What can I do to help/encourage my husband to quit smoking?

The short answer is nothing.

Only he can do it. It isn't a riddle these days. Several different ways to quit... cold turkey, nicotine replacement, Chantix, Wellbutrin, hypnosis, you name it... in the end it is all up to him. I realize you want him to be healthy and grow old with you, but people kill themselves with much worse and have more reasons not to do so... it's an addiction.

I wasn't a heavy smoker, but I did smoke. I hated it the whole time... it was a habit. Actually, I love "smoking"... can't stand tobbaco. So nasty. But I still did it. Quit for a couple years, went back to cigars for a few years, now it has been nearly two years again... and for some reason lately it has seemed like a good idea again. No reason why. I'm not smoking... for today.

My wife was a heavy smoker since very young. She quit on Chantix. First time, has not had a puff in 7 years. Her mother, who has COPD... probably ephazema by now, has tried lots of times, can't make it past 3 months.

And now... though it is not the same as "smoking", there are the E-cigarettes. Heck of a lot more healthy than smoking, and it is nicotine. I mean if that is all he wants, it is a better alternative. Now it is supposed to be a "replacement therapy" where you gradualy go down and then off... but a co-worker has stuck to them for the last 6 months. Maybe he will stop or not, but right now it is worth it to him to keep doing what he is doing and not smoking cigarettes. Different strokes for different folks. At least he would not wreak around you.

I think you can help when he decides he wants to stop - clearly he's not ready.  I smoked and gave up numerous times then one day just thought, I no longer want to be a smoker.  Being a smoker defines you - I think sometimes it's like you are giving up a piece of yourself, your identity.

So be there when he decides.

Does he care about pizza?  That is why I don't grow a beard.  My wife would cut me off.

I can relate to this story as I watch my Dad struggle. What did it take for my Dad to quit? Let's see, quadruple bypass surgery, bladder cancer and Aneurysm. Now he is in his 70's, does not smoke but  can not breath.

Good luck to the OP and congrats to all of those that have kicked the habit.

I would be tempted to rule out smoking at home (even outside or in the garage) and in your cars.  All of them, even his.   This might help get into the mindset of cutting down.

Another thing I have learned is that the most successful quitters use two methods at the same time, so maybe a nicotine replacement and hypnotherapy.  Maybe you could find some good articles about quitting smoking and suggest he sees the doctor for help.

I think my husband would respond to the conversation (which you've probably already had...) about how important he is to you, etc..  

Just some ideas.  Yes, he definitely needs to do it himself and bullying won't work.  But I think you have the right to ban it at home and also to talk to him about your feelings.

I smoked off and on in high school, college, etc.  I always liked when I quit and after a few days I could really smell things.  If he does try quitting, I would wash EVERYTHING as a reminder of what good smells like. 

Good luck!

My mom smoked most of her life.  As kids, my sisters and I know it was bad and would try to get her to quit.  She kept smoking...until shortly after my youngest sister moved out of the house maybe 15-years ago.  Then she quit cold turkey!  I don't know why she waited until all the kids were gone...maybe we stressed her out and the smoke helped her relax.  Recently she was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  She probably won't be around much longer.

Anyway, I really don't know what a person can do to get someone to quit smoking.  If they can't find it within to want to change something they most likely won't stick with it.  Maybe you could give your husband an incentive to quit...like maybe on demand pizza and flowers!

Seriously, best of luck!

Maybe she should ground him too.

How are you going to ban smoking at home to a guy that has smoked for 30 years?

I would at least hope he does not smoke inside. That's not unreasonable. The wife smoked inside and it drove me nuts. Yes I smoked, but I could not stand everything I owned smelling like a ash tray. She smoked in the bed room. We bought a house and we all agreed no smoking inside. That was a wonderful change. Now it's just the MIL and she has to go outside. I get on her if she stinks up my garage in the Winter. Not my problem it's cold outside.

I only smoked for 10 years.  My wife 15 I think.  We both quit at different times.  We NEVER smoked inside, that's just gross.

The only commonality I've ever seen is that the person has to want to.  REALLY want to.  Not jsut say it, not just kind of refer to it, but REALLY want to.  It's a decision they have to make on their own.  I quit once cold turkey and stayed off for 6 months, then a friend came in town and badgered me (for like 30 straight minutes) to have just one smoke with him for old times sake.  Smoker again after that.  The second and last time I quit I had my wisdom teeth taken out and no one told me before that I couldn't smoke after.  I was quite upset upon waking up, but figured I 'd take advantage of the opportunity.  Every time I wanted a cigarette I would just pop a codeine pill.  I was high for a about a week and a half straight.  It's gets old after a while.  But I haven't smoked in 7 or 8 years.

