swbkrun Mentor Group- CLOSED FOR BUSINESS!!! (Page 25)

badgerintx - 2010-04-13 10:48 AM

If anyone has a video that they want to get their "angles", I have a copy of dart fish. I'd just need about a 10 or 15 second (at most) video. You can even do a quick video with your phone and text it to me:

stefanier - 2010-04-13 10:09 AM

I will say by far this is the hardest thing to balance. I have another friend whos husband does tri and she and I have similar issues.

I am insanely competitive when it comes to sports and my husband. If you knew me well, you would know that competitiveness is NOT in my blood. Not at all. However with my spouse, something just kicks in unnaturally. Is has caused a good deal of frustration in our training because we train for the same events with almost the same training schedule. Some parts of it work beautifull while some, not so much.

I have the greatest frustration on the bike because my husband is much more talented than I am. I do have the same sentiments that I feel bad that he essentially "chaperones" me on the rides and does not get a decent workout himself. Luckily our fitness levels aren't too terribly far apart on the bike (when I am on my tri bike) but I do know that when he rides with me it is not a hard effort like he could get when riding with the faster group.

Honestly what has helped us the most is to seperate our training. The companionship while training can be great but in the end it honestly was causing more damage than benefit. So now we might run at the same time and on the same route, but we dont necessairly run together. That way he can run faster but we still see each other and can check on each other. For the Bike, he has an additional group ride each week that I do not go on because of my work schedule and he can ride with the fast kids. And we dont swim together because we swim at two different pools at different times due to work schedules.

The other area that has been tough is taking suggestions, advice and tips from each other. It is a communication issue that we work though and have had to be very patient with each other. Talking to other couples who tri, it seems to be a common issue mainly with one person (typically the less speedier one) feeling like they are constantly being critiqued and told they are not pushing themselves hard enough.

We have learned that sometimes it is best to wait until you can sit down and have a conversation about the sport rather than to try and provide on the spot advice. (IE waiting until after the bike ride to tell me about a suggestion rather than making it while in the middle of the ride.) Sure I would agree it is a bit less effective to hear it later but for my husband and I it has solved a lot of frustration out on the road.  

Hang in there. I completely feel you and your wife's pain. It is a constant learning process. I will definitely say that this has been a different communication challenge that my Husband and I otherwise have never experienced. However we are learning how to assist and encourage each other in different ways. We have both learned that we have different needs when it comes to training encouragement and advice that we both need to be aware of in order for both of us to be happy and satisfied.

I would definitely suggest a sit down conversation where you and your wife can both share your thoughts and feelings. We tried to have this conversation several times immediately following a workout and it never worked but finally we sat down one evening away from a workout and the conversation was so much better. We answered the following questions to each other and it greatly helped:
1) You can encourage me by doing/saying...
2) I feel frustrated in training when...
3) I need you to support me by ...
4) If you notice an area where you can assist me by giving advice you should do it in the following manner...

They seem simple but it helped us! Hope this helps you! Let me know if you have any questions



 

TrevorC - 2010-04-13 11:59 AM

Steve how do you do it?

jvanis - 2010-04-13 1:02 PM Ahh final results in from my 12 week Exercise challenge at work:

1st - Jeff - 80094 calories
2nd - 25700 calories
3rd - 24599 calories

The pot will be paying for my new front wheel and some new custom graphics for them. Not bad for being on vacation one week and with a broken wrist in week 9

badgerintx - 2010-04-13 12:12 PM Love the responses to the spouse question.  I have the exact opposite issue and maybe there can be some talk on that subject also.  My bride thinks I am friggin crazy for getting up at 4:30 am to swim/bike/run or to come home after a 10 hour work day and go out for a run.  I don't she has ever even attended one of my races....to early in the morning for her liking. That being said, I should say that she is very supportive of my training time and never gives me much hassle but just is not interested at all.  She is in great shape (I know, pictures or didn't happen), but 1/2 hour 3 times a week doing an aerobic class or a brisk walk is all she needs.  

