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Metroplex Sprint Triathlon - TriathlonSprint

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Grand Prairie, Texas
United States
Ironhead Race Productions
85F / 29C
Total Time = 1h 00m 5s
Overall Rank = 89/274
Age Group = M40-44
Age Group Rank = 21/47
Pre-race routine:

As is our custom, I crashed at Brian's crib. You know, when we first started racing, we did this because we got to get all of our pre-race jitters out, go over race strategery (sic) and transitions, make our bikes all purty, etc. Now we do it because he doesn't believe I can be up and ready to go on time. It is what it is, but we always have a good time. We never have sleep. Vexing, but only after the race, when I invariably bonk and have to go to work. Good times, everytime.
Event warmup:

We got to the race site a little before 6 and there were already 100 people there. No, I didn't count them, but based on where we parked and the amount of cars already there, that was a conservative estimate. We were made to park on a farm of some sort and traverse through some cornfields to transition. Oh, and looky me without my slingblade. What was I thinking? Marked by John, bike racked and then it was on. We met up with the usual strong Texas BT contingent: jcagg90/John (body-marker extraordinaire), kproudfoot/Ken (easiest person to spot on land AND water), jah2212/Jen (who was babysitting for TeeCris, I believe), Bonbeebe/Bonny (who was there to successfully exorcise her swim demon), bkarhu/Brian (my sponsor), tajsss/Tim and his great wife Sabrina (boy howdy, I hope it is an I and not an E - more on her later), Dodgersmom/Marcy (who was STILL smiling), Doughboy/Steve (titanium stones for showing up after his bike took a header at 60mph on the way to the race), Oldag92/Brandt (I would capitalize his A properly if I was sure it wasn't a reference to a&m...I'm just showing my Texas Tech spirit and all), and Jeepfleeb/Aaron. Speaking of Aaron, he evidently was calling my name for a minute and I didn't hear him due to Jack's not so succinct soliloquy. So he walked up to me and grabbed me by the neck and scared the jitters right out of me. I turned around and all I saw was a chest and a bazooka, otherwise known as his camera. I looked up and saw him smile and we chatted for a minute. That reminds me...I need to distance myself from Aaron and Ken on race days. Standing next to them can give a regular sized dude such as myself some seriously vertical challenged complexes. Tall people, they are. Fast too. Hmmm... tall=fast? No wonder I don't podium more (ever). Oh wait, I am just at the event warm up. Go make some popcorn, I feel like typing.
  • 08m 27s
  • 400 meters
  • 02m 07s / 100 meters

As I stood there waiting for the horn to blast us off into the terror that was about to unfold in waist-deep water, I did my samaritan deed for the day. I told the unsuspecting dude to my left that he might want to get a little in front of me. He laughed and said he wasn't that fast. I said, "No, I'm making warm water, might want to step ahead a little", and gave him a big toothy grin. Now he really laughed...but he scooted forward a few yards while doing so. Smart lad. Annnnd they're off! Kind of...everything went smooth until we got to the 1st buoy, and that's when the 1st of several thought better of swimming the rest of the course. I breathe to the left, by the way. I ingested enough water to supply me for an IM, but I kept swimming. As we rounded the 1st buoy, and I do mean WE - we were like a bunch of amoebas trying to infiltrate the same electron simultaneously, people started to panic. I don't mean they were having second thoughts, I mean there was some serious pandemonium. People hugging the buoys, people clamoring for kayaks, people holding on to ME. WTF? The look on the kayakers faces said it all. I put my head down and kept going. Bonk! Hit feet. Bonk! Hit more feet. Bonk! Look up...I see a wall of breast strokers 5 wide. Oh lawdy, help me get through them. So, I try to be a bowling ball and treat them like pins. I left the 7-10 split (bowling reference) and managed to get part way through them, and then they somehow swallowed me up. I burned a lot of energy (in what, 8 seconds? Zoiks!) and decided to do something I tell myself I will never do in the next race: Stop, wait for the slower swimmers to get a little ahead, then swim into them again. Rinse and repeat. I don't heart me for doing that, and I won't do it at the next race. Seems the thing to do is go around them. What a concept. Oh, I did manage to sight well. Well, if you don't count me endlessly swimming for the yellow buoy that never got closer...yeah, that was me (again) following someone with a yellow cap. I think they should ban yellow caps for OWS races, simply for this reason. If only I was 6 seconds faster...
What would you do differently?:

