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HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice
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 2010-08-10 8:31 PM |
 6 |  Subject: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need adviceMy husband and I have decided to do our first triathlon. I am a swimmer and he is not. I didn't realize when we started this adventure that he just held his breath the whole length of the pool until he reached the other side and then took a breath. He doesn't know how to breath while swimming. He inhales water every time he tries to breath to the side. He is a bigger guy (6'2" and 230lbs), but that shouldn't make a difference. I tried to teach him. He even got the TI videos series. He got so frustrated today (at our 3rd swim workout) that he decided to drop out of the triathlon and vowed never to return to the pool again. I am a good swimmer, but a horrible teacher/coach. I'm not sure what to do. I told him that he can learn to swim and breath in time. Right? Any advice? I thought maybe he could use a wetsuit for the pool and maybe that would help? Maybe a swimming coach? Is there any hope for him? This is something that I think we would both have fun doing and don't want to just give up on him. Thanks for any help. |
| 2010-08-10 8:34 PM in reply to: #3035853 |
Veteran 287  | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice calgarfm - 2010-08-10 9:31 PM My husband and I have decided to do our first triathlon. I am a swimmer and he is not. I didn't realize when we started this adventure that he just held his breath the whole length of the pool until he reached the other side and then took a breath. He doesn't know how to breath while swimming. He inhales water every time he tries to breath to the side. He is a bigger guy (6'2" and 230lbs), but that shouldn't make a difference. I tried to teach him. He even got the TI videos series. He got so frustrated today (at our 3rd swim workout) that he decided to drop out of the triathlon and vowed never to return to the pool again. I am a good swimmer, but a horrible teacher/coach. I'm not sure what to do. I told him that he can learn to swim and breath in time. Right? Any advice? I thought maybe he could use a wetsuit for the pool and maybe that would help? Maybe a swimming coach? Is there any hope for him? This is something that I think we would both have fun doing and don't want to just give up on him. Thanks for any help. Get a swimming coach!  Even if for a couple of classes. |
| 2010-08-10 8:40 PM in reply to: #3035853 |
Veteran 206 Racine, WI | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice I was a horrible swimmer too until I took some lessons. I really just couldn't get how to breath. It made sense to me when the coach told me to turn my head as soon as my arm goes down to get enough of a breath and continue to exhale until the mouth is out of the water to avoid the water in the mouth. Also, maybe practicing with a kick board could help? It could give him some support until he can get a rhythm to his breaths. Just my two cents as a newbie. Hope he finds something that works. |
| 2010-08-10 8:41 PM in reply to: #3035853 |
| Regular 105 fayetteville | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice +1 get a swimming coach! i have swam/swum my whole life but when i started training i did one lap (50 meters) and was GASSED. i hired one of the lifeguards at the Y to give me some lessons and it has helped! i still suck but i'm much better than a month ago! |
| 2010-08-10 8:44 PM in reply to: #3035853 |
Regular 261 | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice First thing first stop trying to help him with advice. It can be really tricky teaching someone how to swim properly and especially if your not feeling up to the job. It's also one less stress for you to deal with later at home when he has a rough day at the pool. Let someone who's job it is to help people swim be the focus of his frustration, not you. Your there to ask how it went when he gets back from a lesson and encourage him to go back. That is if he is willing to return to the pool!!! I'm new to this sport and just started swimming laps for the first time, began in July, and initially it wasn't pretty. 25 meters and I was practically drowning!! I'm in his shoes, 6'2", weighing 220 lbs and I did my first sprint this past Sunday....swam 11:20. Yes he can do it, he just needs some good coaching and he'll have his "light bulb moment" soon enough. Then he'll wonder why he was ever so upset in the first place. |
| 2010-08-10 9:24 PM in reply to: #3035853 |
Veteran 259 Austin, TX | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice My husband is very competitive (sometimes irrationally so) and if your husband is anything like mine, don't try to be the coach. I am a much better swimmer than he is and it drives him nuts; I learned to not swim in the same lane, maybe not even in the next lane. Suggest a few lessons and then let him decide if he wants to get back in the pool. There are always relays and long rides together. |
| 2010-08-10 10:35 PM in reply to: #3035853 |
Extreme Veteran 590 Seattle | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice Coaching a loved one is HARD. Get him some lessons! |
| 2010-08-10 10:43 PM in reply to: #3035853 |
Master 1890 Cypress, CA | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice Snorkels are not prohibited under USAT rules. But I've never seen anyone actually use one... |
| 2010-08-11 1:51 AM in reply to: #3035853 |
