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2013-05-28 12:28 PM

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Member
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Mexico City, Mexico
Subject: Got married. What now?
So, fellow BTers. I got married last Saturday.

What do I need to know about marriage?


Thanks!


2013-05-28 12:33 PM
in reply to: tricky_jgc

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Champion
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the alamo city, Texas
Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
shouldn't you be on a honeymoon or sumfin?
2013-05-28 12:35 PM
in reply to: tricky_jgc

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Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
Shouldn't your parents have covered this?

2013-05-28 12:38 PM
in reply to: tricky_jgc

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Expert
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Frisco TX (DFW area)
Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
Originally posted by tricky_jgc

So, fellow BTers. I got married last Saturday.

What do I need to know about marriage?


Thanks!


Simply - "yes dear"

2013-05-28 12:38 PM
in reply to: DanielG

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Master
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Just South of Boston
Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
Posting to BT within 3 days of your wedding may not be a good idea?

2013-05-28 12:41 PM
in reply to: mehaner

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Elite
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Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
Originally posted by mehaner

shouldn't you be on a honeymoon or sumfin?


I'm glad to hear he's not. Save the trip for the future. After the highs of a wedding and a week in paradise, unrealistic expectations have the potential to rear their ugly heads.

Now, asking for advice AFTER the big day, that's thinking different.

Buckle up, enjoy the ride. Marriage is as great or terrible as you make it. Good luck sir!


2013-05-28 12:44 PM
in reply to: ChineseDemocracy

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Champion
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the alamo city, Texas
Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
Originally posted by ChineseDemocracy

Originally posted by mehaner

shouldn't you be on a honeymoon or sumfin?


I'm glad to hear he's not. Save the trip for the future. After the highs of a wedding and a week in paradise, unrealistic expectations have the potential to rear their ugly heads.

Now, asking for advice AFTER the big day, that's thinking different.

Buckle up, enjoy the ride. Marriage is as great or terrible as you make it. Good luck sir!



ummmm...after the STRESS of a wedding a vacation in paradise is a necessity.
2013-05-28 12:46 PM
in reply to: Mike_D

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Member
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Mexico City, Mexico
Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
Haha, my bad. We won't be going to our honeymoon until June 11th. We are going to Europe and that's the closest we could arrange it to the wedding due to work and flights and stuff like that.

So far "yes dear" seems to be a good advice

Anyone else?
2013-05-28 12:48 PM
in reply to: tricky_jgc

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Champion
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the alamo city, Texas
Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
Originally posted by tricky_jgc

Haha, my bad. We won't be going to our honeymoon until June 11th. We are going to Europe and that's the closest we could arrange it to the wedding due to work and flights and stuff like that.

So far "yes dear" seems to be a good advice

Anyone else?


ask your wife rather than a bunch of internet peeps? only you and her can define how your marriage is going to work.
2013-05-28 12:49 PM
in reply to: tricky_jgc

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Subject: RE: Got married. What now?


What's yours is hers and what's hers is hers.

2013-05-28 1:06 PM
in reply to: bradleyd3

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Champion
10550
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Austin, Texas
Subject: RE: Got married. What now?

Become a good cook! 

If the cooking were left up to me, we'd have starved to death by now... or we'd be dead.  This may or may not have anything to do with the fire department being called to the apartment twice when I attempted to make something in the kitchen. 



2013-05-28 1:08 PM
in reply to: bradleyd3

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Parker, CO
Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
Originally posted by bradleyd3



What's yours is hers and what's hers is hers.



there is a lot of truth in this statement.

From someone that is currently going through a divorce after 15-years, keep the fun in marraige. We went from being best friends and training partners to becoming roomates raising two children. There are a lot of ups and downs...don't sweat the little stuff!

And congratulations!
2013-05-28 1:13 PM
in reply to: rayd

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Sensei
Sin City
Subject: RE: Got married. What now?

Support her in every way you can, even if you disagree.  Be there for her and give her everything you can.  Time, love, encouragement, friendship.  It's constant giving.

AND, if you got the right girl, she does the same for you.

2013-05-28 1:18 PM
in reply to: Kido

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Master
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Subject: RE: Got married. What now?

First (and this may be too late), once you move in together, DO NOT MOVE A FINGER for at least a week. If you, say, take out the garbage by mistake, it will be your task for the rest of your life. If you get up to answer the phone, you will be expected to get up forever!

Second, and am I paraphrasing a what a friend of mine told me the day I got married "Congrats, now you will know what it is like having Pizza even when you don't want to have Pizza"

Enjoy the ride, laugh a lot, and keep the lines of communication open. I just passed the 8 yr mark, and felt like 5 minutes....underwater

2013-05-28 1:18 PM
in reply to: tricky_jgc

New user
25
25
scotland, Maryland
Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
Talk. Mind your finances always. Keep setting goals. Stay active. Be an example to your kids if you have any later. It may not seem possible, but the "pizza" gets even better in your 30's. And always keep the "pizza" between you and your wife.
2013-05-28 1:20 PM
in reply to: tricky_jgc

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Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
If you're ever required to get a power of attorney for her (military does this) go the next day and get a revocation of that power of attorney. Put that revocation in a safety deposit box.

