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Got married. What now? (Page 3)
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 2013-05-29 1:13 PM in reply to: peby |
Iron Donkey 38643       , Wisconsin |  Subject: RE: Got married. What now? |
| 2013-05-29 1:22 PM in reply to: tricky_jgc |
Master 1996 Woodbridge , Virginia | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Originally posted by tricky_jgc So, fellow BTers. I got married last Saturday. What do I need to know about marriage? Thanks! Congrat... Marriage is always WORK IN PROGRESS.... great communication is the key to it all.. Enjoy |
| 2013-05-30 10:18 AM in reply to: tricky_jgc |
| Veteran 549 | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Its very simple. Whats hers is HERS and whats yours is HERS. Takes care of about 90 percent of the problems! |
| 2013-05-30 10:30 AM in reply to: tricky_jgc |
Extreme Veteran 542 Pauls Valley, OK | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? The advice that I received before marriage - Have no expectations. Don't compare her to your 'ideal wife' , your mom, etc..... Whatever you think a wife should be or do, throw it out. Appreciate what she does bring to the marriage. |
| 2013-05-30 6:46 PM in reply to: #4758979 |
Member 432 Calgary, AB | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Don't keep score. |
| 2013-05-30 8:43 PM in reply to: tricky_jgc |
Supersonicus Idioticus 2439 Thunder Bay, ON | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Congrats!! Umm... keep your goals is important like someone said. You can lose yourself if try to make it all about the other person. People say that communication is key. Attached to this, I say there is nothing wrong with breaking communication down into many dumbed down topics and tackling each one at a time. And just be genuine and make your own mistakes. |
| 2013-05-30 10:49 PM in reply to: switch |
Veteran 258 South dakota | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Things will suck some times, some times for a long time, it gets better, lots of sex, don't compare, lots of sex, always incourage her, |
| 2013-06-10 11:10 AM in reply to: Sdboy2 |
Expert 3126 Boise, ID | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Buy her a house with a big kitchen.  Kidding aside, the grass is not greener on the other side and don't ever let yourself think that it is. Everyone has their issues, you picked her and she picked you so deal with each other's issues and don't think you would be better off alone or with someone else, you won't be. |
| 2013-06-10 2:38 PM in reply to: Aarondb4 |
Champion 11989 Philly 'burbs | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Originally posted by Aarondb4 don't think you would be better off alone or with someone else, you won't be. Um, yeah... I am better off with my second wife than I was with the first. Just saying. |
| 2013-06-10 2:55 PM in reply to: mrbbrad |
Regular 5477 LHOTP | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Originally posted by mrbbrad Originally posted by Aarondb4 don't think you would be better off alone or with someone else, you won't be. Um, yeah... I am better off with my second wife than I was with the first. Just saying. I can empathize with that. |
| 2013-06-10 3:20 PM in reply to: switch |
Champion 11989 Philly 'burbs | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Originally posted by switch Originally posted by mrbbrad Originally posted by Aarondb4 don't think you would be better off alone or with someone else, you won't be. Um, yeah... I am better off with my second wife than I was with the first. Just saying. I can empathize with that. Well played |
| 2013-06-10 3:35 PM in reply to: mrbbrad |
Queen BTich 12411 , | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Originally posted by mrbbrad Originally posted by Aarondb4 don't think you would be better off alone or with someone else, you won't be. Um, yeah... I am better off with my second wife than I was with the first. Just saying. Um, yeah...me too. However, I will say that being honest--in the nice way, not the brutal way--communication and both working 100% to make sure both are happy is vital. You can't make the other happy, but you can be a supportive, loving partner to allow for happiness. |
| 2013-06-11 6:59 AM in reply to: Comet |
Expert 1580 Ankeny, Iowa | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? I agree with the open and honest in a non-brutal way. Support of each other's habits is another good one. He fishs, hunts etc that I don't get into but I support the weekends that he does. I do a few half mary's and some mud runs during the year - not his thing but he will be there to cheer me on or in the case recently of girlfriends backing out stepped up and did the race with me just because he knew I enjoyed it and he didn't want me to do it alone. The best recently - we went home last weekend to a baptism for my nephew. I took time to pick out a nice outfit and such. Usually it takes someone to prompt him to say something but he pulled me aside at home later and said you looked FABULOUS today - I should have told you sooner but I just wanted you to know. It meant the world to me that he noticed and said something - not when he felt he had to but just because he wanted to. We will be married for 13 years next month, together almost 15. What works for one couple, may not work for another couple. You have to find out what works for you guys between you two. Stacie |