Extreme Veteran 1175 Langley, BC, 'Wet Coast' Canada | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice In addition to the already great advice to get him some outside lessons/coaching, I wanted to ask how much time you have until your event. If there is not much time, perhaps a relay would work out for you?? Either way, best of luck to you both! |
| 2010-08-11 2:43 AM in reply to: #3035853 |
| New user 35 Perth | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice calgarfm - 2010-08-11 9:31 AM He even got the TI videos series. He got so frustrated today (at our 3rd swim workout) that he decided to drop out of the triathlon and vowed never to return to the pool again. Hmm. This sounds just like me. I gave up after 2 sessions. I have had some bad experiences with swimming lessons and I am also a sinker so I was carrying a lot of tension into the water. I have had a lot of success using TI for four sessions now. TI isn't a quick fix though and it requires patient practice. It sounds like your hubby needs to relax in the pool and not be so tense or in so much of a hurry! That is exactly what I needed! TI has a position called sweet spot where you can breathe. In my practice I do some strokes, roll to sweet spot, breathe and then continue swimming. It takes time to learn to swim well, more than three sessions ;-) |
| 2010-08-11 7:57 AM in reply to: #3035853 |
Veteran 407 | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice I totally agree with getting your husband lessons! My husband was a sinker and could not breath properly. He started his journey in January. He had his first lesson and then went to work. He would ask me for advice but I would not offer it unless he asked, I am not a coach, just his number one supporter! After he got his stroke down he was still having problems with breathing. In May he took two more swim lessons. He was told by the coach to SLOW DOWN, which I would have said but not my place at that time. To make a long story (8 months) short, he completed his first Tri on Sunday with a 1/4 mile swim time of 9 min 38 seconds. This is a man who was not only afraid of the water but sunk every time he tried to swim. If he can do it , your husband can too. Be his number one supporter not his coach. Best of luck! |
| 2010-08-11 7:59 AM in reply to: #3035853 |
Elite 3515 Romeoville, Il | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice My wife and I can't teach each other anything without an argument. Get a coach! |
| 2010-08-11 8:32 AM in reply to: #3035853 |
| Extreme Veteran 664 Minneapolis | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice For the love of all things holy, LET IT GO. If he doesn't want to swim/tri after trying swimming a few times, why do you want to make him do it??? If roles were reversed here, I bet we'd be seeing a lot more "Quit trying to make your wife do something she doesn't want to do" posts. Interesting we don't see that here when it's the guy giving push-back... Cheers, Chris |
| 2010-08-11 9:26 AM in reply to: #3035853 |
Master 2277 Lake Norman, NC | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice Advice #1: Despite having the title "wife", you can't make him do this. He has to want to learn how to swim. If he refuses, look at duathlons. If you insist on him doing a tri, then consider in this order: swim coach, marriage counselor, divorce lawyer.  Advice #2: He sounds like he's at beginner-1 level. Probably a couple of lessons at the local YMCA for non-swinners is the place to start. If he thinks he can do it on his own, this old post of mine may help him: http://www.beginnertriathlete.com/discussion/forums/thread-view.asp?tid=117554&start=1 Good luck! |
| 2010-08-11 9:47 AM in reply to: #3036491 |
Veteran 407 | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice Hydro - 2010-08-11 9:32 AM For the love of all things holy, LET IT GO. If he doesn't want to swim/tri after trying swimming a few times, why do you want to make him do it??? If roles were reversed here, I bet we'd be seeing a lot more "Quit trying to make your wife do something she doesn't want to do" posts. Interesting we don't see that here when it's the guy giving push-back... Cheers, Chris I agree you can't make anyone do something they don't want to do. But it sounds to me that he is just frustrated with the swim and if that is the case offering support and encouraging him to take lessons isn't making him do it. Chris, relax a little on this |
| 2010-08-11 9:51 AM in reply to: #3035853 |
| Lafayette, CO | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice I am a ski racing coach and one of the biggest mistakes I see on mountains is when friends, parents and lovers try to teach each other to ski. Inevitably it results in breakdowns, screaming matches, tears and somebody stuck on a run unable to make it down safely. I have stopped so many times to assist people down a mountain I've lost count. My point is, it's very hard for someone untrained to communicate technique to a noob at any skill. Heck, I don't even teach friends to ski (I've been asked many, many times) and will only give tips to someone if they ask me for them directly when we're skiing together. I've been a skier for over 30 years and a coach for 5 so sometimes it's hard not to say anything to people. On the other hand, I'm always willing to learn new skills or make improvements so when I have the opportunity to ski (or run or cycle or swim) with people who are better than me I always let them know if they see something they think they can help me with to give me the info. Being able to let go of my ego enough to listen to their advice has improved my skiing exponentially in the last 5 years. I'm betting that if you get him some lessons and refrain from trying to be a coach he'll pick it up pretty quickly and be good to go. Heck, you might even learn something from what he's learning. Back to the basics and all... |
