Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0 (Page 38)

turtlegirl - 2013-01-31 5:59 PM Exactly! I've never had the talk bc we always were talking or texting 10 times a day, and saw each other as much as possible. She's 2 miles away?? I dated a guy 4 states away for a year and we talked at least an hour daily! Saw each other 1-2 weekends a month and we were both working full time and going to grad school.

Zero2Athlete - 2013-01-31 4:25 PM

 

I am getting that back burner vibe too..which is something I'm not used to and probably wouldn't even know what it is if I haven't been using that technique myself  a lot for 2 out of the past 3 years...Except I've always been up front and told girls what is and isn't a relationship.  Some just don't listen. 

I agree that we should still be happy to see/hear from eachother.  I don't need an hour a day, but at least express that you wish we could get together...or something?  Ditto on the "rather be alone than.." statement, TJ.  She's getting way more slack and benefit of the doubt than most other girls would because I spent the last year complaining about having to make time for various girls that I've dated, and being unsure if I really wanted to keep them around long term.  As a very wise friend of mine said - "You'll know who you want to be with, because it won't feel like you HAVE to make time for them...you'll want to."  That's this girl...before, anyway.  (Thank you, Amy!  PM incoming!) 

Oh, the irony.  The first applicant (probably number 40) to survive the prescreening, math and reasoning exams, and rigorous interview process flakes after just a few days on the job.  I just heard my kinda cute waitress talking about dating to a coworker (indicating she's single).  Maybe I should give her an application...just in case.

Zero2Athlete - 2013-01-31 7:25 PM

 

I am getting that back burner vibe too..which is something I'm not used to and probably wouldn't even know what it is if I haven't been using that technique myself  a lot for 2 out of the past 3 years...Except I've always been up front and told girls what is and isn't a relationship.  Some just don't listen. 

I agree that we should still be happy to see/hear from eachother.  I don't need an hour a day, but at least express that you wish we could get together...or something?  Ditto on the "rather be alone than.." statement, TJ.  She's getting way more slack and benefit of the doubt than most other girls would because I spent the last year complaining about having to make time for various girls that I've dated, and being unsure if I really wanted to keep them around long term.  As a very wise friend of mine said - "You'll know who you want to be with, because it won't feel like you HAVE to make time for them...you'll want to."  That's this girl...before, anyway.  (Thank you, Amy!  PM incoming!) 

Oh, the irony.  The first applicant (probably number 40) to survive the prescreening, math and reasoning exams, and rigorous interview process flakes after just a few days on the job.  I just heard my kinda cute waitress talking about dating to a coworker (indicating she's single).  Maybe I should give her an application...just in case.

noelle1230 - 2013-02-01 9:35 AM

When you're a serial monogamist like I've been in the past, you learn a lot.  Bad mates = good lessons.

I dated (and almost married) a guy who consistently gave less than I did to the relationship.  I always made excuses for him: he's afraid of getting close, he's stressed with work, he has anxiety issues.  I didn't even realize I was doing it.  He even finally broke down and committed with a ring but deep down he still wasn't as committed as I was or as committed as he needed to be for a marriage to work.  My friends and family kind of hinted the question, why are you always making excuses for him?

Are that time I found a book called "He's Just Not That Into You".  It's not like the movie.  The book is pretty helpful and the bottom line is that if someone REALLY is into you, he/or she will do anything to be close to you, to talk to you, to connect with you.  And if he/she isn't putting in the effort, you can make excuses for him/her all day; in the end, you're not getting your needs fulfilled.  And you know what?  You deserve someone who will give 100% to your 100%.  When someone isn't reaching out to connect with you, what does it really matter why?  If you're not getting what you want out of the relationship that's kind of all you need to know.  Like I used to say, if I guy really cares about me, wild horses couldn't keep him away.

That said, you also have EXPRESS your needs.  How can someone fulfill a need if they don't realize it's a need?  I suffered from "trying to be the cool and non-needy girl" syndrome.  I didn't let my ex know that I wasn't getting what I needed from him emotionally so it was partially my fault.  So if you don't tell this girl what you need, odds are you won't get it.  I know it's scary to put yourself out there for fear of being "needy" but crap, we all DO have needs.  Be honest.  If you feel like she's not reaching out enough say so.  If it scares her off, she wasn't the right one anyway.

There's a girl out there who will see what a totally cool and fabulous guy you are and will do whatever it takes to be with you.  Be patient and NEVER settle for someone who doesn't make you feel totally and unquestionably valuable to them!

Big Appa - 2013-02-01 11:15 AM

We singles understand the married people need something to spice up their boring lives.

trinnas - 2013-02-01 8:26 AM

I really should learn not to rise to the bait.  Oh well  some you win and some you lose.

 

 

Big Appa - 2013-02-01 11:32 AM

You just insulted everyone in this thread good job

trinnas - 2013-02-01 8:34 AM

I only insulted 1 person in this thread that I know of and that is the guy who just had to make a snarky comment when I was commenting on the wisdom of one of the single posters.

 

 

Big Appa - 2013-02-01 11:39 AM

Nope you insulted all the people posting in this thread before you went back and changed your post.

turtlegirl - 2013-02-01 9:41 AM

on a lighter note...I'm dog sitting for a friend this next week. I told three students at my school who are my friend's neighbors that I'll be in the neighborhood and to say hi if they see me out running.

Their mother came to me yesterday and said she told her youngest, "we should just have Ms. K to dinner."  Her daughter (a first grader) said "she'll be too busy, she has dates every night."

I'm glad at least my students think I'm a hot commodity.