This can make it difficult with the long weekend workouts, but she likes to sleep in on most weekend days so I am usually done with at least half of my workouts by the time she gets her day going.    

Anybody else also dealing with the "opposite issue" at home?  Is this really a good thing and I just don't know it?

Dino  

jvanis - 2010-04-13 1:02 PM Ahh final results in from my 12 week Exercise challenge at work:

1st - Jeff - 80094 calories
2nd - 25700 calories
3rd - 24599 calories

The pot will be paying for my new front wheel and some new custom graphics for them. Not bad for being on vacation one week and with a broken wrist in week 9

jvanis - 2010-04-13 9:47 AM Kelly - Hope all is well for you, hope that everyone continues to be alright and no issues appear over time.  Never fun having to deal with the hassle of all the logistics afterwards though! 

Hope all workouts for everyone are going well, unfortunately it looks like we have a few days of rain in store.

A question for the group, especially those with spouses that Tri.  How do you handle the fitness differences between you and your spouse?  I cannot seem to convince my wife that I can go out and ride my bike without needing to push the pace all the time.  She always thinks she is holding me back, and doesn't want it to feel like a leisurely ride for me while she is using it as a workout.  I try to explain that I still enjoy riding with her and can work on techniques if she wants us to both be "working out" 

Any thoughts?  Unfortunately I caught the bug and now its biting.

tahrens - 2010-04-13 12:50 PM

I think Stephanie and Trevor made excellent points about being critiqued. Usually women want encouragement and will ask for critiques when wanted, men are the opposite,  but everyone likes to hear they are doing good/better.   I had to swallow my pride a little when my husband started out performing me at all 3 events.  I started in tri's and bike riding first and it was difficult watching him make such phenomenal improvements in a very short amount of time. 

But on the positive side it is wonderful to have this in common with your spouse.  It certainly makes big ticket items easier to justify

tahrens - 2010-04-13 1:50 PM

I had to swallow my pride a little when my husband started out performing me at all 3 events.  I started in tri's and bike riding first and it was difficult watching him make such phenomenal improvements in a very short amount of time. 

jvanis - 2010-04-13 10:47 AM Kelly - Hope all is well for you, hope that everyone continues to be alright and no issues appear over time.  Never fun having to deal with the hassle of all the logistics afterwards though! 

Hope all workouts for everyone are going well, unfortunately it looks like we have a few days of rain in store.

A question for the group, especially those with spouses that Tri.  How do you handle the fitness differences between you and your spouse?  I cannot seem to convince my wife that I can go out and ride my bike without needing to push the pace all the time.  She always thinks she is holding me back, and doesn't want it to feel like a leisurely ride for me while she is using it as a workout.  I try to explain that I still enjoy riding with her and can work on techniques if she wants us to both be "working out" 

Any thoughts?  Unfortunately I caught the bug and now its biting.

Redknight - 2010-04-13 1:35 PM

have your husband gear down and pedal twice as fast. he'll feel the workout trying to keep up with you then.

badgerintx - 2010-04-13 1:12 PM Love the responses to the spouse question.  I have the exact opposite issue and maybe there can be some talk on that subject also.  My bride thinks I am friggin crazy for getting up at 4:30 am to swim/bike/run or to come home after a 10 hour work day and go out for a run.  I don't she has ever even attended one of my races....to early in the morning for her liking. That being said, I should say that she is very supportive of my training time and never gives me much hassle but just is not interested at all.  She is in great shape (I know, pictures or didn't happen), but 1/2 hour 3 times a week doing an aerobic class or a brisk walk is all she needs.  

This can make it difficult with the long weekend workouts, but she likes to sleep in on most weekend days so I am usually done with at least half of my workouts by the time she gets her day going.    

Anybody else also dealing with the "opposite issue" at home?  Is this really a good thing and I just don't know it?

Dino  

fattyfatfat - 2010-04-13 2:39 PM

post of the year.