verbose, wannabe artistic/poetic types out there.  Pssst, you're alone because you're painting yourself as tortured and high maintenance

* I am in the process of divorcing an accountant.  I got messaged by 48 financial types.  WTF is this about?  Either they're lying about their profession or I look mathematically challenged (which I am, to be fair) or I'm just doomed forever in the romance department.  Disclaimer:  the above was just a joke and not a real value judgement against those who work in finance/accounting.  

DOH! Stupid Graphic Design Degree!

No no, having an artistic bent is a great thing, don't misunderstand.  If you're creative then let it show.  But if you send someone a first message and it only contains a huge poem full of 5 syllable words and it describes their tortured past in the love department.  Well ... that's a whole different ballgame, you know?  Maybe saying "hi" might've been an ok thing, for one.  

I've seen you post.  You're creative AND can have a normal conversation.  Hey, you wanna go for a drink?   

Leegoocrap - 2011-07-25 12:55 PM It's only like a 14 hours or so drive

Nothing an airplane ticket wouldn't cure.

I tried it once - via Craigslist. I was new to an area and knew next to no one. I met a few guys, and ended up dating one for a while. He turned out to be a douche, but that's a different story

My two tips:

1. Trust your gut.

2. You can get a solid feeling about someone through instant messaging. I had a seperate g-chat account that I'd use to chat up the men, and it made the initial screening infinately easier.

Case in point, I just got this as a FIRST message from a guy.  I mean, I want kids, my friends all know that.  In fact, not having  husband/kids yet is probably the one real sadness in my life but this is over the top for a first message. 

"You're the only one I rated 5 stars. I like that you want children. How many children do you want? How soon? Would you quit your job to be a full-time mom? Can I quit my job to be a full-time dad? :-) What kind school would you want your children to go to? What did you think of Amy Chua's "tiger mother" book? How upset would you be if me taking the kids somewhere often resulted in broken arms, bloody noses, or rangers rescuing us? :-)"

For the record: yes I would love to be a full-time mom if finances allowed, I haven't thought about what school, I haven't a clue what "tiger mother" is and I'd be pissed you didn't take me to the arm breaking activity.  Actually, more likely I would have taken my kid to the arm breaking activity first.  So there.  

briderdt - 2011-07-25 3:44 PM

Leegoocrap - 2011-07-25 12:55 PM It's only like a 14 hours or so drive

Nothing an airplane ticket wouldn't cure.

I'm an independent, modern girl.  I can drive 7 hours and we can meet in the middle.  That's around Columbus, Ohio.  ROAD TRIP!  

This is what I don't get.  You guys haven't even said hello, you know NOTHING about each other and he's all "when can we have babies"?!  Online dating might make me a better triathlete because I'll be running so far, so fast, so often.  To heck with "mostly easy, sometimes hard".  LOL!

lamb_y2003 - 2011-07-25 3:09 PM

briderdt - 2011-07-25 3:44 PM

Leegoocrap - 2011-07-25 12:55 PM It's only like a 14 hours or so drive

Nothing an airplane ticket wouldn't cure.

I'm an independent, modern girl.  I can drive 7 hours and we can meet in the middle.  That's around Columbus, Ohio.  ROAD TRIP!  

 

COSkiGirl - 2011-07-25 3:56 PM

DerekL - 2011-07-25 6:18 AM

mr2tony - 2011-07-25 5:57 AM  Just beware -- lots of creepos out there.

^^^^^^^  Right there, ladies.

Case in point, I just got this as a FIRST message from a guy.  I mean, I want kids, my friends all know that.  In fact, not having  husband/kids yet is probably the one real sadness in my life but this is over the top for a first message. 

"You're the only one I rated 5 stars. I like that you want children. How many children do you want? How soon? Would you quit your job to be a full-time mom? Can I quit my job to be a full-time dad? :-) What kind school would you want your children to go to? What did you think of Amy Chua's "tiger mother" book? How upset would you be if me taking the kids somewhere often resulted in broken arms, bloody noses, or rangers rescuing us? :-)"

For the record: yes I would love to be a full-time mom if finances allowed, I haven't thought about what school, I haven't a clue what "tiger mother" is and I'd be pissed you didn't take me to the arm breaking activity.  Actually, more likely I would have taken my kid to the arm breaking activity first.  So there.  

This is what I don't get.  You guys haven't even said hello, you know NOTHING about each other and he's all "when can we have babies"?!  Online dating might make me a better triathlete because I'll be running so far, so fast, so often.  To heck with "mostly easy, sometimes hard".  LOL!

 

EXACTLY!  It's a scary world out there!  

I met my boyfriend on Match.com.  I was brutally honest with what kind of person I am and what kind of person I wanted.  We emailed for a few weeks, had a few phone conversations and then we met in a public parking lot with our bikes to go for a ride.  I got very lucky in finding someone who I wanted...but for the 2nd time around I didn't want to compromise.

I also went on 19 first dates, some of which I walked out on.  I wasn't about to waste my time on someone who lied about their profile (mostly smoking) or who didn't fit my idea of who I wanted.  I used the 'block' feature quite a bit.  I also used some canned responses to the 'players':

"Wow I think you are pretty cute but do you have any photos of you not making a duck face?"

"I'm sorry, I'm over 30 and divorced thus immune to your pickup lines.  Do you have anything intelligent to say?"

"I'm going to spend 3 hours out on my bike every Saturday afternoon.  You can either come with me or have the grill fired up for when I get back"

I have no advice to offer about online dating; I don't date.

However, I have experienced divorce and this last bulleted item caught my attention. My advice is to give yourself time to sort yourself out before jumping into a relationship. It takes time to process the loss and put it to rest. You don't get to actually skip this part - you either do this while you are alone or while you are becoming entangled in a new relationship. Gets a little crowded and confusing when you're going through it while trying to negotiate a new relationship. Can be painful for the other party if they are a sincere type.

Giving yourself some time allows you to, also, rediscover your finer points, those things about yourself you might have negotiated away or suppressed when trying to keep the peace or make someone else happy (happens to the best of us). It gives one time to relax and come out of the defensive position we often find ourselves in if/when we've experienced a combative relationship.

Good luck to you. It might seem like a destination but really it's just a journey.

Hey, I really like bald guys actually.  I'll take tall, fit, funny, good in the sack, bald guys for $100, Alex!

Renee, thanks for your concern.  And I agree with you which is why I'm not rushing into it at all, although it kinda rushed into me once I entered my profile.  I'm not raw or sad anymore though, our separation date was March 2009, it's just taken us over 2 years to work out a separation agreement.  Yeah, for real.  Good times.  Fortunately he didn't notice when I took out the clause that said we'd pay 50/50 for a divorce so if he wants to marry the skank, he can pay to divorce me.  I'm never getting married again so I don't need a divorce.  And I hope that phrase sticks better than "I'm never drinking again" after a particularly fun night.  

There, how's that for sharing too much?  

First one! It's ironic because the questions he's asking, I'd appreciate them if we had been on a couple of dates.  But I really cannot deal with a person who is so concerned about procreation that he forgets to get to know me. 

I am resurrecting this thread, for obvious reasons.

Another tip to guys:

When a girl emails you "tell me more about yourself...!" and you reply "what do you want to know?" you might be off the list. Really, you can't form a few sentences beyond your bare profile to let me know what kind of person you are? This was after he emailed me 2x, the second time saying "what, am I not your type??"