What to drink (Page 2)

Thinking a bit outside of the box here.  How about not going to bars?  If that's all your friends do, is go to bars and drink, get new friends?

I'm not going to hang out with friends if they are doing things I don't like to do.  And if they are always doing it, find new friends with similar interests.

If it's just that occasional time, just get water and say you are driving or not drinking.  That is always acceptable in my circles.  If it's NOT acceptable and you feel pressured to drink?

Well, see previous suggestion.  NEW FREINDS.

what about work/professional functions where attendance is expected?  like i said earlier, my friends don't give me a hard time about not drinking.  BUT when i am out with co-workers i get a lot of comments and jokes, but when there is a team building dinner i don't have a choice about going usually (you can't bail on those activities every single time)

That is really troubling that your colleagues make you feel uncomfortable for not drinking. I've never had a drink in my life (personal decision I made as a teen), and have never been made to feel uncomfortable about it. Whether at frat parties in college, hanging out at the bars/clubs in my early 20s or at work functions, it's never been an issue that I don't drink. In fact, the only time it really ever comes up is when someone wants to give or buy me a drink and I politely decline. At that time, I may get questions, but never in a way that results in comments or jokes. If I don't feel like getting into it or if I don't know the person and feel it could potentially turn into a "thing," I will just say it's because I'm the DD (which I always am anyway).

But, seriously, what does it matter what's in your glass? And, if it does become an issue, it's the other person's problem, not yours. So don't feel badly about it.

I guess the experience could be a little different for those who used to drink and no longer do, but even at that time, if they're your friends, they'll know why you're not drinking. If they're colleagues, they shouldn't really be asking why anyway. You could not be drinking because of a medication you're on or because you're pregnant or because you were struggling with addiction -- all things that colleagues shouldn't really be asking you about.

Good luck!

Thinking a bit outside of the box here.  How about not going to bars?  If that's all your friends do, is go to bars and drink, get new friends?

I'm not going to hang out with friends if they are doing things I don't like to do.  And if they are always doing it, find new friends with similar interests.

If it's just that occasional time, just get water and say you are driving or not drinking.  That is always acceptable in my circles.  If it's NOT acceptable and you feel pressured to drink?

Well, see previous suggestion.  NEW FREINDS.

what about work/professional functions where attendance is expected?  like i said earlier, my friends don't give me a hard time about not drinking.  BUT when i am out with co-workers i get a lot of comments and jokes, but when there is a team building dinner i don't have a choice about going usually (you can't bail on those activities every single time)

Hmmmmm,

Well, if it was a work related event and they gave me a hard time about choosing not to drink and it made me feel uncomfortable?  Same as the "new friends" suggestion.  Maybe find a new place to work.

What if they pressured you into marijuana (in a legal state) or eating pork if it's against your religion?  Hang out and do it or deal with the pressure?

I'm already troubled if TRUE friends pressure you to drink.  Even MORE troubled if a work/office place is pressuring you to drink.  Yikes.  These days, it's starting to be more and more problematic to have alcohol in any work events due to legal issues.  I would be leery of a work place where it's acceptable to pressure you to drink in today's legal environment.

I don't think it's "pressure" to drink, like MEH said it's just kind of annoying to have to answer 20 questions. In your other examples, questioning what someone eats is equally as annoying to me, as someone with a food intolerance. Every time there are doughnuts or leftover cookies I get asked why I'm not eating them and it's annoying but nothing I'm going to quit my job over. On the smoking one, I've definitely heard people who've quit be questioned about it (from people who are still smoking), much like the drinking questions. Again I don't see it as "pressure" but sometimes prying in a little too personal of an area for the work place.

I don't think it's "pressure" to drink, like MEH said it's just kind of annoying to have to answer 20 questions. In your other examples, questioning what someone eats is equally as annoying to me, as someone with a food intolerance. Every time there are doughnuts or leftover cookies I get asked why I'm not eating them and it's annoying but nothing I'm going to quit my job over. On the smoking one, I've definitely heard people who've quit be questioned about it (from people who are still smoking), much like the drinking questions. Again I don't see it as "pressure" but sometimes prying in a little too personal of an area for the work place.

Why do you have to answer 20 questions?  Especially if it annoys you?  It's not court.  "Just Because" or "none of your business" and "don't ask me again" seem perfect answers and guess what, no more annoying questions. 

What I'm reading is that it's easier to fake drinking or fool people into things so you don't get 20 questions.  Oh, and those 20 questions?  You are not even obligated to answer!  So a web of deceptions to avoid doing something you don't even have to do in the first place!  Crazy to me.