My wife has quit 3 times and hasn't smoked in 4 years since the last time she quit.  She quit for each of the kids pregnancies.  The last time she didn't start back up.  But they were all cold turkey.

He just has to decide it on his own.

My mom did this. I don't know if they had an arrangement before they got married or what but my Dad never smoked in the house. Maybe he didn't like the smell in the house either. Now I'm going to have to ask her.

He did smoke in the car and I remember my sisters and I all holding our breath in the back seat as long as we could while he lit up. Nasty stuff.

pga_mike and Rayd have it right. 

Ex smoker here too.  100% agree.  If the smoker is not ready to stop they will not stop.

My wife however made things "difficult" (smoke outside, made me wash my own smoky clothes etc..) that helped me to make up my mind.  Also the birth of our first child was a BIG factor.

Oh I believe that, but if the rules have already been laid out for 30 years, you can't really change them now.

I really hope he does not smoke inside.... that is just really wrong to make everyone else stink. So I could see someone having enough and saying no more inside... but trust me, I'll smoke all I want in the garage or outside my own home. What, are you going to make me go down the street?

I remember my dad smoking long time ago. He just quit. I don't remember it being a big deal to me, I was less than 10, but I do remember him being the typical guy back in the 70s... lots of people smoked.

Have him try the E-cigarettes. They are cheaper overall for a 2 pack a day guy and its water vapor not smoke. I have had friends switch just over to E-cigs and some were able to quit after switching to them. Either way he can save money while not putting smoke in his body or in the car/house.

Dan, that is exactly what the pediatrician told my wife after my first daughter was born. He told her, "do not talk to your husband about quitting - it will only make it worse. Talking to him about smoking is my job." It took a few more years, but I finally decided that I wanted to quit. I went cold turkey and haven't smoked in 2 years 8 months now. My wife didn't push me, but was supportive when I decided to quit - and I wasn't very nice for the first couple weeks.

Once he decides to quit on his own, you can help a lot!

For my boyfriend (smoker for about 16 years - since his early teens) I:

-carried nicotine gum in my wallet, so when a craving hit, I'd have some, even if he forgot

-left or avoided smoky bars

-ran and mountain biked with him - as his breathing got better he really started to like not being a smoker

I think everyone hits the nail on the head when they say, "He has to really want it for himself!"  It just drives me crazy watching him do this to himself.  Not to mention the cost involved!  Last year, I told him that his cigarettes are our 2nd largest, monthy expense (our mortgage is our largest).  He seemed a bit surprised and miffed that this was true.  Initially he wanted to argue that our electric bill, or our insurance bill, or any other bill was higher than the costs of cigarettes, but when I laid it out for him, he couldn't argue with it. 

Then there's the incessant coughing and snorting from all the drainage.  It just gets really old!!!

Former smoker.

It is true that he must be the one to make the decision, and if he has tried in the past he may truly want to quit.  Even though he has to make the decision, it doesn't mean that you cannot help.  I would start by simply asking him if he would seriously consider quitting.  He doesn't need to answer immediately, but just think about it.  Explain to him why you want him to quit and how it effects you.  Most importantly this needs to be done in a non-confrontational manner and if things start getting heated, back off. 

If he is warm to the idea try to sweeten the pot.  Consider letting him buy something with the money that he would have spent on smokes after a certain amount of time.  Be willing to make sacrifices that may trigger him to smoke.  If he likes a smoke with coffee, agree not to have any coffee in the house.  If it is alcohol, agree not to have any drinks with him for a certain amount of time. 

See if your insurance has an addiction specialist.  Mine had one that dealt solely with smoking.  He gave me a plan and the cessation aid he thought would work best for me.  I used Chantix and after a rough few days, quitting seemed easy. 

Most importantly, if he is not 100% committed to quitting it isn't going to stick, and there isn't much you can do about that.  If he does make the decision I think there is a lot that can be done in a supporting role. 

if he wants to quit or talks about it, use this as a motivator, especially if he agrees.  i have a friend that quit and she would put $5 aside every time she WOULD have bought a pack in the first year.  on her quit anniversary she and her husband used the cash to spend a weekend away in NYC!!

smokers know the health risks, that's not enough to quit.  they don't notice the stink and the noises like non-smokers do, that is not enough.  however...money motivates A LOT of people.