Grieving - can I get some perspective?

I am very sorry for your loss.  I have suffered from all the symptoms you list due to depression; I am sure grief can cause the same.  The up and down of the hospital stay, stress, weird all hours could definitely contribute to how you are feeling.  I am not a ton of help I guess. Take good care of yourself, rest when you need to, eat well.  Peace to you.

We lost my wife's father 3 years ago.  He went in for open heart surgery, which was to be fairly "routine", and died in the operating room.  He was a vibrant 81year old man.  He and his wife moved when our children were born so that they could be close to their grandchildren, and they were.  My father-in-law was at our home every day with our kids.  He taught them how to ride their bikes, took them with him wherever he went (he had a little convertible MG that they loved to ride around with pawpaw).  We all said good luck to him the morning of the surgery and were in the waiting room when they came to tell us he had died.  My son ran down the hallway of the hospital yelling, "NO, NOOOO!!!" and started swinging at me when I caught up to him.  My twins were basically catotonic.  It was absolutely devestating to them.

It is not an exaggeration to say that we lost our way for a few months.  Our kids were so wrecked that I wondered if we would ever be whole again and feel like the family we were.  My wife was so close to her dad, and spent days at their home just sitting in his room among his personal things, trying to come to grips with the idea that he was gone.

Time.....that's what you need. Time must pass and you must keep moviong forward.  Keep getting up in the morning.......keep taking care of your kids....and keep remembering the great things about your dad.  Do the little things.....but put off the big things if you need to.  It's the little things you do each day that make your life and keep you grounded.

I can't say how long it took, or how it happened, but in time we were able to look at pictures of him with the kids without crying.  We became able to look around our home at all of the remodeling he helped me do, and be grateful for all he did for us.  Most importantly, my children have fabulous memories of their pawpaw.  They will frequently recall a saying he used, a food he loved, or advice he gave.  Always with a smile or a "wow, I wish pawpaw could have seen this, he would have loved it".

You will heal.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I love you.

I am really sorry for your pain and loss. What a difficult and desperate few weeks you've had.

Thank you for sharing where you're at openly, with us. You are helping many of us here too.

My dad died last year.

Grief is grief; stress is stress; it is what it is. I found I just had to take care of myself as best I could and as the circumstances allowed on any given day. Doesn't really matter if it's from "physical" or "emotional" or whatever-category--if you're not feeling well, you're not feeling well and you need to heal and recover. Sleep when you can and need to.

Sometimes the most difficult times in grief, I could only describe as "a wicked munchie that absolutely cannot be satisfied." An intense, kind of hopeless craving/longing.

So sorry for your loss.  My dad died almost 20 yrs. ago, and this thread makes me miss him even more.  I especially miss that my kids won't 'have' him in their lives. 

You've been through a hell of alot!  It's OK to feel badly; it's part of the process.  It's OK to be sick.  Talk to your family doc, get a check up. A little Peace of Mind can be priceless right now.

You need assurances that things are going to be OK...that you're going to get 'better'.  THEY ARE and YOU WILL!  It just takes time.   

There's no timetable for grief.  Just keep trying to move forward.   All the Best to you and your's.

Thanks everyone. Wow, you all have survived some tragedies. Dad was a fighter. We knew he was sick but we just all felt like he was going to pull through because that is what he ALWAYS did. I was not ready but I guess you never are.

There are a lot of conflicting feelings. I am worried about my mother but at least this week, I really need a break from going back to the house. But I don't want to leave her alone and she is there all the time so then I worry how she is feeling. I wish she would come here for a visit but the weather is crappy and then I worry about her driving by herself (2 hours away). Ugh. It just goes on like that. One thing snowballs into the other and I am trying to go on with my regular routine because I do think it is best but then I just wear out!

I'm sorry to hear about your dad Dina.  My dad died last April after a heart attack and month-long hospital stay. 

You're describing a lot of symptoms associated with depression which is a natural part of the grieving process. 

You've experienced one of the most significant life changes and it is emotionally draining.  It disrupts your sleep patterns and your appetite and the stress does compromise your immune system, making you more vulnerable to infection. 

Do what you can to get some rest.  Eat a healthy diet and get out for some exercise even if you don't particularly "feel like it" (especially if you can get out into some late winter sunshine).