| 2013-06-11 8:12 PM in reply to: 0 |
Official BT Coach 18500 Indianapolis, Indiana Gold member | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Originally posted by tricky_jgc So, fellow BTers. I got married last Saturday. What do I need to know about marriage? Thanks! If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody gonna be happy. It sounds like such a cliche, but it is the secret to a happy marriage. Put her needs and desires above yours. Put her dreams and aspirations above yours. Remember that in marriage, nobody 'wins,' but everybody can lose. Put her first in everything and you will experience happiness like you have never dreamed about. Take 'I' out of your vocabulary and replace it with 'you' or 'us.' Finally, the simplest thing - Love her, always, in everything she does. Even when she does something that drives you crazy. Love her, without question. Edited by k9car363 2013-06-11 8:33 PM |
| 2013-06-11 11:41 PM in reply to: 0 |
Master 3127 Sunny Southern Cal | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? You need to learn how to listen without actually listening. That way you can read COJ and coexist in the same room with your family while your wife screams at one kid for writing on the wall in crayon next to you and your other is shooting the cat with a nerf gun. It's always important to be able to recall the last thing your wife says, and reply to it in some sort of appropriate fashion. You don't want to mix that up. For instance, "That's hilarious that your mom is back in the hospital" won't work. You will just be busted for not listening and being insensitive. Edited by SevenZulu 2013-06-11 11:45 PM |
| 2013-06-12 7:42 AM in reply to: SevenZulu |
Regular 5477 LHOTP | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Originally posted by SevenZulu You need to learn how to listen without actually listening. That way you can read COJ and coexist in the same room with your family while your wife screams at one kid for writing on the wall in crayon next to you and your other is shooting the cat with a nerf gun. It's always important to be able to recall the last thing your wife says, and reply to it in some sort of appropriate fashion. You don't want to mix that up. For instance, "That's hilarious that your mom is back in the hospital" won't work. You will just be busted for not listening and being insensitive. Rolling on the floor reading this. It's an art, isn't it? |
| 2013-06-12 1:23 PM in reply to: k9car363 |
Master 2477 Oceanside, California | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Originally posted by k9car363 Originally posted by tricky_jgc So, fellow BTers. I got married last Saturday. What do I need to know about marriage? Thanks! If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody gonna be happy. It sounds like such a cliche, but it is the secret to a happy marriage. Put her needs and desires above yours. Put her dreams and aspirations above yours. Remember that in marriage, nobody 'wins,' but everybody can lose. Put her first in everything and you will experience happiness like you have never dreamed about. Take 'I' out of your vocabulary and replace it with 'you' or 'us.' Finally, the simplest thing - Love her, always, in everything she does. Even when she does something that drives you crazy. Love her, without question. So, she read your posts on BT? Well played kind sir, well played. |
| 2013-06-12 1:43 PM in reply to: switch |
Queen BTich 12411 , | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Originally posted by switch Originally posted by SevenZulu You need to learn how to listen without actually listening. That way you can read COJ and coexist in the same room with your family while your wife screams at one kid for writing on the wall in crayon next to you and your other is shooting the cat with a nerf gun. It's always important to be able to recall the last thing your wife says, and reply to it in some sort of appropriate fashion. You don't want to mix that up. For instance, "That's hilarious that your mom is back in the hospital" won't work. You will just be busted for not listening and being insensitive. Rolling on the floor reading this. It's an art, isn't it? That is hilarious! If mine learned this art, he'd get in a lot less 'trouble.' |
| 2013-06-12 2:12 PM in reply to: tricky_jgc |
Veteran 2297 Great White North | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Shave that crap off your face... |
| 2013-06-13 7:55 AM in reply to: k9car363 |
| Regular 174 CT | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Originally posted by k9car363 Put her needs and desires above yours. Put her dreams and aspirations above yours. Remember that in marriage, nobody 'wins,' but everybody can lose. Put her first in everything and you will experience happiness like you have never dreamed about. It is intoxicating and addicting when that works but I feel its is unsustainable. This is a recipe to be drip-fed sex. within 5-15 years, then be discarded. Proceed with caution |
