Yanti & Salty MAD MANATEES Mentor Group - FULL POD (Page 32)

Ah, good point.  I should have mentioned that the reason that DH was pushing me out the door after my long ride this weekend is that our agreement is that we try to be done with whatever activity by "lunch."  It was 12:35 when I got home.  He was warned to "snack appropriately" but that does not always work out.

For the really long rides, he's on his own for lunch but that's not every weekend.  When he kayaks on the weekend, that means he is camping in the mountains, there is rarely whitewater near here.  If peak tri training and peak whitewater season coincide, that works well for us.

ArielLIlB - 2012-04-17 10:13 AM On the issue of exercising and the spouse - how does that work for everyone else? My husband has never been into exercising (supremely unfairly, he is thin n'trim from a diet of pepsi and cheez-its), and now that I'm all tri-happy he has been extra pissy about me taking time to train. I'd also like to get more involve in my tri team, but I know he'll moan.  I've offered him to join me on any of the THREE sport options and he poo-poos them all.  Looking at what someone other manatees have going on in their lives, with work, kids, HIM etc., and the training they manage to get in (I'm looking at you Jo), how do you get it all done?  Does anyone else have a coachpotato spouse/sig. other who resents the training?  I just love it and can't understand why training and being healthy and active is something that is not valued by the hub.

Does he have any activities?  My partner is an agility dog trainer, so she spends her time doing that.  I do try to do my workouts when she is training or trialling.  Sometimes we combine the two--this past weekend there was an agility trial in the same town as my triathlon, so she had her fun and me mine.  She also often works evenings, so I will do my workouts then.  She is also one of those people who is naturally thin (and eats like a horse without ever gaining--makes me CRAZY!).  She only runs if someone is chasing her (or she is chasing the dogs around a course), and she will bike, but does not have one, so we can't workout together.  Maybe you could find something you both enjoy doing and put aside some time each week to do so?   

Yeah, very good points, both of you. I just think triathlon is like anything else in that you need to find a balance that works for both people. 

Oh and you can use your workout to let off some steam about the fact that our significant others stay thin eating crap food and not working out hahaha now pass me some cheeze-its!

Thanks for the input.  it sounds like you all have a pretty good system worked out.  Now that it's golf season for him again, that will give me all of sunday mornings for something, usually running or a brick.  Other than that, we have the same work sched (8:30-6:00) and I'm in charge of dinners (self-appointed - please refer to the pepsi/cheez-it comment) so squeezing stuff in is hard.  I have managed to do some bike, swim and stregnth in the AM before work, but the flip side is it makes me more tired so I go to bed before him.  I guess the moral of the story is BALANCE! I'll find mine - afterall, I have only been doing this tri stuff for 3 1/2 months!

I'd love to hear from anyone else who has some words of wisdom!  Plus, it just helps me get to know everyone better

kgore - Not to mention, then he would know how much the entrance fees actually cost!!! 

Of course, after promising Salty I'd stay out of it since I'm the last person on Earth who should offer any views (or God forbid personal experience) on relationships, I really think that's the crux of it. Balance, and compromise, at least one which makes both parties least unhappy (if not both satisfied).

(uh oh here I go) I do think you would have valid points in that, just as much as he isn't interested in joining you for your tri sports, which is fine, you're not particularly interested in watching TV (or whatever sedentary things he's into). And that needs to be fine too.

Also, ONLY WITH RESPECT TO YOURSELF (personally I think it's a terrible idea to point out anyone else's faults when there is something you want), point out that you have a tendency to gain weight, and exactly how much the average post-heart attack hospital bill and likely rehab and medications are.

I struggle with this as well.  My partners work is such that she rarely has to be up early, so she will often stay up late.  I sometimes feel guilty for working out and not spending time with her, so will stay up later than I should so that we can spend some time together, but then I am too tired to get up early to workout before work.  Catch 22/vicious cycle--as you said, balance.   

As much as I hate to interrupt the relationship convo with a question, I will (please don't beat me).  Have any of you ever used BT's coaching service?  I'm considering just trying a month of it to see what sort of plan s/he may come up with to help me through my non-running-Achilles-healing time.

Ah, what the heck, I'll chime in with the relationship stuff.  We tend to have our own activities (him: golf, hunting, drinking beer at the bar (seriously, I call it his second home), me: well, you already know most of them).  A slim few overlap, like he will occasionally go kayaking or mountain biking or walk the dogs with me.  He is generally supportive of my workout endeavors and actually (weirdly and embarassingly) likes to constantly tell people what I am up to.  Well, it ends up being weird or embarassing when he is talking about me in front of me.  If he does it when I'm not around I'm not as skeeved out by it.  But overall he doesn't do any exercise-like activities (with the exception of golf) without me.  He never does things on his own.  Long story short: it mostly works, but I wish he would be more active.  Given a choice of laying on the couch all weekend or going outside to do anything, he'll pick the couch unless I ask him if he wants to go do whatever.  But I feel like I shouldn't always have to ask.

