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I guess I don't have a relgion any more (Page 2)
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 2014-03-05 11:30 AM in reply to: 0 |
Pro  15655    |  Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any moreOriginally posted by ratherbeswimming Originally posted by lisac957 Originally posted by KSH AND would they even marry you in a Catholic church if he isn't Catholic? I had this question as well. I had always understood Catholic weddings to be strict about both parties being Catholic. No, but you must do Pre-Cana and also agree to raise the kids catholic. (Mom's Catholic, Dad was Lutheran at the time - converted when I was little) Everyone lies to the Church, and the Church lies to everyone......it's part of the experience. Edited by Left Brain 2014-03-05 11:31 AM |
| 2014-03-05 11:35 AM in reply to: KSH |
Champion 14571  the alamo city, Texas | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by KSH Now, I'm not Catholic, but can't you still go to church and worship God even if they don't "bless" your marriage? I mean, is there a "most wanted" wall at the Catholic churches when you walk in? They can't take your religion and your relationship with God just because they don't "bless" your marriage. AND would they even marry you in a Catholic church if he isn't Catholic? Your marriage will be real, even if the Catholic church doesn't do the ceremony. You will still be welcome, but your marriage will not be acknowledged. After my mom divorced (not annulled), our church refused to stop addressing mailings to mr. and mrs., for example. When my friend's mom divorced (not annulled) and legally changed her name to her maiden name, the church refused to acknowledge her by that name. |
| 2014-03-05 12:10 PM in reply to: ratherbeswimming |
Alpharetta, Georgia Bronze member | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by ratherbeswimming Originally posted by lisac957 Originally posted by KSH AND would they even marry you in a Catholic church if he isn't Catholic? I had this question as well. I had always understood Catholic weddings to be strict about both parties being Catholic. No, but you must do Pre-Cana and also agree to raise the kids catholic. (Mom's Catholic, Dad was Lutheran at the time - converted when I was little) Now that is interesting. |
| 2014-03-05 1:34 PM in reply to: mehaner |
Champion 10471 Dallas, TX | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by mehaner Originally posted by KSH Now, I'm not Catholic, but can't you still go to church and worship God even if they don't "bless" your marriage? I mean, is there a "most wanted" wall at the Catholic churches when you walk in? They can't take your religion and your relationship with God just because they don't "bless" your marriage. AND would they even marry you in a Catholic church if he isn't Catholic? Your marriage will be real, even if the Catholic church doesn't do the ceremony. You will still be welcome, but your marriage will not be acknowledged. After my mom divorced (not annulled), our church refused to stop addressing mailings to mr. and mrs., for example. When my friend's mom divorced (not annulled) and legally changed her name to her maiden name, the church refused to acknowledge her by that name. Sounds like Socks' husband won't want to go with her... so whatever. ??? Your religion is still in tact Socks. Go to church and worship God when/where you want. Just get married outside the church.
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| 2014-03-05 1:35 PM in reply to: KSH |
Pro 15655 | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by KSH Originally posted by mehaner Originally posted by KSH Now, I'm not Catholic, but can't you still go to church and worship God even if they don't "bless" your marriage? I mean, is there a "most wanted" wall at the Catholic churches when you walk in? They can't take your religion and your relationship with God just because they don't "bless" your marriage. AND would they even marry you in a Catholic church if he isn't Catholic? Your marriage will be real, even if the Catholic church doesn't do the ceremony. You will still be welcome, but your marriage will not be acknowledged. After my mom divorced (not annulled), our church refused to stop addressing mailings to mr. and mrs., for example. When my friend's mom divorced (not annulled) and legally changed her name to her maiden name, the church refused to acknowledge her by that name. Sounds like Socks' husband won't want to go with her... so whatever. ??? Your religion is still in tact Socks. Go to church and worship God when/where you want. Just get married outside the church.
