When Do I tell? (Page 2)

Totally understand why you are living with your peeps.  My wife is working on her PhD right now.  Fortunatly, I have a full time job, so we can aford a place, but she has lots of friends in her program and I honestly don't see how they make ends meet.  Thinking about paying off student loans keeps me up at night sometimes .

As far as telling your parents, well, they're going to find out.  If you think they are going to be mad about it, you just need to figure out if they're going to be more mad if you've kept it from them until race day, or if it's going to be miserable living with them and training while they're giving you the cold shoulder because they already know.  Those are the two worst case scenarios.  And honestly, if they are initially mad, I bet they come around when they see the work you are going to have to put into it and the magnitude of the accomplishment.  Good luck.

I'd say that if you're careful, wear oversized clothing, use an out of town free clinic, keep a handle on the mood swings......oh and continue to buy tampons each month then you could probably get away with another 5-6 months.........

oh you're a man..........it's an IM.....OK

so what's the problem.....somebody call Bear please. 

I think that item is still open to debate.

The question I am about to ask should be obvious.   

"Why do you hate America?"?

Good lord, it's just an Ironman. You won't be training 12 hours a day every day for 6 months. Many people manage to get in IM training, working and spending time with the family.

I think when it's all said and done, you will see that IM is not the end all, be all.

What's the worst thing they can do to you anyway, restriction, no dessert, no allowance?

What does it matter whether they approve or not? Are you going to give up the IM if they don't?

Sack up, man.

Next thing you know... she's finding Triathlete Magazine hidden under the mattress!

As a relative newbie to this forum, I'm not looking to tick anyone off, but my first thought was that now they're going to require 3 chutes at IM: (1) People w/o children; (2) People w/ children; and (3) People with umbilical cords still attached...

I'm thoroughly confused as to why this is even an issue.

I'm also confused if you are or are not paying rent to your parents. 

Plus, to be brutally honest, I think you may simply be using the $$ excuse as a reason to not move out.  In undergrad, I wanted to live in this new apartment complex but I had squat for rent - so I found the building manager and asked her to let me know if anyone was looking for a roommate - sure enough in 2 days I had a lead on a 2 bedroom, effectively making my rent $$ within my budget.

There are many options for trying to get out on your own and looking for roommates.  Having lived in both Chicago and New York, I just don't buy the argument that you can't find a roommate or affordable housing - rather you just haven't looked hard enough.

As for student loan debt, I also hear that chin music after 3 years of private law school for both my wife and I, I know what it means to see your stupid loan debt reach well into th 6 six figures.  I've been out of school for 7+ years and the debt is now a mere fraction of the original amount, but it is still there and I'll continue to pay it down.  I just view it like a car loan.

So to your originally question of when do you tell your parents you've signed up for an IM, th answer is simple.  Whenever you want. 

Are you looking for their emotional support and/or financial support?  Would they kick you out of the house over this?  Would you life be filled with back-handed comments about how you spend your time and/or money?

I can understand the allure of living at home and saving on money.  But money is just money - emotional freedom is something that $$ can't buy.  I decided early on my life that I would rather be poor and happy versus unhappy and rich.

Just my take, but I don't think this question is about asking / telling your parents about an IM... 

Either way, congrats on the decision to do an IM and best of luck with the training. 

There is no way this thread is serious...is there? Seriously? I'd say grow a pair, but I do better than this with just one...

You're an adult, right?

1) Move out.

2) Live your life.

Todd,

In the long run it will be better to be upfront and truthful.  It might be painful short term, but trust me, it is better for your relationship in the long run.

after the Chicken murder in Palatine, no one wants to live there...

(especially considering it took the police something like 15 years to catch the guys who did it) 

Of course they were dragging their feet...everyone knew it was a bad chicken.

you doing IMKY right??   it's aug 31st 2008 right??