I've found that the fishing information has the water temperature. For instance, here's the site for a reservoir (we have very few real "lakes" near me) near where I live.

http://kdwpt.state.ks.us/news/Fishing/Where-to-Fish-in-Kansas/Fishing-Locations-Public-Waters/Region-1/Wilson-Reservoir

Melanie, the online coaching with BT is an add-on as a service to the already-existing BT training programs. They (and you) can do some customization, but it definitely isn't a service where a coach creates a custom plan for your needs (which, not being able to run, you may need).

However ...

There are several excellent coaches who are regular posters on BT that you may want to consider trying out. To my knowledge, all of them take virtual clients.

Also ...

There's probably a lot of free information and help you can squeeze out of me and Salty, although I'd need to get a lot more information out of you first. I'm going to wander over to your logs ...

IT's all in making it work for your situation.  I thought I had it fairly well down while DW was working the night shift BUT that changed recently when she switched to a 5 day a week dayshift job.  It has been an interesting transition, I don't think she really realized how much time I was training, she'd wake up and ask what I did "oh a bike and a swim"  now I say" hey babe going to the gym after work for an hour long swim and then on the day off tomorrow it's a 4 hour ride and possibly another swim after" she has gotten close to getting annoyed.  We are working on it, I see alot more early morning workouts in my future for example.

ArielLIlB - 2012-04-17 12:13 PM On the issue of exercising and the spouse - how does that work for everyone else? My husband has never been into exercising (supremely unfairly, he is thin n'trim from a diet of pepsi and cheez-its), and now that I'm all tri-happy he has been extra pissy about me taking time to train. I'd also like to get more involve in my tri team, but I know he'll moan.  I've offered him to join me on any of the THREE sport options and he poo-poos them all.  Looking at what someone other manatees have going on in their lives, with work, kids, HIM etc., and the training they manage to get in (I'm looking at you Jo), how do you get it all done?  Does anyone else have a coachpotato spouse/sig. other who resents the training?  I just love it and can't understand why training and being healthy and active is something that is not valued by the hub.

My husband's sport of choice is mountain climbing/hiking. Not something he can do much in Kansas, which I hear about on at least a weekly basis.

He's a bit of a couch potato (well actually, a waterbed potato, because that's where he works on his computer and watches tv), but I met him when he was putting in serious hours/miles hiking. So I know he would be different if he could do what he loves.

He has a nice hybrid bike that he bought when I bought mine last summer, and he will ride with me, but he accuses me of trying to "kill" him on those rides. He doesn't run, and he doesn't swim.

He does resent the time I spent training, so I try to arrange to train after he goes to work and before he gets home. I am lucky that my work schedule is a little flexible -- I try to leave here when I can by about 4:00, and he doesn't usually get home before 5:15.

Still, I do still have to do my "long" workouts on the weekends, and even though I object, he calls what he does while I'm out "babysitting." I have tried to remind him that what he does when he watches the kids is called "parenting," but he disagrees. He insists it is "babysitting," and he resents it.

But, he is also supportive. This past weekend wasn't all about me, but Sunday was. And they were all there at the race, from the moment I jumped in the pool until I crossed the mat after the run.

I want to work on trails anyway, so I am trying to talk him into a couple long weekend trips this summer -- one to Colorado Springs (about 7 hours away), and the other to New Mexico (maybe 8 hours away). That way he can get some hiking in, and I can maybe do some trail running.

I also try to remember that I wasn't like this when he married me. Honestly, he might not have married me if I had been like this, so I realize what I'm doing now is a big cultural shift for him. Except for hiking and a little biking when he was a teenager, he is not an athletic person -- is even antagonistic toward "jocks."

I keep trying to remind him, softly, that change is good, and that neither one of us has to be exactly the same person we married seven years ago. But he responds that he really liked that woman he married seven years ago.

That's good, but I've also changed slightly. (Not radically, but a little.)

I guess I'm saying that I haven't figured it out exactly. My husband is a paradox -- proud of what I'm doing and resentful of the time it takes to do it.