Blasphemer!!!!!!! |
| 2014-03-05 2:03 PM in reply to: Socks |
Sensei Sin City | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by Socks So in the good news column I am engaged to be married. In the bad news column this is apparently going to result in me not having a religion anymore. I was raised catholic and ID myself as catholic but I am pretty much done with it now. My fiancé has been married twice. You have to have the marriages annulled even tho no one involved is catholic and neither of the unions were catholic or even in a church of any kind. To get the marriage annulled the previous wives apparently have to "get their say" despite the fact that the 3 deal breakers for the catholic church are 1-mental illness (check) 2-substance abuse (check) and infidelity (check) First marriage not an issue. Second one despite checking all the boxes BIG problem. She is CRAZY. She tried to hire someone to KILL my fiancé. She throws their 13 year old under a bus continuously. I had to file a police report against her and get an atty to stop her from harassing me. She is going to go BSC (Bat Sh^t Crazy) when she finds out about the wedding. Truly she is unstable BUT the catholic church says we HAVE to give her a SAY in the annulment. So I am supposed to put my fiancé's LIFE at risk and that of his 13 year old son to jump thru this hoop???? ARE YOU F-ING KIDDING ME????? Seriously? No loopholes no exceptions. WTF? I am DONE with the church. I am so sad and disappointed I can't even discuss it with my fiancé because as he is not catholic he doesn't get it. I feel like my entire faith has been stripped away with the decision of a single person. Feeling very sad. I am sorry that you are going through this. It's rough to have something/someone that is so important to you kind of "let you down" whether it's the company line or not... Not going to knock the guy has been married before. Been there, done that. Not going to knock he found a crazy person. Know people that have had THAT happen as well. I do think a combination of the two is a bit of a red flag to at least consider. COULD be just coincidence, but could also be a lack of him judge the women he is with. I always get a little nervous about someone in multiple marriages. Same for the employee that has jumped from job to job and says the bosses were always crazy or had it out for them. MAYBE it's not just a string of bad bosses/wives.... But of all of this, the biggest red flag is the "I can't even discuss this with your fiancé". Really? That is a bad precedence, IMO. My wife and I feel like we can talk about ANYTHING with each other. Not like we mention everything that crosses our minds, but we CAN if we had to. Even if he doesn't understand one iota about your church, I would expect a husband/fiancé would at least listen to you and TRY to understand your concerns or feeling on the matter. There is plenty of drama/issues in my wife's career that I don't understand (or even care to understand for my personal sake) that she talks to me about. But since it's obviously important to HER, I do my best to listen. This is something that is obviously important to you and it impacts both of you. I would think it would be important to him to know what is causing you pain. I wish you the best luck with all of it. A strong marriage should be able to overcome all of this. |
| 2014-03-05 2:38 PM in reply to: Left Brain |
Champion 10471 Dallas, TX | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by Left Brain Originally posted by KSH Originally posted by mehaner Originally posted by KSH Now, I'm not Catholic, but can't you still go to church and worship God even if they don't "bless" your marriage? I mean, is there a "most wanted" wall at the Catholic churches when you walk in? They can't take your religion and your relationship with God just because they don't "bless" your marriage. AND would they even marry you in a Catholic church if he isn't Catholic? Your marriage will be real, even if the Catholic church doesn't do the ceremony. You will still be welcome, but your marriage will not be acknowledged. After my mom divorced (not annulled), our church refused to stop addressing mailings to mr. and mrs., for example. When my friend's mom divorced (not annulled) and legally changed her name to her maiden name, the church refused to acknowledge her by that name. Sounds like Socks' husband won't want to go with her... so whatever. ??? Your religion is still in tact Socks. Go to church and worship God when/where you want. Just get married outside the church.
Blasphemer!!!!!!! Well I am agnostic. This part of the definition fits me:
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| 2014-03-05 2:49 PM in reply to: KSH |
Pro 15655 | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by KSH Originally posted by Left Brain Originally posted by KSH Originally posted by mehaner Originally posted by KSH Now, I'm not Catholic, but can't you still go to church and worship God even if they don't "bless" your marriage? I mean, is there a "most wanted" wall at the Catholic churches when you walk in? They can't take your religion and your relationship with God just because they don't "bless" your marriage. AND would they even marry you in a Catholic church if he isn't Catholic? Your marriage will be real, even if the Catholic church doesn't do the ceremony. You will still be welcome, but your marriage will not be acknowledged. After my mom divorced (not annulled), our church refused to stop addressing mailings to mr. and mrs., for example. When my friend's mom divorced (not annulled) and legally changed her name to her maiden name, the church refused to acknowledge her by that name. Sounds like Socks' husband won't want to go with her... so whatever. ??? Your religion is still in tact Socks. Go to church and worship God when/where you want. Just get married outside the church.
