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The Cheating Poll (Page 2)
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 2009-07-23 11:28 AM in reply to: #2303824 |
Melon Presser  52116   |  Subject: RE: The Cheating PollBluejack - 2009-07-23 11:15 PM Cheated on. Never Cheated. My Dad f***ed up my family early on, and now that I see how easy it is not to cheat, and how bad it feels being betrayed, I have very little tolerence for people who cheat. I work in health care in a position of power, and while it is no "Grey's Anatomy," there are many opportunities that come my way. Even if I hated my spouse (second wife), I can't imagine cheating on her. Very selfish. If your relationship sucks so bad that you want to bone someone else, work it out or get out of the relationship. I'm too black and white about this, but infidelity has been THE major destructive force in my life. Definitely with you on the destructive force thing ... have watched/experienced/and very unfortunately caused some terrible things to happen. Also agree on the work it out or get out. But it's not always the case that the relationship is so bad that's the reason people cheat. People cheat for all sorts of reasons. Some of them admit that their relationship is perfectly good, but it's something within themselves ... and a whole host of other reasons. Don't know if there is any "good" reason. As Renee said, it can be very illuminating to look at those reasons ... |
| 2009-07-23 11:28 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Master 1790    Tyler, TX | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Why is it that more people have been cheated on than have cheated themselves. Shouldn't it really be about 50/50? Brian |
| 2009-07-23 11:29 AM in reply to: #2303865 |
Melon Presser 52116 | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll famelec - 2009-07-23 11:28 PM Why is it that more people have been cheated on than have cheated themselves. Shouldn't it really be about 50/50? Brian Numbers are deceptive because from a construction standpoint, the poll sucks. Again, just for random info/discussion ... A lot of people have both cheated, and been cheated on. |
| 2009-07-23 11:31 AM in reply to: #2303844 |
Elite 2552 Evans, GA | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Renee - 2009-07-23 11:23 AM TriAya - 2009-07-23 12:14 PM Renee - 2009-07-23 11:10 PM I have never felt the urge to cheat. If I want out of a relationship, I get out. No need to crash and burn the relationship in the process. We leave a relationship the way we lived it. If we lived it with respect, it's likely that's how we'll leave it. Just an aside to say it's great to see you and have you chime in. I find your experience remarkable--and I think it is fairly unique. Most people (at least at a moment ... one cheat perhaps doth not a whole life define) seem to want to have their cake and eat it too ... there's some connection to the person they are with that they want to keep, but for one reason or another cannot (will not) resist creating a connection, temporary or not, with another. Thanks, Yanti. Kind of you to say so. I think identifying that reason/craving that you reference can be profoundly illuminating. I agree. The fact is we all have urges. There are always more hot women out there. There is always some greener grass. I comment to my wife all the time about women who are nice or funny or pretty. That makes the relationship more special to me. That you still find others attractive, but you value your partner because THEY are special and you value your commitment to one another. |
| 2009-07-23 11:35 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
Melon Presser 52116 | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Yeah ... we are all human ... we will always have those urges. And sometimes, someone else having that urge for us is enough to provoke it in ourselves. The question is, WHY and under what circumstances do which people give in to that urge? More food for thought ... it seems to me that cheaters (who are clearly not thinking of the well being of their partner or relationship) don't realize how destructive the cheating is likely to be to THEMSELVES ... |
 2009-07-23 11:40 AM in reply to: #2303807 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2009-07-23 11:42 AM in reply to: #2303885 |
| Champion 6539 South Jersey | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll |
| 2009-07-23 11:45 AM in reply to: #2303903 |