Felicia, thanks for the honest response.  It's great to hear how couples have worked out a balance, but it's also helpful to know that I'm not the only one struggling with that balance and with a spouse that is having trouble accepting this "new & active (I argue improved!)" wife.  It must be extra hard with kids - can't imagine!  Good for you for making it work, and for really trying to find ways to get him his "activity" fix - those proposed trips sounds awesome!  And I"m glad you had your family there for the inaugural race of the 2012 season - especially given the weather, best to stick together as a family!

I agree -- my relationship is more important than the training which is why I try to make it as unobtrusive on the family as possible.

We also have "date night" during the week. We don't always eat breakfast together on the weekends, but I could see that also as a good thing to do. But I don't even think about scheduling any kind of training on "date night." I just would never do that. Ever.

Yes, in addition to what Yanti said I think first and foremost is taking the time to identify your goals and what exactly you are looking for in terms of fitness AND from a coach. Once you identify that I think it will be easier to make a decision on how to proceed. 

If it's just simply coming up with some stuff to help you maintain fitness while you are not running, there are plenty of fantastic people here on BT (and the internets) that can make some suggestions. 

Thanks to both of you for your comments.  Well, I originally had high hopes this would be my best/strongest year of triathon yet.  I was hoping to actually follow a set plan and do more regular, scheduled workouts rather than the haphazard way I trained in past years (and am now training this year, as it is turning out).  I know I could be so much better/faster [than my own previous times] if I could put in some consistent effort.  And now, especially since the Achilles issue, my workouts feel even more random than before.  I was trying to stick to a schedule prior to the injury and doing OK at it.  I don't know, I just feel a bit like a ship lost at sea, LOL!

I don't mind the breathe every 5 or 6 with the pull buoy - you have to go slow or you'll increase you're heart rate too much and need more oxygen.  It's very peaceful head down just counting to 4 breathe out on 5 and lift head on 6.  I love it!  Not sure what it achieves but coach Johnny loves these drills!  Killed my arms and shoulders though coz we had no kicking what with the pull buoy!

ArielLIlB - 2012-04-17 12:13 PM On the issue of exercising and the spouse - how does that work for everyone else? My husband has never been into exercising (supremely unfairly, he is thin n'trim from a diet of pepsi and cheez-its), and now that I'm all tri-happy he has been extra pissy about me taking time to train. I'd also like to get more involve in my tri team, but I know he'll moan.  I've offered him to join me on any of the THREE sport options and he poo-poos them all.  Looking at what someone other manatees have going on in their lives, with work, kids, HIM etc., and the training they manage to get in (I'm looking at you Jo), how do you get it all done?  Does anyone else have a coachpotato spouse/sig. other who resents the training?  I just love it and can't understand why training and being healthy and active is something that is not valued by the hub.

Well it is tricky to manage I agree!  BUT my husband likes me to be happy also likes me to be in shape so win/win!  I try to not intrude on our homelife too much.  During the week if I want to ride the trainer I get up 4.30am and do it then it's no drama.  The runs that are of 45mins or less I can fit into my lunchbreak.  Evenings I'm allowed Monday/Wednesday squad.  Tuesdays and Thursdays are hubby's training nights (he just does gym and boot camp stuff).  But on a Thursday when he is done around 8pm I'll do a late night run.

Fridays are good - my daughter goes to Greek school from 5-9pm so i got 4 hours to do what I want as does he.  Sometimes we'll go out for dinner or some kind of date night but really it's a good training opportunity for me or my night to catch up with girlfriends.

Weekends - hubby has early morning training Saturday home by 9 when I take off for usually a 4-6 hour session.  In that time he takes little one to swimming lessons and out for lunch. Afternoon and evening is ours.

Sunday morning I try to get out of the house by 6am so if it's a long session I'm home by lunchtime.

its give and take and we had a long discussion before i decided to enter Ironman next year and I said it's gong to be 5 months of long training not to mention emotional breakdown!  He was fine with it.

Everyone tells me he is so proud of me when he talks about me to them so I'm doing something right!

Triathlon and racing are my thing they are my time to be me - I'm no-one's wife or mother when I'm out there running/riding/swimmng, I'm just Jo trying to do the best I can!

I've had days like that, too. Hang in there. Your workouts will be there waiting for you. :-)

Hey! My race report from this weekend is up and completed.

I'm going to try to post a picture of milk crate guy. He was actually really cute. He should have been good pace booty on the bike, but I couldn't really see him, what with that milk crate in the way and all.

This is true for me, as well. My husband figured that out a few months ago. "You just like your long training time because you can get away from us for a while." Of course, he made it sound like a bad thing, but it really is a good thing. And he knows that, too. When I get really stressed and upset, he will come find me and say something like, "You need to go for a long run or a long bike ride for a while." And he's not even sarcastic about it!