Basic Inviolable Laws Of The Universe

Anytime I enter any sporting goods store/running store/LBS I buy something.  It's strange.  I even left my wallet in the car one time and bought something on "You can pay me next time you come-in"-credit...

Also, The Bear will pull any post that talks bad about the SEC...With good reason...They're the best...*

*had to put the last sentence to keep from getting pulled.

I always buy something (tent, bike, etc.) but my wife immediately makes me return it.

I love the Securities Exchange Commission!

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Any time I desperately need to wear pantyhose...it follows that they will get a massive tear in them right before I go into the interview/speech/situation.

Also: any time I need to wear a light coloured garment, I will spill some very difficult to remove liquid on it. See also: coffee on my wedding gown (at the end of the reception, thankfully), and ketchup on my white shirt for graduation 10 minutes before the ceremony (thankfully, my robe and hood covered it).

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I will spend a ridiculous amount of time on BT everyday despite having a lot of work to do ...

I call Costco/Sam's club the 100 dollar store.

No matter what I go in for, I leave spending at least 100 bucks.


I call Walgreens the misc. junk store.  Every time I go the there, even just to get some aspirin or something, I end up buying some cheap piece of junk they are always selling near the register.

Both are unavoidable.

Oh yeah.  The front door to the house is the "energy sucking vortex of doom."  I leave the office full of energy and excitement to train, but as soon as I cross the threashold, I'm suddenly tired and want to lay down on the couch.  It takes more effort to get back out the door, than to actually do the workout.

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whichever lane i pick in a traffic jam will be the slowest one
whichever aisle i pick to pay for groceries will be the slowest one

^^That's my fault.  Sorry.  But with 2 kids, you need 2 grocery carts.  I astonish people with my kindness as I let them go ahead of me quite often but really, I'm just waiting for my wife to arrive with the second cart full of stuff...


No matter how much you make, having kids means you will be broke!

Your boss will always schedule a meeting for 4 pm on a Friday.

no, usually it's the fault of the granny with the checkbook that scrutinizes the receipt before leaving the line or the lady buying pall malls in pennies and nickels.

I stand corrected...and I stand corrected in the state and county with the largest population of transplanted grannies with check-books. 

A friend told me my first year here "You can tell when the 'season' starts down here when you cuss-out an old person." 

Same guy said to one lady who was trying to cut in line "Lady, you bump me again, I'll knock you down and break your hip!"

He's one of the best people to work with...

Hey, I think I have the same vortex!  I can't even come home for lunch without thinking "maybe I'll skip lunch and just lie down on the couch for a half hour".  It would explain why the cats and dogs are always sleeping here...

I have the exact same vortex!! Mine moves, though. If I've biked to work, I'll spend the whole last hour all excited to ride home, antsy to get out. Then, I go to the locker room, get changed...and immediately upon leaving the locker room all of my energy is sucked out of me and I cannot fathom how I am EVER going to make it five miles to my car.

But then, I *do* make it to my car ('cause what am I gonna do, run there? ), and I get all psyched up about maybe going for a run when I get home, because I feel great and I'm already sweaty anyway and it'll be awesome!...and then I walk through the now-moved vortex into my house and I barely make it all the way to the mat three feet inside my door where I sit down to take off my shoes without having to crawl there.

And Spokesy, you can buy me whatever you want from REI. Just have it shipped, they have my address.