I'd tell them  2:43pm Oct 7th 2011..   see it's so much easier once you have the exact date and time

While I do find it sad/absurd/ridiculous that you fear telling your parents this, don't let everyone get to you about living at home. I have plenty of friends who live at home (we're all 5 years post undergrad, 9 years out of high school). Granted, all my friends who live with their parents are female, which some may view differently than a male still being at home. But with going back to school, getting out of long-term relationships, changing careers, or going through other transitional phases in life, it's tough to live alone on a single income. I live in NJ -- try buying a house and paying NJ property taxes on top of that on a single income -- it's really difficult! And, all my friends grew up with parents who are very supportive of everything we do, and would prefer to have their 27-year-old daughter living at home and saving $XXX.00/month as opposed to moving out, barely making ends meet on rent, and saving nothing at all to help them purchase something in the future. And, if you're going to be renting a room from someone (i.e., cheap) why not have it be your parents rather than some stranger. I don't know; I can name plenty of people who live with their parents, and they're sucessful - lawyers, educators, multiple degrees, sit on boards at hospitals, volunteered abroad for a few years, etc. Honestly, out of all my female friends (and I have many), the only ones who don't live with their parents are ones who live far from where their parents live or they're married.

I'm not trying to argue whether or not it's right/wrong for adult children to live at home, but it's a reality this day and age, and I don't think you deserve some of the criticism you were getting.

But seriously, you need to tell you parents and you need to figure this thing out. Good luck.

I've lived on my own, or on my own and supported my family, since I was nineteen years old.  And that's so long ago, it's hard to remember.

But really, what happened to extended families living together?  I know my parents and their immigrant parents did it at various points.  What's wrong with living in the same home you grew up in, and then raising your children there as well while their grandparents continue to live there.

I think we lost something along the way to this notion of "independence" being the highest good. 

I don't mean to throw a wrench in your obviously well thought out plans, but I feel compelled to point out to you that very few people on the face of the earth have lifetime guaranteed job security.  Ever.  In their entire lives.  So based on your logic here, are you planning to live with your parents forever? 

Since the jumbo excuse seems to be "they want / need me there, it helps them out".....that may be true (and very sad), but if that is the case, then you need to redefine your relationship.....right now.  If you're there, as an ADULT, to help them as much as yourself, then there is no reason on earth why you need their approval about your personal choices with regard to fitness and nutrition.  It's not a matter of a discussion, or approval or disapproval.  When they notice, you say "oh yeah, this is what I'm doing now, and I'm pretty darn excited about it". End of conversation.  If it's anything more than that to you or them, you have a lot of work to do to arrange this into an adult / adult relationship, as opposed to an adult / child relationship. 

I think it's obvious that the time is well past due to work on some life skills.  I don't think you are ever going to mature past the point you are right now if you don't either get out on your own and live in the real world, or change the boundaries of the way you live with your parents.  Plenty of folk, some of whom are right here in this thread, managed to live like grownups with a boatload of student debt.  It can be done.  But since you choose not to do that, at a minimum you should be living with your parents "as if" they are just roomates to you.  You pay your agreed upon share, you cook your own meals, you do your own laundry, you have your own transportation, and you engage in whatever activites you choose, in a courteous manner of course, without asking for or needing approval.  The only exception to this should be bringing a date in for a sleepover.  That is the only thing it's not reasonable to expect to be able to do.  So you go to her place, assuming she doesn't live with HER parents.....

Would it make it any easier if you told them you'd pick them up and cross the finish line as a family?

Seriously, as long as your meeting all your obligations to your parents, then there is no issue.  However, if your parents took you back with the understanding that you'd move out as soon as you could, then you have a maturity issue.  Think about it from their point of view.  Here they are helping you out and you'll be dropping $$$ on IM.  My brother did this and he went on a cruise.  When he got back, his stuff was on the front porch. But then again, you already paid right?  Can't unring a bell my friend.

Okay, so then I think the short answer to the question of when to tell your parents you're doing an IM is this:

Right after you tell them you're moving into an apartment on XX date, and you don't really care whether they approve or disapprove of it.