Little lessons learned the hard way..... (Page 2)

X could be anything that works for you and your family: time out, restrictions, confiscations, etc. It could also be positive reinforcement whereby she earns something extra. Both positive and negative reinforcement have their place, though standing in the cold and wet while she dug in her heels would have warranted a negative from me

My kids are old enough to be the parent of your daughter so I may bit a bit old school; the difference between 5 mins and 30 mins was very relevant to me and was not up to the choice of the child.

I would counter that she hasn't found her currency yet.  If you take something away and it has no effect then it's not the currency.

For example my daughter has a huge social life and always wants to go outside with her friends, but my son's were more introverts and wanted to play on their xboxes or watch TV.  My daughter would get grounded so she couldn't go outside and we would ground our boys by making them go outside and play or take their xboxes away.  total different currencies.

Well, the desired outcome happened ... buckling her own seatbelt.  It took more time than she would have liked and got to go through full meltdown but the lesson was learned, it appears from the OP.  But given the post at the top of page 2, it was addressed and is now a non-issue

Unless the main issue is that the daughter didn't want to go home and was delaying and that behaviour be addressed.  But the daughter still didn't get what she wanted in either case as they were in the van and not inside with grandma.  Mom having the patience to not just do it for her was the big thing. 

I had some knock down dragout fights when my son was little.  The consequence was that the little girl had to buckle her own seat belt. Mom didn't give in. A fantastic natural consequence. 

I will give some of the best unsolicited advice I ever got. I am a mom and a primary teacher. I use "1-2-3 Magic" (great book)  in my classroom" and I used it with my son when he was little. That spelled the end of the showdowns. 

Agreed on 123. Gearboy recommended that one to me a year ago or so.  I use it.  My wife does not.  There is a big difference between behaviors with me and her.

If letting her do "it" herself no matter how long it takes or what the cost to others is also part of the desired outcome then I'd agree. IMO, letting it drag out for 30 minutes is not optimal, nor desired. Oh, and get off my lawn!

I needed to see this today. 

It is funny when it's someone else's kid.

I love the top comment:
I don't want to judge other people's parenting styles, but this is just awful. ? Why is he forcing her to lift a bowl that is OBVIOUSLY WAY TOO HEAVY FOR HER TO LIFT?!?!? What kind of monster is this guy?

My kids try to say "My arms are too tired." 

I usually find out how tired their arms are.  If they can block a thump on their head, then their arms aren't too tired to pickup their toys...

Then there's water.  Gabriel Iglesias does a whole routine about how "Kids don't like getting wet when it's not their idea, Squirt them!" 

We've tried that when our daughter is just melting down about changing out of her pajamas on the weekend. 

"Don't want to change out of your pajamas? ok, how about now that they're cold and wet?"

lol, I think your parenting style is similar to mine.

I've got some stories...

I was the only person impacted by how long it took and I wanted her to do it herself more than I cared about how long it took.

Now, I will concede another option could have been to buckle her myself so I could get home with the understanding that when we got there she was going to have to practice buckling all by herself and she could not play until she finished but I didn't have a script so I just did what I thought was best at the time. 

Get off your what?

30 minutes today... Mom held her ground.. and prolly it won't take thirty minutes next time. It's called "testing limits".

I agree that it's really good to have a consistant behavior system so one is rarely brought to the point of winging it. That's why I suggested "One Two Three Magic".  It's an extremely consistent way to handle those situations and keep the parent in control of the outcome. 

 I am not a proponent of smacking your kid or pouring water on them... You will get nothing but seething resentment from them. they won't learn a lesson.. kids are too selfish. All one gets with that is short term (possibly) compliance, and long term potential mistrust. 

So summing up the consensus from the men in this thread, I am inconsistent, and don't understand my own daughters "currency".

Got it.

I'm not going to get into what will you do when because obviously the more I try to explain the more I am told I am wrong, or some other issue is brought up. I'm kind of tired of being judged at this point and I really understand that I opened myself up for criticism by starting the thread so no need to point that out.

As I've tried to explain, the bigger issue to me was that she perform the task, not even because I said so but because she can. That she see herself as a capable person/child/individual. And if it takes kicking and screaming for her to see her own abilities then so be it. This is the biggest issue we face on a daily basis which I'm pretty sure I outlined in the original post with the explanation of her belief that she can't write her letters or complete a puzzle etc. Her ability to tell time is not a goal at this point and she did not really have a concept of how much time had passed. She still calls today tomorrow and everything that happens in the past was "last night".

So since the tantrum just on this day alone she has - completed 4 puzzles without my help, colored pictures for her aunts, uncles, cousins and wrote all of their names by herself, worked on adding numbers and wrote the numbers by herself, chose toys to play with that she could manage independently while I was on the trainer and when she picked something that was too hard and needed me to help instead of having a tantrum she put that toy down and chose another.

So you can tell me I'm wrong all you want. I know the truth, you have an opinion.

My son is only 19 months old, so Trigal you have more experience than I in the parenting world, but the best piece of advice I ever recieved in regards to raising your kids was that they are your kids, you are the parent and whatever way you choose to do things is the right way for your kids.  No one else can tell you how to do things for your daughter.  Hopefully everyone else in this thread was just sharing their opinions and none of it was meant to overly critique your quality of parenting or anything of the sort.  Have a great day!

My limit is significantly less than hers.

Another thing I'm not missing by not having kids.

What if you prepare and just wait it out?  Have a coat in the car and of course I have my kindle on my phone.  Just shut them in the car and tell them we are not going anywhere until it's done?  Just sit on the curb and read while they scream and scream?

Ok, and what's the problem of just buckling the belt for her and just going?  Just making a point?  Or is there a fear that by doing that, they will think they have control and have you doing everything for them?  BTW, aren't you doing just about everything for them anyway?

As someone else said, won't it be quickly the time when they want to do EVERYTHING themselves anyway as they learn their own independence?

Not sure who just giving in to go is detrimental to development.

I guess I would stand my ground at a point it's more comfortable for ME to stand my ground.  Not wet and cold and shivering.  and 30  minutes?  I would be scolding WAY before that, me thinks.  Like 5 - 10 TOPS.