Do the dishes...

. . . preferably, all at the same time.

Paula Szuchman, an editor at the Wall Street Journal and co-author of the new book “Spousonomics: Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage and Dirty Dishes”

from a blurb on WSJ.

http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/02/14/the-secret-to-a-happy-marriage-do-the-dishes-put-out-don%e2%80%99t-talk-so-much/?KEYWORDS=do+the+dishes

Thank you.  Now start on those dishes.

My husband does the dishes ever since I put his good pans in the dishwasher. 

I got out of vacuuming for many years after I set the vacuum cleaner on fire as well. 

Clever girl....

The author is getting a lot of flack in the comments I read.

But I think it comes down to this: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

This is spot on. 

I agree with what I read. I was part of a failed marriage and the article makes a lot of sense to me.

Both.

My ex and I used to argue over the dishes all the time. It wasn't the thing that killed the relationship, but it was certainly a sign of the demise. Basically, it's like saying put in the work that helps make your time and space together better for both of you. He wasn't willing to do what I thought was fair. 

My theory of what it takes to keep a relationship healthy and happy is that it becomes a 60-60 relationship. Each partner gives what they estimate to be 60% effort, so that there is plenty of overlap in the middle.

Heh. In a loving partnership, when one party wins, effectively both lose.

Read the article and I don't know if I missed it but I think I would add:

- Say "thank you" every once in awhile.  Remember when you first met your significant other and you were so polite?  Did you lose that?  It sounds corny but there's always time for courtesy....

Other than that, having also been part of a failed marriage, I can also say she was spot-on.

I like that

I find that, "Oops, sorry" comes in handy too.

madkat, I've been saying the same thing for years...but I use a 90-90 split.  
Trying to find 50-50 will usually find folks much frustration.

I will say the vacuum exploding comment gave me a chuckle...I did something similar as a newlywed.  I broke the ironing board pressing down to hard apparently.  I haven't ironed since.  (thank you wrinkle free shirts and pants makers!) 

btw, I think most guys here will find the more they do in the home...the more they'll "get" in the home.  
 

And vice-versa.

Hookup an average man every 48 hours and he won't look elsewhere.

It's funny because the article hits on the thing that I've been saying since I moved in with my SO.  Relationships do come down to chores sometimes.  How you divide it will impact how much you nag at one another.  I mean, try to be even but you have to do the things that matter most to you.  DH likes to do dishes 'his' - my way is not good enough (he doesn't say it like that but it's clear enough), nor would it be often enough. I am terrible about dishes.  On the other hand I like a clean bathroom and if I waited for him to clean the bathroom, i'd be waiting for a very long time!

Though it breaks down a quite a bit where everything has to be your way.  Either you do all of the work or learn to relax with the way the other person does something. 



Edited by juniperjen 2011-02-15 3:24 PM

I actually just got done reading an article that low stress and more scucessful couples don't divid up the chores, they just know what needs to get done and do it. without thinking "I'm doing thier stuff"

sure ya do... If someone is cooking, you know the table needs to be set, little things like that.      But you are right if someone is keeping score, you are doomed,

It helps to talk about what is expected. Everyone grew up in different homes with different expectations.  That's what really kills people is when you don't talk about it but keep expecting your partner to do something.  I like being clear about what I've committed to do but it doesn't mean I don't pick up the slack when there are things going on.

 

This makes a lot of sense... Thanks!

Enlighten me please, how does one do this and make it look like an accident?

Do you pull the, "But you're so much better at it than me!" card? That is my wife's prime argument. "You're better at cooking." "You're better at fixing this." "You're better at breastfeeding."

Wait, what.