Take the long way home, baby. Just go around the slower swimmers. Oh, and purchase, memorize and practice the O2 in H2O TI DVD.
Transition 1
  • 02m 5s

Sabrina apparently watched me come out of the water and said I looked smooth until I got to my rack and...and...stopped. Not catching my breath, not admiring a hot tri-chick, not looking for a wayward GU...just catatonic. I am not sure what confused me about: Helmet on and buckled, sunglasses on, race belt on (Jack's requirement), but somehow all of that escaped me for a minute. I say a minute because that is how much extra time it took me before I had total consciousness again and was able to move on. For this effort in transition, I award myself one steaming hot cup of WTF? If only I was 6 seconds faster...
What would you do differently?:

Not check out mentally while staring at my rack? Incidentally, I took the KISS principle to task here. In lieu of my usual transition duffle bag (great for longer races), you know what I used? I used the bag Esther gave me at packet pick-up. Yes I did. Everything I needed for T1 and T2 was in that nice little clear bag. Notwithstanding the fact that it made traversing the farm to transition that much less cumbersome, it really did simplify things. In theory, anyway.
  • 30m 44s
  • 11 miles
  • 21.48 mile/hr

I was a little pissed off at my swim (you'd never know it by looking at me though...this is supposed to be and IS fun for me), so I took it out on my as-yet-officially-named bike. The plan was to go with shoes on the bike, which turned out to be great and I will use this method going forward. I did not and will not be using any form of a flying mount. I don't do the flying mount for a couple of reasons, but mainly because I use the Adamo Racing saddle. If you know this creature, it resembles a salmon steak. It is short. One slight miscalculation, and you can guarantee yourself years of bow-legged jokes when you walk in a room, not to mention countless unsolicited invitations to join the Vienna Boys Choir. I ain't goin' that route. How is the popcorn? Okay, back to the bike. I took off and I guess due to my hydro-flogging performance in the vat of mosh that I just made my egress from, I decided to hammer the bike. Step on pedal/shoe at mount line, push off, swing leg over, pedal up to speed and then consider how I am going to get my feet INTO my shoes. Left foot, 1st try...DONE! Right foot, first try...a swwwwing and a miss! Take two....a swwwwwing and a miss! Take three...a swwwing and a miss! Nervous now, checking behind me and bike speed, which is oddly holding at 17mph. Nobody behind me, take four...a successful ingress! (hey, I used ingress and egress in the same race Pedal one revolution and grab strap on left shoe and get in all sitcheeated. Now to the problem child Mr. Right shoe. Strap.. oops, nooo...foot popped out. How can this happen?! %#%$!! Next try was successful and off I went. I didn't lose much time at all. That whole event took seconds as I was rolling down the course at 17mph+, but it seemed like an eternity. As I said, due to my lack-o-gills, I got behind a lot of people, consequently on my bike, I got to pass a lot of people. 60th out of 274 people is something I am proud of, considering the wind and it was my first race with my H3's. I lost count after 25 people passed, and I got passed by 4 people. When they passed me, they weren't screwing around...I mean they flew by me. Zoooom! I just admired their fortitude and bikes as they passed and stayed in my realm of ability. That works for me. I could have kept up with one or more of them possibly, but it would have rendered any kind of run afterwards an effort in comedy. I would have had a 2 mile walk instead of a 2 mile shuffle to look forward to, as it were. I look cooler shuffling (except when the race photographer is near, where I feign a running pose just long enough for the picture to be taken before my chest caves, shoulders droop, smile escapes me and gut peeks back out.) But, I digress. I made the U-turn and headed for T2. I got out of my shoes just dandy. I didn't do it two miles from transition, either {snickers}. Several people were stopped 10m from the dismount line, and I checked ahead of time and knew the red line was the dismount area.. so I cruised by the unclippers and hopped off and ran in one semi-smooth motion. It worked well for me. I did well on the bike, all things considered. If only I was 6 seconds faster...
What would you do differently?:

Get Mr. Right shoe to cooperate on the first try. Other than that, I would have drank more. I didn't give it all I have, but my effort was very good.
Transition 2
  • 00m 56s

I don't remember much of this transition, but that's probably due to the fact that it took 1/2 the time as T1 did. Giddyup.
What would you do differently?:

