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2005-10-05 6:47 AM

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Master
1480
1000100100100100252525
Southwest Chicago 'burbs
Subject: Online Dating
Okay.... so I never thought I'd really be contemplating doing this, but ...

After spending a summer completely engrossed in training and not having time to even think about dating, I'm kind of coming up for air and realizing that I'm not meeting a whole bunch of eligible guys. So.... decided that maybe I'd give online dating thing a try, since I'm not good at the whole meet-guys-at-bar thing (or even meet-guys-at-triathlon thing, to be honest). I figure, even if it just ends up with me going out on a lot of first dates, that's better than sitting around my house.

Anyone done this? Any testamonials, good or bad? Any recommendations for websites? I know about match.com and eharmony.com from TV ads, but am not sure if there are other/better sites out there.




2005-10-05 6:53 AM
in reply to: #259661

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Champion
5183
5000100252525
Wisconsin
Subject: RE: Online Dating
it's how I met my partner. I think it's a great idea. you can weed out your "NO WAYs" immediately (mine were smoking, drugs, inactive, not wanting kids) you are in some way, especially as a woman, more in control of things. You can more easily take initiative. you have nada to lose, go for it!

And first dates are fun! It's just nice to have compnay for a meal, a walk, a movie... If you treat first dates as major interviews, they are miserable, but if you approach dating like a chance to hang out with lots of different people, it takes the pressure off.

So sayeth Doc Possum.
2005-10-05 7:03 AM
in reply to: #259661

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Master
1573
10005002525
Red Sox Nation
Subject: RE: Online Dating
Oh, Laura! I've dated three colossal loosers off Match and one totally fabu who told me this week he wants to move back to California .

Possum is right, it's a great way to weed out oddities. And they're there! A few years back I had one guy send an e-mail with the subject line "I see dead people!" Yes, the movie was popular at the time but ... Whatta keeper!

Give it a shot. I did Match. You are certainly protected by using nicknames and blind e-mail. $60 bucks for three months and if you're getting too much weird stuff, you can always hide your profile. I'd google on-line because a lot of new sites seem to be popping up specific to job areas like First Responders and the like. Hey, Ron! How about BTAMatch!

Me? I'm working on 'My List.' Similar to what Possum said, so that you get what you want in a (life?!?) partner.

Best of luck!

Fool
2005-10-05 7:11 AM
in reply to: #259661

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Pro
4189
20002000100252525
Pittsburgh, my heart is in Glasgow
Subject: RE: Online Dating
Didn't do a "Dating" site persay...but Superfuzz and I met via a local music scene messageboard and have been nuts about each other (or just nuts...can't quite figure that out yet) for 4 years. It can be a scary place, but it can also be great.
2005-10-05 7:30 AM
in reply to: #259661

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Veteran
157
1002525
Colorado Springs
Subject: RE: Online Dating
I did match and had a really great experience. Of course there were some strange responses and some people that were weeded out immediately. But the way it is set up it is easy to casually get to know people before deciding if you want to give out personal info. My first date was my now current boyfriend of 7 months who is wonderful! I have friends who have done eHarmony and have had success with that as well. Good luck!
2005-10-05 7:54 AM
in reply to: #259665

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Giver
18427
5000500050002000100010010010010025
Subject: RE: Online Dating

Hollis...didn't you at one point offer to moderate a BT dating board?

possum - 2005-10-05 6:53 AM it's how I met my partner. I think it's a great idea. you can weed out your "NO WAYs" immediately (mine were smoking, drugs, inactive, not wanting kids) you are in some way, especially as a woman, more in control of things. You can more easily take initiative. you have nada to lose, go for it! And first dates are fun! It's just nice to have compnay for a meal, a walk, a movie... If you treat first dates as major interviews, they are miserable, but if you approach dating like a chance to hang out with lots of different people, it takes the pressure off. So sayeth Doc Possum.



