Are "Thank You's" a thing of the past and when is it OK to stop sending gifts?

I'm 27. We stopped getting presents from aunts and uncles a while ago - either when we went to college or when we graduated... I can't remember which.

My parent's follow the same rule of thumb for their nieces and nephews.

Start the discussion with your sibilings / sibiling-in-laws.

I do still get presents from my grandparents, but we also buy them something in return - usually we take them out to dinner when we're all home. And I send them a Thank You card every time I get something.

This is something with my brother that has been annoying me for years now. 

As his kids are 5 and 2 I don't expect any thanks from them unless we're on Skype the day of birthdays/Christmas for my brother or SIL to say to the kids "come say thank you to Auntie Monica for x". 

However... I have YET to receive any word of thanks from either my brother or SIL for sending the gifts without me sending an email in the vein of "can one of you please tell me if you've received the gifts I sent".  What's even worse in my opinion is that I can look up the shipping and SEE that my SIL has signed to receive the presents from the post office and STILL there's no word from them. 

I've also now made it known that I don't think this is appropriate.  We'll see how things go at my nephew's upcoming birthday in January. 

In terms of ages - I don't know an answer to that.  Last Christmas I bought UK themed presents for everyone as I'd been living there for a while and thought it would be neat.  This year, only the kiddos got something.  Usually we get presents for the kids because of their ages, and then do a sort of secret Santa gift for one other person in the family. 

At least a phone call to say Thank You would be appropriate...

...unless of course you gave them a car and they have to make the monthly car payments now

In my family, I stopped getting gifts from Aunts and Uncles when I graduated from high school.    It's hard for me to imagine stopping then for my nieces, but we are a bit closer.  Although I think I might lean towards sending a card and saying we'll treat them to lunch or something.   These kids have more than what they need/want. I might feel differently if a gift really meant something to them.

I am struggling with a similar problem with thank yous.  My oldest sister lives in China with her family, so we send an e-mail with a gift card attached (iTunes usually).  I send a personal note with  a few sentences to each niece and also a third e-mail to my sister to say they were sent and to let me know if there were issues.  I am still waiting for even one of the 3 to reply to my e-mail.     When we were kids, we sent thank you notes unless we were in the presence of the giver.  I think anyone over the age of 18 should be responsible for doing this on their own, under 18 they should be told to do it and monitored.  It's a problem.   Today I am going to have to follow-up with the "did you get it???" e-mail to my sister.    And she can't possibly be annoyed with the "impersonal" e-mail since they sent an automated e-card to a bulk mailing list with their holiday greetings.   I did mail actual gifts one year but without even a thank you of ANY sort, it's not worth the cost and trip to the post office ($15+ and you have to wait in line to fill out a customs form!!!). 

I admittedly suck at sending thank you notes. If we do Christmas with the family I make sure the kids say "thank you" after they open a gift, and then I normally forget to send out handwritten thank you notes and feel guilty about it months later.

BUT, I can't fathom not sending an acknowledgment to someone who sends a gift and isn't there in person. I'll admit I might not get around to the formal handwritten mailed note, but how hard is it to at least call, email, or even just text and say "Hey - thanks for the gifts!! Merry Christmas!!"?

I haven't gotten a gift from my Aunts since I was probably 16 though, and they've never sent anything for my kids except when they were born.

I think you may be expecting too quick turn around time.  We have thank you notes out- but have definitely not written them.  I was planning on getting them written over break and having them done to mail from work by the 2nd.  At that rate they will not be there til the 5th or so. 

Is that too slow?  I assumed that was well within the reasonable time frame for Thank You notes.

I never got any gifts from anyone growing up, so feel free to send those Cabellas gift cards my way.  I most certainly will send you a thank you note. 

x2.

We had a rule in our house that you didn't get the "thing" or the money until the thank you card was in the mail!  Motivated me and my sis to write them fast!

When we were too young to write my mom would take something we'd drawn (or she'd sit us down and tell us to draw some stuff) and then write a short note on it herself and call it the "thank you note"...so we were always involved in the thank you note process from the moment we could draw and/or scribble.