Nottadamnthing. Anytime I go less than a minute in transition, hey...TOUCHDOWN, right? Right!
  • 17m 51s
  • 2 miles
  • 08m 56s  min/mile

Well, didn't that just suck swamp-juice? It was supposed to be an out and back, but if you look to the right, you'll see I said out 5 times. Yes, that first "mile" seemed like it was 10 miles. I saw Aaron sitting down taking pictures of me as I ran by and shouted something to the effect of, "Let me know when you're lurking so I can smile next time, dude!" What actually came out was, "" Off I went, searching for the turnaround so I could bring it home. I just couldn't get to the turn around. I kept asking people if the turnaround was close, and I was either speaking in tongues by this point, or there was some secret handshake I didn't know to get the 4-1-1. Cramp in right calf. Not the ball-up-behind-the-kneecap cramp.. sort of like I got hit with a fastball in the upper outside calf. Weird. I stopped dead in my tracks to make sure it wasn't a pull. Nope, just a chance to HTFU. I kept going. I passed (they were on the way back) Ken, Brian and Tim.. asked each one of them if they had a sub 1 hour race in hand and got shrugs from Brian and Ken..Tim said he was going to come up a little short. Little did I know then how short I was going to come up. D'oh. I made it to the Oasis Finish Line (I call it that because there is still 2/10ths of a mile to go...and did what everyone else did.. hit the afterburners only to find out my tank was empty before the REAL finish line. I kept going and found some deep reserves for the last 100m or so, cheered on by a large BT contingent. That was way cool. Brian caught me and crutched me until my heart started to traverse it's way from my throat back to it's rightful thoracic resting place. If only I was 6 seconds faster...
What would you do differently?:

Be 6 seconds faster? LMFAO.
Post race
Warm down:

I extolled my melancholy over my calf cramp on mile one of the run and everybody kind of rolled their eyes. I don't blame them. But, I do have larger than average calves, and when they have a mind of their own, like trying to relocate to a different part of my leg, it causes some speed issues. I am thinking of having calf-reduction surgery. Anyway, back to Tim's wife Sabrina, who is a gifted masseuse. She told me to lay down on the grass and she did a quick post-race massage of my legs. When she got to pesky calf and hit the knot, I twitched. She did it again, and I twitched again. There! She felt it! I had proof of my lame-ass excuse this time. I almost had her sign and notarize an affidavit confirming my malady, but I will keep that chip for later use. I am such a planner. Everyone gathered together and kibitzed while other racers finished. We had some BT'ers getting some hardware! It really is fun when 10 or more people you know are at the race and all have this wonderful site in common.

What limited your ability to perform faster:

Honestly, I think HTFU is a trite expression, but I really could have done many things that would have got me to my aggressive goal of 59:59. One thing it does is gives me the impetus to take this course on next year and break that hour barrier. I think I might sign up for both races. heh

Event comments:

I don't really critique races because as in all things in life, they are what you make of them. I enjoy myself each and every time. Even though I bitched and moaned (mostly to myself) that I didn't bust an hour, I wouldn't trade the experience and enjoyment for anything. You only get one chance at life, make the most of it. The first photo below is, from left to right, me, Ken and Tim. The next photo of me on my bike is going to be purchased and blown up to an 18x24 glossy, minus the large PROOF lettering, of course. I am going to sign it and send it to Lance Armstrong. I am such a giver, am I not? Photo #3 is me, Brandt, Brian and Ken. Below those are me doing the flying dismount and then Sabrina helping get the hitch out of my giddyup. WHEW!
How was the popcorn?