Blasphemer!!!!!!! Well I am agnostic. This part of the definition fits me:
Don't marry a Catholic.....it won't be real. |
| 2014-03-05 4:17 PM in reply to: Left Brain |
Pro 9391 Omaha, NE | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by Left Brain Originally posted by KSH Originally posted by Left Brain Originally posted by KSH Originally posted by mehaner Originally posted by KSH Now, I'm not Catholic, but can't you still go to church and worship God even if they don't "bless" your marriage? I mean, is there a "most wanted" wall at the Catholic churches when you walk in? They can't take your religion and your relationship with God just because they don't "bless" your marriage. AND would they even marry you in a Catholic church if he isn't Catholic? Your marriage will be real, even if the Catholic church doesn't do the ceremony. You will still be welcome, but your marriage will not be acknowledged. After my mom divorced (not annulled), our church refused to stop addressing mailings to mr. and mrs., for example. When my friend's mom divorced (not annulled) and legally changed her name to her maiden name, the church refused to acknowledge her by that name. Sounds like Socks' husband won't want to go with her... so whatever. ??? Your religion is still in tact Socks. Go to church and worship God when/where you want. Just get married outside the church.
Blasphemer!!!!!!! Well I am agnostic. This part of the definition fits me:
Don't marry a Catholic.....it won't be real. Fo Reals! |
| 2014-03-06 1:52 AM in reply to: ratherbeswimming |
Regular 1023 Madrid | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by ratherbeswimming Originally posted by lisac957 Originally posted by KSH AND would they even marry you in a Catholic church if he isn't Catholic? I had this question as well. I had always understood Catholic weddings to be strict about both parties being Catholic. No, but you must do Pre-Cana and also agree to raise the kids catholic. (Mom's Catholic, Dad was Lutheran at the time - converted when I was little) Its all about the guilt... |
| 2014-03-06 10:29 AM in reply to: Socks |
Master 3205 ann arbor, michigan | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more I am uncomfortable responding to your post. I generally avoid relationship advice like the plague. Feel free to ignore my advice but recognize that I am adding my voice to the background noise of BT folks whe are worried about where this will end. Please, please, please reread your original post and think what your response would be if this was one of your friends posting the same thing and not you. Marriage is a huge undertaking. It isn't always easy but with the right person it is worth it. Are you sure this is the right person? Because, inarguably he is damaged goods. He has twice picked people that he ended up being completely incompatible with. By your account, crazy people. Are you 100% sure that you won't be number three and have fiance #4 talking about you in five years? If you absolutely have to marry this guy, I would suggest waiting. Your religion is not going to recognize your marriage any way so there is little "sin" in being engaged for awhile. My wife and I were engaged for seven years, probably longer than anyone on this board. We knew we were in love and wanted to get married but our life situation was such that waiting was the best option. We have been married 18 years now and she was certainly worth waiting for. If this is truly "the love of your life" or however you described him later in this thread, he won't mind waiting because he will know that you are worth it. Enough from me. Good luck. Do the right thing. |
| 2014-03-06 11:35 AM in reply to: Socks |
Elite 3770 | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Sue I would check with other Catholic churches. Believe it or not, different pastors have different policies. |
| 2014-03-06 11:41 AM in reply to: KSH |
Elite 3770 | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by KSH Originally posted by mehaner Originally posted by KSH Now, I'm not Catholic, but can't you still go to church and worship God even if they don't "bless" your marriage? I mean, is there a "most wanted" wall at the Catholic churches when you walk in? They can't take your religion and your relationship with God just because they don't "bless" your marriage. AND would they even marry you in a Catholic church if he isn't Catholic? Your marriage will be real, even if the Catholic church doesn't do the ceremony. You will still be welcome, but your marriage will not be acknowledged. After my mom divorced (not annulled), our church refused to stop addressing mailings to mr. and mrs., for example. When my friend's mom divorced (not annulled) and legally changed her name to her maiden name, the church refused to acknowledge her by that name. Sounds like Socks' husband won't want to go with her... so whatever. ??? Your religion is still in tact Socks. Go to church and worship God when/where you want. Just get married outside the church.