Being annoyed with questions, or offended, or upset, or self-conscious, whatever it is, is on you.  You're the only one that can make the changes to not feel that way.  Be it tricking people that you are drinking or eating or removing yourself from the situation or people, etc.   

TO ME, asking them to stop asking/bugging you seems FAR easier solution than masquerading as a drinker or answering 20 questions, especially if it annoys you.  Maybe I'm looking at it too simplistically?

That is really troubling that your colleagues make you feel uncomfortable for not drinking. I've never had a drink in my life (personal decision I made as a teen), and have never been made to feel uncomfortable about it. Whether at frat parties in college, hanging out at the bars/clubs in my early 20s or at work functions, it's never been an issue that I don't drink. In fact, the only time it really ever comes up is when someone wants to give or buy me a drink and I politely decline. At that time, I may get questions, but never in a way that results in comments or jokes. If I don't feel like getting into it or if I don't know the person and feel it could potentially turn into a "thing," I will just say it's because I'm the DD (which I always am anyway).

But, seriously, what does it matter what's in your glass? And, if it does become an issue, it's the other person's problem, not yours. So don't feel badly about it.

I guess the experience could be a little different for those who used to drink and no longer do, but even at that time, if they're your friends, they'll know why you're not drinking. If they're colleagues, they shouldn't really be asking why anyway. You could not be drinking because of a medication you're on or because you're pregnant or because you were struggling with addiction -- all things that colleagues shouldn't really be asking you about.

Good luck!

"Just Because" or "none of your business" and "don't ask me again" seem perfect answers and guess what, no more annoying questions. 

I get where you're coming from, but these answers are generally not "polite" - and in the context of what wer'er talking about - a professional/work networking event or team dinner that would be pretty out of line.

Boss/Customer: "Hey Lisa, you aren't having a glass of wine with us tonight?"
Lisa: "No. Don't ask me again. It's none of your business"

I mean I wouldn't even say that to my friends, let alone someone I wanted to stay on professionally good terms with but I guess everyone communicates differently.

How about:

Boss/customer:  "hey Lisa, you aren't having a glass of wine with us tonight?"

Lisa: "No, I'm having water."

Simple, done.

I have no idea what I would owe beyond that.

Admittedly, I don't go to business dinners/functions/networking events.....but I don't see how that isn't polite and enough.

that is what i say - again you are missing what we are saying - but their response is "why not?  come on!  just one drink.  don't be such a baby.  i won't tell anyone if you are a lightweight."  all actual things i have heard said to me or others.

if it sounds like a frat party - you are right - some industries are like that.  i am not sure what is wrong with not wanting to deal with any of it?

and no, i'm not quitting my job over a handful of interactions with douchebags.  i am not sure there is a job in all the world that is douchebag free.

I get where you're coming from, but these answers are generally not "polite" - and in the context of what wer'er talking about - a professional/work networking event or team dinner that would be pretty out of line.

Boss/Customer: "Hey Lisa, you aren't having a glass of wine with us tonight?"
Lisa: "No. Don't ask me again. It's none of your business"

I mean I wouldn't even say that to my friends, let alone someone I wanted to stay on professionally good terms with but I guess everyone communicates differently.

I hear you......I guess my circle of friends is too old to act that way.  I like to drink beer, a lot, so if I'm at a gathering and I don't have a beer someone will say something like, "not drinking tonight?"....and I say, "no, I've got..... " (whatever it is that has kept me from enjoying a beer).  I'm sure when I was younger someone may have made some of the kinds of comments you are talking about, but at this point in life, quite a few people in my age group have quit drinking for one reason or another.....so it would be really odd to have to field a stupid additional comment.

i have only ever gotten these comments from older guys trying to be cool ... or something like that.  at trade shows it is always the middle aged dudes out wasted till 4 am, and the under 30 girls getting a cab home after a glass of wine and dinner at 11.

and never from my friends.  i would NOT tolerate this ish from my friends.

Also, to really get deep...

Again, and internet or a typical communication problem that happens:

We are probably all forgetting perspective.  As women around guys, of course the men are going to try to get you to "loosen up" and have some drinks and flirt and all that stuff.  Happens all the time.  They want to talk to pretty girls, so alcohol is a good subject.  I can see why you would have MORE issues dealing with that than say, someone 6'7" who says I'm not drinking because of "this or that".  Thing is, I never get questioned after that.

Maybe you don't see how easy it is for me to say knock it off and I don't see the kind of pressure women might go through.  Well, I see it from the outside looking in, but forget.  Sorry for the confusion.