| 2013-06-13 8:50 AM in reply to: GottaSki |
Regular 5477 LHOTP | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Originally posted by GottaSki Originally posted by k9car363 Put her needs and desires above yours. Put her dreams and aspirations above yours. Remember that in marriage, nobody 'wins,' but everybody can lose. Put her first in everything and you will experience happiness like you have never dreamed about. It is intoxicating and addicting when that works but I feel its is unsustainable. This is a recipe to be drip-fed sex. within 5-15 years, then be discarded. Proceed with caution I'm going to give GottaSki props again. A man who doesn't have his own needs and desires, one who would put me first in everything would become an incredibly unsexy bore. Have your own damn things, enjoy them, do them--do them for you, not for her. Put your own oxygen mask on first and don't be someone else's puppet. |
| 2013-06-13 9:46 PM in reply to: switch |
| Regular 174 CT | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Originally posted by switch A man who doesn't have his own needs and desires, one who would put me first in everything would become an incredibly unsexy bore. Have your own damn things, enjoy them, do them--do them for you, not for her. Put your own oxygen mask on first and don't be someone else's puppet. heh, switch I believe you and I would have a lively and engaged, uhm... cup of coffee! You articulate that refreshingly well Those were some hard lessons for me, wisdom I missed till just in time thanks for the kind words |
| 2013-06-14 6:40 AM in reply to: switch |
Master 6834 Englewood, Florida | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Originally posted by switch Originally posted by GottaSki Originally posted by k9car363 Put her needs and desires above yours. Put her dreams and aspirations above yours. Remember that in marriage, nobody 'wins,' but everybody can lose. Put her first in everything and you will experience happiness like you have never dreamed about. It is intoxicating and addicting when that works but I feel its is unsustainable. This is a recipe to be drip-fed sex. within 5-15 years, then be discarded. Proceed with caution I'm going to give GottaSki props again. A man who doesn't have his own needs and desires, one who would put me first in everything would become an incredibly unsexy bore. Have your own damn things, enjoy them, do them--do them for you, not for her. Put your own oxygen mask on first and don't be someone else's puppet. Her needs above mine, yes, sometimes. Mine come first at other times. It's called balance. Things get better when you both find that ever changing sweet spot. |
| 2013-06-14 8:31 AM in reply to: cdban66 |
Regular 5477 LHOTP | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Originally posted by cdban66 Originally posted by switch Originally posted by GottaSki Originally posted by k9car363 Put her needs and desires above yours. Put her dreams and aspirations above yours. Remember that in marriage, nobody 'wins,' but everybody can lose. Put her first in everything and you will experience happiness like you have never dreamed about. It is intoxicating and addicting when that works but I feel its is unsustainable. This is a recipe to be drip-fed sex. within 5-15 years, then be discarded. Proceed with caution I'm going to give GottaSki props again. A man who doesn't have his own needs and desires, one who would put me first in everything would become an incredibly unsexy bore. Have your own damn things, enjoy them, do them--do them for you, not for her. Put your own oxygen mask on first and don't be someone else's puppet. Her needs above mine, yes, sometimes. Mine come first at other times. It's called balance. Things get better when you both find that ever changing sweet spot. Oh, jeez, is that what a sweet spot is?!? Maybe that's been my problem;) |
| 2013-06-14 8:37 AM in reply to: GottaSki |
Regular 5477 LHOTP | Subject: RE: Got married. What now? Originally posted by GottaSki Originally posted by switch A man who doesn't have his own needs and desires, one who would put me first in everything would become an incredibly unsexy bore. Have your own damn things, enjoy them, do them--do them for you, not for her. Put your own oxygen mask on first and don't be someone else's puppet. heh, switch I believe you and I would have a lively and engaged, uhm... cup of coffee! You articulate that refreshingly well Those were some hard lessons for me, wisdom I missed till just in time thanks for the kind words The next time I head to CT, I'll hit you up for some coffee :) (I used to live in Kent, and go back on occasion) I'm glad to hear you learned those lessons "in time". I think a lot of men are under the impression that women want them to kiss their azz. Respect, yes. Kindness, yes. Living to please me? Puke. Peace, man. |
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