I like this Karen. Spot on. God doesn't really care, its the church that does, and that's human interpretation. |
| 2014-03-06 3:39 PM in reply to: Socks |
Veteran 312 St. Paul | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by Socks She tried to hire someone to KILL my fiancé. She throws their 13 year old under a bus continuously. I had to file a police report against her and get an atty to stop her from harassing me. She is going to go BSC (Bat Sh^t Crazy) when she finds out about the wedding. Truly she is unstable BUT the catholic church says we HAVE to give her a SAY in the annulment. So I am supposed to put my fiancé's LIFE at risk and that of his 13 year old son to jump thru this hoop???? If they have a son together, then presumably, she is going to find out about the wedding (and potentially lose it) with or without an annulment. You may happy to hear that the divorce/annulment issue is one that Pope Francis wants to resolve.. The Church never moves too quickly, though, so any change is unlikely to happen in time to help you. That said, the Catholic Church never claims that it's easy to be Catholic. It's really rather hard. If people want a Church that tells them what they want to hear and bends to whatever society wants, there are plenty of those Churches around. They have plenty of feel-good ideas and "Buddy Jesus". |
| 2014-03-06 4:04 PM in reply to: Nathanm74 |
Pro 15655 | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by Nathanm74 Originally posted by Socks If they have a son together, then presumably, she is going to find out about the wedding (and potentially lose it) with or without an annulment. You may happy to hear that the divorce/annulment issue is one that Pope Francis wants to resolve.. The Church never moves too quickly, though, so any change is unlikely to happen in time to help you. That said, the Catholic Church never claims that it's easy to be Catholic. It's really rather hard. If people want a Church that tells them what they want to hear and bends to whatever society wants, there are plenty of those Churches around. They have plenty of feel-good ideas and "Buddy Jesus". She tried to hire someone to KILL my fiancé. She throws their 13 year old under a bus continuously. I had to file a police report against her and get an atty to stop her from harassing me. She is going to go BSC (Bat Sh^t Crazy) when she finds out about the wedding. Truly she is unstable BUT the catholic church says we HAVE to give her a SAY in the annulment. So I am supposed to put my fiancé's LIFE at risk and that of his 13 year old son to jump thru this hoop???? . WWBJD? |
| 2014-03-06 8:57 PM in reply to: Left Brain |
| New user 6 | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more So I think the Doc was looking for input from others who have experienced issues with getting married in the Catholic Church. I do not recall reading in her post that she wanted advise on her relationship, especially from fellow BTers who have never met the man or seen them together. Relationships will not fit into any one perfect mold. While I do understand the concerns some have posted here, only Doc and her fiance know what is reality for them. |
| 2014-03-06 9:50 PM in reply to: Left Brain |
Elite 4547 | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by Left Brain Originally posted by Nathanm74 Originally posted by Socks If they have a son together, then presumably, she is going to find out about the wedding (and potentially lose it) with or without an annulment. You may happy to hear that the divorce/annulment issue is one that Pope Francis wants to resolve.. The Church never moves too quickly, though, so any change is unlikely to happen in time to help you. That said, the Catholic Church never claims that it's easy to be Catholic. It's really rather hard. If people want a Church that tells them what they want to hear and bends to whatever society wants, there are plenty of those Churches around. They have plenty of feel-good ideas and "Buddy Jesus". She tried to hire someone to KILL my fiancé. She throws their 13 year old under a bus continuously. I had to file a police report against her and get an atty to stop her from harassing me. She is going to go BSC (Bat Sh^t Crazy) when she finds out about the wedding. Truly she is unstable BUT the catholic church says we HAVE to give her a SAY in the annulment. So I am supposed to put my fiancé's LIFE at risk and that of his 13 year old son to jump thru this hoop???? . WWBJD? LB, you're cracking me up! Now, I can't stop humming the tune of that old commercial for My Buddy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJDg2g1COyc Just insert "Buddy Jesus." ...wherever I go he goes...I'll teach him everything that I know... |
| 2014-03-06 10:38 PM in reply to: Ferlita275 |
Master 2380 Beijing | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by Ferlita275 So I think the Doc was looking for input from others who have experienced issues with getting married in the Catholic Church. I do not recall reading in her post that she wanted advise on her relationship, especially from fellow BTers who have never met the man or seen them together. Relationships will not fit into any one perfect mold. While I do understand the concerns some have posted here, only Doc and her fiance know what is reality for them.