2005-10-05 7:57 AM
in reply to: #259661

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Pro
3883
20001000500100100100252525
Woodstock,GA
Subject: RE: Online Dating
Personally I think a BT dating board would be a great idea. Were I not already a married man then I think that I would find me a nice tri chick! Think about it you already have at least 3 things in common and lets face it this is and obsessive type of lifestyle.
2005-10-05 8:02 AM
in reply to: #259661

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Queen BTich
12411
500050002000100100100100
,
Subject: RE: Online Dating
I think a BT singles board/area is a good idea too.
2005-10-05 8:11 AM
in reply to: #259701

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Giver
18427
5000500050002000100010010010010025
Subject: RE: Online Dating

TriComet - 2005-10-05 8:02 AM I think a BT singles board/area is a good idea too.

Plus, it'd be a fun place to hang out and heckle. Not sayin' I would, but I'm just sayin'.

2005-10-05 8:14 AM
in reply to: #259709

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Queen BTich
12411
500050002000100100100100
,
Subject: RE: Online Dating
run4yrlif - 2005-10-05 9:11 AM

TriComet - 2005-10-05 8:02 AM I think a BT singles board/area is a good idea too.

Plus, it'd be a fun place to hang out and heckle. Not sayin' I would, but I'm just sayin'.

There should be a filter or requirement---no marrieds.

2005-10-05 8:31 AM
in reply to: #259661

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Champion
5183
5000100252525
Wisconsin
Subject: RE: Online Dating


no, I didn't offer to moderate anything, bc there's not much to it-- pm each other, agree to meet at a race. It's not that hard, people! If you want to be available, just put your deets in your interests field in your log:

SWF etc....


2005-10-05 8:34 AM
in reply to: #259720

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Wife, Mother, Friend.
2457
20001001001001002525
South
Subject: RE: Online Dating

I was thinking the same thing. 

Nah, make it your sig file.    Get more views that way. 

2005-10-05 9:29 AM
in reply to: #259661

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Elite
2768
20005001001002525
Raleigh
Subject: RE: Online Dating
I am game... swm here...
2005-10-05 9:50 AM
in reply to: #259661

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Buttercup
14334
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Subject: RE: Online Dating

I tried match.com. Met one guy for coffee; he talked about his father's alcoholism and detox for about 45 mins. Then he grilled me about why he can't get more dates. Was stoodup for first-dates (coffee) by the next 3 guys. I gave up. Still man-less at the moment.

I would not want to date someone who tri's. What if it's a bad breakup or he's wacko? Then I'll  run into him at my tri's - ick! I like my tri friends; I don't want to go poaching for men in the tri community. And, I like BT so I definitely would not want my personal life spilling into BT either; I like that I can be frank and open (yeah, maybe too open - get over it) on BT.

I want to keep my interests mine. No tri guy for me.

2005-10-05 10:14 AM
in reply to: #259661

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COURT JESTER
12230
50005000200010010025
ROCKFORD, IL
Subject: RE: Online Dating

My wife bought me online (at least that's her joke).  Really, we met online.  She was in residency and working 80-110 hours per week and wasn't into the bar thing.  So she started looking at the AOL personals and after seeing my profile for the 5th time she decided to write.  Yeah I said it took her 5 times before writing because I didn't fit her physical preferences:  Am too tall, too big, wrong color hair and eyes and had facial hair.  Had our first date on Jan. 15, 2000.   Proposed Jan 6, 2001.   Married July 19, 2002.  Had our first child Jan 5th this year.

Guess love IS blind as she took a chance on a guy who didn't fit the physical preferences and now she's got me for life (she didn't read the non-refundable part of the online purchase). 

GO FOT IT!!!!!   

