Letter To Princeton Women (CNN) (Page 2)

I see what you are saying but I think it is more a matter of concentration than exclusivity.  If you are in the top 10 % of schools academically in the country then the likelyhood is that you are within say the top 20% of intellectis in the country.  Where else are you going to get a significant concentration of males of like intellect except in one of the top 10% of the schools in the country.  Those males exist elsewhere but they are more spread out in the "elsewhere"

Heck, we live in a society where we think we should be able to find a soul mate in a group of 20 women over 30 days via rose ceremonies whilst being televised.

Maybe that was her reasoning.  Is it that far a stretch to think you should be able to find a good man in an entire male graduating class from Princeton?

I think it's the writers tone of "get yourself a good husband while you're at Princeton, or you'll be screwed later" that mr2tony is talking about.  It does come across with the elitism I would expect from an Ivy League Alum.

I know.  I was using it as a segway to a The Bachelor joke. 

As for ivy league elitism?  meh...  It's there and everyone jokes about it.  I don't care.

I would agree that fundamentally, we are responsible for our own happiness.  But in reality?  The people and events around us have a huge impact and somewhat determine our happiness.

If your spouse cheated on you and took your kids and half the belongings?  Sure, you are responsible for your own happiness and can choose to not be sad.  But is that realistic?  He/she is walking away with everything that's important to you so laugh and smile because you simply choose to be happy?  I guess they didn't MAKE you be sad, but sure made it difficult to not be.

A drunk driver kills your family.  Yeah, you are responsible for your happiness and can laugh it off if you want.  I guess the drunk drive didn't MAKE you be sad by killing your family.  That was your choice.

Your son becomes a drug addict and steals and uses you.  Yes, again, you can choose to be happy.  They didn't MAKE you be sad, disapointed, angry or hurt.

If your life is better and filled with more joy by finding someone wonderful to be with?  Yeah, maybe you can choose to be happy with that or not.  But do they give you the ability to be more happy?  I can't imagine being happier without my wife.  I would be happy, because that's up to me, but perhaps she provide the opportunity for more happiness?

We are responsible for our lives and happiness and can choose to surround ourselves with the people and things that give us joy...  But do they really give us joy if we can simply choose to take joy?

So when someone says their spouse or children or job makes them happy, I know what they mean and don't get on them for not being responsible for their happiness.  They mean that they are happy, and possibly sad, because of the people/events in their life.

Yes! And if happiness as a married or dating couple isn't "linked" to the other person, why in the world spend so much time and energy looking for "the one". Why bother to divorce or break up? People should just be happy with whatever they end up with!

Kido, love your posts in this thread...but dissing The Bachelor!??  Sir, you're now on double secret probation.  

Of course the lady came off as snooty, no doubt...but the message was a good one.  I think in a way she was saying, "Hey ladies, get your noses out of your books for more than a few minutes each month.  There are some great catches out there!"  

As for intellectual equals, of course an Ivy Leaguer can find an intellectual equal outside the hallowed walls of ivy, but it may be a bit tougher.  

I'll also add the speaker was off-base limiting the gals to men in their own graduating class.  My now wife was a sophomore when she initially met me ( a freshman).    The drugs I slipped her haven't worn off since!  

When I was graduating college, my wife was in 5th grade! 

Just to clarify, I didn't even meet my wife till 11 years after that...

People change all the time. Sickness, depression, job loss, addiction. I can understand your sentiments and agree in the sense that I've been married almost 17year to a wonderful caring man that I love very much..

But it hasn't always been all hearts and roses.

If you've been able to carry a 20 year marriage of all hearts and roses.. wonderful. 

I certainly wasn't ready for marriage when I graduated from college. I didn't even know where I wanted to live, much less was I ready to commit to a lifetime of matrimony. 

Thanks, it's been a blast!  Yeah, I'd say we're definitely the kind of folks people see as regularly pooping rainbows.    We enjoy being different from the general population in that regard.  Honestly, we were no less committed to one another prior to marriage than we were after marriage.  

As for the "sickness, depression, job loss, addiction" possibilities you brought up as examples of how people change...perceptive folks out there can probably pick up on risk factors that would predispose a significant other to #2, #3, and #4 on that list...and #1 doesn't matter because illness happens.  If illness drives a couple apart, I'd put forth that union wasn't as strong as initially thought.  Along with job loss, isn't the wording still the same?  "In sickness, and in health, for richer or for poorer."  

and with that kind of attitude, how do you ever expect to land yourself a suitable husband?   

I doubt that Harold is.

I would agree that fundamentally, we are responsible for our own happiness.  But in reality?  The people and events around us have a huge impact and somewhat determine our happiness.

If your spouse cheated on you and took your kids and half the belongings?  Sure, you are responsible for your own happiness and can choose to not be sad.  But is that realistic?  He/she is walking away with everything that's important to you so laugh and smile because you simply choose to be happy?  I guess they didn't MAKE you be sad, but sure made it difficult to not be.

A drunk driver kills your family.  Yeah, you are responsible for your happiness and can laugh it off if you want.  I guess the drunk drive didn't MAKE you be sad by killing your family.  That was your choice.

Your son becomes a drug addict and steals and uses you.  Yes, again, you can choose to be happy.  They didn't MAKE you be sad, disapointed, angry or hurt.

If your life is better and filled with more joy by finding someone wonderful to be with?  Yeah, maybe you can choose to be happy with that or not.  But do they give you the ability to be more happy?  I can't imagine being happier without my wife.  I would be happy, because that's up to me, but perhaps she provide the opportunity for more happiness?

We are responsible for our lives and happiness and can choose to surround ourselves with the people and things that give us joy...  But do they really give us joy if we can simply choose to take joy?

So when someone says their spouse or children or job makes them happy, I know what they mean and don't get on them for not being responsible for their happiness.  They mean that they are happy, and possibly sad, because of the people/events in their life.

even up on this high horse, I like to make funnies.  

...and of course there's no surefire, 100% successful strategy to ensure a relationship will be perfect prior to marriage, I get that.  What I was getting at is that if couples demonstrate the type of devotion to each other, truly getting to know the person well prior to marriage, they can definitely improve their odds of success, or, prevent a marriage that is doomed to eventually fail from happening in the 1st place.  

I believe for the most part at their core, people do not change.  Environments, places in life, money, clothes, tendencies, how people react to stressors, those things can change...but people themselves are pretty consistent.  Yes, there are exceptions (there always are) but for the most part people are pretty predictable.  You mentioned depression, job loss, and addiction.  I'd argue addictions generally don't pop up out of nowhere.  I'd argue they're likely to be more prevalent in folks with addictive tendencies.  That's just one example, there are many others.  Now how'd we get here from the Princeton women again?  

People change all the time. Sickness, depression, job loss, addiction. I can understand your sentiments and agree in the sense that I've been married almost 17year to a wonderful caring man that I love very much..

But it hasn't always been all hearts and roses.

If you've been able to carry a 20 year marriage of all hearts and roses.. wonderful. 

I certainly wasn't ready for marriage when I graduated from college. I didn't even know where I wanted to live, much less was I ready to commit to a lifetime of matrimony. 

I thought it was kinda funny.. not sure about Harold

We got to this place because you made the fatal error of diagreeing with part of my original response to the OP. One would think that after 20 years of pooping out rainbows you'd have learned to know better than try to argue with a woman.