Welcome to CoJ. |
 2014-03-06 10:47 PM in reply to: Ferlita275 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2014-03-09 4:58 AM in reply to: Socks |
| 60 | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more First of all, I am sorry you are feeling the way you do. It would be hard to have to chose between a religion and someone you love. Last year I was dating someone with a similar situation, his ex-wife has extreme narcissistic personality disorder. She went to great extremes to ruin his career in the military.. accused him of rape, kidnapping, adultery, abuse, fraud, etc. he has over 200K in legal fees from fighting her, and can't pay them. I loved him SOOO much. I thought, "love will find a way" UHHH, Love does not find a way..... Here is something to think about. All her anger will be directed at you. You will now be the reason she is crazy. She will lie to her son about you, and he will hate you. She will tell lies about you to anyone that will listen to her. Your husband will feel helpless because he can't defend you from her.. he will feel guilt because you are suffering and in essence he brought her into your life. You will start to feel resentful because he isn't doing more to protect you. She will go to great lengths to ruin your career ( I promise.) Narcissistic people think rules don't apply to them. I am only saying this because I know how this goes. We eventually broke up because he felt like he was failing me because he couldn't give me all the things I deserved in a partner (he was right) I thought I was going to die, I was devastated. After I worked though all the pain, looking back, he was right. I felt angry and un-validated daily because so much of his time was spent on fighting her, emailing her, emailing his attorneys, making photocopies, scanning documents. Do some people make it through this? Yes, they probably do. I wish I could tell you how destructive to a healthy relationship it is. Reading your post my heart sank because I know how it feels. Good luck to you! I wish you the best. Heather |
| 2014-03-24 12:02 PM in reply to: lisac957 |
| Regular 116 | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by lisac957 Originally posted by KSH AND would they even marry you in a Catholic church if he isn't Catholic? I had this question as well. I had always understood Catholic weddings to be strict about both parties being Catholic. I was marred in Catholic church, but my wife was not Catholic. That was in 1997. All she needed was to baptized under any religion. |
| 2014-03-24 3:24 PM in reply to: Dolcezza |
| Elite 3091 Spokane, WA | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by Dolcezza First of all, I am sorry you are feeling the way you do. It would be hard to have to chose between a religion and someone you love. Last year I was dating someone with a similar situation, his ex-wife has extreme narcissistic personality disorder. She went to great extremes to ruin his career in the military.. accused him of rape, kidnapping, adultery, abuse, fraud, etc. he has over 200K in legal fees from fighting her, and can't pay them. I loved him SOOO much. I thought, "love will find a way" UHHH, Love does not find a way..... Here is something to think about. All her anger will be directed at you. You will now be the reason she is crazy. She will lie to her son about you, and he will hate you. She will tell lies about you to anyone that will listen to her. Your husband will feel helpless because he can't defend you from her.. he will feel guilt because you are suffering and in essence he brought her into your life. You will start to feel resentful because he isn't doing more to protect you. She will go to great lengths to ruin your career ( I promise.) Narcissistic people think rules don't apply to them. I am only saying this because I know how this goes. We eventually broke up because he felt like he was failing me because he couldn't give me all the things I deserved in a partner (he was right) I thought I was going to die, I was devastated. After I worked though all the pain, looking back, he was right. I felt angry and un-validated daily because so much of his time was spent on fighting her, emailing her, emailing his attorneys, making photocopies, scanning documents. Do some people make it through this? Yes, they probably do. I wish I could tell you how destructive to a healthy relationship it is. Reading your post my heart sank because I know how it feels. Good luck to you! I wish you the best. Heather Well, that's disturbing. That's some world-class crazy right there. |
| 2014-04-23 4:34 PM in reply to: zed707 |
| Deep in the Heart of Texas | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more I was reminded of this post when I read the following article today: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/the-pope/10782508/Pope-Francis-tells-sinner-she-should-be-allowed-Communion.html |
| 2014-04-23 5:18 PM in reply to: Hook'em |
| Champion 6993 Chicago, Illinois | Subject: RE: I guess I don't have a relgion any more Originally posted by Hook'em I was reminded of this post when I read the following article today: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/the-pope/10782508/Pope-Francis-tells-sinner-she-should-be-allowed-Communion.html just told my girl who refuses communion about this. Maybe she will take it. |
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| Started by DrLeah Views: 825 Posts: 17 | ||
| Nooooo... I don't think I'll have what they're having, thanks! | Started by Spokes Views: 624 Posts: 6 |
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