What to do when parents are no linger doing well on their own and they live far away?

I have not dealt with this but I know KathyG is going through this right now. You might check out her training log to gain some insight.

Best wishes to you and your family.

The best solution for most people is an assisted living facility.  The one we have my mother in provides room and board (two meals a day), and, if needed, administration of medications, help dressing and bathing, etc.  She has a two-bedroom apartment with a kitchen.  The medications and extra help are added costs but are not what you would have to pay for inhome care.  A great benefit that is included is a car and driver to take the residents to shop, see the doctor and go to church.  They have a bus for group outtings to the theater or concerts (or Walmart) also.  There are group social activities. The transportation is part of the facility fee.  Any expenses like tickets for the outside activity are paid by residents.

It is very difficult for a person to give up his/her autonomy of living at home and driving and move into a facility.  In my mother's case, it was an admission of weakness that she simply could not accept.  But, the time comes for everyone to give that life up.  My mother has a serious heart condition and was losing her memory (in her case it seems that the two are related.)  She was not taking good care of herself particularly not eating well or taking her medicine.   Ultimately, we did get her to go but with some coercion.  I think if I had it to do over again I would have pushed her to move in sooner.  I believe that many of her current problems are due to or made much worse by poor nutrition for the last two or three years of independent living.  From all accounts from friends in similar situations, this is very common.  When she did move into the faciltiy,  she was too weak and couldn't remember names and preferred not to engage in any social activities.  If she had gone into the facility earlier she would have adapted better.  The good thing is that her health has stabilized and we think she will get to enjoy her great-grandchildren for several more years.  She is 90 years old.  This was in serious doubt last year.  The entertaining days are less than she would like (and unfortunately she doesn't remember them when they do come along.)  I struggle with providing enough things for her to do that she can do.  Don't expect to be thanked for your help.  My mother still fusses that I took her keys away.  This part was a surprise to me, but I guess I was naive.

The assisted living facility is in the town where mother lived.  Mother does not have any close relatives in town, but my wife's family is all there.   I live 80 miles away and we are frequently in town for work and business anyway.  My wife and I visit her a couple of times a week. I call daily and handle her financial affairs.

I hope this helps. 

We're going through this right now with my MIL back in Indiana who is starting to develop signs of dementia.  She's probably not going to be able to safely live on her own much longer.  We're looking at a visiting nurse/heathcare provider as an interim step. 

We've discussed having her share time with my SIL's family in Michigan and us here in Florida, but have been told the changing surroundings might not the best thing for her.  Long-term some type of assisted living facility will probably be inevitable.  The finances of that will likely eat up most if not all of her estate.

Mark

Good luck, I am in that right now also.  Mon is alone in FLA and I am in MI.  I am flying down Sunday morning to try and bring her home.  She is not budging, so we will see.

This sounds a lot like my mother in law.  For now, because she simply won't agree to assisted living, her children have arranged for someone to come over for a few hours a day.    This is the company:  http://www.seniorhelpers.com/

They have a range of services.   Of course my MIL is also kind of nasty when she's confused, so she isn't always very nice to them.  But unlike relatives, the person keeps coming back  

My husband has been unsuccessful in getting her to agree to any number of options that don't include her staying in her own home.   While it's not yet officially diagnosed, I believe she has dementia.  Eventually when she progresses he can get power of attorney and then can make more decisions for her.  It's too bad she's fighting him because she falls a lot and we're worried about how badly it might end for her.