| Master 4119 Toronto | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Spokes - 2009-07-23 12:40 PM TriAya - 2009-07-23 9:09 AM Been the cheater, been the cheatee ... neither feels very good. In almost every instance it has just NOT been worth it. In one case I had a very complicated relationship of the sort juniperjen talks about ... I still can't say if it was worth it ... it was good when it was good and it seemed right at the time. I really do believe monogamy is the ideal (at least for me). But yet it seems odd to me that humans would be beholden to each other, and only each other, for the rest of their lives. I still can't wrap my head around it, for myself, yet, despite my beliefs. Cheating is, IMHO, a symptom - or actually a logical outcome - of one or both of two things: 1) Evolution. We are hardwired to spread our genes, and if it was easy to control, well, there wouldn't be 6+ billion people on the planet and climbing. 2) An unhappy relationship. People are not honest with each other; its scary to let go of what seems to be a "sure thing", OTOH, there's the excitement of a new romantic and sexual relationship - even though once the sure relationship is broken, and you move into the new one, eventually passion isn't enough to drive a long-term partnership. I don't have solutions. That's just my view of grim reality.  I would add a 3rd in some cases - which is an unhappy person. There are some people who just need constant attention and no matter how loving a relationship seek out attention when things are mundane or get a bit tough. I can think of a lady in particular who is my mom's age who can't seem to stick with any relationship - she been married to two men who were completely devoted to her but it wasn't enough. |
| 2009-07-23 11:56 AM in reply to: #2303903 |
| Expert 763 Behind you | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Spokes - 2009-07-23 11:40 AM Cheating is, IMHO, a symptom - or actually a logical outcome - of one or both of two things: 1) Evolution. We are hardwired to spread our genes, and if it was easy to control, well, there wouldn't be 6+ billion people on the planet and climbing. 2) An unhappy relationship. People are not honest with each other; its scary to let go of what seems to be a "sure thing", OTOH, there's the excitement of a new romantic and sexual relationship - even though once the sure relationship is broken, and you move into the new one, eventually passion isn't enough to drive a long-term partnership. I don't have solutions. That's just my view of grim reality. Very well said Spokes! |
| 2009-07-23 11:58 AM in reply to: #2303648 |
| Master 2009 Charlotte, NC | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll To my knowledge, I have never been cheated on nor have I ever cheated. I am a straight female. |
| 2009-07-23 12:06 PM in reply to: #2303807 |
| Master 1420 Victoria, BC | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll TriAya - 2009-07-23 9:09 AM I really do believe monogamy is the ideal (at least for me). But yet it seems odd to me that humans would be beholden to each other, and only each other, for the rest of their lives. I still can't wrap my head around it, for myself, yet, despite my beliefs. I believe in monogamy - but I do not believe in "forever" ... relationships ebb and flow with time, people change, grow, learn and experience, and it's unrealistic (IMHO) to expect 2 people who meet when they are in their 20's to still fulfill and support each other 40 years later ... unless they've been some of those lucky few who change and grow along the same path. That said - I've never cheated, but I have been cheated on ... I think cheating is cruel and cowardly and a sign that something is very very wrong in your life. |
| 2009-07-23 12:07 PM in reply to: #2303921 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2009-07-23 12:12 PM in reply to: #2303648 |
| Master 1420 Victoria, BC | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Hijack ... I rolled over 1000 posts and I didn't even notice. <-------- As you were. |
| 2009-07-23 12:24 PM in reply to: #2303810 |
| Master 1675 Suwanee, Ga. | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Renee - 2009-07-23 12:10 PM We leave a relationship the way we lived it. If we lived it with respect, it's likely that's how we'll leave it. Since I am in the process of leaving a 35 year realtionship (with no cheating on either side), I hope I can live by these words for the next few months. Thanks Renee. Steve |
| 2009-07-23 1:01 PM in reply to: #2303921 |
| Pro 4824 Houston | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll juniperjen - 2009-07-23 11:45 AM I would add a 3rd in some cases - which is an unhappy person. There are some people who just need constant attention and no matter how loving a relationship seek out attention when things are mundane or get a bit tough. I can think of a lady in particular who is my mom's age who can't seem to stick with any relationship - she been married to two men who were completely devoted to her but it wasn't enough. This Adult children of abuse often go on to cheat - the whole looking for love in all the wrong places... Edited by KeriKadi 2009-07-23 1:06 PM |