If she's a good girl, she'll never know it exists.

If she decides to -er- take liberties with that power of attorney, break out the revocation.



2013-05-28 1:26 PM
in reply to: tricky_jgc

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Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
whoever pees on the toilet gets to clean the toilets..
2013-05-28 1:28 PM
in reply to: Kido

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Master
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Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
Originally posted by Kido

Support her in every way you can, even if you disagree.  Be there for her and give her everything you can.  Time, love, encouragement, friendship.  It's constant giving.

AND, if you got the right girl, she does the same for you.

I like this.  I am still fairly newly wed but when it comes to married life it really comes down to the day to day - make sure you've worked out the household in a way that works for both of you ... be sure to be talking all the time (no secrets) and when it comes to day to day annoyances - get it out and get it over with.  If you don't like the way she folds socks it's best to 1. either accept it or 2. do the folding.  Trying to control how the other person does specific things (to match your way)  just builds resentment. 

And, to reinforce Kido - it's awesome when you're supporting each other in the things that make them happy - allowing one another to have hobbies, passions, etc will make you even stronger. It's important to spend time together but it's also important to be able to spend time apart. 

And more importantly, don't take yourself too seriously. A sense of humour goes a long way. 

2013-05-28 1:31 PM
in reply to: tricky_jgc

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Extreme Veteran
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Not Quite DFL
Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
If she's talking, listen. If the tv is on - and it's a commercial - listen really hard (she may already know the rules).

Share the work.

Laugh.

Don't tell your friends about that really weird thing she does. She knows your secrets too. Be loyal. (Not just faithful, loyal)

There is a difference between "that's fine" and "that's fine". Learn it early.


and yes, you are asking this question far, far too late.

2013-05-28 1:34 PM
in reply to: 0

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Master
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Englewood, Florida
Subject: RE: Got married. What now?

50 years from now, many of the problems will pale in comparison to the joy. 

Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. 

BTW, congratulations!!!!



Edited by cdban66 2013-05-28 1:35 PM
2013-05-28 1:36 PM
in reply to: juniperjen

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Deep in the Heart of Texas
Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
Communication is the key!  When, what, how much, how little, with what tone, verbal or non-verbal, etc. are all things she will teach you along the way.  Congrats!


2013-05-28 1:41 PM
in reply to: crimefighter2

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Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
It sounds lame, but you may have to change your meaning of "winning". You can win an argument, but if the rest of your day or week sucks then you didn't win anything.

Your logic is not her logic. It seems strange because you believe you're making decisions based on "facts" and that logically anyone who else who has the same information will come to the same conclusion as you. Since you two will spend so much time together you'll assume her knowledge of a situation would be equal to yours, but since her brain will continue to work quite differently than yours you are never starting from the same place. What seems logical to you and logical to her will often be quite different. Add that to the fact that many women believe emotions should factor just as much into a decision as logic and you're screwed.
2013-05-28 1:41 PM
in reply to: crimefighter2

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Subject: RE: Got married. What now?

If you treat your wife like you treat your best friend, you'll be fine.  Like most things in life it's not that hard, don't make it that way.  Give in on arguments.....because it doesn't matter.  Don't share money.....you'll never argue over it.  Have your own interests...and don't get in the way of hers.  Don't ever be jealous.....it's stupid.  Cook together.  Get her a horse.

This year is 20 for us.

 

2013-05-28 1:55 PM
in reply to: Left Brain

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Pro
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Houston
Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
Have lots and lots of pizza.
Oh and all that other stuff too.
2013-05-28 2:02 PM
in reply to: cdban66

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Regular
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LHOTP
Subject: RE: Got married. What now?
Originally posted by cdban66

50 years from now, many of the problems will pale in comparison to the joy. 

Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. 

BTW, congratulations!!!!

I love this ^.  I haven't heard that before, but, damn, it's the truth. 

It'll be 9 years for me in August, and it hasn't all been great and it certainly hasn't been easy. 

  • Admit and own when you're wrong.
  • Try to assume that your spouse had the best intentions, even--and especially when--they've royally effed something up.
  • Don't forget the little things--nice things you say and do.  Some people appreciate "tasks of service" more than words or physical intimacy.  You both should learn how the other one likes to be shown love, and then show it that way.  This is especially tricky for people who have different "love languages" (not my term, and the title of the book makes it sound horrifically cheesy and the cover is gag-orific, but the message is a good one: http://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-That-Lasts/dp/080247315... very easy to take your spouse for granted. Don't.  Is s/he smart? Funny? Hot? Good w/ $? Awesome w/ kids? Whatever it is, let them know you appreciate it.
  • When it gets "hard," it doesn't mean it's "bad".

Good luck!

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