2005-10-05 10:26 AM
in reply to: #259800

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Buttercup
14334
500050002000200010010010025
Subject: RE: Online Dating

Ty, this morning the guy from electric co. came to my house to do an energy audit. I had just returned from my morning run and was flush-flaced, sweaty etc etc. (he was about 15mins early and pulled into my drive about 1 minute after I ran in). He's older (all white hair) and has a pot-belly but no ring on his left hand. He seemed nice. I actually thought about asking him to have coffee sometime. I even asked if he had a number I could reach him at - you know, in case I had questions about all this energy saving information. How about email?

I don't really have physical requirements other than good health and no extremes (extreme skinny or obesity). I do want him to be taller than me but at 5'2" that's not such a stretch. He must be gentle.



2005-10-05 12:31 PM
in reply to: #259661

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Expert
834
50010010010025
Medina, MN
Subject: RE: Online Dating
I'm married and have never tried this, but I've heard a lot of really positive things about "speed-dating" programs. You sit down and talk with someone for 3 minutes, then go on to the next person. At the end of the night, if you both are interested, they provide you with contact info and you take it from there.
2005-10-05 12:36 PM
in reply to: #259661

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Master
1468
10001001001001002525
Tampa, Fl
Subject: RE: Online Dating
I have always beleived that it is up to fate. I don't do anything out of the ordinary or go out of my way looking for different ways to meet women. I just go about my normal routine and if something happens or I happen to meet someone new, then so be it.
2005-10-05 1:54 PM
in reply to: #259661

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Extreme Veteran
724
500100100
Delray Beach, FL
Subject: RE: Online Dating
I have mixed feelings about it....
My background: After 15 years with the same guy (married over 6yrs) I found myself single again at 34 and rusty when it comes to the dating scene. I am somehow shy, do not like to flirt... it was hard for me to meet guys. A friend was dating online and after her advice I gave it a try.
Getting attention on the website is a science, like search engines, the right words will take you right at the top Mention the words sexy, adventurous, sports on your profile and you'll get tons of e-mails. Pictures are a plus. Don't believe me? try. Create two profiles and compare the responses. You would have to fine tune your profile or you would get weird replies.
I found myself shopping for a guy like shopping for cereal... So many choices, so much info but I didn't want to believe the hype... I was skeptical of what was printed. I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I must've, I had my profile psted there!
After a while I was sort of overwhelmed with e-mails. How do you say no to a person without giving them one chance? Just because.... It was hard, some guys did not take it well. Yes, the guy with the PHD sounded great but he was a widower and I didn't want to be an instant mom to 5 kids!.... What do you tell the guy?
I was lucky I was getting tons of dates. I had to scale down, I was stressed! (the sort of things you want to happen) but I lost the excitment of meeting someone special. Chris1 on Monday, Chris2 on Wednesday, Mike2 on Thursday.... casual dates, coffe or early dinner... what if the guy is a stalker???
I met a lot of guys, overal ok. Some oddballs (I guess I could be an oddball sometimes). But mostly a lot of players!!!! The funny thing was that the more I dated, the more confident I became with dating. Suddenly I realized I was meeting guys offline!!!! It came to a point I decided not to do the online thing anymore.
Then I got busy, stopped dating altogether (had enough!) and soon after that met a guy while shopping for a bike.... That's life
Good Luck!
2005-10-05 2:36 PM
in reply to: #259661

Elite Veteran
1817
1000500100100100
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Subject: RE: Online Dating

I'm long married (wait, make that long shacked up, recently married) but I like this topic so can I chime in? 

It was like falling down stairs to catch my husband because I was young and cute and spent a lot of time in social situations (fine, I picked him up in a bar, but it was 12 years ago, so I believe I have been validated).  But if I were single now I'm sure I would have to put a little more effort into the process.  I think it is great when people who really want to meet someone take charge of the situation.  I've never understood the method of saying that you want to meet someone, but for all the effort you put into it, they would literally have to come knock on your door.  Then you whine because you never meet anyone. I don't believe that in ANY area of life you should just sit still and wait for things to happen for you .  If they are truly a priority, you treat them as such and make them happen. Granted, you may have to wade through a lot of frogs, but if it were easy, they'd come knocking on your door.........