AbbieR - 2013-02-01 12:33 PM

Had a great first date last night!!!  Seeing him again tonight

turtlegirl - 2013-02-01 12:41 PM

on a lighter note...I'm dog sitting for a friend this next week. I told three students at my school who are my friend's neighbors that I'll be in the neighborhood and to say hi if they see me out running.

Their mother came to me yesterday and said she told her youngest, "we should just have Ms. K to dinner."  Her daughter (a first grader) said "she'll be too busy, she has dates every night."

I'm glad at least my students think I'm a hot commodity.

noelle1230 - 2013-02-01 9:35 AM

When you're a serial monogamist like I've been in the past, you learn a lot.  Bad mates = good lessons.

I dated (and almost married) a guy who consistently gave less than I did to the relationship.  I always made excuses for him: he's afraid of getting close, he's stressed with work, he has anxiety issues.  I didn't even realize I was doing it.  He even finally broke down and committed with a ring but deep down he still wasn't as committed as I was or as committed as he needed to be for a marriage to work.  My friends and family kind of hinted the question, why are you always making excuses for him?

Are that time I found a book called "He's Just Not That Into You".  It's not like the movie.  The book is pretty helpful and the bottom line is that if someone REALLY is into you, he/or she will do anything to be close to you, to talk to you, to connect with you.  And if he/she isn't putting in the effort, you can make excuses for him/her all day; in the end, you're not getting your needs fulfilled.  And you know what?  You deserve someone who will give 100% to your 100%.  When someone isn't reaching out to connect with you, what does it really matter why?  If you're not getting what you want out of the relationship that's kind of all you need to know.  Like I used to say, if I guy really cares about me, wild horses couldn't keep him away.

That said, you also have EXPRESS your needs.  How can someone fulfill a need if they don't realize it's a need?  I suffered from "trying to be the cool and non-needy girl" syndrome.  I didn't let my ex know that I wasn't getting what I needed from him emotionally so it was partially my fault.  So if you don't tell this girl what you need, odds are you won't get it.  I know it's scary to put yourself out there for fear of being "needy" but crap, we all DO have needs.  Be honest.  If you feel like she's not reaching out enough say so.  If it scares her off, she wasn't the right one anyway.

There's a girl out there who will see what a totally cool and fabulous guy you are and will do whatever it takes to be with you.  Be patient and NEVER settle for someone who doesn't make you feel totally and unquestionably valuable to them!

noelle1230 - 2013-02-01 8:35 AM

When you're a serial monogamist like I've been in the past, you learn a lot.  Bad mates = good lessons.

I dated (and almost married) a guy who consistently gave less than I did to the relationship.  I always made excuses for him: he's afraid of getting close, he's stressed with work, he has anxiety issues.  I didn't even realize I was doing it.  He even finally broke down and committed with a ring but deep down he still wasn't as committed as I was or as committed as he needed to be for a marriage to work.  My friends and family kind of hinted the question, why are you always making excuses for him?

Are that time I found a book called "He's Just Not That Into You".  It's not like the movie.  The book is pretty helpful and the bottom line is that if someone REALLY is into you, he/or she will do anything to be close to you, to talk to you, to connect with you.  And if he/she isn't putting in the effort, you can make excuses for him/her all day; in the end, you're not getting your needs fulfilled.  And you know what?  You deserve someone who will give 100% to your 100%.  When someone isn't reaching out to connect with you, what does it really matter why?  If you're not getting what you want out of the relationship that's kind of all you need to know.  Like I used to say, if I guy really cares about me, wild horses couldn't keep him away.

That said, you also have EXPRESS your needs.  How can someone fulfill a need if they don't realize it's a need?  I suffered from "trying to be the cool and non-needy girl" syndrome.  I didn't let my ex know that I wasn't getting what I needed from him emotionally so it was partially my fault.  So if you don't tell this girl what you need, odds are you won't get it.  I know it's scary to put yourself out there for fear of being "needy" but crap, we all DO have needs.  Be honest.  If you feel like she's not reaching out enough say so.  If it scares her off, she wasn't the right one anyway.

There's a girl out there who will see what a totally cool and fabulous guy you are and will do whatever it takes to be with you.  Be patient and NEVER settle for someone who doesn't make you feel totally and unquestionably valuable to them!

coyote39 - 2013-02-01 3:14 PM

I am curious as to what everyone is looking for in their "future" partners. Just narrow it down to a few key things and throw it out there, and let the wolves disect.

coyote39 - 2013-02-01 4:14 PM

1st time posting in this thread and I havent read it. But I am eligible 29yoa single male.

I am curious as to what everyone is looking for in their "future" partners. Just narrow it down to a few key things and throw it out there, and let the wolves disect.

My list could be the main reason I am always single or is it that I am into Duathlons and not the Tri...

#1 - Brutal Open Communication, (any form of comms is better than none at all IMO)

#2 - Has that slim, slender, athletic look and that enjoys some sort of physical activity

#3 - And finally I would like my "partner" to have her own drive, passion, goals, and activities other than "me" or "the relationship". (I dont want to be her center of universe, just a part of her universe)

coyote39 - 2013-02-01 4:14 PM

1st time posting in this thread and I havent read it. But I am eligible 29yoa single male.

I am curious as to what everyone is looking for in their "future" partners. Just narrow it down to a few key things and throw it out there, and let the wolves disect.

My list could be the main reason I am always single or is it that I am into Duathlons and not the Tri...

#1 - Brutal Open Communication, (any form of comms is better than none at all IMO)

#2 - Has that slim, slender, athletic look and that enjoys some sort of physical activity

#3 - And finally I would like my "partner" to have her own drive, passion, goals, and activities other than "me" or "the relationship". (I dont want to be her center of universe, just a part of her universe)