Profile Album

Last updated: 2008-05-16 12:00 AM
00:08:27 | 400 meters | 02m 07s / 100meters
Age Group: 19/47
Overall: 97/274
Performance: Below average
Suit: 2 piece tri-peek-a-boo-belly suit
Course: It had some false flats, I swear. Okay, enough has been said about the water, and they were all correct. It was like the high seas, only different. We were 100 freakin' meters from shore (if that) and the water was in a tizzy.
Start type: Wade Plus: Waves
Water temp: 78F / 26C Current: High
200M Perf. Average Remainder: Below average
Breathing: Below average Drafting: Below average
Waves: Navigation: Good
Rounding: Good
Time: 02:05
Cap removal: Good Helmet on/
Suit off:
Wetsuit stuck? Run with bike: Yes
Jump on bike: Yes
Getting up to speed: Average
00:30:44 | 11 miles | 21.48 mile/hr
Age Group: 14/47
Overall: 60/274
Performance: Good
Wind: Cross-winds with gusts
Course: Mount bike, right, right, straight, U-turn, left, left, dismount bike. Easy peasy.
Road: Smooth Dry Cadence:
Turns: Average Cornering: Average
Gear changes: Good Hills:
Race pace: Comfortable Drinks: Not enough
Time: 00:56
Overall: Good
Riding w/ feet on shoes Good
Jumping off bike Good
Running with bike Good
Racking bike Average
Shoe and helmet removal Good
00:17:51 | 02 miles | 08m 56s  min/mile
Age Group: 30/47
Overall: 155/274
Performance: Average
Course: Flat. Out, out, out, out, out and back.
Keeping cool Below average Drinking Not enough
Post race
Weight change: %
Overall: Average
Mental exertion [1-5] 4
Physical exertion [1-5] 4
Good race? Yes
Course challenge Just right
Organized? Yes
Events on-time? Yes
Lots of volunteers? Yes
Plenty of drinks?
Post race activities: Average
Race evaluation [1-5] 4

2008-06-10 3:13 AM

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Plano, TX
Subject: Metroplex Sprint Triathlon

2008-06-10 7:48 AM
in reply to: #1456101

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Extreme Veteran
Subject: RE: Metroplex Sprint Triathlon

Hey Dude, as always, I love reading your race had a great race.  I saw your bike  dismount...looked really cool...I won't be trying that anytime soon.  Guess what?  I beat your T2 time by 1 second.  Smile  Sad part is, I can't rub it's because you insisted that I put those dang speed laces in my shoes, and you even put them in my shoes for me to try the first time during my race...which I guess do work after all.  Anyway - back to I said - great race.  When I did see you on the course you had a super big smile and at the end you still had it.  Sorry about the five seconds, I know that bugs you, but hey, you had a super time.  You really rocked that bike course.  CONGRATS!

2008-06-10 8:17 AM
in reply to: #1456101

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Subject: RE: Metroplex Sprint Triathlon

Nice race and if your reports are this long for a sprint I better get a comfy chair for IMAZ.

BTW, I never realized how short you all are.

2008-06-10 9:15 AM
in reply to: #1456101

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the colony texas
Subject: RE: Metroplex Sprint Triathlon

I think it's easier for you to get your left foot in due to that freakish large left big toe.. you should name him capt. shoehorn..but hey if your going 17 mph while attempting to get your shoes on it's faster than zero mph and those Hed 3's are looking pretty sweet

great race..

2008-06-10 11:04 AM
in reply to: #1456101

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Plano, Texas
Subject: RE: Metroplex Sprint Triathlon
Hysterical race report. I'll have to draft off of you next race just to watch the comedy in motion.

BTW, how did you get the photos from the race photographer to post? Were you able to download/copy? I struggle with the interwebs thing.
2008-06-10 8:04 PM
in reply to: #1456101

The Colony, Texas, USA, Earth
Subject: RE: Metroplex Sprint Triathlon
Great RR Chris.  Excellent job on the bike.  Way to fight through the cramp and finish off the short run.

2008-06-10 8:13 PM
in reply to: #1456101

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New York, NY
Subject: RE: Metroplex Sprint Triathlon

good job on the HTFU...


too bad you were not 6 seconds faster Tongue out

2008-06-11 9:22 AM
in reply to: #1456101

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San Jose, CA
Subject: RE: Metroplex Sprint Triathlon
Love your race reports...Great job on the race...
2008-06-11 10:09 AM
in reply to: #1459242

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McKinney, TX
Subject: RE: Metroplex Sprint Triathlon
You rocked the bike!  Nice race and great report.
2008-06-11 11:44 AM
in reply to: #1456101

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Longview, TX
Subject: RE: Metroplex Sprint Triathlon

Excellent race report.  Too bad I'm out of popcorn...


2008-06-11 3:51 PM
in reply to: #1456101

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Extreme Veteran
Frisco, Texas
Subject: RE: Metroplex Sprint Triathlon
you are one funny em effer. well written. and you were correct, i was watching the boys for teecris. i love those kids!

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