Go for it!

2005-10-05 3:27 PM
in reply to: #259661

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Master
2346
200010010010025
Dayton, Minnesota
Bronze member
Subject: RE: Online Dating

I haven't read the other replies, so I may be echoing those... I met my husband on match.com so I can recommend that one, anyway. I wasn't necessarily looking for a husband when I registered, and I didn't meet Mark until I had beein using match for a good 18 months or so. I thought it would be a great way to meet a bunch of different people and indeed it was! I had a great time using it!

Some thoughts based on my experience:

  • Don't lie in your profile.
  • Expect that everyone else will, at least a little bit.
  • Include a picture. Many people will not look at profiles that don't have a pic.
  • Write what you really think, not what you think will get you the most hits.
  • Meeting for lunch works well for the first face-to-face meeting. Dinners can be too long... (insert story here of me trapped at the Olive Garden with a guy who was explaining to me how the 12 Disciples are similar to the Carbon-12 atom... gah)
  • Expect that everyone will lie a little.

Be safe! Have fun!



2005-10-05 3:28 PM
in reply to: #260101

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Buttercup
14334
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Subject: RE: Online Dating

I'm waiting for the knock on my door... or he can fall out of the sky and come crashing down on me.

2005-10-05 3:34 PM
in reply to: #259661

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Master
1480
1000100100100100252525
Southwest Chicago 'burbs
Subject: RE: Online Dating
Well, maybe I'll give match.com a shot.  Can't hurt to meet some new people... you never know when one of their friends might be the perfect guy. 

2005-10-06 7:34 AM
in reply to: #260110

Subject: RE: Online Dating

Ok, just waking up with my morning cup of joe, so why not chime in?

I tried match.com and a few others on a few occations. No luck, really, but no awful experiences either (except for the guy I went on a totally boring date with who then got mad at me when I told him I didn't think we should go for another date). I also live in a smallish town, and I'm not willing to date outside my zip code, so the gene pool is limited already.

However, I've known scores of people who have met online and have great realtionships. And it's not a bad way to get back into dating if you've been out for a while.

I tend to lean to the cautious side and would suggest that you don't post you pic openly, but offer a picture pass for those who are intersted in your profile. This will ensure your privacy, as well as show that if someone is really interested in how you describe yourself (your personality, hobbies, etc.) that they are willing to make an effort to get to know you based on more than your cute pic. I also say this from experience - the first time I did this on Match.com, I posted a pic. Now, I have long blonde hair, and I swear, there's some Pavlovian response men have to the hair -- I got tons of emails from guys who apparently ignored my profile. I'd read thier profile and found myself thinking, "Why on earth did this guy write to me? I'm not into motorcycles, NASCAR, or country music." Or whatever the misfit may have been. So that just ended up being a pain to deal with.

Also, I got fed up with the misrepresentations. Like the guy who said he was a musician. On the date I asked him about it. Then he said he was just learning to play bass guitar! I've toyed with the idea of starting a consulting service for guys using online dating services - they are so clueless!

Another suggestion on protecting your privacy: create another email account just for this like a free hotmail email, and don't give out your last name. Jeez, can you tell I've had a few stalkers?!? lol

But, what the heck, you've really got nothing to lose.

2005-10-06 7:48 AM
in reply to: #259661

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Master
1573
10005002525
Red Sox Nation
Subject: RE: Online Dating
Yeah, the stalkers ... . I put a random item in the middle of my profile, like, 'I have a flamingo putter cover,' and then at some point in the e-mail process, ask them what the statement was. This way I could be somewhat sure they'd read through to the end. A wee after I'd finished the 7 Mile Bridge Run, a very nice man, 10 years older than my range who was president of his needlepoint club and into model trains wrote insisting we were a good match! A for effort! Like everything else in life, there are good folks and bad folks. There are some real gems out there. Good luck!
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