| 2009-07-23 1:03 PM in reply to: #2304007 |
| Elite 3290 Oliver, BC, "Wine Capital of Canada" | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll SpiritFire - 2009-07-23 10:12 AM Hijack ... I rolled over 1000 posts and I didn't even notice. <-------- As you were. And you did it without cheating. |
| 2009-07-23 1:17 PM in reply to: #2303671 |
| Master 1702 Southern Ontario | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll lkc01234 - 2009-07-23 10:23 AM I cheated and learned...I should not have been in that relationship. IMHO - that is how I still feel today. x2 |
| 2009-07-23 1:29 PM in reply to: #2303845 |
| Champion 6539 South Jersey | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll running2far - 2009-07-23 12:23 PM Renee - 2009-07-23 11:10 AM +1I have never felt the urge to cheat. If I want out of a relationship, I get out. No need to crash and burn the relationship in the process. We leave a relationship the way we lived it. If we lived it with respect, it's likely that's how we'll leave it. x 2. |
| 2009-07-23 4:18 PM in reply to: #2304223 |
| Sensei Sin City | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll I cheated when I was younger and dating, but never after I got married... I can't say anyone ever cheated on me... |
| 2009-07-23 5:02 PM in reply to: #2303648 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2009-07-23 5:45 PM in reply to: #2303648 |
| Master 2477 Oceanside, California | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Never cheated, don't believe that I have been cheated upon. Not an option given in the poll. |
| 2009-07-23 6:10 PM in reply to: #2303648 |
| Expert 1194 | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Never cheated, but cheated on! I'll add that I will never cheat as 1 woman is trouble enough!!  |
| 2009-07-23 6:44 PM in reply to: #2303648 |
| Master 1327 Ann Arbor, Michigan | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Someone mentioned more women cheating and them talking about it. I thought you might find this interesting. I dated an African American man for many years, who I caught cheating. A deal breaker for me. No forgiveness in my book. I will NEVER understand a cheater. Either get out or don't do it. Edited by travljini 2009-07-23 6:50 PM |
| 2009-07-24 8:55 AM in reply to: #2304151 |
| Expert 1170 Berkley, MI | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll This is very interesting.
I have been cheated on in my last relationship. Many times. This man is now a friend, but we had many years - about 4 - where I hated him with a passion because I felt so betrayed. |
| 2009-07-24 9:19 AM in reply to: #2303903 |
| Champion 5312 Calgary | Subject: RE: The Cheating Poll Spokes - 2009-07-23 10:40 AM TriAya - 2009-07-23 9:09 AM Been the cheater, been the cheatee ... neither feels very good. In almost every instance it has just NOT been worth it. In one case I had a very complicated relationship of the sort juniperjen talks about ... I still can't say if it was worth it ... it was good when it was good and it seemed right at the time. I really do believe monogamy is the ideal (at least for me). But yet it seems odd to me that humans would be beholden to each other, and only each other, for the rest of their lives. I still can't wrap my head around it, for myself, yet, despite my beliefs. Cheating is, IMHO, a symptom - or actually a logical outcome - of one or both of two things: 1) Evolution. We are hardwired to spread our genes, and if it was easy to control, well, there wouldn't be 6+ billion people on the planet and climbing. 2) An unhappy relationship. People are not honest with each other; its scary to let go of what seems to be a "sure thing", OTOH, there's the excitement of a new romantic and sexual relationship - even though once the sure relationship is broken, and you move into the new one, eventually passion isn't enough to drive a long-term partnership. I don't have solutions. That's just my view of grim reality. and, I think, 3) a complete lack of respect and commitment. In my opinion, easy to not cheat, just get out of the relationship that you are cheating on. I do not get it, if it is in fact broken then leave or change the terms of the relationship. Actually, 1 and 2 are not sufficient or even neccessary. Some people cheat out of malice. Never been cheated never cheated on, so my view may be warped. |
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