| 2010-08-11 9:52 AM in reply to: #3035853 |
Champion 7547 Albuquerque, New Mexico Bronze member | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice Don't push him off the deck/pier!  Offer to get him lessons. Don't just go get them for him (it'll come across as pushy). Don't go with him unless he asks (he's an adult, he should be competent to show up on time and participate in the lesson without your supervision). Don't pressure him to get better (or else...what???) As others have said, he has to want it himself. Give him some space, but also some opportunities to go to the pool without the pressure of "swimming." When I taught lessons almost 30 years ago, I'd usually give the kids some "free time" at the end. They'd swim as much after jumping off the diving board as they did during the lessons and I'd give them some gentle reminders about what they'd learned. |
| 2010-08-11 1:17 PM in reply to: #3035853 |
| 6 | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice Thank you everyone for all the advise. I agree ... I learned the first time I ever suggested how to breath while swimming that I was not going to get anywhere. I could never coach him ... he doesn't like anyone to tell him what to do, especially me. And I'm okay with that  ! I am happy just supporting him. As far as not wanting to do the swimming/triathlon.... If that is what he wants, I'm not going to push him. He is very competitive and if there is something he can't do really well, he just doesn't do it. I think he was more upset than anything, b/c he just didn't get it. Also his aspiration of participating in triathlons was crushed. I will look up some possible swim coaches in the area. I know there is even a Total Immersion clinic in Sept in Chicago. It's a lot of money, but may be worth it. I will let him decide. The triathlon is Sept 19, so I think it maybe too close for him to get a coach and train. He said he would still train on the bike and run with me. Maybe he can find a biathlon! Thanks again I appreciate the advice and I will let him know that there are others out there that had difficulties at first too. |
| 2010-08-11 1:21 PM in reply to: #3037447 |
Veteran 407 | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice calgarfm - 2010-08-11 2:17 PM Thank you everyone for all the advise. Thanks again I appreciate the advice and I will let him know that there are others out there that had difficulties at first too. For what it's worth, tell your husband more people struggle with the swim at first than don't. I really hope he changes his mind. My husband and I love training and competing together. Best of luck. |
| 2010-08-11 1:27 PM in reply to: #3037447 |
Master 1366 PNW | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice I think we are married to the same man! Mine actually tried swim lessons but gave up after only a few of them. I've since 'volunteered' my husband as a cyclist in two tri relays so that he could share in the fun, and that was enough for him. Now he's mostly just my support crew and my cycling training partner. |
| 2010-08-11 1:35 PM in reply to: #3037447 |
Extreme Veteran 612 Chicago-ish | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice calgarfm - 2010-08-11 1:17 PM The triathlon is Sept 19, so I think it maybe too close for him to get a coach and train. He said he would still train on the bike and run with me. Maybe he can find a biathlon! I'm sure you/he can. They're called duathlons and it's a run/bike/run. A lot of race directors run them in conjunction with their sprint events. It's not a bad place to start for someone still working on their swim. |
| 2010-08-11 2:05 PM in reply to: #3035853 |
Expert 934 FL | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice |
| 2010-08-11 2:20 PM in reply to: #3037523 |
Master 4118 Toronto Bronze member | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice thndrcloud - 2010-08-11 2:35 PM calgarfm - 2010-08-11 1:17 PM The triathlon is Sept 19, so I think it maybe too close for him to get a coach and train. He said he would still train on the bike and run with me. Maybe he can find a biathlon! I'm sure you/he can. They're called duathlons and it's a run/bike/run. A lot of race directors run them in conjunction with their sprint events. It's not a bad place to start for someone still working on their swim. That's exactly what I was thinking ... all the tri's around here have du's that start around the same time. It can whet his appetite without pushing him to the pool. We have a friend who is an excellent runner and cyclist so he competed in du's a for at least a season but all the action is in tri's so he sucked it up and got the swimming done! He still doesn't love the swim but gets out there because he's cometitive. |
| 2010-08-11 4:07 PM in reply to: #3035853 |
| 6 | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice Thanks again everyone. I'm going to give him a little while to think about it. Maybe a swim coach will help. A duathlon is a good idea too especially if they have them in conjunction with the tri's. |
| 2010-08-11 4:35 PM in reply to: #3037493 |
Extreme Veteran 442 | Subject: RE: HELP! Husband not a swimmer - need advice GLC1968 - 2010-08-11 12:27 PM I think we are married to the same man! Mine actually tried swim lessons but gave up after only a few of them. x3! My hubby is too proud to take lessons unfortunately... |
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