Once we could write, we wrote them.

I wish people would continue to do the formal thank you note...it's nice.  But I agree that even a phone call or FB post would be sufficient...some acknowledgement is very important.  However, as others have said, maybe give it another week at least.

And yeah...probably time to stop sending the adult kiddos gifts!  My grandparents/parents/sister still send me stuff, but all the folks that used to send me money or gifts for the holidays and my birthday stopped when I started college...sort of an unwritten rule in the family I guess....

Good thought but this is a trend over many many years.  When they were smaller (I have been married for 20 years so I have known these kids since they were very young), we rarely if ever got verbal thanks and never a written.  At that point, as it is with my bothers son, I blame the parents but would not deprive the kids of gifts.

20+ years later I feel I am over it.  Unless Hell freezes over, there is no written thank you coming.

Glad you brought this up as I was wondering about the age to stop giving also. My oldest nephew just turned 22 but I still gave him a birthday check. He is in college and studies constantly. I know he can use a little extra cash and he is always appreciative. I really don't mind so maybe I'll cut him off when he is 25 .

As far as thank you's, I see all my nieces and nephews for Christmas and they all gave a verbal thank you for gifts. I'm good with that - I don't need a written card. My two sisters will make their kids send notes, on my husbands side of the family they won't. My kids are 4 & 6 and I plan on beginning the thank you card tradition. If I didn't see the kids in person I would want to know at least if they got the gifts. No acknowledgment just seems rude. 

I'm really surprised that aunts and uncles stop giving gifts at some point in time..? This must be common?

I have no aunts but my uncle and I still exchange gifts (I am 33, he is 50-something) and now that I'm an aunt I can't ever imagine NOT getting my nephews gifts.

I'm guessing it's a "big family" thing - mine is quite small so that might be the difference. My nephews are the only kids in my life.

I have 13 nieces and nephews (well 12 & 3/4 ) so yes, I am not going to give gifts for all of their birthdays for the rest of my life. 

My Mom's side of the family used to give us birthday gifts but stopped as we got older and more children came into the family. There are 11 cousins on just that side of my family.

But there is a point where it just feels silly to be getting money from aunts & uncles. At least for me. I mean I am 40 years old and my husbands 80 year old aunt is still giving us $25 at Christmas. A sweet gesture but you know, I'm old enough to be taking care of her at this point!

Myself, my wife, and our kids always, (and I repeat ALWAYS) write thank you cards/notes for any gifts we get.  There are some occasions where we will also call, etc.  For instance, we are out of town right now in CO springs and are staying with family.  Their neighbors have helped in preparing meals for all of us.  We will be writing thank you notes and giving chocolates before we leave.

There's nothing like taking the time to sit down and write a thank you. 

On the other hand, with the generation we have today, I never expect a thank you.  A text is fine, FB is fine, or whatever.  If I gave something, I gave it and I never expect anything in return.

However, thank you notes are always appropriate...and I personally believe everyone should take the time to write, text, call or in some way say thank you for a gift.

EDIT:  Generally, I was taught as I grew up, all thank you notes should be received within 2 weeks.  We live in a much faster paced society today, so give it some time.

I like making things for people. This takes time and thought. I do a test run on new giftees with something small but interesting. If the recipient asks questions about the item, or otherwise appears to appreciate the gift and recognizes that effort was put forth, then they get better stuff the next time. The ones who don't, well, they don't get another chance.

My half-sister sent out wedding thank yous (in itself astonishing) however, it was plain that they all said "We're so glad you came to our wedding and thank you for the generous gift." I guess that's better than receiving no thanks at all. I now wish that we'd just gotten them matching $5 mugs. I'd have gotten the same response and saved myself $90 cash. I could have gotten a new jersey or maybe some tri shorts instead.

When I was a kid, personal thank you notes were required. It just isn't that hard to say thank you. Why would anyone spend time or money on an ungrateful git?